Pamp Ass Grass

May 29th, 2011

Customer – I am looking for some pompous grass.

Me – Pompous grass?

Customer – Yes… the tall kind… with the big plumes?

Me – You mean Pampas grass?

Customer – Isn’t that what I said?

Me – You said pompous…

Customer – Yes… that’s right.  I am looking for some pompous grass.

Me – It’s not pompous… it’s Pampas.

Customer – That’s what I said.

Me – You actually said pompous.

Customer – Do you have the grass or not?

Me – Which kind are you looking for again?

Customer – Pompous.

Me – We don’t have any pompous grass, but would you like to look at our PAMPas grass?

Customer – No!  I want the Pompous!

Me – I have an idea!  How about I sell you some PAMPas Grass and then once you own it, it becomes pompous by association…

Customer – Isn’t the customer is always right?

Me – Only the pompous ones.

Customer – I see your point.  I was a mite filled with self importance and perhaps behaving in an irritatingly superior manner, however, the plant for which I yearn is also somewhat ridiculously grand for a grass.

Me – Hmmmmm.  That is undeniably true.  One might even describe it as downright arrogant.

Customer – So… will you now show me the pompous, Pampas grass?

Me – Under those terms, it would be impossible for me not to.

Customer – Thank you.

Me – You’re welcome.  Please follow me.


  • LucyJoy:

    Funny! We actually call ours pompous ass grass.

    • Rechelle:

      Ha ha! Love it.

  • Haha. I’m at my nephew’s house and his friends and I have been correcting each others’ grammar. So I just had to show this to them. And nephew and his friend proceeded to act out this conversation. I also showed them the “grass is a sun crop” post and they had to re-enact that one too. Hilarious!

    • Rechelle:

      Dang! I wish I could see it.

  • Right now, I’d just be happy to have any kind of pompous, pampas grass instead of a yard full of dollar weed. It even grows in this dry (as in no rain EVER) FL. :)

  • Shay in NZ:

    You shoulda sent her to your sister’s place. There’s plenty of pompous there from what I read.

  • Andrea:

    We really thought it was ridiculously named pompous grass until I saw it listed as a noxious weed in our state. We had to have a chainsaw to remove it… a really tough plant!

    • No kidding! I’ve seen people around here take chainsaws to it or use FIRE in an attempt to get rid of it…

      The charred stumps still remain. So do the chainsawed stumps.

  • nola rice:

    Reminds me of a Mexican I woman I knew who worked in a faux Mexican restaurant and had to serve “tort tillas”. I now have to learn to order “sall mon” and “tonee water”, and and yes, “even water”.

    Thought I would pee my pants when my son told me about a woman in Grosse Pointe trying to buy ground coffee when the local Kroger store closed for renovations. She wanted to know where you could buy the coffee beans made into small chunks. This was at Starbucks.

  • nanne:

    our pampas grass is such a pompass ass that it continually overrides/derides my efforts to remove it and just keeps on popping up everywhere..pompously…assily…