Browsing Archives for May 2011

Pamp Ass Grass

May 29th, 2011

Customer – I am looking for some pompous grass.

Me – Pompous grass?

Customer – Yes… the tall kind… with the big plumes?

Me – You mean Pampas grass?

Customer – Isn’t that what I said?

Me – You said pompous…

Customer – Yes… that’s right.  I am looking for some pompous grass.

Me – It’s not pompous… it’s Pampas.

Customer – That’s what I said.

Me – You actually said pompous.

Customer – Do you have the grass or not?

Me – Which kind are you looking for again?

Customer – Pompous.

Me – We don’t have any pompous grass, but would you like to look at our PAMPas grass?

Customer – No!  I want the Pompous!

Me – I have an idea!  How about I sell you some PAMPas Grass and then once you own it, it becomes pompous by association…

Customer – Isn’t the customer is always right?

Me – Only the pompous ones.

Customer – I see your point.  I was a mite filled with self importance and perhaps behaving in an irritatingly superior manner, however, the plant for which I yearn is also somewhat ridiculously grand for a grass.

Me – Hmmmmm.  That is undeniably true.  One might even describe it as downright arrogant.

Customer – So… will you now show me the pompous, Pampas grass?

Me – Under those terms, it would be impossible for me not to.

Customer – Thank you.

Me – You’re welcome.  Please follow me.

A Ritual Burning

May 29th, 2011

School is out for the summer.  I told the boys to clean out their backpacks, put salvagable school supplies away for next year, save what they wanted to save and throw everything else away.

But instead of throwing away the piles of homework papers they brought home at the end of the year, they opted to burn them.  And then they stood around with a few neighbor kids and watched it all go up in flames.

Life with boys…

It’s never boring.

I may have accidentally eaten some ham a few weeks ago when I was making an omelette for my son. I made a veggie omelette for myself in the same pan a few moments later and I was not exactly vigorous at scrubbing out the ham crumbs.

And I may also have eaten some tuna…. which came in a tuna casserole… which I made… and ate with frolicky abandon while standing over the stove even though my entire family was watching me do it.

And I also ate a few bits of chicken just now in some left over pasta that was in the fridge…

I did dig out all the big hunks of chicken, but there were a few tiny chunks of chicken that I just couldn’t make myself care enough about removing them from the tangle of pasta and veggies on my plate.


And also…

A few nights ago, I brought home some sushi from the grocery store.

And yes…

It was from the grocery store

But might I point out that it was also from a grocery store in Kansas

So I don’t really see how the whole ‘grocery store’ part really matters.


The point is that I got some veggie sushi for myself.

And some carnivore sushi for the Country Doctor.

And then I totally ate about half of his sushi.

And all of mine.

But aside from these rare and incongruous incidents, I have remained a steadfast and loyal vegetarian for these six long months. And I plan to continue for these next six months.


Sometimes having a huge patch of lettuce growing in your garden makes you crave any food that is the exact opposite of lettuce.

That is all