Tutu Shopping on Ebay

January 11th, 2011

Him – What are you doing?

Me – You don’t want to know.

Him – Yes I do.  What are you doing?

Me – Trust me.  You really don’t want to know what I am doing right now.

Him – Yes.  Yes I do.  Tell me what you are doing.

Me – *sigh*    Okay.  I am shopping for barbie sized toy horses on Ebay for a new Pie Near Woman post about the wild mustangs and the Bureau of Land Management which I think is going to be called the Circle of Life and will hopefully depict the absurd nature of moving horses from public land to private land in order to enrich cattle ranchers on both ends and I am also looking for a new barbie sized tutu because Pie Near Woman’s got burnt and melted when I was photographing her making Jello for the Throwdown with Bobby Flay and I think she looks a bit too disheveled these days to represent the millionaire ranch wife that she is supposed to be.

Him – Oh….  Well… why don’t you just shop at a local toy store?

Me – You mean the local toy store that doesn’t exist?

Him – Yes.  That one.


  • Mo:

    Oh please find some kind of flowy empire waisted bird-flower-print shirt for PNW barbie to wear. Please please please.

    BETTER YET, find one, buy it, never wear it, then ask if any of us want it.

    • What she said!

      • Kait:

        Ditto! Or is that Ditto Ditto?

    • Rechelle:

      Ha ha ha! I laughed out loud on that one.

  • Cherie:

    Pie Near Woman theater almost makes me want to take up sewing Barbie costumes for you…

    • Me, too!

      Just let us know, Rechelle! :o)

  • Samantha:

    Rechelle, I found myself in the craft store looking through the toy animal section for a bassett hound for Pie Near Woman theater but had no luck. I’ll keep trying.

    • Rechelle:

      I did find some basset hounds on Ebay. Hopefully they will arrive soon.

  • I would love to hear CD’s thoughts on Pie Near Woman.

  • taylor5622:

    Don’t forget the Rothschild Bird China, Barbie-size of course. Food always looks better on Herend. After all, Pie Near Woman deserves the best BLM’s money can buy.

    Keepin’ it real.

  • annmarie:

    Okay, now I will be coming over here 50 times a day to see if the post is up. I can’t wait! Oh, and she wrote a post on her hopme and beauty site about Uggs today and it got 400 comments! 400 comments about Uggs!!! Help me Rhonda, my hiney can’t take the tingle anymore!!!!! WHY?WHY do I continue to read her???? WHY?????

    • Bridget:

      Ann Marie: I need help too. I am so glad that we have Rechelle’s website as a place to gather and talk about our love/hate of PW. I can’t believe the amount of comments that she gets for posts that are just bullshit. It makes me brain hurt. Also all the praise and fawning that her readers do is unreal.

      I have a life. Sort of. Being a returning college student only allows me so much time and money to do things, but maybe if I had more of a life I wouldn’t be so into the PW site. But rechelle and her readers strike me as having lots of life, so maybe that has nothing to do with it. I just want to understand what is at the root of all of this craziness and what is it at the root of PW worship. My nether regions are aching with all these questions. I better go don my holely yoga pants and they are indeed holy because Jesus blessed them last night when he visited me and told me that I must stand strong against my PW obsession. You can do it too. I will pray for all of us.

      • eclecticdeb:

        Only the POSITIVE comments are posted, so what you see is kinda skewed. I’m so over her –

      • taylor5622:

        Have any of you read the tweets from PW’s followers? This one made me want to hurl:

        “I got a tweet from @passionista & @thepioneerwoman today … my day is complete :) …”
        Tweeted by Lady_grrrr Tues 11 Jan 19:52 via web

        Seriously, the American Psychiatric Assoc. needs to amend the DSM adding a category for “PW Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder”.

        Guys, if you haven’t registered on Twitter, do so. We need to promote Rechelle’s blog big time. Hopefully we can save a few lost souls from PW’s kool-aid.

        Keepin’ it real.

    • Rechelle:

      I have yet to get the horses and holy moly – there’s a lot of information to try to distill. So unbunch your panties – it’s gonna be a while.

  • Martha in Kansas:

    Rechelle, do you have Orscheln or a Farm Supply store? They usually have plastic farm animals that would be about the right size.

    Silly me. My mind of course goes to sewing her a new tutu and a floaty top! I do have lots of tulle, if you want.

    • Rechelle:

      Martha – Would LOVE to have a custom tutu make my Martha! If you have time. I will check out Orschlens.

      • I have some barbie clothes that were made back in the 70s. If you ever want PieNear Woman to do a Grey Gardens fashion show, I can hook you up!

      • Martha in Kansas:

        Tutus are so easy! This sent me to digging in my garage sale finds where I have several colors of tulle. PNW is messy and tends to burn her clothing, so she’ll have a change. And, most exciting, I found what appears to have been a beaded scarf that will make a lovely tunic with beading I think. Craft sewing! Now, where did my old Barbies go for a fitting?

        • Rechelle:

          PNW is so excited! She loves tailor made clothing THE MOST!

  • I can’t wait for this “Shiny” new episode!

  • Rechelle please oh please put some butter in it, because EVERYTHING is better with butter.

    Yeah I’m still trying to figure out the whole wild mustang conservation out of the goodness of our hearts but the BOLM and Nature Conservatory is going to pay us $$$$ to feed the wild horses and a few of our cows too.

  • Spinny:

    The Dollar Tree around here sometimes has plastic toy horses about that size.

    BTW, does Pie Near Barbie wear enough Pat Benatar black eyeliner?

  • Bridget:

    I am loathe to make a suggestion to a creative genius such as yourself, but again I am compelled by Jesus to say something. But I hope at some point you can work in the website’s urr I mean Ree’s strange fascination with her brother in law.

  • Just Me:

    Heck just roll her in butter. That wil be costume enough. ;-)

  • Just Me:

    on second thought, mmmm – sprinkle some salt and pepper on

  • Lori:

    search Breyer Horses
    You can also buy tubes of horses at the farm store (at least you can out west)

    It might blow the top of your head off , but read it in it’s entirety…….

    • Rechelle:

      Top of my head already missing from the stuff I have read on the BLM, but thanks Lori. I will read it today.

    • Kait:

      I can’t not even tell you the way my mind whirled when I saw “tubes of horses” . I thought perhaps it was some artificial insemination program or something. Then I THINK I got it – little plastic horses right? Please say I am right.

      • Lori:

        you are right. I found some tubed horses but it included pigs and chickens, none of which will fit in your production.

  • Lori:

    I have four horses, complete with the BLM brand on the left neck, to contribute to your project. Where do I send them?

    Here is a link about the BLM wild horse and burro program


    You might be careful looking at this – you’re head might explode.

    Glad to help!

  • Lori:

    What is almost as sad/pathetic/stupid as the BLM’s wild horse ‘project’ is that there are no horse slaughter plants in the US.
    Before you get all hot and bothered and take up for the ‘poor horses’ read me out.
    There is a huge export market for horse meat, a market the United States no longer has. Opening this market won’t cure the recession but hey, it can only help!

    There are those in the US who have a taste for horse meat.
    I don’t possess that taste but that’s not to say I would not eat horsemeat if I were hungry enough.

    In this economy there a need for someplace to take unwanted, uneeded horses. Yes. You heard me. Unwanted horses. Or if you prefer, horses that can no longer be taken care of by their owners. Or horses that were bred purely for the ‘let’s see what we get’ factor and are physically unsound. Or horses that people thought they wanted but could not ride/catch/handle/ etc and now realize they have an animal that is really useless to anyone and don’t know what to do with it.

    Horse slaughter used to be for old horses and outlaw horses.
    It is not that case now. There are THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of horses in our country that cannot be cared for by their owners. They cannot afford to feed them and cannot afford to euthanize them OR if they can, cannot find a landfill to take the carcass. So, they do one of several things with the horses:
    1) they starve the horse until it’s health is compromised to the point of no return and someone comes along and ‘rescues’ that horse whose misery is prolonged in a little 8×8 pen. Or, the horse dies a horrible death.
    2)The horse is not any good for anything. That means it’s never been taught manners or trained to do anything so it is a mean ass menace. It cannot be sold to be used. Trained, using horses are cheap. Why bother with a horse that may or may not be rehab’d? So the owner resorts to item number one OR they turn the horse loose, complete with halter, in someone else’s pasture for them to care for that horse. Unique, huh? Note: Pasture ornaments are expensive…..as expensive as horses that can and are used.
    3) Or, people decide to return their horse, who they can’t afford to feed, that most likely cannot be used and has no manners, to the wild ‘where it belongs’ and haul it somewhere to public lands and TURN IT LOOSE with the shoes still on and wearing the halter. How Disney can you get? IF the person is smart enough to find BLM ground where wild horses run (which the numbers are staggering as it is) that horse is not accepted in the herd. Two horses fighting is an awful, noisy site; it’s even worse if one horse does not know how to defend itself. Alpha herd horse are cruel and the loser suffers. If the horse avoids/survives the herds, you have to remember, it has no survival skills and usually dies of thirst because it does not know that water running in a river or creek is the same thing as what’s in the trough at home and won’t drink.
    This my friends, is why a US slaughter facility is necessary.

    However gruesome the aftermath may be, the killing floor in a USDA monitored slaughter house is much more humane than a horse starving to death or being abused beyond belief.

    Help me off my soapbox please…I have a bum knee that don’t work so good……

  • Lori:

    Oh. When you depict the cattle ranchers grazing public lands, let me and mine stay, m’kay?
    My great grandfather and his brothers were the first to file for a grazing permit in the Greys River area (south of Jackson hole) in the late 1800s. I promise. We have taken very good care of that ground or they would not let us come back. ‘(Holistic’ and Riparian Areas’ are our watch words, words we live by because if we didn’t, well, our cows would grow nice fat calves (which you don’t eat anymore…) and we, after 125 years, would be out of business.)
    And, a wild horse would HATE that country; very steep and rocky and lots of timber.
    Thank you
    Your ranching friend from Utah, who has a box of barbie size horses, ready to ship to you as soon as she gets an address for the PW project,

  • Lori:

    that should read ‘wouldn’t grow nice fat calves….meant for market and the american consumers’
    Oh, we have a couple of mean cows who get mad, but there is no mad cow in our herd.
    Thank you

  • Lori:

    I have some horses for you, complete with the BLM Brand on the left neck. Where do I send them?
    Contributing to your ‘project’ is an honor…..

    Here’s a link about the the BLM Wild Horse and Burro Program.
    Be careful….


  • Lori:



    Here is the link that will take the top of your head off.