Pie Near Woman, Name that Photo Contest

March 30th, 2011

I had the day off yesterday and I divided my time between planting all the cole crops in my garden and photographing Pie Near Woman in a variety of utterly hysterical foibles.

If you can think of a caption for the above photo, I will send you a prize. I don’t know what that prize will be yet, but I can guarantee you it won’t be as good as a Kitchen Aid Mixer.

Have a good one!



  • “There’s a hole in your britches!”

  • I hate being first. Having only boys in my home bathroom humor comes easily to me.
    Ankle deep in mud whilst rasslin cattle, MM feels a strange itch. He calls over his wife to check for dingleberries and she happily obliges hoping she can find something to spice up her next blog post.

  • “Oooo! Let’s plant some watercrass!”

  • Linda:

    Dam it MM they are on backwards!
    How am I going to give you a BJ?
    Oh, silly me I meant PB&J

  • theresa:

    Wait a minute….it’s PESKY TIM’S ass that makes my skirt fly up! This one just isn’t making my hiney tingle at ALL!


    You know what really chap’s my ass?

  • “That’s One Smokin’ Hot Ass – Because MARLBORO MAN!!!”

    • The subtitle:

      To Hot to Handle – The Insipid Thoughts of Pie Near Woman

  • Em:

    “Where or where did my little dog go…”

  • km:

    You’re no Mule Man

  • km:

    He knew there was no hope for his sinking wife, and yet he and his much-photographed ass walked away.
    Next on the agenda, fix that damn dog…

  • km:

    Duh ! SINKING !

  • Jennine:

    PW simply cannot resist the aroma of salty Frito chaps.

    • Heather in MT:


  • Marlboro Man? is that you???

  • Kristi:

    Hiney Cringe.

  • Stella:

    “I’ve looked as hard as I can, Marlboro Man, and I STILL haven’t found your head!!!”


    • SageNV:

      My favorite!

  • NCme:

    Oh, dear, Marlboro Man, you want me to do what with this strap on?! What’s a strap on anyway? Who am I? What am I? I want my mommy!

  • TL:

    “DON’T MOVE…..you have a swarm of pecker gnats attacking your ass.”

    • poppy:

      Pecker gnats? I have lived a full life and I have never heard of that term. Ever. Now I can’t stop laughing!

  • 2. “It will requite a surgeon to remove my nose from here”

    3. “Mesmerizing”

    4. “I’d follow that anywhere”

    • on 2. *require*

      I so wish my fingers would cooperate with my brain!

  • Nanc in Ashland:

    Today we’re making a cowboy rump roast–with real cowboy rump!

    • susan:

      like Nanc!

  • Jen:

    The Asset Hound

    • ^Love it!

    • susan:

      love this one too

    • Mo:


      • the editor:

        yep. the pecker gnats was pretty priceless too.

  • Linda:

    is your camera lens stuck up there again?

  • Lindsay:


  • poppy:

    Honey! You’ve got to make sure the “W” shows or Wrangler won’t send us a check this month! What were you thinkin”?

    • Tracy:

      Love it!

    • theresa:


  • Hold still and Mama will rub some marinade on it!

  • km:

    We have a million houses and a lodge and you still pee outside?????

  • Jackie:

    Aren’t these supposed to be ass-less chaps–oh wait, they are!

  • slh:

    We’re on a cattle ranch……….sooooo……….. where’s the beef ? LMFAO

  • BROKEBACK MARLBORO? As she bent over to give Marlboro Man a nice little pat on his buns, she began to wonder where that ass had been in her absence. “I really should probably stay on the ranch more often,” she thought. “I could so easily lose everything I’ve dreamed and schemed for…”

    • Wee Wee:

      Amen to that.

  • Honey, are those bacon strips on your knickers?

  • An ass so flat you need a zoom lens to see it.

  • Megan:

    Why the idiots who read my site drool over this ass I will never know.

  • km:

    The phrase “up my ass picking daisies” is not meant to be taken literally

  • REEadjusted:

    For tonights dinner you want to look for a lean loin!
    Look it over carefully, touch it, rub it and massage it.
    A little fat will result in great flavor.

  • km:

    Wetsy? So nice of you to call.
    Yes, I’m doing the butt check now.
    Yes, it’s there.
    Fodder for another month at least…

  • CilleyGirl:

    “Move a few inches to the right, honey, I need to lactate on the crops over here.”

  • Jenny E.:

    After years of pulling blog posts out of her own ass, Pie Near Woman was exhausted. Good thing she had another well of bullshit close to hand…

    • theresa:


  • After a few too many samples of Sangria at her “real” cowgirl party PNW stumbled outside to find MM only to get her $300 boots stuck in the mud.
    PNW: Honey I need help! My feet seemed to have gotten stuck in this pile of BS that is our life! I mean cow pucky.
    MM: Woman get unstuck yourself and fix me a butter sandwich! And get your face away from my coccyx already!

  • jane:

    Kiss my grits!

  • Bridget:

    What’s better than Easter Egg Hunt? A calf nut hunt. The Pie Near Woman shows off her keen powers of perception and checks Marlboro Man’s hiney knowing that he probably hid a calf nut or two betwixt his gorgeous cheeks.


    The Pie Near Woman says a visual aid is a great way to teach your homeschooled children new vocabulary words. Here the Pie Near Woman demonstrates the meaning of ephemeral. “The Marlboro Man’s fart are so ephemeral that in order to fully savor the odor. It is necessary to move in close.”


    Hey, it’s the ass that lays the golden eggs. Honey, I wish that you would just use my name.

  • Chris:

    “Honey, I know you liked that really spicy bean casserole I made last night…but the after-effects have ruined your chaps”

  • Chris:

    “Yes, honey, I AM smiling for the camera…but that doesn’t look like any lens I’ve ever seen…?”

  • Kathkin68:

    “Lawsie Mercy! I didn’t think the Spicy Dr. Pepper Pork would do THAT!”

  • “Oh, you can pull money out of your ass! Who knew?”

  • WVKay:

    No, baby, your head is not up your ass.

  • “X marks the spot, MWAH!”

  • Cassie C.:

    Ree, being stuck in this mud with you really chaps my ass!

  • ahhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont need no veggies; when i’m gots my sweet meat marlboro maaaaaaaaaaan! ( with a thick Southern accent)

    • MissTeach:

      Very, very far from the Southern dialect I trust you were attempting to illustrate…unless you really were trying to make a racially demeaning slur.

      • sorry no racial slurs meant. could have been thick from sleep, drink, tongue ring. dentist office drugs. sorry.

  • Lori:

    Ree goes in for another look, trying to determine why her husbands ass is resistant to numerous attempts to photoshop a little meat on those bones! Hmmm…. More bokeh to the chaps?

  • “What are you doing PNW? Blowing smoke up your ass as usual MM.”

  • Angie D:

    Ree aka The Ass Whisperer: gently REEassuring Ladd to bend over and smile like a donut because his ass is clearly so spankable and bankable.

  • JustPeachy:

    Dangit MM… my head is usually stuck up my own ass… but if you insist, I think it may just fit up yours…

  • Trudy:

    Ass, Gas or Grass….nobody rides for free

  • Sara:

    Marlboro Man Sharts.

  • Alesia:

    You have your chaps on, I have my Uggs on, we have to take a picture for the website! Ok stand with your ass toward me, clench it honey, clench it!

  • Dion:

    As my kids are fond of saying…”Is this the portal to Costco?”