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Dear Readers,

CDW is struggling… STRUGGLING… to come up with things to say these days.  She has written this blog for almost two years now without flinching once, but suddenly a brick wall has loomed up in front of her and she can’t stop beating her head against it.  All she has for you today and the next day and yes possibly many days after that are her most embarrassing moments.  She is sickened by this, but she has searched both her innards and her outtards  for something… anything less obvious and has come up empty.  She also has absolutely NO IDEA why she is referring to herself in the third person.  Please send help.  Soon.
Embarrassing Story Number One – The Walt Bodine Show
The Country Doctor and I were living in Kansas City just a few blocks from KU Med.  I had at least one baby… maybe two and was cocooned inside of a nest of babies, toddlers, diapers, breast pads, and baby wipes.  I had also become a radical devotee of the radio program called The Walt Bodine Show.
You see, we did not have a television back then.  Neither one of us owned a TV when we got married and since we were such fascinating people and clearly intellectually superior to all the other people in the world, we could not be bothered with getting a TV.  Instead, we listened to the radio…  a lot…
…And wrote stories.  And played stringed instruments on the porch with the forest animals.  And painted murals.  And rescued donkeys.  And collected porridge recipes.  And built creations.  And handcrafted mead.  And went on sunrise hikes to the tops of mountains.  And ambled about the meadow with field bouquets.  And jigged.  And founded a lyrical writing society where the members had to wear filmy white dresses or breeches.  And hosted open mike poetry readings.  And came up with new types of grains to stick inside of multi-grain breads.  And gave our kids unusual names that no one knew how to pronounce or spell.  And collected morning dew.  And yes… it was a very precious time in our lives.
And Walt Bodine was the glue that held it all together.  
Walt Bodine hosted and still hosts a radio program on KCUR, the Kansas City public station.  He interviews visiting authors, wildlife experts, local chefs, parade organizers, colorful characters, political pundits, obscure poets, playwrites, artists, former sitcom actors… stuff like that.  At the time I was listening to The Walt Bodine Show, it seemed like Walt was about a hundred years old and guess what?  He is still hosting  the same show.  
Walt is a very endearing man, his voice and mannerisms are very homey.  You feel like you are listening to a beloved uncle interviewing a famous person… except your uncle doesn’t realize he is talking to a famous person… he thinks he is talking to his neighbor across the back alley… and after a while you also feel like the famous person is your neighbor across the back alley.  That is the magic of Walt Bodine.
Right before we moved away from Kansas City, some moron at KCUR decided that it was time to replace Walt with a new, upbeat, young, hip, happenin’, talk show host and the station attempted to fire Walt Bodine.  
The entire city staged a revolt.
Well… maybe not the entire city… but there were protests in front of the station.  People hoisted signs above their heads and shouted in unison “Don’t be Mean to Walt Bodine!”  You see… it rhymes… and it saved Walt… and he went right back to hosting his show.  For once, the right person triumphed.
Anyway…. after Walt interviewed his guest, he would often open up the show to call-in questions.  One time, after I had been listening to the show for a few months, and really felt that Walt was my dearest friend, I decided to call into the show with a question.  I was kind of nervous and panicky about it, and to give myself a little protection, I decided I would use a fake name.  I decided I would call myself, Melissa.
The subject they were discussing that day had something to do with pregnancy and delivery or something like that…  I can’t remember the details… but I felt there was a viewpoint that was not being expressed and I certainly felt that my opinion would be a startling revelation to Walt and his audience.  So I called in…
Screener – Hello, this the Walt Bodine Show…
Me – Hi!!!!!!!
Screener – What is your name?
Me – Uh… Melissa!!!!
Screener – Okay… Melissa… Where are you calling from?
Me – Uh… Kansas City, Kansas.
Screener – Okay… Walt will introduce you in a few seconds and then you just go ahead and ask your question.
Me – OKAY!!!!!
Walt Bodine – Okay… now we go to Melissa calling from Kansas City Kansas.  Melissa how are you today?
Me – (silent)
Walt Bodine – Melissa… Are you there?  
Me – (silent)
Walt Bodine – Melissa?  Can you hear me Melissa?
Me – (silent)
Walt Bodine – Can she hear me?  Do we have a bad connection?  Melissa?  Is anyone there?
  
Me – Oh!   
Walt Bodine – Melissa?
Me – Walt Bodine???  Hi!!!!  This is RECHELLE!!!
Walt Bodine – Oh…Rechelle??
Me – I MEAN MELISSA!!!!
Walt Bodine – Oh… okay… Melissa…   

Me – Yes… Melissa… that is my name.
Walt Bodine – Okay…. Melissa?  Do you have a question for us today Melissa?
Me – Yes….I… Uh… Oh… Um…
And I went on and on trying to back track… trying to make it all go away… trying to not be such a heaving idiot, but it was too late.  I held onto the slender tendril of hope that no-one I knew had been listening to the show that day.   A few weeks later, I went back to Lawrence to visit my sister and I dropped by the Lawrence Arts Center where I used to work.   
Me – Hi everyone!  
Entire staff of Art Center – Hi Rechelle.
Me – How are you all?
Entire staff of Art Center – Good… we heard you on the radio.
Me – What?
Entire Staff of Art Center – We heard you on the Walt Bodine Show… Melissa  (raucous laughter ensues)
I never called into The Walt Bodine Show again.  
But I still listened everyday.


We ordered several cabinets in our house in paint grade poplar in an attempt to hold costs down.

Ha ha ha heee hee ah ha ha ha ho ho hee hee hee ho ho ho har har har har.

What?

Huh?

Where was I?

Oh yes… saving money.

Can I just say that this tiny little cost saving measure in no way compensates for the thousands of “surprise costs” and “last minute changes” and “hidden expenses” and YOU BOUGHT WHAT!?!?! and HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY THAT EXTRA STEP ON THE SIDE PORCH COSTS???!!!???

So getting the paint grade cabinets was not only a very minor savings, in the grand scheme of things, it also gave us one more task to do ourselves which I have just been too weak and shaky to even think about…

UNTIL NOW!!!


The Country Doctor took all the boys on a camping trip last weekend. I decided to use that precious, golden, holy, sacred, blissful, gift of time alone to paint the stinking… not cost effective… not saving us any money… %$*#*#%^& mudroom cabinets.

I decided to make the cabinet doors into a chalkboard.

No mom, I did not use the magnetic/chalkboard paint. I could not find any magnetic/chalkboard in my small town hardware store and I was not about to drive 20 miles to the bigger town just for a can of magnetic/chalkboard paint. My family is just going to have to suffer and subsist on chalkboard only cabinets! How will they ever face another dawn?

Here is the dreary aftermath.


Here is where I started to paint the mudroom cabinets in the high gloss Killim Red paint that I bought right before Thanksgiving in order to have the mudroom cabinets painted by Christmas.

Ha ha ha ha ha hoo hoo hee hee hee ho ho ho har har har heh heh ho ho hee har ho.


Here is where I started to have serious misgivings about that high gloss Killim Red paint on my mudroom cabinets. Here is where I started to think that my mudroom cabinets were beginning to look like they were painted with left over fingernail polish from the Dollar store. Here is where I started to wonder if I was completely cracked out on cranberry sauce when I bought that high gloss Killim Red paint.


Here is where I thought about toning the cracked out glossy red paint down with a pale yellow interior on the inside of the cubbies.

Here is where I considered repainting the cabinets in Ralph Lauren Sun Washed Blue.

Here is my son Calder running in a local track meet on a Killim Red Track.

Here is his little brother Jack drinking a Ralph Lauren Sun Washed Blue Gatorade.

Here is where I received the sign and went ahead and finished off the cabinets in Killim Red.

Can you see the sign?

This very, very cute sign!

I  ordered this custom sign from one of the artisans at our hometown Tulip Fest.

When I walk in my mudroom, I try very hard not to look at the glossy garish killim red cabinets and I focus all my energy on this cute sign.


I am giving away one $60.00 gift certificate for a custom made sign for your own garish glossy mudroom…. or for any other room in your house. Your sign can say whatever you like! Cindy at Cindy’s Signs and Such will make it for you and I will ship it out.

Just tell me what your custom made sign would say in the comments. I will have a random drawing on Saturday to find the winner. Contest ends at noon CST on Saturday. Thanks for dropping by!

Every month I wait on pins and needles
for the latest edition of my KTAG newsletter.

Which comes enclosed with my KTAG statement
which is this little device on my car that gets me through
the toll booth on the interstate.

As you can see from the above examples, the articles are always extremely enlightening and helpful. After reading my KTAG newsletter cover to cover, I can’t help but celebrate my state government for using my hard earned tax dollars to fund such worthwhile publications….

Oh dear! It appears I have also received
a new rural water bill instruction pamphlet!

Maybe they made this one easier to understand!

I think this page clearly needs a few more directional arrows.

As well as about five more overlapping boxes to
signify the extra important information.

But at least they will only be checking up on my inability
to apply these crazy-ass instructions once a year.