Browsing Archives for The Country Doctor

Ask The Country Doctor

February 22nd, 2008

During the move last Spring, I discovered two shoe boxes full of pictures that I had never sorted, or put in an album, or framed or anything. Actually the truth is that I always knew about those two boxes of photos. I kept them on a shelf above the washer and the dryer and I had been tossing packets of photos into those two boxes for years. But the move forced me to physically lift the boxes, touch the photos, glance through them, and I knew I would have to eventually get them organized.

Last night, I started sorting the boxes. I now have eight messy piles with labels like “Brothers”, “Extended Family”, “Old House” and “Friends”. I plan to loosely organize these photos and put them in albums according to their categories. I am not even going to try to place them in any sort of accurate order. It may not make the most sense, but it will at least tuck the photos securely away in an album where we can occasionally look at them.

As a blogger the photos were something of a goldmine of ideas and future stories. There are photos from my childhood and from the Country Doctor’s childhood and from our wedding and our rehearsal dinner. I found cheerleading photos and pictures of my sister as an infant grabbing handfuls of my birthday cake right off my plate. She still does that. I also found pictures of me going through a heavy duty, post college, granola phase and pictures from my freshman year at KU. But I think we should start with someone else. Don’t you? Someone far more deserving of a photo tribute than little old me. I pick…The Country Doctor!

Here we have The Country Doctor covered by his offspring. He was probably about six months into his three year residency at this point. These three little boys didn’t see him much, so when they did, they demanded a wrestling match, which the Country Doctor inevitably lost. It appears they knocked him unconscious in this particular bout.

This is a picture from April’s wedding. I think this may have been our third or fourth date. He is talking to my grandmother Edna. It was one of the few times they ever got to talk as she passed away a year later. She liked him though. She liked him a lot. Which she kept telling me over and over again, every time I talked to her.

For Halloween one year I actually made all three of my boy’s costumes. Drew was the baby back then and I made him a pair of angel wings by gluing a feather boa to two hangers that I somehow attached together.

And here we have the Country Doctor and his hot new girlfriend! We’d been dating about six months by the taking of this picture. He seems to be getting used to the fact that he is dating a genuine grade A goofball.

So after viewing the evidence presented, do you have any questions for the man? I have absolutely nothing to pester him with these days and I can’t bear it much longer. Feel free to ask a question of the Country Doctor or the Country Doctor’s Wife in the comments. I’ll try to get his answers up a little sooner than last time, but I can’t make any promises.

Now lineup all your babies and all your co-workers and all your bosses, and all the people standing around you in the produce aisle and if you are alone then line up all your favorite books and all your most well worn slippers and kiss them right down the row for me! One, two, three, four and then ask a question… there you go! Over and out – Me.

A few years ago, Dewey, my third son cut his head open while jumping on the neighbor’s trampoline. It was a pretty decent gash, but I am the mother of four boys and deep gashes mean very little to me. Unless the child is missing a limb, drowning in a pool of blood, or unconscious, I don’t get too worried. So Drew was upset and I had him lay down for a nap.

Later that evening, we had “Back to School Night” in the city park. This is an evening of games, hot dogs, train rides, etc…where the kids get to run wild one last time before the dreaded end of summer.

When Drew woke up from his nap, his head had stopped bleeding, but during all the running around at the park, it started to bleed again. In fact, as were were waiting in line to ride the train, a lady behind me said…

“Uh ma’am – your son’s head is bleeding”.

Me – “Yes, I know”

Lady in Park – “Um…there is blood dripping on his shirt…”

Me – “Yes, I see thanks..”

Lady in Park – Looks at me strangely

Me – Thinking to myself – hmmm – maybe I should do something…

But Drew was fine – he was running around, playing, clearly not in danger of death, and yet the lady in the park had done her job and I started to feel ever so slight tremors of unfit motherhood. So after another couple of hours of playing I loaded the boys up and we headed home.

The country doctor was on call that night. I called him when we got home and said,

“Honey I think you better come home and look at Dewey – he has a severe head wound.”

I have to use shocking terminology like severe head wound, hemorrhage, car crash, paralyzed, seizure or guts sticking out – to get the Country Doctor to take action. He is 17 trillion times worse at under-reacting to our children’s health conditions than I am.

The Country Doctor came home and had Drew lay face down on the couch. He poked around on his head for a while, as the rest of us sat in the living room and watched.

Suddenly – out of nowhere – the Country Doctor pulled a medical staple gun out of his lab coat pocket and shot three staples into the back of Drew’s head! Ca Chunk!, Ca Chunk!, Ca Chunk! – followed by piercing screams of protest from Drew.

The rest of the family sat motionless in utter silence, our eyes as big as grapefruits.

The Country Doctor stated calmly that he wished he could do all of his E.R. visits the same way – stealth stapling.

“It is so much easier and saves so much time,” he explained, “No wheedling, no empty this isn’t going to hurt promises, no pain meds, no parents questioning the treatment, no panicky mothers making their children freak out.”

We stared at him in horror – while he calmly applied an icepack to Drew’s head.

Drew started first grade with three shiny staples in his head to brag about. He recovered quickly, but I am still a little shaky.

When Dad Does Homework

October 21st, 2007

A few nights ago, while I was at a very important, high ranking, celebrity studded, executive, highly classified, uh…er…um…bunko meeting…

The country doctor was forced to help Jack, our kindergartner with his homework.

They were looking for pictures that started with the letter “G”.

He did a pretty good job until I saw this one…

Which I am not sure embodies the wholesome spirit of kindergarten “G” sounds.

I pointed to the picture of Giuliani and asked Jack what it was…

He said, “it’s a guy… a guh… guh… guy.”

And I said, “That’s right!…very guh….guh…good!”