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Mister Mule Train

August 15th, 2010

On our last day in Wyoming…

We rode horses up into the mountains outside of Cody.

We met a mule train coming down as we were going up.

Strangely, I never noticed the mules.

We went to Yellowstone.

I shit you not.

While we were there three people were mauled by a grizzly bear in the Soda Butte campground which is just outside of Yellowstone National Park.

I shit you not.

One of those people died.

I shit you not.

Three dangerous and desperate escaped convicts were hiding out in the area.

I shit you not.

We were there on the busiest day or the busiest month of the busiest year in Yellowstone for fifteen years.

I shit you not.

We got up at six a.m. to secure a campsite in Yellowstone (we were driving from Grand Teton only thirty miles away) but when we arrived, the campgrounds were already full for the day.

I shit you not.

Thirty miles in Yellowstone is like a hundred and thirty miles everywhere else in the world.

I shit you not.

Once you’ve seen one inactive geyser, mudpot, fumarole, sulphuric hot springs, and travertine terrace – you’ve seen them all.

I shit you not.

A waterfall looks the same from the top as it does from the bottom as it does from either side as it does from a distance as it does close up.  There is really no need to hike up and down mountains just to view it from another angle.  It’s not like it is going to change into evening wear or turn a different color.

I shit you not.

The Tetons are gorgeous.  Go there.  Skip Yellowstone entirely or drive thorough it briskly (even though that is impossible).

I shit you not.

Because Yellowstone is a scary place with bears that will kill you, bison that will gore you, escaped convicts that will terrorize you and geysers that sit there and do nothing no matter how long you wait and try to will them to erupt.

I shit you not.

Also  - Yellowstone sits atop a volcano that could erupt at any time.

I shit you not.

I have a new found love for highly contrived vacation spots that have nothing to do with nature and everything to do with marketing.

I shit you not.

I have officially exorcised the demon called ‘camping’ from my being.  From now on my vacation motto is thus -

“If you can’t afford the hotel room, you can’t afford to go.”

I shit you not.

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by terrifying minute of our Yellowstone vacation on it’s way.  Prepare to be scared shitless.

I shit you not.

And all the people said

Amen.