Browsing Archives for Pie Near Woman

Holy Shit Ya’ll!

Pie Near Woman got mentioned in the New Yorker Magazine!


I am DYING!!!

I Die!

I Die!

I am DEAD!

But at least I died happily!

A six page spread about Ree Drummond appears in the current issue of The New Yorker Magazine. It goes on and on and on and on about Ree and her boring blog and yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah…


Like a golden orb wallowing through the mist… shattering the mind numbing inanity of a mild mannered reporter’s attempt (and failure) to make The Pioneer Woman compelling enough reading to justify taking up room in one of America’s most prominent cultural/literary magazines.


As her success has grown, the Pioneer Woman has become the subject of caricature and satire. Web sites (The Pioneer Woman Sux) and even a fictional Twitter feed (The Pie Near Woman) have sprung up to parody and critique her, some in poisonous and obsessive ways. Her detractors jeer at her self deprecation, lampoon her repetitiveness and psychoanalyze her posts for signs of darkness repressed.

Unfortunately, you can’t read the ‘long version’ of this article unless you are a New Yorker subscriber. But here is the link, to the ‘short version’ , which doesn’t mention Pie Near (so why bother?).   Jezebel referenced the article too.


And one more thing!

Pie Near Woman has her own blog now.

She was just getting too big for her britches around here.

Go visit her!

She is so isolated and alone!

And the internet is her only friend!


The first chapter of her romance novel, which I think is going to be called ‘black pumps to rotting stumps’ is ready for your enjoyment as well as a few more insightful articles that will totally change your life.

Off to comment all the hell over Jezebel and the New Yorker!



Hi everyone!

It’s me!

Pie Near Woman!

Today – in honor of the royal wedding, I am channeling Kate Middleton!


Make that Katherine the Great!

Congrats to the Royal Couple!

May you sire a thousand royal babies together!

And may they look just like Kate…

And maybe Princess Diana…

And possibly William prior to his hair loss…

But please don’t let them look like William’s dad!

Hey Kate!

This is my Prince Charming!

Isn’t he beautiful!

We sired a bunch of babies too and one of them looks just like him!

Isn’t he darling!


And by the way Kate and Will…

If you are looking for a good deal on pants – this is your lucky day!

Enter Paco.

Paco is my new illegal.

He tends my garden.

And he also models my new favorite pants.

Please note that he is neither high nor wasted.

And neither are his pants.

I got these pants at Talbott’s.

And no, I don’t normally shop at Talbott’s because hello!

Significant lack of $300.00 flowy tops!

But then I thought – what about my readers?

They can’t all be billionaires can they?!?

That would be impossible!

Some of them might even be poor!

And where do poor people shop?


So I decided to go there and see how the poor half lives.

It was so sad!

I felt so helpless!

I only wish I could do something!

In the mean time… back at the ranch… Marlboro Man and Paco have really hit it off.

MM loves dusky, husky outdoorsy men.

Who have beautiful forearms…

And finely hewn abs.

And firm delectable haunches…

And strong foreign accents…

And moustaches…




Hey you guys!


Marlboro Man!

I am right here!

I can totally see you!

I am not even partially obscured or anything!

I’m the red head standing in the WIDE OPEN FIELD in MY WEDDING DRESS!


Enter Tia Juana!

She is also not wasted nor high and neither are her pants!

Here we go again!


Marriage is so full of foibles sometimes!

I hope Princess Kate is strong enough to bear it!

I really just wanted you guys to see how beautiful I am in my wedding dress.

I know.


Perpetually wasted and propitiously high,

Princess Pie Near

WAIT!!!! Come back! I thought I won the kitchen aid mixer!

Submitted by Maggee.

Maggee please email me at and we will settle up.

Everyone else who entered – thank you for the laughter that cracked open my rib cage as I read through them.  It was very hard to pick one – but it had to be done.