Pie Near Woman and Why Didn’t I Ever Channel Elizabeth Taylor?

March 25th, 2011

Hi everyone!

It’s me!

Pie Near Woman!

Guess what!

Elizabeth Taylor died!

Oh my gosh!

So sad.

She was such an amazing woman.

So many accomplishments in her life.

She reminds me of me.

I keep wondering why I never channeled her.

I have channeled so many famous women – Lucille Ball, Sylvia Plath, Ethel Merman, Helen Reddy…

The way I write, the way I live, the way I hock high end merchandise and low end food products on the internet.  It’s all very reminiscent of most of the premiere artists of the 1950s-1980s.

So why did I never channel Elizabeth Taylor?

Is it because she wasn’t dead until yesterday?

I don’t think a person has to be dead to get channeled.

Helen Reddy isn’t dead yet.

Well… she’s sort of half dead.  You could probably describe her as ‘dead-ish’.  I mean she used to be like the most famous blogger… I mean SINGER in the world and then nothing.  When was the last time Helen Reddy crossed your mind? When was the last time you checked her blog to see if she had a new post up? See what I mean? That must be kind of like being dead. That must be why I can channel her.

I am woman, hear me roar.

In numbers too big to ignore

And I know too much to go back and pretend.

Isn’t that a great Helen Reddy song?

From back when she was still relevant.

Except that last line is confusing to me…

“I know too much to go back and pretend…”

Go back where?

Pretend what?

What is she talking about?

Maybe I am just channeling too much Elizabeth Taylor right now and can’t really intercept the whole half dead Helen Reddy vibe.

Or maybe I am just too grief stricken to understand anything very deep and meaningful.

I am in an abyss of sorrow

From which there is no tomorrow

And I know too much to go back and pretend…

I wrote that song just now.

It just popped into my head.

Like everything else I write.  It pops and I write it!  Pop!  Write!  Pop!  Write!  I am like an eternally busting balloon that instantly re-inflates!

Goodnight Elizabeth Taylor.

I will try and carry on your legacy and your balloon in the most ethereal way possible.

I wear these angel sleeves for you dear lady.

And also for me.

Because I look fabulous in them.

Pie Near


  • Jennine:

    omg ~gasps for air~ HELEN REDDY? Bwahahahahaha!

    Who does PW think she is? And why do I channel people like Tattoo from Fantasy Island, Nellie from Little House on the Prairie and housekeeper from The Jeffersons.

    You don’t hear me bragging.

    • Reehash:

      LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! I was already laughing from the post but your comment sent me over the edge.

  • Martha MC (EzGrandma in OK):

    Just the laugh I needed before bedtime. Thanks.

  • Mo:

    Did White Diamonds secretly sponsor you to write this post?!?!?!

    • Rechelle:

      White Diamonds…. Black Pearls…. you will buy some today and you won’t even know why.

      • Stella:

        Well, I am sure they are cheaper than a Kitchen Aid or Le Creuset!!!


  • Haley:

    I am not a PW follower so the parodies amuse me. One thing I couldn’t help but notice though. Some of the observations of her spending habits strike me in an odd way. I guess it is a matter of perspective but in my world a trip to Tulsa, tickets to a game ( I know how much they were charging for tickets) eating out, hotel, buying TOMS shoes would NOT be in my budget.

    • Rechelle:

      Well Haley – In my world – a trip to Tulsa, tickets to a game, eating out, hotel, and buying TOMS shoes is something that I do ONCE IN A WHILE WHEN I AM ON VACATION WITH MY FAMILY! But most of the time we subsist on grass and turnip greens while living in our rusted out van DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!!!

      • Haley:

        I was NOT being flip. I was just noting that everyone has a different budget! Her’s seems extravagant to you, your’s to me.
        Enjoy the greens.

        • Rechelle:

          Yes Haley – I bet it does. I bet you can hardly afford the computer you are typing on.

          And I think the word you meant to use was ‘flippant’.

          Ree Drummond has a strange penchant for showing off her obscene wealth sandwiched in between stories of being just a little old ranch wife from Oklahoma. For goodness sake she hauled water… once… in her suburban! And this made her a ‘pioneer woman?” She’s a phony Haley. And she is probably making you think that sour cream and cheese inside a fried corn tortilla smothered in canned tomato sauce is healthy vegetarian fare. She is a ditz wrapped inside a phony wrapped inside a conniving bitch. Find something better to do with your time.

          • Haley:

            Thank you for the grammer/spelling lesson and please read line one of my initial post. I said not a fan, am amused by your paradies, making an observation regarding what people consider costly,
            not being facetious.

          • Haley:

            Computer is at the library! FREE by the way!!!

          • Rechelle:

            Haley – You can be and say whatever you want about yourself on the internet. Your initial comment was an attempt to sway readers into a viewpoint where I am virtually the same as Ree Drummond. I have seen this over and over again and I know what it is when I see it. If you are sitting at a library on a computer right now – I am Mary the Mother of God.

          • Bridget:

            Holy shit, Rechelle you are Mary Mother of God. You can turn yourself into a religious attraction, nah side show. People would pay you for the privilege of getting to look upon your face. Oh wait. You are already doing this and this how you afford your extravagant rock and roll lifestyle. Not wait you afford it because your husband has figure out a way to scam the government. Just like Ree’s husband. You two are EXACTLY the same.

            Gotta go the library is closing. Gotta hop off my free computer.

        • Rechelle:

          Hayley – just did a search on your IP number and you come up as five different identities making comments on my blog – farm wife, Suzanna, empty nester yeehaw, paula and the latest incarnation of Hayley. Why not just stick with one? You wouldn’t by chance be some sort of cyber bully?

          • Wow, that was interesting. Five different identities! BUSTED!

          • theresa:

            That made me laugh! !!!

          • Spinny:

            Wow, I mean if she’s gonna use multiple identities, at least she could be smart enough to use the right one when acting like the library is kicking her out.

          • REEflux:

            thanks for outing the fake.
            Idiots…we are surrounded…

            Merely a *burp* away,

          • Wee Wee:

            She’s probably on PW’s payroll…

          • TXAggies:

            Geez, “Hayley” must be some sort of a SYBIL-BULLY … wonder what happened to her back in her childhood(s) … ???

  • Ann:

    Recsheen strikes again!

    • Rechelle:

      Humorless and judgeMENTAL Ann strikes again!

  • poppy:

    From the Helen Reddy wiki page:

    Within a year, Wald relocated Reddy and Traci to Los Angeles, where Wald was hired at Capitol Records, the label where Reddy was to attain stardom; however, Wald was hired and fired the same day.[10] Reddy became frustrated as Wald found success managing such acts as Deep Purple and Tiny Tim without making any evident effort to promote Reddy; after eighteen months of career inactivity, Reddy gave Wald an ultimatum: “he [must] either revitalize her career or get out…Jeff threw himself into his new career as Mr. Helen Reddy. Five months of phones calls to Capitol Records executive Artie Mogull finally paid off: Mogull agreed to let Helen cut one single if Jeff promised not to call for a month. She sang “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” from Jesus Christ Superstar…It became a hit” – #13 in June 1971 – “Helen Reddy was on her way.”[10]

    Could this be why Ree channels Helen Reddy?

  • Not many redheads could pull off that raspberry colored dress, but PNW looks smashing! Or smashed. Whichever!

    • Rechelle:

      Thanks for the outfits Kelley. I am still using them.

      • It’s fun for me, too, seeing what PNW is wearing. She looks stunning in all of them!

  • susan:

    I cannot get that blasted song ‘i am woman, hear me roar” out of my friggin’ head. Too funny Rechelle. Too bad the naesayers seem prevail. If they dont care for your humor, why do they visit? they must be like my mother was when she was alive. My mother THRIVED on holding onto anger and grudges.

    • REEflux:

      Susan- are we sisters??
      Oh, we can’t be. My mother is still alive.

      Merely a *burp* away,

  • scd:

    I don’t look at PW that often so I didn’t know if that was new or not about Helen Reddy when I checked in over there today, but I ran right over here to see if you had noticed that and you didn’t fail me! She also changed her avatar picture and I don’t like the new one (not that I loved the old one), but I just thought it was odd that she changed it. But not as odd as saying that she channels Helen Reddy.

  • PW has three different avatars: one for the blog, one for PW Twitter and yet another for Tasty Kitchen Twitter. I suspect it has something to do with the TV show and her various branding deals. Is an IPO for The Pioneer Woman OmniMedia far behind? Spare the world.





    • Mo:


    • Karen:

      Caps Lock, hon.

      You do know that you don’t actually HAVE to read each and every post that Rechelle writes, yes? And you do know that if something doesn’t interest you, you ARE allowed to skip it, right? Just checking…

      • Lane:

        I find this a little to funny because the writer of this blog obivously reads over every inch of PW’s blog. How sad to have PW’s blog take over your life like this and you constantly call her names and make fun of her family. It seems to me that Rachelle is obsessed 24/7. If you reportedly hate them so much why don’t you stop looking over at her blog? I hope you find some peace, being filled with hate should wear a person out.

        • Rechelle:

          Lane – yur commint is rilly rilly cool. Thenks for riting it. But if I red over every inch of PW’s blog I wood be brane ded, so I don’t theenk that is hapening. I only reed enuff to git enspired and then leeve before brane decay sets en.

          • Lee (sometimes known as Another Lee):


    • Wee Wee:

      Hi Gail,
      I’m really intrigued why you would feel compelled to take the time to come to this site to defend PW. And, since your post was in all capital letters (sorry, I just couldn’t help but notice that fact), you appear to be very passionate about coming to PW’s defense. Do you personally know PW or do you work for her? If not, do you go to other sites for other food personalities, such as Rachel Ray, to come to their defense as well? And, if not, what made you choose to defend PW? Do you feel like you have some sort of connection with her? It is very puzzling to me…

  • @ Gail

    Find another site honey, YOU’RE getting old.

  • Reeformed Addict:

    The wit of this blog and the comments keep me coming back for more. Have followed you for over a year and if I didn’t like what you said, I just moved on. To each their own. The image of a sheeple getting so worked up to post in all caps over PW… oy vey. They might not want to read your archives on your road to atheism. lol I didn’t post on the TOMS, so I’ll take the opportunity now to say that I loved your choice and nice gams, lady!

  • Melissa:

    I started reading this blog a long time ago-I discovered it by reading the book list. I thought I was the only one who laughed out loud at Betty MacDonald. Then I checked back and found out about House of Eliot, which I loved. The pWree thing isn’t my bag but it is sometimes amusing to see the reactions, the passionate REACTIONS, both coming and going. A dialog is never a bad thing. And I thought the Toms shoes were wonderful.

  • Amy:

    Ree Drummond was interviewed in Entertainment Weekly (2-25-11). The interviewer asked since it was announced last year that Columbia Pictures bought the rights to “Black Heels”, if Ree had heard of any updates regarding the project. She stated that Columbia Pictures has hired a screenwriter – Robert Harling who wrote “Steel Magnolias”.

  • nanne:

    that might be your best work to date!! so funny and dead on.

    i would love to see you do sarah palin.

  • I sent you a blog award! Check it out here if you’d like to accept – http://www.twinsplusone.com/2011/03/life-is-sweet.html


  • Martha MC (EzGrandma in OK):

    I don’t tweet but you weren’t alone in your grief yesterday afternoon. I felt your pain.