Browsing Archives for January 2011

Snow Day Futility

January 11th, 2011

School was canceled yesterday due to snow.

The CD called home and told the boys to shovel the drive.

When I gave them these instructions, the following conversation took place…

Boy – We can’t shovel the driveway.  It’s still snowing!

Boy 2 – Yeah!  That’s like watering trees in the rain!

Boy 3 – Dad waters trees in the rain all the time.

The Meat Meme or Memeat!

January 11th, 2011

Very "Clan of the Cave Bear"

I have fallen down so many rabbit holes lately people! I am tumbling, tumbling, tumbling, tumbling, etc,etc,etc,etc.

Still tumbling, tumbling, tumbling, tumbling, etc,etc,etc, etc….

Still going, going, going….

tumbling
tumbling
tumbling.

You get the idea?

It’s that time of year. I don’t work in January and February. And I look forward to it so much. And then I come home and I start to fade. I start to fail. I start falling down rabbit holes, lost in a world of conspiracy and mind control and evil government bureaucracy, and fringe societies that can save the world with a new meme. And I start using the word ‘meme’ in every sentence. And suddenly everything is a meme. Meme. Meme. Meme. Meme. You know what? Everything IS A MEME! No. It’s true. Everything is pretty much a meme. It’s hard to explain, but trust me – I am right about this.

Meat is a meme.

That’s one thing I have discovered.

I think I am the first person to discover it.

So I think I should get to name it.

I hereby name the meat meme – memeat!

You know why it is a meme? Because it slowly worked it’s way into human culture until everyone was doing it without even thinking about it. Kind of like cooking.  Kind of like clothes.  Kind of like language.  Kind of like religion.  SEE!  I told you that everything is a meme!

It’s very possible that people used to live without eating other creatures.  Why? Because hey!  Let’s just eat these bananas that are growing on this shrubbery right in front of us instead!  So much easier!

But then the bananas dried up!

And then the people moved to Eastern Europe and the Himalayas in search of new banana plants.

But the bananas didn’t grow in Eastern Europe and the Himalayas.

And so the people said, “Lo. We are starving. There are no bananas here in this neolithic peat bog and this icy mountain range. We must make for ourselves a dinner in our own likeness. And we will call this dinner meat.”

And so they commenced to hunting and fishing and barbecuing themselves a nice little post roast.

And lo, it was very good.

But then some of them said, “Lo. These creatures are much like us. Why should we eat them? For they cause us no harm.”

But then others said, “Because they are really tasty? And looketh. We starveth no more.”

And so they all agreed that no more starvation was good.

And then there was the issue with bleeding women.

And tremendous loss of blood during child birth.

And why are women evolved to shed such a ridiculous amount of blood?

Also hidden ovulation.

Also large headed infants.

And small birth canal-ed woman.

And deep time.

And the connection between deep time and a women’s cycle.

And rivers of blood pouring out of the women.

And meat replaced all that iron that poured out of all those women.

And the women survived to care for their babies that were born with way too large of heads to come out of the tiny hole in the bleeding women.

And so the woman ate the meat.

She ate it in revenge for the large heads coming out of the small holes.

Because even though the woman wanted to, she couldn’t eat the man who caused the large headed infant to come out of the tiny hole nor could she eat the infant that blew through the hole and caused more pain and more blood loss than was really necessary according to the woman.

Because she needed them.

And they needed her.

So she ate a steak instead (extra rare).

And it made her feel a wee bit better about it all.

These are some of the reasons we might eat meat.

According to me and my meat meme.

Even though it seems kind of like a bizarre stretch.

I really did just read a book about all of this and you know, if it is in a book, it must be true – even though it sounds like the ravings of a lunatic.   I hope to write about the book soon. Until then – I leave you with this video that talketh about the meat meme – or as I, Rechelle ‘the discoverer of the meat meme’ have just entitled it – memeat.

It is very good.

You should watch it.

Bon Apertif!

Dear Charles,

Guess what?  I decided to be a vegetarian!   I know!  So cool!  And guess what else!  I have now been a vegetarian for nine whole days!  Well – actually more like eight whole days because I didn’t really decide until January 2nd and then I sort of wavered on Jan 3rd and ate the rest of the left over clam chowder  in the fridge which was kind of vegetarian if you are one of those ‘eats fish’ type vegetarians.  But then I decided to not be an ‘eats fish’ type vegetarian so I guess I have really only been a vegetarian for seven days.  But that is still a whole week!  It really hasn’t even been very hard.  I kind of like being a vegetarian!  In fact, I like it a LOT!  It’s kind of fun.  Does that sound weird?  Did you ever think that being a vegetarian was fun?  Because right now, I think it is very fun.  I don’t know exactly what the fun part is – except that it is sort of just generally fun.  It makes life a bit harder and a bit more work but also a bit more interesting and strangely – that is fun.

Do you want to know why I became a vegetarian Charles?  Okay.  Let me tell you why.

1.  The meat meme.  That means that people didn’t always eat meat Charles.  They only started doing that after they were vegetarians for a long, long time.  It got added to the culture of humanity later – when we moved out of the jungle which was full of fruit and nuts.  Do you know what a meme is Charles?  Because that is one of my very favorite words and I constantly fear that I am going to use it far too much and people will start to hate me for it.

2.  Meat is murder.  So obvious!  Why didn’t I see it before???

3.  I like vegetables.  A lot.

4.  It makes me feel superior to other weaker meat eating people.

5.  It gives me this sense of control over myself.

6.  It gives me this sense of being able to control other people with my ‘special needs’.

7.  I have this good friend who is a vegetarian and he made me think about being a vegetarian myself and then I became a vegetarian.

8.  I don’t know how long this will last Charles – but I like it and as stated before – it is fun.

9.  Now you need to tell me why you are a vegetarian Charles.  Because that story about the pot roast and the grocery list just wasn’t very good.

Meme,

Rechelle

___________________

Dear Rechelle –

I knew you were giving up meat because I read it on your blog, and I wanted to write to you about it, but I was too ashamed to contact you because I hadn’t finished my repy to your book club question, which you sent me several weeks ago and which I’ve been working on in dribs and drabs in brief stolen moments because I’m apparently very bad at time management. I wonder what advice I would give to someone who wrote to me about a time management problem? Maybe I’ll write to myself about it and find out, although I know I’d have to wait a long time for my reply because it would have to wait until after the book club post, which I still haven’t finished.

Anyway, I was surprised and delighted to see your vegetarian news, especially after you painted a picture of yourself as a raging carnivore whose pie hole craved not pie, but bacon, and plenty of it. It gladdens my heart that you will now be using your oral cavity more for pie, as the Creator obviously intended, as evidenced by His letting Adam name it a “pie hole,” which is the name He obviously knew Adam would come up with when He saddled Adam with the task of giving names to all the orifices in the on the fourth or fifth day of creation.

I agree that being vegetarian is gobs of fun. A vegetarian diet is probably the most fun of anything referred to by a phrase with the word “diet” in it. However, the difficulties with it don’t contribute much to the fun for me. It’s fun for me mainly because the fun of eating, which is pretty fun all by itself, is enhanced when the thing being eaten is particulary pleasing to the palate, and I love most vegetables and vegetarian cuisine. I also feel healthier as a vegetarian, and everything’s more fun when you feel healthier and smugly superior.

And feeling healthier is really the reason I became a vegetarian after being nudged into it, which unfortunately happened with the notoriously weak pot roast/grocery list episode, which we won’t mention again and which, to my everlasting regret, can never be a better story. Anyway, after having become a vegetarian for my health, I decided that I was a vegetarian for all the most noble reasons you can imagine.

I wanted to tell you that if you’re cutting out fish, you should take an omega-3 supplement, because you need omega-3′s and they’re kind of rare in vegetarian fare. It has to be DHA. The ALA omega-3′s you get in things like flaxseed oil are next to worthless becasue your body has to convert them to DHA omega-3′s and it’s not very good at doing that if it’s like most human bodies. Most DHA omega-3 supplements are made from fish oil, but there are some that are made from algae, which is where the fish get the omega-3′s for their wondrous oil. Obtaining omega-3 supplements will make life a wee bit harder for you and thus make vegetarianism a wee bit more fun for you.

This friend of yours sounds like quite a remarkable person.

I don’t feel like I have enough of a grasp of what a meme is to use the word in a sentence other than this one.

Mentioning a meme again, this time in a sentence fragment,

Charles

Vegetarians!  They are Just Like US!


Photo of vegetarian shopping for groceries.

Yes, they do skirt the meat aisle, but other than that…

Just like us!

Vegetarian pouring a cup of rice cereal for peanut butter balls.

It’s not Rice Crispies, but other than that…

Just like US!

Close-up of vegetarian hands squeezing honey.

Amazingly similar to regular hands squeezing honey!

Glistening arty food shot of vegetarian fare.

Just like glistening arty food shot of meat fare!

Vegetarians – they laugh just like us!

Many of the foods that vegetarians can eat.

Non-vegetarians CAN ALSO EAT THIS FOOD!

Hiding vegetarian.

Found vegetarian!

Vegetarian DINNER!

DELISH!


Can you spot the vegetarian?
I know!
They all look the SAME!