Browsing Archives for March 2011

I am absolutely terrified of flying.

I won’t!

You can’t make me.

I can’t!

I am shaking in my $300.00 Frye boots!

And also in my other pair of $300.00 Frye boots!

And also in my other pair of $300.00 Frye boots!!

That’s like $900.00 dollars of boots!

OMG!

I am so weeping!

And shivering!

And weeping!

I am sweating buckets of blood just like Jesus did when he flew off that cross at Calvary.

I used to fly all the time.

Hilton Head, New York City, L.A., Australia…

But then I got afraid.

And then I got even more afraid.

And scared

And afraid.

And scared.

And more afraid.


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Does my fear of flying keep me from boarding an airplane and traveling all over the US?

Lawsie Mercy NO!

Does it make me sound like I have no brain!

Help me Rhonda YES!!!!

What were we talking about?

Oh yes – The No Fly Zone in Libya!

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I am for it.

Because I want to appeal to all the Libyan people and get more Libyan readers!

But I am also against it.

Because Muammar Ghadaffi reads my blog.

Hi Muammar!

But I am also for the No Fly Zone – because helping!


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But I am also against it because my religious homeschooling militia group doesn’t believe in big government.

But I am for it because my homeschooling militia group could totally sell arms to the rebels for such an amazing fundraiser!

But I am also against it because our homeschooling militia group needs those arms to protect our children from the public schools.

But I am for it because it goes with my irrational fear of flying.

But I am against it because it goes with my irrational fear of being rational.

But I am for it because being for something is positive and upbeat and that is what I am all about!

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.But I am totally against it if you are!

But I am so for it if you are too!

In general – I say ‘no fly’ if it makes people adore you for keeping it real.

And then I say ‘fly’ if it involves hundreds of people waiting in line for your autograph!

I love politics!

Wonderfully Awful,

Pie Near




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Hi everyone!  It’s me!  The Pie Near Woman!  Did you recognize me in my nursemaid uniform?  This is what I wear when I home-school the punks.  It helps me to feel connected to my inner Laura Ingalls Wilder while simultaneously allowing me to breastfeed whenever I feel like it!  I love homeschooling!
But I also love teaching you – my readers – my friends – the only friends I have.
So today I am wearing my nursemaid uniform to home-school you about my favorite word…

FOIBLE!!!

We have so many foibles here on the ranch.

We are constantly doing foibles!

Look at me!

Look at me doing foibles!

I am such a foibler!

I foible all the time!

I love to foible!

Foibling is my life!!!

Foibles, foibles, FOIBLES!

I foible in the kitchen, I foible in the rain, I foible with my Charlie, I foible in great pain.

My breast they leak with foible, my IPhone loves me best, I foible with my camera and I foible with great zest.

I so love to foible!

And I love to DO foibles!

And foibles love to DO ME!!!!

But sometimes I get confused and in a hurry and I wreck the suburban into a fence so that I can have another foible and then I foible my way across America with my foible-full cookbook and foibling romance of a rich ranch dip wrapped inside  a creamy redheaded foible…

But then other times I get in a hurry and I accidentally write foible as FOYBULL.

Which makes me think of bullshit.

Which makes me think of my entire blog!

Which…

Which…

Which…

Never-mind.

Foible.

It is my favorite word.

It should be your favorite word too.

Because I said so.

Amen.

Goodbye forever!

Or at least until my next foible brings us back together!

The dining room has been converted into a greenhouse.

I started some seeds for the garden.

This year I purchased some organic seeds.

I still plan to buy some of my favorite seeds and a few plants at the garden center where I work, but thought it would be fun to experiment with a few interesting varieties as well as helping to preserve some heirloom plants.


I am all about the helping.

In my two years of gardening, I have both purchased young plants for my garden and I have grown my own plants from seed.  In my very limited experience, the plants I have grown from seed fare much better than the plants I have transplanted from greenhouse stock.  Maybe it’s because the seeds that I grow myself get used to neglect at a very early age.

The seeds are all potted up now.

All they have to do is grow.

Grow!

GROW!!!!!