Bedtime Stories

February 16th, 2012

I was laying beside Jack in his bed a few nights ago talking to him about his day when the following conversation took place…

Jack – At school if we find a pencil laying on the floor in the hallway we have to turn it in to lost and found.  I think that is a dumb rule.  I mean it’s just a pencil!  No one is going to go to lost and found looking for their pencil!

Me – So what do you do if you find a pencil laying in the hallway?

Jack – I just keep it.  Especially if it is a cool pencil.

Me – Mmmkay… well what about if you found a hundred dollar bill laying on the floor in the hallway?

Jack – I would turn it in to lost and found.

Me – And what if it was only a ten dollar bill?

Jack – I would turn it in.

Me – What if it was a five dollar bill?

Jack – I would turn it in.

Me – What if it was only a one dollar bill?

Jack  – I would still turn it in.

Me – What if it was a rusty old coin that was so blotchy you couldn’t even tell what it was?

Jack – I would probably just throw it away.

Me – What if it was wad of chewing gum?

Jack – I would tell the teacher.

Me – What if it was a dead mouse?

Jack – I would also tell the teacher.

Me – What if it was a single birthday candle burning in the middle of the hallway for no reason?

Jack – I would tell the teacher.

Me – But it’s just a birthday candle!  Why not just blow it out and throw it away?

Jack – Uh… I think the teacher should know about a burning candle in the hallway.

Me – Okay… so what if it wasn’t a birthday candle.  What if it was a tiny campfire surrounded on all sides by a family of grasshoppers who had set up a tent and were now sitting around on tiny grasshopper sized logs and roasting marshmallows and singing campfire songs?

Jack – Well… first I would take some pictures of them and then I would tell the teacher.

Me – But what if the grasshoppers told you not to take pictures of them!  What if they said that if anyone found out about them, they would get put in a zoo or a laboratory and scientists would conduct experiments on them and try to clone them and they would never be free to roam the earth again!

Jack – Hmmmm…  Well then I would take some pictures of them anyway, but I would help them to hide in the jungle after that and I wouldn’t ever tell the teacher about them.

Me – Okay… I hope that plans works out alright for the grasshoppers!  Goodnight Jack.

Jack – Goodnight.


  • Kait:

    So are you saying is OKAY that he keeps the pencil?
    You should have asked if he would keep it if someone chewed on it.

    Now I have tiny grasshoppers around a campfire in my head. I think they are planning to stay a while.

    • Rechelle:

      I kind of agreed with him that it was “just a pencil” and if I find a pencil in a hallway, I probably wouldn’t spend much time trying to track down the owner nor placing it in a lost and found. Chew marks would be an entirely different matter. LOL!

      • Kait:

        Oh I wouldn’t bother finding the owner either. But here I am picturing your basic yellow pencil. Some nut job is going to come read this and say how some mechanical pencils cost a fortune and blah blah blah. Oh, and I probably would pick it up and cast it aside just so someone didn’t step on the damn thing, trip, fall and sue!. Cause I am thoughtful that way. :) Snort Snicker Guffaw.

  • That was hilarious. We have conversations like that in our house, too, only not as sophisticated. (Firstborn is only five. Well, “five and a half”.) But I think he had me beat in the “Ghosts or Waffles?” argument.

  • SarahSunflower:

    Amazing!! :)

  • Rainy:

    Thanks for that! I now know I am not the only one to have such conversations with my kids, and I can now prove it to them! They think I am strange sometimes haha :)

  • Clay:

    This reminds me of the word games that were so much fun with my kids..
    My son once shouted “La!” at me when I was pestering him about something. It was very illuminating because it described what he meant so well. I decided that LA was the perfect word because it could mean anything you wanted, depending on the context. So I started using it on my my family. I warned my daughter not to dress provacatively at school because it would make the boys say LA. .Opening the door to a blast of cold air would make you say LA. My favorite Christmas song became “Deck the Halls” with its “Fa la la la la, la la la la”, I began singing “It makes you say La, it makes you say La” to the tune of “It has to be you,” causing the kids to groan. They retorted that nothing makes you say La, but I pointed out that if you take a course in Spanish it makes you say La.

    They soon rebelled, and came up with their own words, “Bela” for Doug, and “Bah” for Carrie and we argued stubbornly about who had the best word..Doug finally gave up the fight but Carrie was adamant. Trying to appeal to the ultimate authority, I went biblical, and when Carrie hurled a “Bah” at me, I retorted, “Bah-eth not thy father, neither thy mother, but sayeth unto them sweet words of La all the days of their lives.” That didn’t work, but I believed that I had at least come up with the most clever response. Ah, those were the days.

  • Axelle the french reader:


  • oh, I love this!!!

    and I now want S’mores and pet grasshoppers………….