I ran a bunch of errands in Manhattan (KS) today and opted to pick up some fried chicken at the grocery store in lieu of making dinner. I knew that not eating that chicken was going to be a struggle for this brand new vegetarian, so I bought myself a small packet of fresh sushi for my own dinner to avoid feeling deprived. Of course, I had to buy vegetarian sushi which consisted of avocado, cucumber and carrots wrapped inside of a bit of seaweed and brown rice. Personally, I prefer a nice hunk of raw fish in my sushi, still – it was sushi and the thought of it made me feel like I had a special dinner too.
When I got home, I delivered an ice-cream shake to my eldest son who was home sick with a fever and a sore throat. Later, I went to check on him again and he asked me for some toast.
“You want me to make you some toast?” I asked.
“Yes.” he said.
“Okay. But you have to think of three nice things to say about your mom when I bring it in to you or I am going to stand here and eat every piece in front of you.”
I then went to the kitchen and made his toast and then I started worrying about Oprah.
Whatever happened to Oprah?
I had read that she was going to make some life changing announcement on her show that involved a family member and that it had totally rocked her world and that I could find out all about it on her show. My first thought when I read this news was, “Oh my gosh! The baby lived!”.
I know that was kind of crazy, but that is where my mind went.
Where did yours go?
But then I totally forgot to watch her show, because I have forgotten to watch Oprah since pretty much forever, but it turns out that the big news was only that she has a half sister that she didn’t know about. So after thinking that maybe the baby lived, this news was kind of a let down.
And then while reading my e-mail, I saw an article about how much Justin Bieber pays for his haircuts and suddenly I realized that I knew nothing about Justin Bieber!
I didn’t even know what he looked like!
But now I totally do.
And then I watched one of his videos and tried to watch two others and my total knowledge of all things Justin Bieber was vastly improved.
And then I took my son his toast and I said, “So what are the three things?”
And he said, “Three things what?”
And I said, “The three nice things you are supposed to tell me because I made you this toast.”
And he said, “Are you really going to eat the toast if I don’t tell you three nice things?”
And I said, “Yes.”
It took him a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time to think of something. And the toast grew cold. And all the hairs on my head turned gray. And then I died. And then my son buried me. And then he gathered with his brothers beside my grave and finally he came up with three nice things to say about his poor, dead mother…
1. You were the best ice cream shake bringer in the world.
2. You made the best cinnamon toast.
3. Your taste in music wasn’t completely terrible.
I want that last one on my tombstone…
Her taste in music wasn’t completely terrible.
After that I made some mashed potatoes to go with that store bought fried chicken and I called everyone in to eat it. And while they all hunkered down over their fried chicken and potatoes, I got out my very special not feeling deprived vegetarian sushi and guess what?
Vegetarian sushi isn’t very good.
You can put a ton of soy sauce on it and smear it all over with wasabi and it is still tastes like cold veggies wrapped inside of cold brown rice.
But I ate it anyway.
While my family ate fried chicken.
Because somebody around here has to save the world.