Browsing Archives for Dear Charles

From Mr Cliff Kazim (B.O.A)
Bill and Exchange Manager,
Bank of Africa(B.O.A)
Ouagadougou Burkina Faso.
West Africa.

ATTN,

Sorry to distract your attention, I am Mr Cliff Kazim the bill and exchange manager in the bank of Africa Ouagadougou Burkina Faso.

In my department, I found the deposited fund sum of ($5.5M) five Million five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($5.5M).customer who died in the air crash with his entire family.

However, I shall detail you with the full information as soon as I hear from you.

Can you be able and capable to assist me provide your receiving bank account where this fund will lodge in your favour?

I shall give you 40% of the total sum as soon as this fund hits your account and I shall visit you in your country for the shearing.

Please this is very confidential. If you are interested, please forward me the bellow information’s;

Your name:……………………….

Your country:…………………….

Your phone Number:………………….

Your tel/fax:……………………….

Your age:………………………….

Your occupation:…………………..

Thank for your anticipated co-peration.

Your’s Faithfully.

Mr Cliff Kazim

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Dear Mr. Kazim –

Thank you for your message. Please accept my condolences on the passing of your client.

The content of your message is not entirely clear to me. What exactly are you proposing? What do you plan to use the requested information for? What is this ”shearing” that you will be joining me for? My town does have an annual ”Shearing of the Sheep” festival, complete with sheep-themed costumes and diversions, the election of a mutton queen, and the shearing of actual sheep, to celebrate the coming of spring, and if this is what you’re referring to, I’m kind of surprised you knew about it. Have you been to this town before, or do you know someone who lives here? At any rate, if you’re really interested, this year’s ”Shearing of the Sheep” will be held on Saturday, 26 March, at the Oscar C. Whaley fairground. I hope to see you there.

Best regards,

Charles

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Dear brother,

I thank you very much for your kind and urgent respond mail.

Is obvious that you don’t really understand my point very well, I simple mean that I have an proposal that what of $5.5 million dollars to offer you, and it was when this came to look for a capable and reliable person who will assist me put claim to this bill, I want to Burkina Faso commence of chamber I got your email ID there, and I decided to contact you and explain this business to you if you will be willing to come in as my partner, Since I am a staff in the same bank I can’t come out open for the claim.

According to our banking policy guided law state that since the diseased customer was a foreigner for that reason above the next of kin must also come from foreign country too. And I strongly believe that with our good cooperation and wisdom you will claim this fund as the beneficially.

Regard to your question I quote as you wrote “What do you plan to use the requested information for?” my brother your information I need is to assure your capability of handling this proposal with trust since I don’t know you in person precise we have not seeing each other before.

So I want you to assure me your capability of handling this transaction with trust by providing me the information I demanded of you to enable me forward you the full details on how the business will be executed and as well the bank application form which you will fill with your bank information details and forward it to our bank here for the claim.

Your role is to act as the bona fide next of kin by apply to our bank for the claim, while you shall be feeding me back with all your correspondence with our bank for my guidance to avoid mistake,

Anxiously awaiting your early reply.

Regard

Mr. Cliff

**************************

Dear Mr. Cliff –

Thank you for your timely reply. I’m still not sure I understand your proposition clearly, but I think the word you’re looking for might be “fleecing,” not “shearing.” If for some unforeseen reason things don’t work out between you and me and you find it necessary to look for someone else to provide what you want, you might save a little confusion by saying in your initial e-mail “I shall visit you in your country for the fleecing” rather than “I shall visit you in your country for the shearing.”

I have a few questions about what you are proposing, but first let me say how happy and proud I am to have my e-mail ID on file at the Burkina Faso commence of chamber, which is indeed a high honor if I gather correctly from your message that contact information for only the most capable and reliable people is available there.

Could you please tell me a little more about the fund you think I am eligible to claim? Does it have some connection with the diseased customer you mention who used to be a foreigner? Has this customer since attained citizenship in your country? In any case, I wish this customer luck in locating his or her relatives, as it is always a comfort and a blessing to have family nearby when one is suffering from an illness. If you will forgive my observing it, with the diseased customer you mentioned in your most recent message and the customer who died in an air crash with his entire family, mentioned in your first e-mail, it seems this has not been a particularly lucky period for your customers.

While it’s true that we have not met (at least to my knowledge), I am a little confused as to why you would want any more evidence of my capability and trustworthiness. Does the fact that my contact information is on file at the Burkina Faso commence of chamber not tell you all you need to know in this regard?

I look forward to further details of the terms and aims of our partnership, and please give your diseased customer my best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Regards,

Charles

********************************

Dear brother Charles,

Thanks for your prompt and positive response to my offer.

The content of your message was well understood. I have decide to explain the proposal to you in details for your perusal. Let me start by introducing myself to you, I am Mr. Cliff Kazim bill and exchange Manager in Foreign Remittance Department of Bank of Africa (BOA) Annex, my position is the Chief personal Adviser on Finance matter to Late ( PM Rafik Hariri ) The Former Lebanese Prime Minister. I am the personal account in our bank to the great  ( PM Rafik Hariri ) late diseased customer.

Here is the details below.

Mr. PM Rafik Hariri the diseased customer, he has an account in our banks here in Burkina Faso. The account was opened in 2004 and he died in 14 February, 2005 with his next of kin and ever since then nobody has operated on this account again, hence the money is floating and if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing and Government of Burkina Faso will confiscate the funds for their personal use which I personally don’t want such incident to happen the truth of the matter is that I took necessary information’s detailed from the Late (  PM Rafik Hariri  ) the deceased customer some years ago while he was opening DOMICILIARY Account at our bank here, he held account N°BOA 06038570008.

as a matter of fact I have spent money where it necessary to ensure that we obtain success at the end of this transaction. Moreover I have secured the Death Certificate of the deceased customer in order to back up our claim before the Paying Bank (BOA). Frankly speaking, I have been following up with the file of the decease Late ( PM Rafik Hariri ) for the past six (6years) and have seen that it is 100% possible for me to use my seat / office at my place of work Bank of Africa (BOA) to claim this money through the cooperation of a foreign partner since I cannot come out openly for the claim because I am a staff of the same bank. Actually, I have the possibility of filing your name as the next of kin to the deceased to enable the claim.

This is because ever Since our bank got information about his death our bank have been expecting his next of kin or relation to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased Late (PM Rafik Hariri) as indicated in our banking guidelines and laws but no one has applied ever since then. According to the bank payment code of 1970 , amended in 1997 , section 24 , paragraph 6 stated that any payment of claim which is not concluded for a period of seven years (7yrs ) the total amount will be called back into the bank reserve account as unclaimed money and the beneficiary will automatically loose the money.

Since it is remaining only one (1 year) for this claim to end, I don’t want this huge amount to be called into the bank reserve account as unclaimed money since I can divert the fund into your account with the good cooperation of both parties. This is why I decided in contact you. l guarantee you 100% risk free of this claim since the deceased died a long side with his next of kin leaving no one for the claim. This is our life time opportunity. In view of the above, it becomes very necessary that I corporate with a foreign partner for the claim since I cannot come out openly for the claim and as the need be I decided to contact you to explain my problem if you will be willing to come in as my partner for the claim if this endeavor does not require a foreigner, I don’t think I need a second Party but since the deceased customer was a foreigner the next of kin must also come from foreign country outside the Paying Bank country.

I know that you might be wondering why I have decided to trust you with this huge sum but the truth is that I can’t just sit down and watch this huge amount of money to go into bank reserve account as unclaimed bill while I know you can pull this fund here as the next of kin with my direction here and our good co-operation and our wisdom. I always believe that everyone and every single creature of this world would be responsible of his or her needs before Almighty Allah whether they are from the same Country or not.

Your role is to act as the bona fide next of kin by apply to our bank for the claim, while you shall be feeding me back with all your correspondence with our bank for my guidance to avoid mistake, I am waiting to hear from you as soon as possible to enable me forward you the bank application form which you will fill with your bank information and apply to our bank for the claim,

please if there is any thing you do not understand, don’t hesitate to email me as well or you can call me in my private number [number deleted, probably unnecessarily]. with out any delay because delay of this transaction may lead to put this fund into treasury box as unclaimed bills.

Thanks;
My regard to your family.
Your brother Mr.Cliff

******************************

Dear brother Mr. Cliff –

I am so sorry to hear that Mr. Hariri succumbed to his disease, which must have been quite contagious. My heart would go out to his family if they hadn’t apparently perished with him. However, it’s difficult to imagine that every single one of Mr. Hariri’s relatives is gone. Did anyone come to his funeral?

If I understand you correctly, you want to get the money out of your bank, where it is in danger of being confiscated by your government, and keep it safe for Mr. Hariri’s relatives when they do become known. While that is certainly a noble undertaking (I can assure you that none of the bankers in my country would be anywhere near as concerned with preserving a deceased customer’s money for his rightful heirs), might I suggest that a better approach to solving the problem may be to search for relatives of Mr. Hariri’s? I would be happy to help you out in such an endeavor by doing some Internet research. What country was Mr. Hariri from? Please give me all the information you can about Mr. Hariri, and I’ll see what I can do.

Best regards,

Charles

*********************************

Dear brother Charles,

I thank you very much for your kind effort towards this project.

I am the receipt of your mail and content was well understood, regard to your question, Late Mr. PM Rafik Hariri is the Former Lebanese Prime Minister. He died along with his next of kin and ever Since our bank got information about his death our bank have been expecting his next of kin or his relation to come over and claim his money because our bank cannot release this fund unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased Late (PM Rafik Hariri).

According to our bank payment code of 1970, and the law guidance paragraph 6 stated that any payment of claim which is not concluded for a period of seven years (7yrs ) the total amount will be called back into the bank reserve account as unclaimed money and the beneficiary will automatically loose the money. And it remaining only one (1 year) for this claim to end, I don’t want this huge amount to be called into the bank reserve account as unclaimed money,

And I really know that I can divert this fund into your account with our good cooperation as partner, because if I do not remit this money out urgently our government of Burkina Faso will confiscate the funds for their personal use which I personally don’t want such incident to happen.

all I need from you is to act as the bona fide next of kin by apply to our bank for the claim, while you shall be feeding me back with all your correspondence with our bank for my guidance to avoid mistake, my brother please try to understand me let us remit this money out urgently to avoid our bank to divert this money into reserve account as unclaimed money,

Anxiously awaiting your early reply to enable us proceed ahead immediately.

My regard to your family.

Thanks

Mr. Cliff

**********************************

Dear Mr. Cliff –

I have some great news for you! It seems that whoever researched Mr. Hariri for you did not do a very thorough job, and the situation is not as bad as you had believed. You are correct that Mr. Hariri died on 14 February 2005, but it turns out that he was assassinated and did not die as a result of an extremely contagious and fatal disease, as you had thought. I realize that this in itself hardly qualifies as good news, although at least it means that Mr. Hariri probably died instantaneously and did not suffer as he would have if he had been diseased. But here is the wonderful part: Mr. Hariri’s family did not perish with him, and he has all sorts of relatives, including his widow, seven children, seven grandchildren, and two brothers! You can find the names of some of Mr. Hariri’s family members at http://www.rhariri.com/general.aspx?pagecontent=biography, and I believe that most, if not all, of them are still alive.

What this means is that you don’t need to go through with your elaborate and chancy plan to protect the Hariris’ money; all you need to do to keep the money out of the hands of your sinister government, who would apparently only use it for their own nefarious purposes, is notify one of Mr. Hariri’s actual relatives of the existence of the fund, and they will see that the money is claimed by the rightful beneficiary. One of Mr. Hariri’s sons, Saad Hariri, was a Prime Minister of Lebanon and is the current leader of the Movement of the Future there, so he shouldn’t be too hard to find.

I sense that the disposition of this money has concerned you greatly and that your anxiety over the matter has claimed much of your time and energy, so I can imagine the immense relief you must be experiencing now at the prospect of finally being able to put the whole affair behind you. I only wish I could be there to see the joyous expression on your face right now, but since I can’t, I will just have to be content to tell you what a pleasure it has been to serve you and to wish you everything you deserve.

Best regards,

Charles

Dear Charles,
 
Is it possible to be an atheist and still believe in the afterlife? I
was raised by atheist parents so I never really believed in God,
although I would question it from time to time. I recently started
believing in an afterlife though. I've been exposed to psychics that
communicate with the dead and they are so convincing. I've also heard
stories from people that have gotten signs or messages from their dead
loved ones. I realize there might be logical explanations for these
experiences, and maybe I am just trying to be optimistic about death
as I approach middle age, but these people have convinced me over time
to believe in life after death. Does that mean I have to believe in
God and Heaven? Can one exist without the other?
 
Thanks for your help,
Cloudy

*****************************************************

Dear Cloudy –

According to my dictionary, an atheist is one who denies the existence of god, and it seems to me that it is possible, although maybe a little unusual, to fit that definition and believe in an afterlife. I can’t see why the existence of an all-powerful god would be a necessary condition for the existence of a spiritual realm inhabited by a multitude of immortal souls. Although most believers in a god would argue that spiritual entities could not exist without having been created by that god, the majority of these same believers hold that god, himself a spiritual entity more complex and magnificent than any other, was not created.  If god doesn’t need to have been created, surely no form of consciousness does. In fact, it’s easier to imagine that many not-too-bright, not-too-powerful spiritual entities came into existence without being intelligently designed than it is to imagine that one omniscient, omnipotent being exists without having been brought into existence. In view of this consideration, your fledgling belief in a godless afterlife seems to me at least as reasonable as a belief in a god-supervised and -sustained afterlife.

And if immortal souls do exist, I’m sure there’s a perfectly paranormal explanation for them. Perhaps there are clouds of consciousness floating around somewhere out there, and perhaps every so often a certain part of a consciousness cloud starts to feel it doesn’t really have that much in common with the rest of the cloud so it strikes out on its own, and perhaps it then gets bored just floating around being conscious without anything to challenge its views and perceptions, so perhaps it then joins a queue of immortal souls waiting to install themselves in babies as they’re born, and perhaps it sticks with whatever body it enters until that body breathes its last, and then perhaps it floats around a bit until it gets bored again, at which point it rejoins the queue, and perhaps it’s annoyed when it’s summoned by a psychic to speak to friends and relatives of the person whose body it most recently inhabited because it has to lose its place in line to answer the call. Or, perhaps we’ve just evolved to a point where a brand new immortal soul is part of the package nature gives us at birth, and perhaps that soul separates from the body at death to rove the universe or perhaps settle in with a community of other souls. And these are just a couple of possibilities; there are at least two or three more.

If these psychics you’ve been exposed to are actually communicating with the dead, a good way to find out if there’s a god involved in the afterlife would be to ask the dead, who really should know. With this rampant communication with the dead going on, it’s hard to fathom why we don’t have a fairly clear picture of what the afterlife is like. What kinds of questions have been asked of the dead in the psychic sessions you’ve witnessed or participated in? What kinds of things do the dead like to talk about when they get to choose the topic? I watched a few clips of television psychics (John Edward and Sylvia Browne) on YouTube and was unable to find a clip where the dead revealed anything that was not already known by the person to whom the psychic was relaying the information (e.g., Psychic: “Your husband has asked me to acknowledge the wart on your left thigh.” Sobbing widow [amazed]: “I DO have a wart on my left thigh!”), except for a couple of clips in which Sylvia Browne volunteered extra information that it turns out couldn’t have been true. The information presented in the clips seems like it would be less than useful to any interested party. If you’re aware of an instance in which a psychic relayed detailed information from the dead that couldn’t have been known by the living but was subsequently confirmed to be true, please see if the dead have told that psychic anything about the afterlife and let us know what you find out.

Hoping to see you on the Other Side,

Charles

Dear Charles,

Last evening I hosted book club at my house.  One of the attendees brought a loaf of poppy seed bread to the fête.  I think she did this because I had sent out an e-mail announcing to the group that if they were expecting any baked goods to prepare to be disappointed.  (I always like to lower expectations for any parties that I am hosting that way, should I actually rise to the occasion, clean house, cook food and prepare exotic mixed beverages, everyone will be happily shocked and surprised.)  So anyway – back to me, me, more me, and also me.  I did (reluctantly) of course manage to rise to the occasion and I baked a lovely chocolate pound cake sprinkled with powdered sugar and served with saucy raspberries on the side.  The cake was very beautiful to behold, but it actually tasted pretty mediocre.  Still, my guests politely ate most of their slices because they are all very nice people.  Fortunately, my friend Kim had also brought her bread which was both lovely AND delicious so we all ate some of that too.  Eventually, our meeting broke up and everyone left, but there was plenty of cake and bread leftover because women generally only make complete pigs of themselves in private.  As I was cleaning up the leftovers, I remembered that poppy seeds are a narcotic.  And then I remembered from my old days as the spice girl at the health food co-op that nutmeg is also capable of getting a body high.  And I started wondering if there was some kind of combination of these two spices that would make an interesting treat to serve the next time I host book club.  Would it be possible to “unwittingly” drug my guests with the humble inhabitants of my spice cupboard?  Would that help us to say what we really mean?  For instance, if everyone at my book club was stoned, would I be able to convince them to read one of my atheist books for our next meeting?  Because I kind of wanted to do that, but I chickened out and suggested Bill Bryson and Malcolm Gladwell instead.  Would a potent combination of poppy seeds and nutmeg wrapped inside of an irresistible quick bread make me a braver person while simultaneously making my guests more open to my radical ideas?

Signed,

So not a crack head

____________________

Dear So not a crack head –

A good rule of thumb to follow in looking for consciousness-altering substances that aren’t alcohol is that if it’s legal, its effect on your consciousness will be either negligible or unpleasant and the disagreeable side-effects will be plentiful. Case in point: nutmeg. In the course of some hasty Internet research, I found an account of a “nutmeg trip.” This doesn’t exactly sound like what you’re after. If you can get enough nutmeg into all of the club members, you’ll then need to keep them at the meeting for about 5 hours (at which point the peak of the nutmeg’s intoxicating effects will be felt). You’ll spend a portion of that time peering through bloodshot eyes at your guests and listening to their complaints about nausea, dry mouth, and flu-like symptoms until everyone loses the desire to communicate and clams up, each retreating deeper and deeper into her own nutmeg hell of intensifying disturbing physical effects and acute anxiety. At about this point, you’ll probably want to call it a night so that you all can get on with an evening of lying awake in bed, starting at the slightest sound, and trying to remember to breathe. I’m uncertain when in this course of developments would be a good time to nominate one of your atheist books as the next club selection.

Poppy seeds would seem to be a dead end too, requiring lots of effort for little or no effect, with a risk of death.

With the right equipment, you can make methamphetamine out of decongestants and diet pills if you can get your hands on enough of them, which is hard to do because it’s illegal to purchase more than a small amount of these items in a specified time period, so it may take a while to accumulate the materials you need. Methamphetamine produces a large grab bag of strong effects that includes self-confidence and sociability, so you may be more persuasive while you’re on it, but it’s doubtful that the club members would be more receptive to your ideas if they were on it, and anyway, we’re getting into territory where it would be harder to claim that any drugging of the club members was done unwittingly, especially if you attempted to administer the drug intravenously or via suppositories. Add to that the trouble and risk involved in the production of methamphetamine and the damage it does to the human body and psyche, and it’s clear that we are once again barking up the wrong tree. I know it’s not a tree you intended to bark up, but given your obvious do-it-yourself spirit and strong desire to drug your guests, I thought it possible that you would get around to barking up it sooner or later, so I thought I’d preemptively advise against it.

As you can see, although concocting your own narcotics from everyday household items sounds like a fun project, it is likely to be a lot of trouble, and the reward for that trouble is likely to be more trouble. Therefore, it would probably be best to let the pros handle the manufacture of the drugs and to consider only well-established, respected drugs for your project.

Choosing just the right drug for consumption by a group of people with the aim of making one of those people courageous about expressing her ideas while making the rest of the group more receptive to any ideas that happen to be expressed can be tricky, because such a drug would have to make a person courageous and receptive at the same time, and there’s always the danger that someone else will express an idea they normally wouldn’t express and you normally wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole and that you (and the rest of the group) will be helplessly receptive to it and that the meeting will adjourn with everyone’s having agreed to read Dr. James Dobson’s Marriage Under Fire: Why We Must Win This Battle for next time. To avert a tragic outcome of this kind, it might be best to take a courage-enhancing drug yourself but to give your guests a different drug, one that will make them receptive but not necessarily courageous or outgoing.

One thing to consider in choosing a drug for your guests is that you’ll want to lower their defenses sufficiently without putting them so far out of it that they cannot easily recall what transpired at the meeting. If a club member wakes up on the following day next to a copy of God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything and finds that she must struggle to recall how she hooked up with that book, she will probably swear off the book club for good after completing the delicate, shamefaced, and awkward procedure of extricating herself from the company of the book.

If you would like to try separate drugs for you and your guests, perhaps the best combination would be alcohol for you and marijuana for your guests. Alcohol, of course, is renowned for the sociability and courage it bestows upon all whose lips it crosses, so you will be eager and fearless in proposing any idea that strikes your fancy, although it might be best to make an effort to stick to ideas that struck your fancy before you started drinking and to avoid those that occur to you as the effects of the alcohol intensify. Marijuana will enable your guests to see the coolness of your ideas while preventing them from concentrating long enough to formulate any objections. You could include the marijuana as an ingredient in whatever baked good you serve. You should announce to the group beforehand that they should prepare to be thrilled if they are expecting any baked goods and that you will consider it an insult if anyone shows up with any competition for your exquisite treats. Since the club members will not make complete pigs of themselves during the meeting, they will be unlikely to consume enough cannabis to obliterate their memories of the evening. Make a small quantity of an unspiked version of the baked good for your own consumption, and serve your guests a nonalcoholic beverage that’s the same color as the whisky that will be in your glass.

If you prefer not to risk being carted off to jail and having all your property confiscated, you’ll probably want to eliminate marijuana from the plan and just stick with alcohol. If you have a feel for how alcohol affects each of your guests, you can personalize each drink, serving the good stuff to those who become more agreeable as their blood alcohol level rises and watering down the drinks of those who become surly or otherwise unpleasant when inebriated.

A drug/alcohol-free strategy you might consider is to work up to the hardcore atheist books gradually. If you want to take somebody somewhere, you must start from where they are, so the next time it’s your turn to suggest a selection, choose a book in which center stage is taken by a subject or story you judge to be likely to resonate with most club members but which also contains some embedded atheist ideas, and make sure those ideas are covered in the discussion of the book. If you get a sense from that discussion that most of the club is willing to consider such ideas, for your next selection choose a book with a heavy atheist bent but with some material that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with atheism. A good book for this phase might be Mark Twain’s The Mysterious Stranger. It’s still kind of safe, because Mark Twain (a.k.a. “America’s Sweetheart”) is revered in literary circles far and wide and is known for his nonthreatening, folksy wit by people who haven’t read his work. If you suggest The Mysterious Stranger and things turn ugly after everyone has read it, you can feign surprise at the surprise ending and claim that you hadn’t read it before but that it was recommended to you by an angel in a dazzling outfit who appeared to you in a pyrotechnical vision and you just thought it sounded like an interesting story. If things don’t turn ugly after everyone has read it, and if the discussion inspired by it is promising, you might find that you’re able to suggest an atheist book whose only nonatheist material is the dedication. From there, it’s just a few short steps to the dawn of a thriving atheist community in your town, which, thanks to your efforts, may eventually become known as the atheist capital of small-town Kansas, if that’s where you happen to live.

Looking forward to seeing how that status is reflected on the official website for your town,

Charles