Browsing Archives for The best of Rechelle Unplugged

My Son The Documentary Filmmaker

December 13th, 2010

Drew had some friends over to make a film for science class.  Believe it or not, the subject matter was natural selection.  They decided to make a faux documentary.  Each boy was interviewed in a different room in the house talking about a new animal that had adapted to survive in a desert environment.  Drew then pieced the interviews together to make them look ‘documentaryish’.  For some reason, one of the ’discoverers’ was interviewed while sitting on the toilet in my bathroom. 

 

 

Who am I to question the learning process?

Pie Near Woman Gets Branded!

December 13th, 2010

Hi everybody!  It’s me!

Pie Near Woman!

Today, I want to talk about something very important!

.

.

More important that dating, marriage and babies…

.

.

More important than lactating, Spanx and butter!


It’s the single most important question of your life!

And that question is…

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What is your personal brand?

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Because nothing in the whole wide world is more important than choosing your brand.

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It will follow you the whole rest of your life.

And if you do it right, people will come to love your brand and to trust your brand

And defend your brand on the internet like a pack of rabid hyenas

and to mindlessly consume your brand long after it is interesting, inspiring or even intelligible!

.

Trust me.

There is no more passionate nor more catatonic love…

Than the love of a favorite brand!

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And as in most things…

I am an expert on branding.

Not only because I am simply better than most people…

But also because I am a massive consumer of the best brands myself!

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I guess it takes one to know one!

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The first thing you need to know when choosing your brand is…

Who are the people who are going to love your brand?

.

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Are they conspicuously wealthy, bored out of their minds, middle aged housewives who choose to insulate

themselves from reality by creating a mental fort of womens magazines and wallpaper samples?

Or…

.


Are they paranoid religious right-wing conservatives who have prayed for a biblical epoch for a homeschooling

prophetess who would make it alright for their hineys to tingle once in a while?

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Or better yet!

Stupid young women whose ovaries are on fire

and who can’t wait to have a baby because

MORE SHOPPING!

.

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As you may have guessed…

My readers are all of the above.

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And I have created a special place

and a special brand

where they can all come together over and over and over and over again throughout the day

and feel safe… and loved… and completely protected from that nasty, horrible place called…

reality.

(shudder)

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What does my brand look like?

To my readers it is a big beautiful butterfly!

(Emphasis on butter!)

But to me it just looks like every other successful brand in the world…

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Lawsie Mercy!

.

Love Ya More’n My Luggage!

Pie Near Woman

Barbie Campfire

December 10th, 2010

Is there another blogger that will go to these lengths to entertain you people?

LOOK AT THAT FIRE!

It’s perfectly proportioned to fit Marlboro Man!

It has REAL LIVE FLAMES!

I have smoke in my hair and on my winter coat!

I had to keep that fire going AND POSE THE FREAKING DOLLS AT THE SAME TIME!

THE DOLLS KEPT FALLING DOWN!

The tiny fire KEPT GOING OUT!

It wasn’t easy people!

I could have died!

I could have smelted myself in a BARBIE CAMPFIRE!

New Pie Near Woman story to follow soon.

You ain’t gonna want to miss this one.