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Love Letters

May 15th, 2009

The following letter fell out of the laundry a few days ago. I cropped the first page to protect the identity of the sender and the intended recepient. It is about the cutest thing I have ever read and to think it is actually written on a KLEENEX! The author of this letter is going to break a few hearts, but the real question is… Did she break his?

Fowllow the arrows – I hope she doesn’t have brilliant speller at the top of her list of most desirable attributes in future mate.

See how he gives her time to prepare herself! What a sensitive soul.

The all important questions… Have you ever liked someone? Do you like someone now? What is your favorite team? Clearly, he understands the primary building blocks of any good relationship.

Sounds like he has got some competition, or he really knows how to flatter a girl!

Well you go out with me… Again – I hope spelling is not big for her.

Ya right?!?!?! In Your Dreams!?!?!? He must be made of some pretty tough stuff.

And then this ending… I will like you still even if you do say no… If she hasn’t fallen for him by now, I think he got her at the end. At least he got his mom and I don’t even have to Think about It.

This is what I did today.

1. Skipped church – Sorry God.

2. Slept in

3. Made pot of coffee.

4. Drank pot of coffee.

5. Made some homemade rolls .

6. Made a late lunch for family and a few visitors. (Fried chicken, creamed rice and peas)

7. Swilled down another pot of coffee and two pieces of cherry pie covered in an ice cream swamp.

8. Made caustic but somehow right on target comments about my husbands every minuscule movement. Including the way he walks, talks, eats, breathes, the way his hair makes too much noise as it grows, the way his toenails look, how he stupidly starts fires in the fireplace, his yellowing undershirt, and his inane toothbrushing routine. I also berated the way in which he “helps” me clean house which we had to do before our company arrived. I will say – Hey everyone!…we need to straighten up the house a bit before our company gets here! I then grab a vacuum, give the boys a few simple tasks and watch in utter disbelief as my husband chooses this particular moment in history to: re-stack the wood pile, or build a grape arbor, or plant five new trees, or organize the basement storage room.

Today when I asked everyone to help me clean up, he slunk outside to SHOVEL THE SNOW OFF THE DECK!!! Because I am sure we are all going to stand around OUTSIDE with our beers and our fried chicken in the freezing cold arctic weather!!!

9. Later while our company – all males – watched a game, I finished off a book and also finished off the homemade rolls. And just as all those magnificent fluffy carbohydrates started to work their magic on my hormone stressed bloodstream…

10. My husband, sons, and our visitors all came tromping up the stairs from the TV and ANNOUNCED that they were hungry, while looking directly at me! Oh the scenarios I imagined as I gripped a kitchen knife and chopped up some meat. Oh the bloody visions that filled my head as I stabbed an onion and threw some tortillas on the counter.

But I controlled myself from the manic impulses of murderous mayhem, assembled some simple ingredients for a few burritos and then locked myself away in the study to read some blogs. And they better LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! Sorry God.

AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! I just want someone to deliver me a steaming latte, fourteen raspberry scones, a massive chocolate bar, and another good book to disappear into. Then I promise to turn back into a human being. I promise!

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

51 - Kellye 

Can’t sleep. Wish I had one of those books right now!


13 - Dawn 

I’ve seen the book “A Walk in the Woods” a bajillion times, but never bought it. I’d love to read any of those!


80 – Teresa 

I haven’t read him yet, but hope I get one to read.


68 - Laura 

The new website is Lovely! I really like Bill Bryson, and hope I get picked. (My feelings are still a little hurt that you like the SF Japanese Garden better than Ft. Worth, but I still love ya!)

Laura – Sorry about the whole Japanese Garden thing… if it makes you feel any better – I would pick a mid winter trip to Texas over a mid winter trip to S.F. EVERY TIME!   

71 - Robin M. 

I like the new site… of course I liked the old one too!! Thanks for the giveaway :)


Winners – please email me at and I will send you a Bill Bryson book.  If you have a strong preference, you can mention it in the email.  You might want to give me two choices.  I will try my best to accommodate everyone’s wishes.

PS – I hope you know that I tend to give away used books.  Used books that I usually buy through Alibris my favorite online book store.  And no, I am not getting paid by Alibris to mention them, but if Alibris wanted to pay me to say it… I don’t think I would turn them down.  

I buy the books from Alibris because Alibris is an online storefront for thousands of independent bookstores across the world.  Supporting these independent bookstores makes me very happy.  

Oh!… and their books are also really cheap!


Timestamp: 2009-04-21 01:24:04 UTC