Browsing Archives for Homeschooling Quackwhackery

Probably the most famous homeschooling family in all of the world, the Jim Bob Duggars have homeschooled all of their school aged children. They currently have nineteen kids and at least four of them are old enough to have graduated from highschool.  Of course none of them have graduated from highschool, but they have reached an age where they could have had their local schools not been so teeming with the spawn of Satan’s hordes. At this juncture, none of the Duggar’s older children have attended college.

The Duggars homeschool their children via a variety of curriculum including material from fundamentalist right wing Christian cult leader Bill Gothard’s ‘Institute in Basic Life Principles’. Among his many biblical based principles, Gothard is known to teach that…

A mother violates Scripture when she works outside the home.

Married couples are to abstain from sex 40 days after the birth of a son,

Married couples are to abstain from sex 80 days after the birth of a daughter. (It takes longer to clear out the girly germs?)

No sex prior to the evening before worship.

People should avoid rock and even contemporary Christian music because it can be addictive.

Men should track their wives menstrual cycles.

Women who ride horses are rebellious. (Rebelling against what?  Cars?)

With principles like the ones listed above, it is absolutely fascinating to consider the possible future careers of the Duggar children!  Witch doctoring and voodoo priestess might immediately spring to mind, but Jim Bob has much more lofty goals for his eldest son Josh.

“Joshua enjoys the car business.  You get to meet a lot of neat, interesting people.  You get to drive a lot of cars.  And it’s fun just like doin’ hands on work versus being a factory or somewhere closed up throughout the day”

Jim Bob Duggar

So Jim Bob’s vision for his son involves either running the family car lot or…

‘like doin hands on work’


‘being a factory’


‘somewhere closed up throughout the day.’

Is that last sentence a veiled reference to prison?  Does Jim Bob Duggar think that the only options for his son are used car salesman, being a factory, or life in prison?  Holy Hell!  No wonder he homeschooled him!

Another quote from Jim Bob reveals his other worldly child surveillance system…

It’s a daily job to keep up with their hearts and attitudes and actions. I don’t know how any parent can do this without pointing to a relationship with God. Even when parents aren’t around, there’s nothing they can get away with!

Jim Bob Duggar

Awesome thinking Jim!  That’s way better than actually having to watch your kids yourself!  Next up he tackles the future careers of his daughters…

The girls have talked about doing some classes about being a midwife or they may want to be a nurse… we would support then in whatever field they feel like the Lord is pursuing them to go into.  BUT we also want them to be prepared for the different secular teaching and stuff that’s taught in those schools.  I believe our children, each one would be prepared to face those different view points at that time, but I think it’s something that each parent must prepare their children for that.

Jim really is a spectacular wordsmith isn’t he?  According to this fine quote the career options of his daughters include…

‘doing some classes about being a midwife’


‘whatever field the Lord is pursuing them to go into.’

For an excellent post on Duggar homeschooling versus public schooling – click here.

And here’s a look at what a day in the life of the Duggar homeschool is like…

The Duggars visit a public school.

Reality Check –The utter chaos of Duggar homeschooling

At one point on their television show Nineteen Kids and Counting, the Duggar boys were asked about their future careers.  This is what they said…

Jedediah Duggar – missionary because he likes studying the bible.

Josiah – Doesn’t know what he’s going to do

Jason – Missionary

James – Missionary

Jackson – Wants to be a policeman cause they can shoot guns and they can help people.

Jeremiah – Artist (uh oh Duggars!  You gotta live one!)

John David – ‘Fixin’ to start my own towing business’.


Another famous homeschooler who never fails to inspire me in many, many, many ways is my favorite blogger of all time – Ree Drummond.  Here are a few of her more inspirational homeschooling quotes…

Homeschooling is so much fun! More than anything, I just love learning. And I love to impart that passion for learning to my young, impressionable children.


“Why do they even HAVE science?”

I hate Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.

Why do they even HAVE Einstein?

“Some days we do school. Some days we don’t. It all depends on whether or not I’m in the mood.”

“Can you tell I wouldn’t care one iota if mathematics disappeared from the earth altogether and never came back?”

“I’d always heard from seasoned, experienced homeschoolers that the best day of their lives was when one of the older kids began teaching one of the younger kids.

“If you’ve read anything I’ve written about my homeschooling journey to the center of insanity, you’ll know that when it comes to homeschooling materials, I’m…well, I’m the fickle type. I still haven’t figured out whether or not being a homeschooler is really just a strange opportunity to express some latent need to shop”



 Some of you may remember a few years back when Ree promoted the awesome homeschooling tool, Choreganizers on her website.  As usual, I was so inspired by her post that I immediately set about creating my own special Choreganizers to help my boys with their uh…. aim. Well guess what!  The woman who created Choreganizers is a homeschooler too!  Here are a few of her awesome reflections on why she chose to homeschool…

I wanted to be the one to see my children learn something new and amazing and watch their eyes sparkle with amazement. But as time went on, our reasons were much more spiritual and had deeper biblical roots. We began to understand that it would be better for our children to learn nothing than it would be for them to learn lies. The public school system does teach a religion and that is the religion of humanism and evolution. We also saw so many negative influences children pick up on just by being with “foolish” peers all day! The Bible say that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child so spending all day with fools doesn’t really make sense. We must teach this foolishness out of our children using God’s precious Word and we are able to do this because we spend time with them building godly character as we go through our days together. So even though our children have excelled academically, we consider it a true educational success if our children graduate with a love for the Lord!

Jennifer Steward – creator of ‘Choreganizers’

Furthermore, here is what this astute and wise homeschooling mom had to say about world population…

The idea that the world is overpopulated and in need of reducing the number of consumers who are damaging the earth and using up the resources has been promoted for a long time. But this is not a biblical world view, because if you’ve ever flown in an airplane and looked down, you can see that there are vast amounts of land area and only small clusters where cities are located. The scriptures are correct (as always!)

Jennifer Steward – creator of Choreganizers


A few weeks ago, I wrote a little post on Susan Wise Bauer and her self-labeled ‘hive mind’ followers. That post contained several homeschooling quotes from Bauer, the author of the Well Trained Mind, but I somehow missed this one…

The truth is, I am teaching my sons at home for religious reasons; I find most classrooms to be toxic social environments, where children are taught to gang up on the weakest to survive. As a Christian, I want my own sons to turn away from violence, to learn humility, compassion, and patience. This, to me, is proper socialization. It isn’t going to take place if my three boys are surrounded for most of each day by a crowd of peers who thrive on aggression and a steady diet of multimedia bloodshed.

Susan Wise Bauer – Author of ‘The Well Trained Mind’

Yes Susan – I’ve noticed that too.  My kids regularly come home absolutely soaked in the blood of their public school classmates whom they have exchanged flesh cleaving blows with throughout the school day.  I have no idea how our local district has managed to win a $150,000 award from Intel for excellence in math education!  It must be just another vicious Satanic lie to keep my babies from Jesus.

Finally we arrive at a new class of homeschooling nutjobs – celebrity homeschoolers.  Here is what they have to say about the wonders of homeschooling as well as some stellar commentary on the drawbacks of regular old classroom education that us non-celebrity types must endure.

The school system in this country – public and private – is designed for the industrial age,” she said. “We’re in a technological age. We don’t want our kids to memorize. We want them to learn.

Jada Pinkett Smith

Oh I know Jada!  I hate it how my kids go to school and are forced to lay railroad ties and operate treadle sewing machines in a dimly lit factory that turns into a blazing inferno at least once a week!  And then they have to memorize the alphabet and all those stupid numbers!  So entirely irrelevant!  I wish they could only learn instead!

Erykah Badu had this to say about her son Seven whom she homeschooled all the way through the first grade and who was eleven at the time of this interview…

“He developed an edge in his schoolwork,” notes Badu. “He enjoys challenges…He pushes himself…He does his homework voluntarily. He does not want to miss school or be late or be untidy or not have his things in order because that was a big part of how he was brought up. I don’t have any idea what Seven is going to choose to do, but he knows how to be disciplined and how to learn, and because of that he’s one of the top students in his school, and one of the top students in Dallas.”

Erykah Badu

Heck yeah Erykah!  I can so totally see how those years and years of homeschooling turned your son from the typical catatonic second grader into a tidy, school loving, top student in Dallas!  Who knows what would have happened to him if he had gone to kindergarten with everyone else!

“We see what our son is interested in, and gently introduce new ideas. We listen to him and try not to overwhelm him, or push him when he’s not ready. Our general rule is, ‘Don’t fight the kid.’ We don’t do flashcards or sing the alphabet song when he shows an interest in letters, but when he asks ‘Can I make a name card for someone?’ we write out the name and let him trace out the letters.”

Neuroscience major and child sitcom star – Mayim Bialik aka ‘Blossom’

I totally concur Blossom.  Alphabet song BAD.  Making name cards GOOD!

“And we homeschool Suri – she has a teacher who is with her every day. We like the one-on-one education. I’m happy that my daughter is strong-willed and determined. You really have to go with what the child is wanting.”

Katie Holmes

All I can say to this one is – who wouldn’t look to the Cruise family for parenting guidance?

And finally we come to Blair. Remember Blair of The Facts of Life?


The role of Blair was played by Lisa Whelchel who eventually went onto author several homeschooling books as well as a slew of Christian devotionals for women.  Here is what she has to say about homeschooling…

“My oldest daughter, Haven, is a gifted student. Because we don’t have to place any limits on her progress, she is able to set her goal of graduating by the age of 14. From there, she has already plotted her course through Patrick Henry College and onto a career in politics, leading to her election as the first female president of the United States.”

Need I say more?

Well – maybe just a little…

In conclusion, homeschooling truly is the choice for people who want their kids…

Doin’ hands on work, while escaping the blood bath that is your average public school, while fixin’ to start their own missionary towing business to fleeing the industrialized age and learning to deal with having the weird name of ‘Seven’ to ultimately becoming the first female president of the United States!


I am so yanking my kid’s butts out of public school today!  I only hope there is still time to save them!


Last week an anonymous reader linked my Pie Near Woman Goes on the QVC post to a forum called ‘The Well Trained Mind’. This message board is a place for classical christian homeschoolers to get together and share the love of Jesus through the powerful witness of disappearing into a subculture that actively shuns anyone who believes differently than they do.  Although some posters to the forum were entertained by my post, others were highly offended and proceeded to strip, scourge and crucify me with all the passion that is displayed in the actual passion.  I feel so resurrected now!

Strangely, the forum on ‘The Well Trained Mind’ is subtitled ‘The Hive Mind’ which according to an Dictionary Online means…

“a type of collective consciousness where individuality is stifled; a state of conformity; also written hivemind”

It has long been my (oh so humble) opinion that Christian homeschoolers seem to suffer from a particularly viral form of ‘hive mindedness’ – almost uniformly believing that public school teachers are only thinly disguised demons that seek to infect their children’s minds with every brand of evil from ‘new math’ to exposing children to atheist writers like Mark Twain and Thomas Jefferson.  Their paranoia towards anyone outside their ‘circle of trust’ is so profound that they don’t even want their kids to go to college as they might get exposed to OTHER PEOPLE’S IDEAS and this could send their kids STRAIGHT TO HELL!

Fortunately, the founder of The Well Trained Mind Forums offers a bit of perspective.  Susan Wise Bauer believes herself to be the rare and wondrous homeschooled child of the 1970s (back when homeschooling had yet to become a cultural meme for right wing nutjobs. Instead, it was strictly for regular nut jobs whose right-wingedness was merely happenstance).  Bauer is a Liberty University grad, a Westminster theological seminary grad and also holds a couple of advanced degrees from William & Mary where she has taught English since 1993.   In her free time she homeschools her own four kids with her pastor husband and churns out history textbooks for religious right homeschoolers.  Still – Bauer fought the homeschool hive mind when they e-mailed her in droves about how to find a college that had professors who would agree to accept the hive mind of their children without question and never allow their kids to question their faith.  This is how Bauer responded…

“Your typical good-sized department will probably contain one or two observant Catholics, two or three observant Episcopalians, a handful of nominal Presbyterians and Baptists who are for all practical purposes secularists, a couple of militant left-wingers out to make converts, one or two ex-hippies, the odd evangelical, and an array of folks who have never had a religious thought in their lives. In any university, you’re likely to find sympathetic faculty and hostile faculty, Democrats and Republicans and Libertarians, gay faculty and straight faculty, faculty with kids and faculty without kids. Universities are kind of like real life in that way (if in very few others). There will be many different voices and many chances to hear them.”

It is somewhat strange that she accuses left wingers of being “out to make converts” and though I certainly agree with her that evangelicals are odd, I am pretty sure that they are WAY more interested in converting people than liberals are.

Later in the same response she shockingly says….

“I myself have had a very frustrating time teaching students who come into William & Mary primed to resist the lies of “liberal faculty.” (That includes a lot of home educated students, who register for for my classes because they think I’m safe.) Every time I say something that strikes them as possibly “liberal,” all of their defenses go up and they tune me out. I can’t play devil’s advocate or dialogue with them–they immediately put me on the list of untrustworthy professors and stop listening.

And at that point they become unteachable.

I’m often asked how home educated students stack up against others in my classes. My overwhelming impression is that they’re more fragile. They’ve got little resilience; I can’t push at their presuppositions even a little bit. Maybe they’re afraid those presuppositions will shatter.”

Holy shit Susan?!?!?!?

Are you saying what I think you are saying?!?!?!??!

That Christian homeschooled kids can’t tolerate debate regarding their belief system? That they don’t know how to think thoughts that did not originate in the minds and wombs of their bible bullying mamas? That they are closed minded infants who tremble at the site of a professor with a different view point?

You are not going to believe this Susan!

But that has always been my impression of Chrisitan homeschoolers too!

We agree!

I don’t think you should tell your hive minded forum people about this.

You can read her entire post on this topic here.

But that is not all that I learned about Susan Wise Bauer after posters to her message board took after me with their sword shaped bible bookmarks, I felt compelled to dig into the history of the leader of this hive minded forum in the hopes of coming up with some sexual scandal which she seems a bit fixated on for a pastor wife/homeschooling mom.  But what I found instead was an article on entitled, Dodging the Homeschool Sterotype, in which she proceeds to perfectly model every homeschooling sterotype in existence…

“…When my mother tells the story of her decision to homeschool my siblings and me, back in 1972, she talks about my brother’s boredom, my kindergarten teacher’s worries that my love for reading was unhealthy, the bullying on the bus that often delivered us to school weeping. But one incident finally pushed her into homeschooling. My brother, age 7, came home one spring and confronted her in the kitchen, putting both hands on his hips and glaring in the knowledge that someone was pulling the wool over his eyes. “You said God made the world,” he announced, “and the teacher says no one made the world. Now I want to know: Who’s telling the truth?”

Here is how Susan’s mom remedied this problem..

“She couldn’t accuse herself of untruth; nor did she want to explain to my brother that he was to sit, for the entire next year, under the teaching of a person he could not trust. We started homeschooling the next fall.”

So according to Susan’s mom, her only options were to…

1.  Call herself a liar.

2.  Call her son’s teacher untrustworthy.

3.  Homeschool.

The misbegotten option of saying -  ‘Listen kiddo – not everyone agrees on the origins of the universe.  Momma says God did it and your teacher says no one did it.  Someday you will have to decide for yourself.” was not an option?

Here is the break down of Susan’s moms claims for why she chose to homeschool her kids…

1.  Her daughter’s kindergarten teacher believed that reading was unhealthy.

2.  Her son was bored.

3.  The bus driver allowed Susan and her siblings to be bullied to tears.

4.  Her son’s second grade teacher was an outspoken atheist.

Oh now c’mon Susan Wise Bauer’s mom!  Where were you sending your kids to school?  Hades?  Who was this outspoken atheist second grade teacher in Virginia?  I want to meet her!

From there Susan goes on to proclaim that she is the only teacher in her area that is capable of giving her kid both sides of every story and therefore is the only one that should teach them.  And what an interesting two sides of the story  that is!  According to Susan…

1.  Columbus was a missionary minded, gospel sharing, new world explorer with little concern for money or fame.

2.  The Spanish Conquistadors were humble servants of God who only wanted to bring the Incas to Jesus.

3.  And both evolution and intelligent design are 100 percent correct as long as you realize that God did it.

4.  In conclusion may I present Susan Wise Bauer’s  You Tube contribution to rational thinking….

In this video Susan Wise Bauer clears up that whole nasty slavery issue in the bible.  She decides that when Paul told slaves to obey their masters – he was only being ‘descriptive’ and not ‘prescriptive’.  Evidently the option for Paul to clearly state in his letters that “Slavery is sick, wrong, and you shouldn’t be doing that you immoral pig eating gentile ho-bags’ was not an option.  Instead he had to wait two thousand years for a godly homeschooling woman named Susan Wise Bauer to rise from Liberty University, attend seminary, and market her special brand of trivium education to thousands of right wingers  and then explain to the world that what Paul really meant was….



I don’t even know WHAT she is saying in this video.

It was a principal that was good?…. but it was distorted to support slavery?

How can a principle be good and distorted?

And how exactly is power being twisted here Susan?  There is no twisting necessary.  Paul said, slaves obey your masters.  There can be no simpler more direct statement than that.  I am afraid that it is you Susan, who is twisting and contorting this simple sentence in a bizarre attempt to make the bible work for you.