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The Country Doctor and I worked at the same place for about a year and during that time he asked me out once, but I was involved with someone else at the time. In fact, when he asked me out, this is how I responded.

“Gosh – I would really love to go out with you, but I am dating someone else.”

So we continued seeing each other at work and occasionally having brief stilted, embarrassed conversations. Eventually my work schedule changed and I stopped running into him.

A few months later, my boyfriend broke up with me, which was a very good thing as about the only thing that was healthy in that particular relationship was how much I loved his mother. She was a girl after my own heart. She was always buying crazy things at thrift stores and garage sales, hauling them home where her family would ridicule her for her strange purchases while I looked over her tarnished treasures and thought they were marvelous. Old woven rugs, vintage hats, corroded silver spoons – sometimes she would just hand her finds over to me, glad to know someone who appreciated her taste for strange old stuff. I knew that if I ended up marrying Don, I would have a miserable marriage, but a fabulous mother-in-law, and that really didn’t seem like a good foundation for marital bliss. Nonetheless, our break-up sent me into a tailspin from which I did not readily recover.

Shortly thereafter, I took a new job at a health food cooperative and also took a part-time teaching job at a private school. My sister and I moved into a new apartment with her disease ridden puppy Nick. April was engaged to Clay and I rarely saw her, but one day she came home and noticed that I had moved my mattress out onto the balcony of our apartment.

“What are you doing with your mattress out there?” she asked.

“Well… uh… um… I just wanted to sleep outside…you know get some fresh air.”

April just sort of stared at me…

There was a long pause…

Followed by a sideways glance…

Accompanied by a heavy sigh…

Finally she spoke, “Whatever happened to that guy that asked you out last year?”

“Oh… that guy?”

“Yeah him. Have you seen him around lately?”

“No.”

“I think I am going to give him a call.”

“What!”

“I think I am going to call him and beg him to take you out before you move into the woods, start wildcrafting herbal tea blends, while meditating and talking to trees!.”

So she called him. I had to leave for work and was not able to listen in, but I called her as soon as I got to work and made her recount every detail of the conversation. She had talked him into calling me and later that evening… he did.

Me – “Hello?”

CD – “Hello – is this Rechelle?”

Me – “Um…yeah…”

CD – “Well, hi…this is the notyeta Country Doctor.”

Me – “The what?”

CD – “The nothyeta Country Doctor.”

Me – “What are you talking about?”

CD – “Someday it will all be clear to you…until then would you like to go out and do something?”

Me – “Um…okay…”

CD – “Well… what would you like to do?”

ME – “I don’t know…what would you like to do?”

CD – “Well I would like to do what you would like to do.”

Me – “Um… well… I don’t know what to do – what do you want to do?”

CD – “Whatever you want to do…”

And so on and so forth – yeah it was riveting – anyway he finally pulled out of me what I wanted to do…

Me – “Do you still have that motorcycle?”

CD – “Yes”

Me – “Could we go for a ride on that motorcycle?”

CD – “Sure – that sounds great.”

And so that is what we did. We drove all over the countryside yelling tidbits of conversation into each other’s ears, stopping occasionally at a pretty view to talk. After a while we decided to get something to eat and this is where he took me.

The Yello Sub and guess what…

We both ordered the exact same sandwich!

A green turkey – which is a fabulous concoction consisting of turkey, guacamole, salsa, sprouts, cream cheese, on freshly baked and oven toasted whole wheat bread.

They have a lot of different sandwiches at the Yello Sub.

It is kind of a miracle that we would both love the exact same sandwich.

Do you want to know what happened next? Do ya? Well, do ya? Okay – They give you a card at the Yello Sub to let you know when your order is up. So while we were waiting, I asked the notyeta Country Doctor a question.

A question from which he has never really recovered…

A question that made him fall instantly in love with me.

And dream of having four boys with me. And of building a house with me. And of stapling our son’s head together while I watched in horror.

Do you want to know what the question was? Do ya? Well do ya?

The question was…..

What do you think about Ross Perot?



That’s right! Turns out I was the perfect date. First, I suggested a motorcycle ride, then we ordered the same sandwich and to top it off, I asked a politically minded question. The Country Doctor loves politics and even though I could really care less – I appeared to care and that is all that matters.

After that he was putty in my hands. And we lived happily ever after.

The Great Stinkin' Stink Off

October 24th, 2007

My house stinks….I mean stiiiinks! I mean el stencho, la crapola, stinkity stink stink stink. It has stunk for several weeks, but it seems to come and go. Just when it gets unbearable, we seem to find the problem and it disappears for a day or two. Then while we have our guards down, the stink rests up, regains it’s strength, and comes back with a vicious second wind.

We have a shower in the main floor bathroom that no one is using. Evidently the lack of use can lead to the evaporation of water in the “trap” which can cause stinkage to seep into the house. So I ran some water in the shower and the smell went away for a few days. But it is back. Back with a vengeance. Back with a fly covered fist, straight up the nose that leaves me searching desperately all over the house for the giant pile of poo that must be located right beside a roaring fan that is blowing the reeking reekage into every crack and every crevice in the house.

Then… our heater wouldn’t turn on and even if I am participating in Crunchy’s heat challenge, and keeping our heat down to 65 at night and 6…8 uh I mean 69 during the day – I am not willing to try and survive without any heat at all.

So I called our plumber who is also our heat/AC guy and they came right out. I stumbled to the door on my frost bitten toes to let him in. As soon as I opened the door, the force of the smell hit him straight between the eyes. He gasped for breath, and crumpled to one knee. I had forgotten how bad the house smelled as I was prancing around trying to keep warm.

After I revived the plumber by squirting some lysol directly up his nose, he went about searching for the source of the stink. He poked his nose STRAIGHT into the open pipe under the bathroom sink on the main floor that is yet to be “hooked up”and said, “yep, pretty ripe.”

Then he went about sniffing the rest of the house, trying to figure out where else the great waves of wafting stink might be coming from. He dumped some water down our basement drains. He told me to place a cap on the outside sewer vent, he fixed the heater, and as he left, he gestured vaguely around my gorgeous, brand spankin new, classic American, stink hole of a farm house and said, “no one should have to live like this.”

As soon as my nasal passages started to defrost, I too started to smell my house. And girlfriends (and the occasional boyfriend) there ain’t no scented candle big enough to mask the wretched puddle of sickly brown greenish yuck of which my home currently smells.

The plumber promised he would be back. He promised to bring reinforcements, which I hope to God includes a specially trained dog to sniff out the exact location of the reeking problem, but for now, he is gone and I am still here… half frozen…in a brand new house…that smells like an open sewer. There is only one appropriate expression to end this blog with and I am trying with all my might to hold it back. Trying…try…ing…but c’mon…. Shit…shit shit shit….SHIT!!!!! Sorry about that – but that is what it is.

An Arranged Marriage

August 9th, 2007

These are my dear friends Dave and Katie. They used to live in my town. When they moved away, they ripped my heart out of my body. Fortunately, I am married to a doctor and he was able to apply the right sort of pressure to save my life. However, I have only been a shadow of my former self since they left. So I loaded up the four boys and we went for a visit.

This is a picture of the fabulous dinner that Dave handcrafted while Katie and I sat in the living room drinking red wine and swapping gossip.

Dave and Katie have two beautiful children that my own children love. And when Dave and Katie moved and took away their children, blood curdling screams of pain and anguish could be heard coming from my house for weeks.

This is their handsome son, Jackson with my Jack.

And this is their beautiful daughter, Maggie.

And here is Katie leading the Deathly Hallows Book Club discussion.

It has long been a dream of Katie and I, to someday merge our families via holy matrimony. It would allow Katie and I to spend much more time together and I don’t think it is too much to ask of one’s daughter to provide a little comfort to her mother and her mother’s friend as old age approaches? Is it? Well, is it? No, it’s not.

Maggie can have her choice of my four sons. I won’t make her pick the dumbest or the most likely to be unemployed, or the one with the bad teeth. She can have her choice, as long as she chooses ONE of them.

The question is – which one?

Drew is in the same grade, and although they are almost equals in outward beauty, we are not sure he is Maggie’s mental equal.

Katie has always leaned towards Ethan because he exhibits the same brainy, LOTR, child of the woods and water, Star Wars lovin, rogue athletic, traits that her son Jackson has.

Cal would be the best one if Maggie prefers the strong silent type and if she wants a die hard fisherman like her dad.

But if she wants to talk…and talk and talk and talk… and if she goes for younger men (like her mother did) Jack might just fit the bill.

Pick one of them Maggie! I really think it would work out beautifully. At least for me it would…