An atheist’s perspective on the bible. Loved this so much that I had to post it. Got it on Reddit. Made me laugh really hard. Would certainly credit artist if I could figure out who it was. Can’t seem to put subject in sentences today. Enjoy!

Not really!

Jack didn’t really get kicked off the school bus.  I was just practicing my Huffington Post front page tractor beam article title writing skills.

But Jack did get in trouble on the bus today.  I know!  You are so dying to hear about it!  Especially after I published that scintillating story on Ethan and the theater make-up and Calder’s prom photos!  But seriously!  This Jack bus story is sooooo worth telling.  Plus extremely brief!

Jack took a water bottle to school today for a class field trip.  After school, when he got on the bus to go home, he still had a bit of water left in his bottle.  Upon realizing his good fortune, Jack decided to very unwisely squirt his friend as he passed by him on the bus.  The friend, feeling water land on him and seeing Jack laughing cried foul and told the bus driver that had Jack spit on him!  Jack said, “I didn’t spit on him!  I squirted some water on him from my water bottle!”

In spite of Jack’s protestations, the bus driver told Jack that he was going to have to sit in the front seat of the bus for the rest of the school year.  Jack tried to explain his case a bit more and that is when the bus driver stared him down and intoned the ancient phrase, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

To which Jack replied, “EXACTLY!  If my friend had squirted water on me, I would NEVER have told on HIM!”

Ethan’s show debuts this weekend.  He needed to bring his own stage make-up to dress rehearsal.  I had a bag of make-up stored away from when my kids were still cute and little and in some children’s theater programs.  Ethan located the bag and brought it downstairs and began to rummage through it asking me all sorts of questions about what to do with it.

“What is this stuff mom?  How do you put it on?  Are any of these things foundation?  The director says we need foundation.  What does foundation do?  Is this eyeliner brown or black?  What is the purpose of eyeliner?  Why do we need stage make-up anyway?  How am I supposed to know how to put this stuff on?”

I answered his questions and assured him that there would be a make-up person there to help him get ready.

Then I asked him if there would be a make-up person there to help him get ready.

He said that there would be and I instantly decided to deliver my son’s make-up education into the hands of the make-up person and not try and teach him myself.

I am sure that the make-up person would much rather work with a “neutral palette”, than one that has been informed by the opinions of the actor’s mother.

But then I went ahead and gave him a few of my “stage make-up” pointers anyway.

“Don’t let them make you look like a clown.  You just need to apply enough color to combat the washed out effect of the stage lights… unless they are intentionally trying to make you look like clowns, then nevermind, but the point is usually just to improve your color on stage… so don’t over do it…blah, blah, blah…”

Ethan has now been properly informed by his mother’s opinions on stage make-up.

But that’s okay…

Neutral palettes are terribly boring.