Ree Nails Another Painfully Awkward Interview, Pie Near Woman Comes To The Rescue!

January 25th, 2011

This one may make your eyeballs bleed. It starts out excruciatingly slow with slides of the same old photos we’ve seen thousands of times and just when you are about to fall headlong into a coma from which there is no return, the narrator begins to quote Ree’s new romance novel…

“The ranch was so removed from any semblance of society. It was easy to completely forget that society even existed, let alone a society brimming with traffic, hustle and bustle and stress. I found it so easy to think clearly.”

I don’t know who was in charge of editing this book, but using the word ‘society’ three times and the word ‘easy’ two times in the same paragraph seems a tiny bit redundant to me. Call me crazy, but could Ree not locate an online thesaurus?  Or how about re-work those sentences jut a bit?

In order to help Ree with her next book which I imagine will be called Black Heels to Tractor Wheels to Unending Spiels and Big Bloggy Deals, I am going to suggest a few simple synonyms for the words society and easy.  That way, she can keep her mind focused on more pressing matters – like taking twenty two thousand photos of Charlie lying on the couch.

“The ranch was so removed from anything resembling civilization. It was easy to completely forget that the world even existed, let alone a non-stop jungle brimming with traffic, hustle and bustle and stress.  I could relax and think clearly.

Now we just need to switch out the uber cliche of the phrase – ‘brimming with traffic, hustle and bustle and stress.” because blah.

How about this?

Let alone a non-stop jungle swinging on the vines of it’s own exhaust.

Now let’s just re-do the entire paragraph…

“The ranch was so removed from anything resembling civilization. I could almost forget that the world even existed, let alone a non-stop jungle swinging on the vines of its own exhaust. The air was clear. The sky was blue.  I could see.  I could breathe.  I could hear myself think.”

There!

Isn’t that better!

Can a jungle swing on the vines of it’s own exhaust?

Who cares!  It’s better!

Next up Ree answers some questions, but her answers are totally boring, so I dragged Pie Near Woman out to give them a little flavor!

.

Interviewer – Fill in the blank.  A cowgirl cannot live without…?

PNW – A millionaire cowboy husband, A Nikon D 700 SLR, a Canon EOS 1 Ds Mark III Digital SLR, a macro lens, a micro lens, a micro/macro/micro lens, a closet full of never to be worn designer clothes, a sequined mini, a gilded lily, a designer dog named Charlie, imported mascara, botox, a Kitchen-Aid mixer in every color of the rainbow, enough Jadeite to turn Martha Stewart green, an absurd collection of flowy tops in every obnoxious print under the sun, enough Spanx to feed the world, Limoges, Two MacBook Pros for each residence (guest house, other guest house, other guest house, the lodge, each suburban and the main house), a gardener, a nanny, a private tutor for each punk, a jet, an airport, and a housekeeper named Tia Juana who lives in the basement, does all the cooking and ghostwrites my best sellers!

Interviewer – What is the most romantic thing Marlboro Man has ever done for you?

PNW – Funded my rise to internet stardom.

Interviewer – What’s the most romantic thing you have ever done for Marlboro Man?

PNW – Let him have the hind milk.

Interviewer – Where’s the location of your most memorable kiss?

PNW – With MM?

Interviewer – Uh…

PNW – And do you mean me on him or him on me?

Interviewer – I mean where was the kiss?  What was the location?

PNW – Well it wasn’t on the lips sister!   And I won’t ever forget it!  The branding iron sort of made that impossible anyway!

Interviewer – Um… Maybe we should move on.  Why are chaps so sexy?

PNW – Are you a total dumbass?  I mean isn’t it kind of obvious?  Do you want me to put it on a pie chart or something?

Interviewer – I guess you’re right.  The way they showcase certain vital regions on a man’s anatomy…

PNW – What?  No!  It’s the BUCKLES you idiot!  All those straps and buckles.  They totally make me lactate.

Interviewer – Okay… Um… Paula Dean or Bobby Flay?

PNW – Bobby! Bobby!  Bobby!  My bags swell to the fullness of the land just thinking of him!  And honey!  We gotta lotta land!

Interviewer – Would you rather be forced to give up meat or give up butter?

PNW – Ooooooh! Who’s doing the forcing? Is it Marlboro Man? So boring!  How about Trisha Yearwood? I think she has all the markings of an excellent dominatrix.  Is Bobby forcing me? Can he beat me with a wire whisk first?  OMG!  I am so LEAKING!  Someone get me a dishcloth!  Not that shitty one!  The nice one from Williams Sonoma!  JESUS!

Interviewer – Favorite thing about country life?

PNW – The internet.

Interviewer – You’re stranded with nothing to do but read a book. What book would you want to have with you?

PNW – Where am I stranded?

Interviewer – Uh…

PNW – Can I be stranded at a Starbucks?

Interviewer – Sure…So what are you reading at Starbucks?

PNW – I am wearing a flowy top embroidered in pure gold by the hands of twenty seven Chinese children, expensive complicated heels with thousands of buckles and straps adorn my perfectly pedicured feet, my long red hair that is actually dark brown is hanging down my back in a lush tangle of Nelly Olsen curls… I have angel sleeves… there are a twenty three bracelets on my left arm and fourteen necklaces around my neck.  My earrings feature owls mating with the most adorable chihuahuas…

Interviewer – Not wearing!… ReadingWhat are you Reading!

PNW – I’m not reading anything. I’m modeling my outfit for Starbucks!

Interviewer – But the question that I asked you is what are you reading while you are stranded at Starbucks?

PNW – I’m watching T.V.

Interviewer – There isn’t a T.V. at Starbucks.

PNW – Then I’ll just get my coffee to go!

Interviewer – You can’t! The doors are locked, there’s no T.V., the only thing you can do is read. What are you reading.

PNW – The menu?

Interviewer – It has to be a book. You must be reading a book. What is the book?

PNW – Does People magazine count?

Interviewer – No. A real book.  Like one of your own books.

PNW – I can read my own book?

Interviewer – Is that what you would read?

PNW – Yes!

Interviewer – Which one?

PNW – How many do I have?

Interviewer – Sigh.  Let’s move on to the final question. What are you most looking forward to with your upcoming book tour?

PNW – My fawning zombie fans who laugh on command and being near a Starbucks with no books!

Interviewer – Do you have any closing remarks?

PNW – Ooooh!  I have been practicing and practicing this one!  How does this sound?  I always thought that happiness was friends, having things to do and places to go and Broadway shows, but now I realize that happiness is really about being a famous blogger. That’s how you get contentment… and also love… which I love my husband very much… even though I am stuck on this shitty ranch in the middle of nowhere I still have contentment and love and millions of rabid fans and also millions of dollars! That is how you find contentment.  Love ya more’n my luggage!

Comments

  • theresa:

    That interview reminds me…..my 5th grade daughter needs to finish her “interview” project. Holy crap, the budget for that thing must have almost covered the cost of gas to get to the ranch.

  • Seriously? She compared picking meat or butter to picking one of her kids? I can’t stand her. I want to say a bunch of nasty things but I will BE NICE and keep them to myself.

    • Bridget:

      Right after that question was asked, I said oh this must be a Sophia’s choice moment for Ree. Meat or Butter? Meat or Butter. A funny person would have made a sophia’s choice joke, but not our girl. Instead she picked it as the book she would read. I guess her saying that giving up butter or meat was like asking between to children. Made the connection in her brain to the book.

      Her kids don’t help her sell cookbooks are get her hits her recipe page, so it is easy to see how she could make the compasrsion. My kids or the stuff that makes me money. She was way too overly dramatic with that answer.

      I seem to be rambling and babbling and making little sense. Please forgive me the evening is late and i took a sleeping pill. That would be considered a dicey comment on PW’s site. I am glad that it isn’t here.

      Feel free to say nasty things if you need two get the out, but only if it will help. We are here to support you.

      • She is ugly, fake and makes my skin craw. Phew. Now that I got that out of my system, I can go on with my day.

  • You forget the part about posing on the porch in a position designed to try to minimize the “jiggly” thighs and possibly poochy tummy. Looks to me as though PW has the sort of face that balloons with weight gain!

  • susan:

    She also has a shit slew of Le Creuset expensive as crap French made casserole dishes. I would love to have just one but my $45 Lodge brand from Kroger will do. I noticed early on lack of reading on her part. But she has time for all the crappy tv shows like ‘Housewives living in nether regions’. And the movies she chooses to watch seem to be dribble. What crap.

  • Jody:

    She comes off as so non-genuine, so shallow, so non-believable,, it just makes me utterly sick to look at her. I wouldn’t want to know her. Ugh.

    I’ll say it again. She’s been a great marketer of her blog/book/etc.
    But you know what? Even if she was to ADMIT she was rich and totally self-obsessed, while it would be more honest, I would still be turned off by her. I just don’t like the way she looks or the vibes she gives off – read ‘Blink’ by Malcolm Gladwell for a crystal clear explanation.
    I love your making fun of her :)

  • DirtyKSmama - Nikki:

    Brilliant interview, Rechelle! I can’t bring myself to watch the video.

    “Someone get me a dishcloth! Not that shitty one! The nice one from Williams Sonoma! JESUS!”
    I started snorting with laughter at this sentence, and will probably have it stuck my head the rest of the day, laughing at innappropriate times.

    • Kay in KCMO:

      Yes! I was just going to post that very thing!

  • FL Liz:

    Yep – pretty bad interview. Aside from equating her kids to items you eat, her romantic things being wanting/having children is straight from romance novels. I can see her as a teenager, on her princess bed in the house on the golf course, reading romance books. I loved your editing her paragraph. SO much better !!!

    • Shay in NZ:

      Hey! As an unashamed Romance reader I am offended that Tractor Wheels is in any way likened to a romance novel. It’s nothing more than a self indulgent work of “memoir” cleverly published to leverage financially off the blog sheeple (or should they be Reeple?) I’d call her a marketing genius, but I doubt that she actually thought of it herself.

      Good romance writing inspires, entertains and uplifts. It features interesting characters who show a well defined character arc/growth and treats its readers with respect.

      Ain’t nothin’ of that goin’ on in Tractor Spiels.

  • annmarie:

    I was thinking of you on my walk this morning because before I went on my walk I tortured myself by going on PW and reading her Ladies Home Journal thing and I started yelling at the computer and my kids wanted to know why and then I left for my walk and did some soul searching and just was hoping beyond hope that today would be a pie near woman day and sure enough it was. I don’t know what to say except for that in the thing I read today that was in LHJ, which I guess is from her book, she says she grew up in a town of 35,000 and when she got engaged to MM people from her small town,( wait, didn’t she grow up in a huge town), but anyway everyone from her small town was talking about it. I mean she could hear everyone talking about her engagement because how was this gal from the big city, I mean small city, going to live on a ranch, because yes, the 35,000 people from her big/small town were all THAT interested in Ree and that’s why she could hear everyone talking about this huge news. I can’t stand her and the worst part is that I am Catholic and unlike you I have God nagging me about my hatred. I am not saying this to you to be a judgemental ass, I am just saying that as someone who once believed in God you must know what I mean by that. I don’t know – I just can’t stand how phoney she is. It offends me deeply. Her materialistic phoney ways offend me. I hope I have not said anything to offend you! I try to be honest and I just being honest here. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I need help!

    • Rechelle:

      You have not offended me annmarie. No worries. I totally know what you mean. I couldn’t stand Ree when I was a Christian and I can’t stand her now when I am an atheist, but as an atheist I AM FREE TO RIDICULE HER OPENLY! Which is so awesome! Yay! But still – I deal with the same thing you describe, but then I remind myself of Jane Austen who was making fun of the sappy romance novels of her time when she wrote some of her books and I think about Stephen Colbert and his parody of Bill O’Reilly and I think about The Office and how much I love that show and I think about how so much of my favorite comedy is parody. So then I feel better. Plus – I laugh a lot when I am writing these. They totally crack me up.

      • annmarie:

        Thanks – that comment actually made me feel better. I too love this type of comedy and get extremely excited when I see a new pie near woman post. I didn’t even say in my previous comment that this one was hilarious, but it was, and your edit was so good I think you should send it to PW’s editor. Anyway, I hope to get to a point where thinking about PW doesn’t fill me with complete rage, but if I don’t, oh well,

      • Clayvessel:

        You’re seriously comparing yourself and your middle school vitriol to Jane Austen and Stephen Colbert? Seriously!?!
        And I love how you admit that when you gave up religion you also gave up the moral code that governs your social behavior.

        • Mo:

          OMG Clayvessel please go away.

        • Kay in KCMO:

          Gee, Clayvessel, aren’t there fundie blogs you can go circlejerk over?

        • Bridget:

          From my understanding is the Rechelle did’t give up her moral code when she gave up religion, but more so that she gave up the pointless and useless guilt that is heaped upon a person when they fall short of offering Christ like love and compassion to everyone they meet. She gave up the need for self castigation and remorse over perceived shortcomings and allowed herself to freedom to voice her frustrations, petty annoyances, and giverances of her fellow man without feeling like a sinner headed straight to hell. Letting go of religion allowed her to fully accept herself in all her joy and glory. She realizes that disliking someone is part of human nature and not something that you have to punish yourself for expressing and then get down on your knees that God will show you love for that person. She realizes that it is okay to dislike someone, to bring a voice to that, but I think she also realizes that it is not okay to kill that person. So I think her moral code is firmly intact.

          • annmarie:

            Bridget, that was what I was going to say to clayvessel – thanks.

          • Bridget:

            Oh good. I debated writing that reply because I felt like I was over stepping a personal boundary by speaking up on Rechelle’s behalf on how she feels now that she no longer a Christian. But I did try to form my opinion and what I have gleaned from her writing and her comments. Also I have to admit that much of what I wrote reflects my own feelings after giving up the Christian faith. I still find inspiration in the teachings of Jesus and what I think he tried to accomplish with those teachings, but I don’t have the same faith or trust in the bible that I once did. I also don’t think that Christ was the son of God and was sent to be a savior. I place him among the ranks of people like Ghandi, the Buddha, MLK, women who fought for the end of slavery and the right for women to vote. I see them as ascended master put on earth to fight against human suffering and injustices. Maybe I am giving too much credit to the universe for there actually being a plan or a point to our world, but it does help me sleep at night.

            Well that was a big old ramble away from the original point, but I guess my point is that just because a person gives up religion, does not mean that they shut off the being a compassionate or caring person and that voicing a dislike of a person does not make them amoral or leave them
            without a code of social conduct. Plus Rechelle isn’t really going after a genuine person, but she is going after a brand , a company. There is no PW the person , but there is a PW the brand and all that brand stands for which on occasion acts in amoral way and isn’t that funny because PW claims to be a Christian. I guess no one is safe from amoral behavior.

          • Bridget:

            I wish I had proofread my last post. Please forgive for my sins against the laws and rules of correct grammar. I will try harder next time and as punishment I will repeat the rule i before e except after c or in neighbor or weigh. I am a fallen Catholic, so do I still get a pass on Catholic humor?

            And Rechelle. Much of your satire reminds me of Jane Austen or Jon Stewart as well. Keep on, keep on, my sister.

          • Rechelle:

            I meant to tell you that I appreciated this post Bridget. It really does describe the process I have been going though. Thanks for ‘getting it’. I do think my moral code is still pretty good, although it has changed significantly.

    • Bridget:

      How fundamentalist and/or quivering of Ree to say that the most romantic thing her husband did was to want to have more children and the most romantic thing she did was to have his children.

      I have a feeling that Ree is one of those woman…wait excuse me The Pioneer Woman is one of those woman because we all know this isn’t really Ree talking, but the Ree who is has been fabricated through market research, so the Pioneer Woman brand seems like the type who thinks that feminism is an evil world and was hoisted upon unsuspecting females by Satan himself, and it is responsible for everything that is wrong, evil, and bad in our SOCIETY. Females should act more like their 1950′s counterparts (these women are imaginary anyway, they want to return to a way of life that didn’t really exist anyway), and forget all these notions of equality. Our brains can’t understand it anyway.

      Ree is going to chase all us females back into our kitchens with her cast iron skillet. I bet all of her religious wing nuts were just eating up her answers with a spoon. She knows how to talk to her target audience. Cowgirls belong barefoot and pregnant slaving over the stove while they fix up some dinner for the cowboys in their cast iron skillets. While cowboys belong out on the range doing men type things.

      BUT bit more about the small town. Here is an excerpt from her book about the town she grew up in. Also I warn you after reading the first line you are probably going to want to vomit and/or scream because the line is nothing but trite, generic drivel. No way is any of this story even remotely true. The book is formulaic and not a reflection of her real courtship because she knows what is going to get her female reader’s panties all wet and excited.

      Anyway here is the excerpt:

      That’s when I saw him—the cowboy—across the smoky room.”

      I’ll never forget that night. It was like a romance novel, an old Broadway musical, and a John Wayne western rolled into one. Out for a quick drink with friends, I wasn’t looking to meet anyone, let alone a tall, rugged cowboy who lived on a cattle ranch miles away from my cultured, corporate hometown. But before I knew it, I’d been struck with a lightning bolt . . . and I was completely powerless to stop it.”

      Okay: I just love, love how she describes her small town in Oklahoma were she grew up as cultured and corporate. Ree you grew up in a small town in the midwest. Just because it had a golf course does not make it cultured and corporate. What does that mean exactly? I really don’t understand that description. I get the cultured part, but not the corporate part. This isn’t really a story about a city girl becoming a country girl because she didn’t really grow up in the city. She spent four years in LA that is it, and MM didn’t pull her away from living in LA she had already moved home.

      She is trying to so hard to fit her story into a specific mould. Why not just actually write the story from your heart and let it be an accurate reflection of her courtship with MM. Oh that’s right because then she would be keepin it real and it wouldn’t fit in with the brand image she has built herself. Even though her claim of moving from a big a city to a ranch doesn’t really make any sense. Why not just talk about the culture shock of moving on to a working ranch, but if she did that then people couldn’t fall in love with the fantasy of urban escape to a more simpler way of life out in the country. It is easy to see just how willing she is to shape her life to fit the brand.

      • Iona:

        She also met him through a mutual friend so it wasn’t like he saw her across the room. She met up with that friend. That friend was bringing his friend whose last name was Drummond. She knew what that last name meant in that town.

        She later edited her post to nix the friend and make it sound more romantic. Dunno why she can’t just admit that’s how she met her husband.

        But I guess that’d be like her saying she’s not really a city girl and didn’t really live in LA. She only went to school there.

        Or saying she didn’t go to law school. Don’t know if she even applied or got in. Just because she had plans to, doesn’t mean she did anything about it.

        And it’s an insult to Harlequin romances to say her book is one. It’s not nearly as well-written as a romance novel.

        • Lobsta:

          Yep. Ever consider that our heroine didn’t believe her own hype about the glorious life that awaited her in the Windy City? Perhaps her own insecurity – or realistic assessment of her talents- made her decide that dating was a better career ladder than moving. Going from her parents’ home to her husband’s home was a smooth way to avoid attempting an independent life.

  • nina:

    I think you all are just being mean to Ree.

    • Paula:

      I am not a fan of her blog but I seriously doubt she gives a rats ass what any of you think AND I couldn’t care less if she is making TONS of money, she obviously appeals to a large crowd, makes AND spends a lot of money.

  • Shells:

    She certainly does not come off as very personable ….. she actually comes off very cool and almost put-off by the questions.

  • Monica:

    Thank God for the Pie Near redemption at the end of the post.
    My brain was melting out of my ears.

  • I can’t help myself…I have to say…the “it’s” in your rewritten paragraph should be “its” (the word is a possessive, not a contraction of “it is”).

    And I’m ONLY saying that because I’m a grammar nazi and can’t help myself.

    PS>You are brilliant and I <3 Pie Near Woman posts. Almost as much as I <3 correcting minor grammatical errors.

    • Kait:

      Rechelle was probably laughing too hard whilst thinking these up to notice the its it’s it is.
      I wish the Ree-sheep would stay away they give me hives. Snort snicker. Then again they give me a good giggle. They so remind me of high school girls.

  • I don’t know about you but I started my own drinking game. Every time Ree says something idiotic, I drink. Perpetual hammered-ness is guaranteed.

    *hic*

    • Yay!:

      Oh wow that sounds like sooooo much fun, Caro! I can’t wait to play. BUT we don’t drink alcohol. Do you think I could use beef broth instead??!! Or maybe beef consommé?

      • Hey, whatever tickles yer fancy! I won’t judge. Promise.

  • Joel Wheeler:

    I, for one, am simply overjoyed that you singled out the phrase “a society brimming with traffic, hustle and bustle and stress.” UGH. Written like a true fake-ex-urbanite.

    I can never un-read that, and it WILL haunt me.

  • Kim K. in Western PA:

    I tried to watch this video the whole way through. I really did try. But it is horrible. It created more stress than the hustle and bustle of society.

  • I tried to watch the video, honestly. The stress of the attempt broke my bustle and made me hustle to the (very civilized) society of the bathroom to check my ears for signs of bleeding. Thankfully, there was no traffic except my pack of dogs and I made it there safely to find my eardrums – and sanity – still intact. Whew.

    Oh, and to be fair to the rather humorless white knights who would defend to the death the fantasy spun by PW as if she is one of the very real badass pioneer women who have existed in the past and who do exist now, I’ll second the correction to the “it’s” up there. Because that’s how I keep it real. Y’all.

  • [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Bailey Green, Bailey Green. Bailey Green said: @Lolliknits Honey, get help soon. If your life was incomplete w/o an Internet marketing ploy aka @thepioneerwoman see http://bit.ly/eyVHBR [...]

  • cd:

    Rechelle, gotta tell ya, I was a little like “OMG, what is her deal with PW?!” for a long time. Yet, I returned for your theaters and just to see what the heck you’re up to (cause let’s just say your blog has taken some turns since I first started reading it as The CD Wife!). I think it was when the Charlie book came out that you won me over with regards to PW. Seriously??? For someone who loves the ranch life so much, it sure seems like she’s doing everything in her power to NOT be there! She’s the antithesis of a Pioneer Woman and has left me thoroughly disillusioned! I skim over her feed and read if something catches my eye (recipes anymore), or if she’s having a contest (cause I want a dadgum Le Creuset); but for the most part, I’m more interested in finding out what’s going on with Pie-Near via your theaters. :) Thanks!

  • taylor5622:

    I don’t know what’s more pathetic: Ree’s discomfort in her own skin or the giddy 20-something interviewing her. And what’s up with “Sophie’s Choice?” Is this Ree’s reference guide for life’s gut wrenching decisions i.e., choosing between butter or meat? Egads, someone shoot me now!

    As always, Rechelle’s commentary is priceless and so befitting Ree’s phoniness.

    When I looked up Eliza Borne’s (the interviewer) website bookpage.com, the home tab featured a book titled “How to Write A Sentence.” Hope Eliza left a left a copy on Ree’s Viking stove when she left. Drummond could use it for the BHTTW’s sequel which the literary world is undoubtedly waiting for with bated breath.

    As I wrote this comment, I was keeping one eye on Tony Bourdain’s “No Reservations.” In Provence, he’s preparing simple, unassuming meals from local ingredients. No grease, jello or missing herbs for this classically trained chef. Tell me again why people follow the Pioneer Woman.

    • I love Tony…I wish I could be in his back pocket….

  • Hi, I’m a brand-new reader. Am I too late to join the Pie Near Woman fest? Thank God for this post.

    I got shanghaied into reading PW through another blog. Actually, nobody tied me down exactly, but I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

    Anyhoo, I got stuck in the pile of bullshit aka “Black Heels/Tractor Wheels.” After one too many of MM’s chuckles and Ree’s 397th kiss in his arms, I found the sickest part was when the spike-heeled nimrod ran over her dog, Puggy Sue. Forgive me while I re-enact her tale:

    “Oops!” she said, giggling, as the car bounced over something soft and furry. “Hope I’m not late for my date. Are my eyes all puffy? Oh, well. I still look better than Mom, God bless her. She took care of that mess on the driveway, and held my pet’s bloody paw while the vet put her down.” sniff! “Gee whiz! I bet MM is makin’ meat tonight! And then I bet he’s makin’ me!”

    I’m a dog lover and that ain’t no way to treat a lady.

    • taylor5622:

      Welcome! If you think this post was hilarious, scroll back through Rechelle’s archives and read the previous ones. Warn your family ahead of time though. You’ll be howling.

      Rechelle definitely has a promising future as an author. I hope she writes a book some day exposing the Pie Near Woman for the fraud she is.

      • @taylor5622

        Will do. We’ve been snowed in for weeks here in Ridgefield, Connecticut, and I’ve got cabin fever. I need a good laugh.

        So, thanks, pardner. (Ouch! Pardner? See what cabin fever will do to a gal? A gal? WTF? Someone please put a gun in my mouth, cause I can’t stop . . . )

  • Shells:

    I started wondering about the “Pioneer Woman” aspect of her when she started showing hotel rooms that she paid exhorbinant amounts of money for …. but never her ‘homestead’ so to speak. Other than a ginormous lodge she never shows her home.

    I am not jealous, I am quite happy with my life.

    • Samantha:

      That was my major beef (get it ?) with PW. Where does PIONEER fit into anything about her???? Such a con.

      I first read her in 2006 when she supposedly just started a blog to keep in touch with family…yeah everybody puts their family news blog out for the public to read yeah right. I could read between the lines though she ain’t happy living out in the middle of nowheres in my opinion she works hard to get off that ranch every chance she gets!

      I also think the Drummonds are gentlemen farmers…they do the fun stuff while the hired help do the real work……such a con.

      • Barb:

        I first came across PW about 2 years ago when everyone on Allrecipes was talking about her and her fabulous recipes. I checked it out and tried some. I liked some, some I didn’t. I enjoyed her photography. I started to lose it, however, when she was doing the lodge makeover. The $$ that was being spent while the rest of the country was in a recession, then acting like she’s just a little ol’ rancher’s wife just really turned me off. BTW, I thought for the longest time she was called The Prairie Woman, which would be more fitting than “Pioneer.”

        • I too, have wondered about the whole ‘Pioneer’ brand she’s trying to sell. There is a “Pioneer Woman Museum” in Oklahoma – http://www.pioneerwomanmuseum.com/themuseum.htm, but it seem to be more of a tribute to the women settlers who came to what is now Oklahoma and worked their bustles off to make it a state. I wonder how many calls the museum gets asking about Ree?

          I have known a few cattle people in my day, not rich like the Drummonds, mind you. They work hard, both husband and wife. Their cattle operations are their livelyhood and nobody has time to stand around taking pictures of the sunrise, a cow’s ear or a ‘cowboy’s’ butt. I don’t know Ree other than from her blog, and the couple of seconds I spent talking to her at a book signing about a year ago. But in her photos, it seems like Pesky Tim is always throwing her an evil side-eye, probably because he’s doing some acutal work, and she’s sitting in a pick up truck playing photo-journalist. I wonder how MM’s family feels about how they are portrayed on her blog? Or heck, even how her own family feels? What does her mom think about her calling her brother Mike the R-word? I have a feeling that they all have their opinions, but Ree isn’t having any of it. Her blog, her brand, is all about her. This is Ree’s world, and they all just live in it.

          • Martha in Kansas:

            In an early post she talks about taking the kids to that museum and how the original pioneer woman (his great something grandmother) inspired her. But then she blithers on, making it quite clear she has no connection at all to this woman.

      • Martha in Kansas:

        I think I started reading her soon after she started. I too had just moved to the country. While I was discovering there are snakes in the walls and mice having parties in the kitchen, she was waxing poetic about life in the country. The cats were bring mice to bed to kill them, the kitchen counter was so worn it was down to that tar that sticks it to the plywood, and then I discovered The Farmer had used a car jack to prop up the floors under the house. (PW was renovating the lodge.) Only the bedroom had air conditioning at the farm, and only the living room had heat. (Water would freeze in the bedroom.) The Farmer forbid me to change his house. (PW was taking romantic pictures of cows and sunsets.) My love for PW died right along with the relationship with The Farmer.

        My experience living in an old farmhouse with an old farmer at least makes for good tales. PW can’t write a good tale, despite the fodder she’s been handed.

    • Anon.:

      I thought it was a slap in the face to her readers when she asked them for hotel recommendations during her last book tour. Here they were suggesting the “Country Inn and Suites” close to the “Mall” where she was appearing, but then she stayed at a hoity-toity place downtown that probably would have cost her typical reader a whole week’s pay and all the grocery money to boot. (And even more for her “complimentary” upgrades – ha) She’s so out of touch with what is actually real.

      • Samantha:

        Yeah what was that all about……..isn’t the book publisher paying for her room? Just like when she, “all out of the blue”, got upgraded to a better hotel room. More like I’m a famous blogger and if you get me a better room I will advertise your place on my blog..DUH!

        I was screaming when she did her tourist tour of NYC…she did all the things that tourists IN THE KNOW never do. She is so behind the times and out of touch and never brings anything worthwhile to her readers about travel.

        • Barb:

          Agreed. As stated earlier, when I saw the exorbitant amounts of money being spent at the lodge (not even their principal home), then the hoity-toity hotels on the book tours, I finally woke up and realized she isn’t your every day rancher. No shame in having money but when you try to pretend you don’t, that’s just an insult. Samantha, I was suspicious of the wonderful upgrade, too. It would be nice if she took her proceeds from her new Charlie book and gave it to animals shelters, or other charities.

        • Ree RAh:

          She is not such a big city person after all, is she!

  • Samantha:

    Too clever this interview…………Pie Near Woman is so keepin it real!

  • Jody:

    Wait until you get a load of her latest post today Jan 26.

    “2. On Saturday, my sister Betsy, her husband Matt, and their chubba wubba baby Elliot moved to Seattle. They’d just been there on a temporary basis for the past few months, but now it’s a done deal. This means:

    a. Instead of 529 miles from my house, she’s now 1,968 miles from my house.

    b. Waaaaaaaaaaaah!

    c. I don’t know why her husband has to have a dumb job anyway!

    Jobs are dumb.

    d. I guess I’ll just have to take one for the team and visit her in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

    And I’ll take one for the team and eat some really good seafood.

    But only because I’m a great sister!

    Yeah, that’s it Ree, “Jobs are dumb”.

    Unh-huh, I’d think so too if my husband was worth $20 million — and in addition I was also bringing in $800,000 – $1,300,000 per year myself for advertising on my totally self-centered blog where I made up reality to make it fit with my overly inflated opinion of myself and my own self-importance.

    Yep, and she’s a great sister isn’t she to go visit her after she moves? What sacrifice and dedication on her part (rolls eyes and gags) Good God, she truly wants us to think her sh** donesn’t stink!

    And did anyone else notice that while her baby was so sick yesterday she had time to blog about it and take a picture of him?

    Oh yes, when someone I love is really sick, that’d be my priority too.
    Documenting it and bragging about what a loving dedicated mother I am for everyone to fawn over me.

    Hmmmm, personally ? I’df be too exhausted from taking care of my little one to care about blogging about it.

    • Samantha:

      Betsy got all the looks in the family, in my opinion, Betsy is living the life PW wanted to live. I think under all the kidding she does about Betsy she is so envious of her YOUNGER sister.

      And speaking of younger, PW constantly bringing up having babies, lactating etc is pathetic….she is what 42? her eggs are on the OLD side so she really shouldn’t be messing with nature at this point. I thik she made MM grow the goatee or whatever facial hair he has, so that he would look older or at least as old as her. I think she has a problem with getting OLD…..her junior high school is fading fast.

      • Samantha:

        oops…. her junior high school dream life is fading fast!

  • Lori:

    I watched the video…the whole damn thing…and took notes while doing so.

    I have some questions perhaps Rechelle and her readers can answer or even better, offer opinions.

    1) How OLD do think narrator at the beginning of the video, is? (Fix that sentence for me, wouldcha Rechelle? It’s wrong and I know it but I don’t know what to do about it. ) <3 Could it have been Pie New Woman's daughter? Oh, the script reading was okay; a little forced and self conscious, but okay, but there were some bobbles, like a young girl would make while reading something very important while running her finger under each sentence.

    2) The interviewer seemed to know where she was going.
    Do you think Pie Near Woman gave HER a map and her cell phone number just in case she got lost? And WHY does everything Ree does has to start at the butt crack of dawn? Does she (and Ladd…note Pesky Tim isn't around. He waits for a more sensible time to feed.) think this makes her seem tough or something? This feeding horses before the sun comes up has got to go. My hell. Let the frost melt off their backs before calling them in. Let the day warm up a little before starting your diesel trucks; cold weather is hard on them. Feeding anything (except the cats and dogs and any saddle horses to be used that day) this early does accomplishes nothing but feeding the horses and that can be done in the daylight. This applies to cows too. Now during the summer, I can understand moving cattle at dawn because it's the coolest part of the day. Cows'll quit ya if you try to move them too far when it's hot.

    3) Tell me about all those houses, Rechelle. I recognize (I think) a barn/shed row to the right of the funny looking building with the Caesar's Palace entry way but what are the rest of the buildings? Is Caesar's Palace PNW's house or is it somewhere else? What are the buildings used for? Which is the lodge? By the way PNW talks those houses are strung all over hell and back. Our ranch yard, the one with the sheds, barns, corrals, old ranch house (which was built by REAL pioneers in the late 1800s when the place was homesteaded…not purchased in a fire sale….) covers this much area…(not relevant, I know but I felt the need to mention Pie Near Woman is NOT a pioneer. She homesteaded, proved up and settled NOTHING. She married into a family who have bought up small parcels of land from their less fortunate (wealthy) neighbors who couldn't get through the bad times. This method a pioneer does not make.)

    4) WHO is she looking at during the interview? There is someone to the left of the camera person PNW's eyes keep going to.
    …I KNOW! Someone is holding up dummy cards and is a little slow sometimes.

    Lots of great comments here;

    'spike-heeled nimrod' Well said Delving Eye!

    Samantha, your comment about the Drummonds being gentlemen ranchers is dead on and I would bet big bucks Ladd has a hard time keeping hired help around. He looks like a mean son of a bitch.

    Whoever mentioned that Prairie Woman fits PNW better than Pioneer Woman is dead on with her observation. (See my #3 paragraph.) Maybe she had to go with Pioneer Woman because Prairie Woman was taken?
    *shrug*

    Lori

  • taylor5622:

    Two things guys:

    1. In addition to blogging about her sick little one, Ree was all over Twitter yesterday about her “febrile” child. “Febrile” being her new word for the day which she tweeted ad nausea. Pie Near Woman Fans need to unite on Twitter.com (it’s Free to sign-up) and tweet about this blithering idiot. When you do, include @thepioneerwoman in your tweets so her rabid fans can read “the rest of the story.” This also insures your tweets will appear on Ree’s timeline. None of us want dear self-absorbed Ree to miss out on our discussion when she searches for tweets about HERSELF. You can also follow Rechelle’s tweets @pienearwoman.

    2. Is there any interest in starting a Pie Near Woman Book Club? After reading @Delving Eye’s hilarious excerpt, we could generate some serious discussion about Ree’s contribution to American literature.

    • taylor5622:

      Sorry to be so long-winded, but I forgot to post Pie Near Woman’s superb tweet from yesterday:

      Is Ree Drummond actually a man? http://twitpic.com/3td5k7

      pienearwoman, [+] Tues 25 Jan 14:36 via Twitpic

      • Bridget:

        Is that a real picture of Ree? Because if it is she seriously looks like a drag queen. It would make complete sense if she turned out to be a man because I am with Rechelle in thinking that her website is written by gay men from New York.

  • Jody:

    Okay… I found people who think like I do about PW.
    I was thrilled.
    THRILLED.
    I vented my ire as well.

    But I kinda feel bad now.

    The emperor (or pioneer woman) has no clothes, so I really should lay off the vitrol now that I know smart people are seeing through her.

    No need for me to rub it in anymore, because it’s starting to make me feel mean (instead of just having my eyes opened with insights, like I was originially.)

    If Ree was happy with herself and felt secure, all the self-aggrandisement she does wouldn’t be necessary.
    So now that I know this, why make it even worse for her and hurt her feelings if she ever read this?

    She doesn’t go out of her way to hurt me.
    I’m the one who chose to read her blog for such a long time.
    I can also be the one who doesn’t read it anymore. Then she stops being an issue for me.

    • Rechelle:

      Jody – You can feel bad if you want to, but Pioneer Woman’s site is the epitome of everything that is wrong with our society. Thoughtless consumerism, mindless mercantilism,unhealthy food, over indulgence, a complete lack of critical thought, zero long term thinking, no connection with how her choices impact her town, her kids, her family, her state, her country and yes even the world. It is a soulless journey into the mind of a rich, narcistic woman Blech! To not criticize it regularly is the real crime.

  • joy:

    Two observations that make me think she does read this blog:

    1. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that today’s post included 3 or 4 pictures of her husband’s ass.

    2. I scan comments on her site every once in a while, mainly because I cannot stop myself. The ONLY time I have ever seen her respond to a comment was recently when someone asked which Photoshop filter she used on a photo of her 5-yr-old “baby”.

    • Rechelle:

      I think she responds every time I post about her. She amps up the Charile photos if I post about Charlie. She will post a hyper photo-shopped shot of her kids if I post about her ‘anime’ looking children’. She posted a whole string of old photos today. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because I mentioned how many old photos were in the video? Maybe I am reading into it. Maybe it is a coincidence, but I have long thought that she responds to the criticism on this blog in a weird passive aggressive way. I hope it makes her feel better about being Amazon and Pottery Barn’s pimp.

      • Bridget:

        Oh my god i thought the same things as well. I can’t remember what the post was about- something along the lines of Ree being fake and sort of creating this whole false image of who is, and the very next day she did this whole long entry about her relationship to her brother Mike and posted all these old photos of them together. When i saw it i thought i am probably being paranoid, but it seems like this post is in response to the converstation that was going on over at Rechelle’s website. You aren’t the only one that thinks that.

        • Rechelle:

          She does a story about her brother every time she is attacked or criticized. She waves him around like a shield. Be nice to me! I have a developmentally disabled brother!

          • Bridget:

            The people that run her blog have to know that you exist because you are the only blog that openly is against the Pioneer Woman brand, and I am sure that they are aware of any opposition to her. I swear that she reacts to what is going on over here.

            Have you read the latest homeshooling post the one about cursive writing and standardized testing. They are scary. Very thinly veiled anti public school posts.

      • Samantha:

        I don’t know if PW is reading this blog herself…but I would bet someone on her staff is…..too strange how PW posts coincide with Rechelle’s discussions.

        And I don’t worry about PW and her feelings….clearly she put her ‘pretend-to-be real’ self out there for all to see and BUY into, if some of us don’t want to be conned that’s our choice.

      • Samantha:

        Do you think there will be a page in the Charlie book on MM running over him? Could thing he survived so the book deal could go through!

        • Samantha:

          sorry…….”good thing he survived”

      • joy:

        Exactly. I don’t think it’s a coincidence, at least for the most part. I’ve noticed it for a while now.

  • joy:

    And just to add: I don’t personally have anything against her either. What ticked me off was an e-mail she sent to me about a year ago in response to the whole Women’s Colony fiasco.

    She was rude and unbelievably condescending. Right then and there, I saw her for who she really was. She does not care one whit for anyone but herself. Is that a crime? No. I just have a huge problem with someone who will throw someone else under a bus because they don’t want to ruffle any religious readers’ feathers.

    • Kay in KCMO:

      Do you still have that email? If so, would you post it here?

      • joy:

        I do still have the e-mail from Ree. I’m not comfortable posting it in its entirety here, mainly because it doesn’t have anything to do with any of *this*.

        But I will say that it started out like this, and went downhill from there:

        “That’s too bad. Unfortunately, that’s just the nature of the internet [...]“

    • The incident with Mrs. G at the Women’s Colony was what did it for me, too. I don’t know Ree, would never wish anything bad on her or her family. But what she did to Mrs. G. was just plain wrong, and it kind of made me realize that the only person she’s really looking out for is herself.

      • Lee (sometimes known as Another Lee):

        Me too. I have continued to follow Mrs. G because frankly, she was my favorite part of PW’s blog and I was mainly checking for new HS posts from Mrs. G. That whole incident did not reflect well on PW.

  • This had me ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

    “Interviewer – Fill in the blank. A cowgirl cannot live without…?

    PNW –
    A millionaire cowboy husband, A Nikon D 700 SLR, a Canon EOS 1 Ds Mark III Digital SLR, a macro lens, a micro lens, a micro/macro/micro lens, a closet full of never to be worn designer clothes, a sequined mini, a gilded lily, a designer dog named Charlie, imported mascara, botox, a Kitchen-Aid mixer in every color of the rainbow, enough Jadeite to turn Martha Stewart green, an absurd collection of flowy tops in every obnoxious print under the sun, enough Spanx to feed the world, Limoges, Two MacBook Pros for each residence (guest house, other guest house, other guest house, the lodge, each suburban and the main house), a gardener, a nanny, a private tutor for each punk, a jet, an airport, and a housekeeper named Tia Juana who lives in the basement, does all the cooking and ghostwrites my best sellers!”

    This perfectly sums it up! Snort, snort!

    Favorite part….a private tutor for each punk!!!!!!!

  • Your rewrite of that paragraph was spot on! Her writing is very poor. At first I thought, oh, this is a blog, and shouldn’t I be more bloggy and employ brevity in my own? But then I realized how her blog is really just about selling advertising, creating an image, a brand, a false life. And now she has book and movie deals? Only in America. Not enamored with her cookbook (and yes, I bought it, and yes, I sent it to her to have it signed). I wonder, truly, how much help she must have around the ranch. How does she cook, homeschool and clean the place, for example? AND have time to blog? Who takes care of her kids when she’s on her book tours? I suppose we wouldn’t ask these questions of successful men, however.

    I do think there is a fair bit of envy in the responses here, as well as a bit of “mean girl”-itis. Who wouldn’t want such success? But there is always a price for fame and fortune and this is one flip side.

    As for the posted interview it seemed tense, awkward and she acted like it was a necessary annoyance.

    Her enterprise may have started out as a whim and a fun thing to bide the lonely hours away in the middle of nowhere, but now she has created a monster she probably can’t maintain without criticism of her intentions.

    As for preferring Bobby Flay over Paula Deen, what’s with THAT?? Did Paula not pay much attention to Ree at QVC?

    I hope she has actually read SOPHIE’s CHOICE. It’s a stunning novel.

    Thanks for brightening my winter’s day!

    Catherine

  • Karen:

    I cannot believe she compared choosing between two foods to choosing between two kids. She probably meant, it’s like asking somebody who their favorite kid is, but STILL. I’ve been asked what my favorite book is, and while I can’t really choose one, I would never say, “Oooh, that’s like asking me to choose between two of my kids.” Blargh.

  • Lacey:

    PieNearWoman is hilarious! And as far as the criticism of it being hateful – it’s like Ricky Gervais’ hosting of the Golden Globes. When “celebrities” put all their business out there to make money for themselves, they are opening themselves up to mockery, insults, and invasions of “privacy”. They get paid well for it. And besides, on Saturday Night Live, people consider it funny and all in gest.

  • Lori:

    Hi Martha.
    Loved your post.
    Can we be friends?

    Lori

  • Lori:

    CHAPS.

    Let’s talk about chaps.

    Chaps are pronounced with a soft sssss sound; not hard.
    Think shhhhi.
    Shiiii–aps.
    Not Chaps as is Chapstick.
    Another good example of proper pronunciation is shit but shhhhhh may have better appeal to some.
    There. I pleased everybody!
    LOL

    We hear chaps mispronounced a lot by the hollywood types.
    It’s clean who Pie Near wants to impress.

    I want to be the authenticity consultant on her new movie. Anybody have any idea where I would apply?

    Lori

  • Lori:

    ‘Kelley:

    The incident with Mrs. G at the Women’s Colony was what did it for me, too. I don’t know Ree, would never wish anything bad on her or her family. But what she did to Mrs. G. was just plain wrong, and it kind of made me realize that the only person she’s really looking out for is herself.’

    I missed this. Someone fill me in, please.

    Lori who should be at physical therapy and is procrastinating…..

    • Lori, what happened was that Ree’s fans started attacking Mrs. G. personally. They spammed her blog with posts about her going to hell, found her kids on facebook, some even called her house. HER HOUSE for crying out loud.
      I believe Mrs. G. wrote to Ree and asked her to calm her masses, but Ree did nothing. She basically left Mrs. G. to deal with it all on her own, being of no help, when it was her readership acting like stupid, idiotic, intolerant, Kool-Aid drinking religious extremists. Oh wait…

      • Oh wow.
        What a classy bunch…
        THanks for the update.
        I missed that one…thank goodness….
        How long ago did this happen?

        Lori

  • Lori:

    ‘Pioneer Woman’s site is the epitome of everything that is wrong with our society.’ rechelle

    My own feeling about pw? (Thanks for letting me borrow the line, Rechelle…….)

    PIONEER WOMAN IS THE EPTIOME OF EVERYTHING THAT I DESPISE IN A WOMAN AND TRY EVERY DAY OF MY LIKE NOT TO BE…..

    Fix that sentence, wouldcha?
    LOL
    Lori

  • Lori:

    that should read Life….
    *sigh

  • Mo:
    • This, from Mrs. G.’s post was what really got me-

      “Ree wrote back and asked me to edit my first few lines because she didn’t, “want to reinforce the contention on the part of the occasional detractor that PW readers are largely right wing Chreeschins. :)”

      I think Ree is aware that it’s more than the occasional detractor that considers her readers to be ‘right wing Chreeschins’ and I find it odd that she uses that term to refer to her readers herself. To me, it proves that the whole PW thing is just a manufactured idea to sell crap. Kind of like Betty Crocker.

  • action squirrel:

    Poor Ree. I feel sorry for her, she looks like a miserable person, actually.

    Interestingly, her body language and the way her wheels turn happen to remind me very much of a few frustrated show business type acquaintances of mine who sold their souls long ago, substituting opportunistic materialism for authenticity at all costs, though they constantly talk about how real and in the moment they are. Meanwhile, every breath and gesture is calculated.

    I wonder whether she regrets her path at all. The Pioneer idea would have been pretty funny if she’d been less afraid to be herself, though she wouldn’t be the star she is now.

  • Bea:

    This is the first live footage I have seen of the PW. She looks a lot older and more haggard than in the photos she posts of herself on her blog. I guess she photoshops her own photos just as much as she does with her kid’s photos.
    Is there anything with this woman that is real?

  • scd:

    Ree could have had just as much success being herself rather than being a caricature. The real components of her success would remain the same. Quantity posting, big giveaways, beautiful photography, variety of subject marketable subject matter, etc. She knows how to create a wide umbrella and drive traffic. She’s probably uncomfortable with herself, so she created a caricature instead. (Sample evidence–constant repetition of the same “flaws” that are just stupid, like picking her toes and the old junior high photo and so on.) She’s smart and has a sense of humor. She didn’t have to make herself into a joke and say dumb stuff over and over like lawsie mercy. Any writer/blogger who wants a big audience has every right to keep parts of their life private, including their opinions and relationships, so I don’t fault her for not being a tell-all. What I find annoying, and what is probably so annoying to so many others, is that she doesn’t stop with just keeping some things about her life private. She extends that to actually deliberately presenting a false life (that is thinly veiled because she can’t hide how rich they are). Calling herself the Pioneer Woman, when she’s anything but, is fake from the get-go. I do often wonder how many of her posts she actually writes herself or if someone else actually sets up the photos and so on for her and she just goes in and edits. I don’t know how she has time to homeschool or watch all those movies and TV shows and get that much writing and photo editing done. That’s time-consuming stuff.

    I don’t fault her for the butter and I’m not sure why that’s such a big deal. She’s not responsible for what her readers choose to eat. I like butter myself, lol. The real problem with her cooking is that she is such an uncreative cook and seems to run from one direction to the other like a spaz–trying to please the foodies today with gourmet ingredients, trying to please the homeschooling mommies tomorrow with something from the junior league cookbook, etc. She has no real culinary perspective of her own. She’s a kitchen hack. She takes good food photos, though. And none of that really matters when you’re giving away a KitchenAid every other day anyway. She’s an interesting case study of what happens when smart and stupid collide in one person.

    • Rechelle:

      I think what bothers me more about Ree than anything else is that there is so much potential for her story to be truly great. Her family participates in a lifestyle that is truly unique and could be so interesting if an authentic, thoughtful person was telling the story. She lives this extremely poetic life and chooses to depict it by churning out ads for pottery barn and Amazon crap, Applebees food recipes and boring photos that are completely lacking in artfulness, focus or substance. When was the last time she took a truly interesting photo? It’s too bad she can’t truly appreciate and then express the amazing life she has.

  • You NAILED IT!