Browsing Archives for March 2011

Portlandia

March 15th, 2011

I haven’t seen this show yet, but I have watched all the clips I can find. Cracking me UP!

Dear Charles,
 
Is it possible to be an atheist and still believe in the afterlife? I
was raised by atheist parents so I never really believed in God,
although I would question it from time to time. I recently started
believing in an afterlife though. I've been exposed to psychics that
communicate with the dead and they are so convincing. I've also heard
stories from people that have gotten signs or messages from their dead
loved ones. I realize there might be logical explanations for these
experiences, and maybe I am just trying to be optimistic about death
as I approach middle age, but these people have convinced me over time
to believe in life after death. Does that mean I have to believe in
God and Heaven? Can one exist without the other?
 
Thanks for your help,
Cloudy

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Dear Cloudy –

According to my dictionary, an atheist is one who denies the existence of god, and it seems to me that it is possible, although maybe a little unusual, to fit that definition and believe in an afterlife. I can’t see why the existence of an all-powerful god would be a necessary condition for the existence of a spiritual realm inhabited by a multitude of immortal souls. Although most believers in a god would argue that spiritual entities could not exist without having been created by that god, the majority of these same believers hold that god, himself a spiritual entity more complex and magnificent than any other, was not created.  If god doesn’t need to have been created, surely no form of consciousness does. In fact, it’s easier to imagine that many not-too-bright, not-too-powerful spiritual entities came into existence without being intelligently designed than it is to imagine that one omniscient, omnipotent being exists without having been brought into existence. In view of this consideration, your fledgling belief in a godless afterlife seems to me at least as reasonable as a belief in a god-supervised and -sustained afterlife.

And if immortal souls do exist, I’m sure there’s a perfectly paranormal explanation for them. Perhaps there are clouds of consciousness floating around somewhere out there, and perhaps every so often a certain part of a consciousness cloud starts to feel it doesn’t really have that much in common with the rest of the cloud so it strikes out on its own, and perhaps it then gets bored just floating around being conscious without anything to challenge its views and perceptions, so perhaps it then joins a queue of immortal souls waiting to install themselves in babies as they’re born, and perhaps it sticks with whatever body it enters until that body breathes its last, and then perhaps it floats around a bit until it gets bored again, at which point it rejoins the queue, and perhaps it’s annoyed when it’s summoned by a psychic to speak to friends and relatives of the person whose body it most recently inhabited because it has to lose its place in line to answer the call. Or, perhaps we’ve just evolved to a point where a brand new immortal soul is part of the package nature gives us at birth, and perhaps that soul separates from the body at death to rove the universe or perhaps settle in with a community of other souls. And these are just a couple of possibilities; there are at least two or three more.

If these psychics you’ve been exposed to are actually communicating with the dead, a good way to find out if there’s a god involved in the afterlife would be to ask the dead, who really should know. With this rampant communication with the dead going on, it’s hard to fathom why we don’t have a fairly clear picture of what the afterlife is like. What kinds of questions have been asked of the dead in the psychic sessions you’ve witnessed or participated in? What kinds of things do the dead like to talk about when they get to choose the topic? I watched a few clips of television psychics (John Edward and Sylvia Browne) on YouTube and was unable to find a clip where the dead revealed anything that was not already known by the person to whom the psychic was relaying the information (e.g., Psychic: “Your husband has asked me to acknowledge the wart on your left thigh.” Sobbing widow [amazed]: “I DO have a wart on my left thigh!”), except for a couple of clips in which Sylvia Browne volunteered extra information that it turns out couldn’t have been true. The information presented in the clips seems like it would be less than useful to any interested party. If you’re aware of an instance in which a psychic relayed detailed information from the dead that couldn’t have been known by the living but was subsequently confirmed to be true, please see if the dead have told that psychic anything about the afterlife and let us know what you find out.

Hoping to see you on the Other Side,

Charles

Hi everyone!

It’s me!

The Pie Near Woman!

I am going to take a break from my website to catch up on homeschooling my kids because I haven’t had much time over the past four years to teach them due to the amazing success of ME!  And nothing is more important to me than my punks and their education!  And if I can’t give it to them – nobody will!

Okay?

So I am going to take a little break!

But I will be back!

Love you more’n my luggage!

Love you!

So Love You!

Please promise that you will be here when I get back!

Please don’t leave me!

I am so afraid you are going to leave!

Say that you won’t leave me!

SAY IT!!!!!

SAY YOU WON’T LEAVE!!!!

Just stay right there at your computer and don’t move until I get back.

DON’T MOVE!

Just re-load my page over and over again.

Kay bye!

BYE!

I am going now!

I am leaving.

Are you still there?

Okay – that was just a test.

I am really leaving this time.

No, really.

I am going.

I am leaving.

Love you!

BYE!

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Tap, tap tap this thing on?

Hey everyone!

It’s me Pie Near Woman!

I’m back from my homeschooling break!

I know!

You almost gave up on me didn’t you!

BUT HERE I AM!!!!

I SO MISSED YOU!

AND I SO MISSED ME TELLING YOU HOW AWESOME I AM SO YOU COULD TELL ME HOW AWESOME I AM TOO!!!!!

It’s like a circle isn’t it?

The circles of my life!

We keep circling back to the circles of my life don’t we?

Did you miss me while I was gone?

But sometimes a little time apart can be a good thing.

Because guess what!

While I was gone I totally remembered how awesome I am at homeschooling!

OMG!

I am SO, so, so, so, SO,SO, SO, AWESOME AT HOMESCHOOLING!

So I dashed off a quick list of how to be an amazing homeschooler like me!

Enjoy!!!!

1.  Only Homeschool your kids when you FEEL like it!  And mostly I don’t feel like it because my children are not very good at continually stoking my ego like you guys are plus I am not type A!  But everyone has to do unpleasant things once in a while.  For instance – one time, I threw up all over my flowy top and then I had to wear it on the Paula Deen show!  I smelled pretty awful.  That’s why Paula is standing so far away from me.

2. Shopping! I love shopping!  Fortunately for me, homeschooling is mostly about shopping!  Markers, gel pens, and cute little metal organizer bins with chalk board labels from Pottery Barn Kids!  And bunk beds and dressers and armoires from Maine Cottage!  And vintage style desks, and chairs and sofas from Restoration Hardware!  And the most amazing table linens from Crate and Barrel! And cookware from William Sonoma!  Don’t even get me started on the light fixtures from PB Teen!  Not to mention the jewelry and baby items from Etsy!  Shopping is absolutely critical to my homeschooling success.

3. Purity. One of the biggest reasons that I home-school the punks is to keep them pure and untainted from all the satanic influences in the public schools.  Instead of teaching them about evolution (or as I like to call it, EVILution) we sit down at the TV and watch a marathon of The Real Housewives of Orange County together!  And then we watch American Chopper!  And then we watch The Bachelor!  You should see how pure my kids are! They literally look like they are made of marble and their eyes glow with what can only be described as evangelical fanaticism!

4. Latin. I teach my kids Latin because this is the language of the Pope and also of Jesus and also of all the illegals.  Teaching my kids Latin will enable them to speak to their own illegals someday.  Also – they will be able to talk to God in His native tongue.


5. Blogging! I mostly home-school because it helps my brand.  If you are ever in the market for people who will believe anything you tell them – look no further than Chreeschin home-schoolers!  Holy Shiites!  All you have to do is tell them that you home-school your punks, bake something with butter in it, mention going to church or prayer or something holy-ish sounding, talk a lot about how much you love your husband and how badly you want another baby and then give them a chance to win a fancy mixer!  You know that bible verse where Jesus said something about sheep being the dumbest animals of all time?  He was not even joking!

Besides!

I love helping!

In my own quiet way.

Helping, Caring and Finding contentment – this is the essence of me.

Like I always tell my kids…

Don’t you dare grow up on me you sweet little punkin heads!

Because mommy has in no way prepared you for the real world!

Love ya more than my pie nie diddly widdly doo dah day!

Pie Near