Browsing Archives for March 2011

I am absolutely terrified of flying.

I won’t!

You can’t make me.

I can’t!

I am shaking in my $300.00 Frye boots!

And also in my other pair of $300.00 Frye boots!

And also in my other pair of $300.00 Frye boots!!

That’s like $900.00 dollars of boots!


I am so weeping!

And shivering!

And weeping!

I am sweating buckets of blood just like Jesus did when he flew off that cross at Calvary.

I used to fly all the time.

Hilton Head, New York City, L.A., Australia…

But then I got afraid.

And then I got even more afraid.

And scared

And afraid.

And scared.

And more afraid.



Does my fear of flying keep me from boarding an airplane and traveling all over the US?

Lawsie Mercy NO!

Does it make me sound like I have no brain!

Help me Rhonda YES!!!!

What were we talking about?

Oh yes – The No Fly Zone in Libya!




I am for it.

Because I want to appeal to all the Libyan people and get more Libyan readers!

But I am also against it.

Because Muammar Ghadaffi reads my blog.

Hi Muammar!

But I am also for the No Fly Zone – because helping!





But I am also against it because my religious homeschooling militia group doesn’t believe in big government.

But I am for it because my homeschooling militia group could totally sell arms to the rebels for such an amazing fundraiser!

But I am also against it because our homeschooling militia group needs those arms to protect our children from the public schools.

But I am for it because it goes with my irrational fear of flying.

But I am against it because it goes with my irrational fear of being rational.

But I am for it because being for something is positive and upbeat and that is what I am all about!




.But I am totally against it if you are!

But I am so for it if you are too!

In general – I say ‘no fly’ if it makes people adore you for keeping it real.

And then I say ‘fly’ if it involves hundreds of people waiting in line for your autograph!

I love politics!

Wonderfully Awful,

Pie Near


Hi everyone!  It’s me!  The Pie Near Woman!  Did you recognize me in my nursemaid uniform?  This is what I wear when I home-school the punks.  It helps me to feel connected to my inner Laura Ingalls Wilder while simultaneously allowing me to breastfeed whenever I feel like it!  I love homeschooling!
But I also love teaching you – my readers – my friends – the only friends I have.
So today I am wearing my nursemaid uniform to home-school you about my favorite word…


We have so many foibles here on the ranch.

We are constantly doing foibles!

Look at me!

Look at me doing foibles!

I am such a foibler!

I foible all the time!

I love to foible!

Foibling is my life!!!

Foibles, foibles, FOIBLES!

I foible in the kitchen, I foible in the rain, I foible with my Charlie, I foible in great pain.

My breast they leak with foible, my IPhone loves me best, I foible with my camera and I foible with great zest.

I so love to foible!

And I love to DO foibles!

And foibles love to DO ME!!!!

But sometimes I get confused and in a hurry and I wreck the suburban into a fence so that I can have another foible and then I foible my way across America with my foible-full cookbook and foibling romance of a rich ranch dip wrapped inside  a creamy redheaded foible…

But then other times I get in a hurry and I accidentally write foible as FOYBULL.

Which makes me think of bullshit.

Which makes me think of my entire blog!






It is my favorite word.

It should be your favorite word too.

Because I said so.


Goodbye forever!

Or at least until my next foible brings us back together!

The dining room has been converted into a greenhouse.

I started some seeds for the garden.

This year I purchased some organic seeds.

I still plan to buy some of my favorite seeds and a few plants at the garden center where I work, but thought it would be fun to experiment with a few interesting varieties as well as helping to preserve some heirloom plants.

I am all about the helping.

In my two years of gardening, I have both purchased young plants for my garden and I have grown my own plants from seed.  In my very limited experience, the plants I have grown from seed fare much better than the plants I have transplanted from greenhouse stock.  Maybe it’s because the seeds that I grow myself get used to neglect at a very early age.

The seeds are all potted up now.

All they have to do is grow.