Browsing Archives for March 2011

Selling The Mule Train Man

March 29th, 2011

I got an email from an artist representative.  This person wanted to obtain the rights to my photo of Mule Train Man so that the artist he/she represents could paint him and then sell this painting and the subsequent prints.  In exchange for obtaining the rights to my photo, I was offered a print of the eventual painting.  I thought that sounded kind of cool, so I agreed.  Then I got a contract and it contained the artist’s name.  So I googled the artist and found out that this artist sells prints on Wal-Mart dot com and a lot of other places too.  And suddenly my little mule train man photo seemed to be worth a lot more than just one little print.

So I emailed the artist representative back and told him that things had changed and I was going to need some type of actual payment for my photo and I actually asked for a very small percentage of the sales, which might seem cockeyed crazy puffs to you, but as a former songwriter, this is the business format with which I am most familiar.

And then I asked for another very small percentage to go to Kiva because I actually am cockeyed crazy puffs.

And then the representative emailed me back.

But I can’t open that email.

Because I feel like such a knife wielding lunatic!  Who am I to insist on payment for my photo?  Who do I think I am?  Who am I to ask that a portion of the profits to to charity?  Good Gawd!  So now I am freaking out about opening that e-mail.  Here is what I imagine it might say…

Dear Rechelle,

Who do you think you are?  You are clearly a knife wielding lunatic.  We are no longer interested in doing business with you.  Adios Freakazoid!

Signed,

The only artist representative that will ever ever contact you ever ever EVER about painting one of your photos in a million bajillion years.

So that is my sad story of the day.

Dia de la historia de muy, muy triste… or something like that.

Regret and anxiety over the contents of my inbox (as per usual),

Rechelle

I have been working on a new project.  A project that I thought about doing two years ago and then talked myself out of it and then waffled and waffled and debated and hesitated and balked and finally a few weeks ago I decided to go ahead and do it.  I only hope that it turns out to be more exciting that the first sentence of this post.

In other news – I tried to be a vegan.

And I failed.

It was the whole cheese/dairy/egg thing that killed it for me.

I don’t know how to eat food without milk, eggs and cheese.  And then there’s the sugar!  Did you know that animal bones are used in the bleaching process of sugar?  Did you know that honey is basically bee spit?  Did you know that some vegans refuse to eat white sugar, brown sugar and honey because of this?

Did you know that when I became a vegetarian, baked goods became one of the central pleasures of my life?  And then when I became a vegan, baked goods suddenly became excruciatingly painful to acquire or bake myself?  Not impossible, but really, really hard.  I checked out a couple of vegan cookbooks at the library to learn how to bake without eggs and milk and butter, but then I got sidetracked by a recipe for cheese made from nuts.  Did you know that you can make cheese from nuts?  I wonder it if is any good?  Because I really love nuts and cheese from nuts actually sounds pretty good to me.

When I first decided to give veganism a try, I emailed Dear Charles and I told him my plan.  My hope was to somehow ‘one-up’ him as Charles became a vegetarian years before me.   But since I figured that it was going to be hard to give up all foods derived from animals, I decided to confine my veganism experiment to Monday – Thursday and revert back to regular old vegetarianism on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Did you get that?  Should I somehow create a flow chart?  Because if I were you and I was reading a blog and they had just told me that they were going to be a vegan on Monday thru Thursday and then a regular vegetarian on Friday, Saturday and Sunday I think I may have located the nearest butter knife and screwed it straight into my temple until all was silence and black.

But that was my plan and to my utter delight, Dear Charles answered back saying that he too would be willing to be a vegan on the aforementioned days and then also revert to regular old vegetarianism on the other aforementioned days.  But then I failed almost as soon as I started because suddenly it was morning of the first day of my vegan experiment and I was not about to endure a cup of coffee without some half and half and then there was the butter for my toast and the milk for my oatmeal and the eggs for my pie-hole! Breakfast is impossible for vegans!

But lunch and dinner are not nearly as difficult.

Unless I was confronted with a delicious looking slice of pizza!

So then I decided to be a vegan for lunch and dinner (unless it was delicious looking pizza or a fabulous baked good) and be a regular old vegetarian for breakfast.

Are you looking for that butter knife again?

I think I will leave Charles out of my new (vegetarian at breakfast, vegan at lunch and dinner) plan because he emailed me back a week or two later and told me that he did not have any problems at all with his attempt at veganism.  So I decided that I am no longer speaking to Dear Charles. His arrogance is simply intolerable!  I had no ideas that part-time vegans could be such braggarts!

Hi everyone!

It’s me!

Pie Near Woman!

Guess what!

Elizabeth Taylor died!

Oh my gosh!

So sad.

She was such an amazing woman.

So many accomplishments in her life.

She reminds me of me.

I keep wondering why I never channeled her.

I have channeled so many famous women – Lucille Ball, Sylvia Plath, Ethel Merman, Helen Reddy…

The way I write, the way I live, the way I hock high end merchandise and low end food products on the internet.  It’s all very reminiscent of most of the premiere artists of the 1950s-1980s.

So why did I never channel Elizabeth Taylor?

Is it because she wasn’t dead until yesterday?

I don’t think a person has to be dead to get channeled.

Helen Reddy isn’t dead yet.

Well… she’s sort of half dead.  You could probably describe her as ‘dead-ish’.  I mean she used to be like the most famous blogger… I mean SINGER in the world and then nothing.  When was the last time Helen Reddy crossed your mind? When was the last time you checked her blog to see if she had a new post up? See what I mean? That must be kind of like being dead. That must be why I can channel her.

I am woman, hear me roar.

In numbers too big to ignore

And I know too much to go back and pretend.

Isn’t that a great Helen Reddy song?

From back when she was still relevant.

Except that last line is confusing to me…

“I know too much to go back and pretend…”

Go back where?

Pretend what?

What is she talking about?

Maybe I am just channeling too much Elizabeth Taylor right now and can’t really intercept the whole half dead Helen Reddy vibe.

Or maybe I am just too grief stricken to understand anything very deep and meaningful.

I am in an abyss of sorrow

From which there is no tomorrow

And I know too much to go back and pretend…

I wrote that song just now.

It just popped into my head.

Like everything else I write.  It pops and I write it!  Pop!  Write!  Pop!  Write!  I am like an eternally busting balloon that instantly re-inflates!

Goodnight Elizabeth Taylor.

I will try and carry on your legacy and your balloon in the most ethereal way possible.

I wear these angel sleeves for you dear lady.

And also for me.

Because I look fabulous in them.

Pie Near