Browsing Archives for Life

The Queen of PutresCence

June 14th, 2010

The Queen of Filth!

The Queen of Slime!

Rubbish!  Filth!  Slime!  MUCK!

I have encountered plenty of slime and putrescence this year in my garden. The whole stinkin’ tale is up at Farmhouse and Garden.

CasSeeSee Gets Promoted.

June 11th, 2010

CasSeeSee would like for me to announce to everyone who reads this (disjointed, negative, bitter, hard to read, outcast junior high girl who writes about Ree Drummond to get ‘hits’) blog that she was rated as a ‘solid performer’ in a recent performance review at her job as a Wal-Mart Greeter.

Shortly after she received this excellent rating, she was promoted to Wal-Mart cashier!

CassCeeCee showed little sorrow over leaving her old job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a position she had previously claimed to love sooooooooooooo much.  Her new responsibilities will make her life much harder. She will now have to keep track of two cash register systems. One at Wal-Mart and one at the Garden Center.   I have no doubt that CasSeeSee will sort out a new cash register in no time and manage to keep both systems distinct in her mind.  It may have taken Wal-Mart six months to realize that CasSeeSee was a solid performer, but I have always known it.

Go CasSeeSee!

I went to the bookstore after work today, to purchase a few new atheist books that people have been recommending to me.   I felt like I had to do something to counter the fact that three of my kids are at a Christian camp this week.  Yes.  They are in the wrapped up in the arms of Jesus.  Their grandmother (my mom) runs the camp.  I had to choose between allowing my children to be indoctrinated into the Christian myth for one week or breaking my mom’s heart.  I chose indoctrination.  I think that during the 51 other weeks of the year that my kids are under my influence, I can counteract any brainwashing they were subjected to during camp.

As I was walking around the bookstore to find my books, I do what I always do when I walk around bookstores these days.  I hide all The Pioneer Woman Cooks cookbooks.  It’s just a uncontrollable urge.  Resistance is futile.  I can’t help myself.  If anyone really needs one of her books and can’t find one, you might try looking behind the huge Sports Illustrated College Football book as well as on the bottom shelf of the science section by the Field Guide to North American Birds.  I always feel very noble after I hide her books.  Like I have saved someone’s life.

After that, I found my atheist books.  I bought Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris, The Quotable Atheist by Jack Huberman, and also Crazy for God by Frank Schaeffer, which is not an atheist book, but an inside look at the religious right told by the son of two famous conservative American evangelists.  I don’t think the son ends up losing his faith entirely, but the book looked interesting anyway.

Mission accomplished, lives saved, I made my way to the checkout.

And that is when I SAW HER!

Ree Drummond was on the FUCKING TELEVISION SCREEN RIGHT OVER MY HEAD!

She was baking a cake!  The same cake that she attempted to make while we were visiting the lodge.  A cake that she claimed on the video that she had made so many times, she didn’t even need the recipe anymore.  But when I was at the lodge, she screwed the cake up and threw it in the trash.  Clearly she still needs the recipe!  Clearly I am suffering from some kind of psychotic delusion!  But I was not hallucinating!  She was really there!  It was like she was HAUNTING ME!  She was making that cake in one of those long tunic things she is always wearing and it was long and white and glowy and HOLY HELL!  SHE WAS HAUNTING ME!  Then she said that her daughters could make the cake from memory too. She followed that up by saying that for Mother’s day she wished her girls would do the laundry for her.  So I guess her daughters cook, clean, AND work cattle?  What do her sons do?  Play with Barbie dolls?  What the hell is going on in that house?  It just really hacked me off.

First of all, she is haunting me.

Secondly, she made a big deal about all the butter that she was putting in the cake.  Because Ree Drummond can’t go for more than twelve seconds on camera without saying the word, ‘butter’.

LIKE AMERICA ISN’T ALREADY GROSSLY OBESE REE!

Then she pointedly assigned the cooking and the cleaning to her daughters as if they were the only children she had.

It just made me sick.

What is wrong with us AMERICA?

Why do we choose the worst of people to be our role models?

She’s so empty, dumb and pointless.  It’s like listening to a robot talk.

A Reebot.

I wish Eugenie Scott had married Ladd Drummond.

And then decided to homeschool her four kids.

And write a blog about living on a ranch.

Now that would be a blog worth reading!

And a woman actually worthy of following.


World’s stupidest book promo ever…

She gets her inspiration from THE PRAIRIE?
Inspiration for WHAT?
Is that where she discovered photoshop?
And designer cookware?
The video makes it seem like both her mom and her mother in law are dead with the melancholy photo flashback and the phrase, “She WAS a really good cook”.
What the hell is a ‘cube’ of butter?
“I’m teaching them important things in life, I figure.”
Yeah you are Ree – cooking and laundry… very important. Make sure that only your girls learn it. Never your boys. They will have wives to take care of them.