Just Another Day of Saving the World…

January 27th, 2011

I ran a bunch of errands in Manhattan (KS) today and opted to pick up some fried chicken at the grocery store in lieu of making dinner.  I knew that not eating that chicken was going to be a struggle for this brand new vegetarian, so I bought myself a small packet of fresh sushi for my own dinner to avoid feeling deprived.  Of course, I had to buy vegetarian sushi which consisted of avocado, cucumber and carrots wrapped inside of a bit of seaweed and brown rice.  Personally, I prefer a nice hunk of raw fish in my sushi, still – it was sushi and the thought of it made me feel like I had a special dinner too.

When I got home, I delivered an ice-cream shake to my eldest son who was home sick with a fever and a sore throat. Later, I went to check on him again and he asked me for some toast.

“You want me to make you some toast?” I asked.

“Yes.” he said.

“Okay.  But you have to think of three nice things to say about your mom when I bring it in to you or I am going to stand here and eat every piece in front of you.”

I then went to the kitchen and made his toast and then I started worrying about Oprah.

Whatever happened to Oprah?

I had read that she was going to make some life changing announcement on her show that involved a family member and that it had totally rocked her world and that I could find out all about it on her show.  My first thought when I read this news was, “Oh my gosh!  The baby lived!”.

I know that was kind of crazy, but that is where my mind went.

Where did yours go?

But then I totally forgot to watch her show, because I have forgotten to watch Oprah since pretty much forever, but it turns out that the big news was only that she has a half sister that she didn’t know about.  So after thinking that maybe the baby lived, this news was kind of a let down.

And then while reading my e-mail, I saw an article about how much Justin Bieber pays for his haircuts and suddenly I realized that I knew nothing about Justin Bieber!


I didn’t even know what he looked like!

But now I totally do.

And then I watched one of his videos and tried to watch two others and my total knowledge of all things Justin Bieber was vastly improved.

And then I took my son his toast and I said, “So what are the three things?”

And he said, “Three things what?”

And I said, “The three nice things you are supposed to tell me because I made you this toast.”

And he said, “Are you really going to eat the toast if I don’t tell you three nice things?”

And I said, “Yes.”

It took him a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time to think of something. And the toast grew cold. And all the hairs on my head turned gray. And then I died. And then my son buried me. And then he gathered with his brothers beside my grave and finally he came up with three nice things to say about his poor, dead mother…

1. You were the best ice cream shake bringer in the world.
2. You made the best cinnamon toast.
3. Your taste in music wasn’t completely terrible.

I want that last one on my tombstone…

Her taste in music wasn’t completely terrible.

After that I made some mashed potatoes to go with that store bought fried chicken and I called everyone in to eat it. And while they all hunkered down over their fried chicken and potatoes, I got out my very special not feeling deprived vegetarian sushi and guess what?

Vegetarian sushi isn’t very good.

You can put a ton of soy sauce on it and smear it all over with wasabi and it is still tastes like cold veggies wrapped inside of cold brown rice.

But I ate it anyway.

While my family ate fried chicken.

Because somebody around here has to save the world.


  • WVKay:

    You are a better woman than I. I would have ate the @#$% out of that fried chicken.

  • theresa:

    I had a similar evening, in which I didn’t feel like cooking and am doing Weight Watchers, but have already consumed my day’s points (and also some of tomorrow’s), so I got the family Charlie’s Chicken then ate a frozen Lean Cuisine. (I nuked it first, btw) I didn’t mash potatoes, though. I made macaroni and cheese and cole slaw. Yep. My evening was kind of like yours.

  • OK. That chicken was already dead, so really a chicken wasn’t saved by you eating veggie sushi. At least not this time. I would have chowed down on the chicken and left the saving of the world to folks who owned tights and a cape. But that’s just me, your friendly neighborhood omnivore!

  • You know, that’s the problem with being a parent. You suffer. And then, when you’re done suffering, what do you do? You suffer some more. And then you get some rest, to recover your strength so you can suffer some more tomorrow.

    It’s tragic, really.

  • Martha in Kansas:

    “She brought good shakes” would be awesome on your stone! People would gather to debate what that could mean.

  • DirtyKSmama - Nikki:

    Chicks will be arriving next month. Shall I raise a meat chicken, with extra love and care, to present to you next New Year’s Day? Pasture-raised on fresh Kansas Spring grass. SOOOO tasty!

    Sorry you had to learn about Justin Bieber. My children all mock him.

    Know what would make you feel better? ‘King’s Speech’ is finally coming to town! Email me if you want to admire Mr. Firth together.

    • carrie:

      my family calls him Justin Boober

  • Spinny:

    1. You were the best ice cream shake bringer in the world.

    Offered without comment:



    • Rechelle:

      Oh dear!

      • Put THAT on your tombstone!

        Rechelle: Her milkshakes brought all the boys to the yard.

        I’d so go leave you flowers.

  • Re: Oprah…that was my first thought, too!! The baby lived. OMG. Too funny!

  • Priss:

    I like veggie sushi, but not brown rice veggie sushi which is mostly what’s sold in grocery stores now. I won’t buy that stuff. If you find it with white rice, you’ll see it’s much tastier. Even my fish-eating son and husband happily steal from my veggie sushi when I get the good kind.

  • km:

    How about being a pescetarian. I know, that’s a 20 buck word right there.

  • Oh Rechelle…I would be dying at this point if I were taking on your challenge! You have such determination & I applaud you for that….I couldn’t just eat veggie sushi – I love Ichiro rolls & tuna rolls….

    By the by, I live on the West Coast, so I think we have pretty good fresh sushi here, since we’re close to salt water. Can you get good sushi in Manhattan, KS?

    • DirtyKSmama - Nikki:

      LucyJoy, outside of my years in KS, I’ve only lived in Seattle, Issaquah and Port Angeles.

      Screw sushi. This place needs fresh salmon. We’re SO many miles from the sea!

      • Yeah, salmon is great here! I grew up on the stuff; my Dad & one of his brothers LOVED to fish & went out fishing in Hood Canal every opportunity they had. I also remember spending several days of summer vacations out at Sekiu or Neah Bay so Dad & one of his buddys could go get some Chinooks or Silvers! I now prefer steelhead, trout (we ate a lot of that, too) or halibut to salmon. In fact, I just finished putting some steelhead to brine. It’ll go on the smoker tomorrow morning!

        Wish I could send you some. It must be hell being land-locked…

        • Rechelle:

          You are seriously killing me Lucy. Salmon sounds sooooooo good.

          • You have an open invitation anytime you’re in our area. Just send me an e-mail & let me know when you’ll be in the area. We’ll prepare you & the family a seafood feast….and steak for my husband since he’s not a big seafood fan.

        • Bridget:

          Lucy Joy: I like you more with every comment that you write even if I am insanely jealous of all the fresh fish you get to eat. That steelhead sounds to die for delicious. There are few foods in this world that taste as good as freshly caught fish. I know plenty hunters, but have yet to make any fishing friends, and I live in an area were fishing is a national pastime. Well more so crabbing and oysters. But we still don’t get fish nearly as tasty as the ones around you. Lucy Joy please enjoy (I am sure you never hear that one) for the rest of us.

          • Thank you!

            My husband doesn’t like seafood unless it’s diguised with some sort of sauce or deep-fried (he grew up in the same area, but his mother doesn’t like seafood, therefore, he didn’t grow up eating it like I did), so any opportunity that arises fix it is a celebration! I wish I could invite you all over for a seafood feast! Oh the fun that we’d have!

  • annmarie:

    I was disappointed about Oprah’s news. It was quite a let down. I wanted something exciting and juicy. Speaking of juicy, you are quite a woman for not eating the fried chicken. Oh, and this was a funny post. Something about it is very relaxed and makes me think you are doing quite well. Not that you weren’t doing well, but you know, you have mentioned how the past several months have been kind of hard and I do wish the best for you. It sounds extremely strange to say that about someone I have never met, but whatever.

  • Hooty:

    I am a frequent reader, but never a commenter and I wanted to commend you for your “no-meat’ challenge. Actually, when I started reading this post, I was going to call out your shit for eating sushi. Kinda like some other “vegetarian” sushi-loving blogger. But, congrats on getting actual vegetarian sushi. And, you’re right, it usually sucks.

  • Ah, the Biebs. I’ve spent so much time rolling my eyes and saying enough with him!
    Then I realize that he’s the kind of boy I would have drooled over when I was fourteen. For making me a hypocrite, damn you, Bieber!

    P.S. Have you seen his dad? He’s hawt in a douche-y kind of way. Seriously. Google now.

  • Kait:

    I hate to have to do it but I must defend the Bieber. I don’t know why but I must. I have to say at least he has rhythm (i.e. he can dance) and he can actually carry a tune in a bucket. (i.e. he can actually sing). Which is saying a lot. After all I can think of dozens just off the top of my head who can’t sing at all. At least not without synthetic help.
    And Caro is right, I would have crushed all over him as a teenager too.

  • susan:

    I love that last accolade your son bestowed on you. Years ago I asked my son how I looked and he said “well….you dont look awful”. It was true since I knew I didnt look great.

    Sushi..love it but a couple of hours later its as if you had not eaten a thing!

  • nanne:

    rechelle–you are really an excellent writer. your pieces are always funny…sometimes engaging, sometimes offputting, sometimes thought provoking. your writing style is very personal–from reading the comments here, i can tell that people feel that you are almost having a one on one conversation with them. even though i don’t necessarily share all of your views, your blog is a lot of fun and dare i say cerebral without the eyes rolling up in my head bore factor.

    you have got to do something with all of this talent! whether it’s a column in a newspaper (oh, so old school), or one in an emag….i would love to see a mennonite in a little black dress kind of book.

    get to work and spread the good word of your wit and awesome smart snarkability…..

    thanks for all of the laughs,

  • Rechelle,

    My entire family were vegetarians for many years (fell off the wagon about four years ago) and with that experience in mind I would like to make a suggestion that may satiate your fried chicken jones. I don’t know how they do it and I hope the answer isn’t disturbing but the UK company Qorn makes the best mock chicken I have ever had. If you can’t find their stuff in your local grocery store you might want to look at a food co-op or other hipster-esque grocer. Here is a link to their website: http://www.quorn.com/


    • Lee (sometimes known as Another Lee):

      Yes, Quorn products are awesome. They are made from fungi, so if that is disturbing you may want to just stick your fingers in your ears and go “lalalalala” while you eat them. Because they are delicious.

  • Spelling correction above… it is Quorn. Fat fingered that one.

    • Bridget:

      I ditto the Quorn products. You get down with your no meating eating bad self. What you give up religion, you write satirical posts about a vapid, fake, comsumption focused blogger, and now you aren’t eating meat. What’s next? Are you going to start running over tykes on bikes and peeing on the neighbor’s dog? If only you had stayed in the glory and light of our Lord. Way to go on sticking to your resolution to not eat meat. I will be interested to hear if you notice any improvements, any negative effects or nothing at all from changing your diet.

      Also you saying that you want to adopt me. Now that was a wonderful compliment. I love trying to get people to laugh and it feels wonderful when that successfully happens. Your blog is the most fun place on the Internet- well fun and insightful and educational. It’s fabulous darling.

  • Hooty:

    Ok, ok. They’re fake. And sucking off the government tit. I get it. I got it from the time Ree said she and MM preferred the taste of grain-fed beef over grass-fed. I knew she prayed at the alter of the dollar. I saw through that shit right away. What I don’t get are the peeps who worship her and her Applebees’ reicipes.
    I can Google “pot roast” and have 21000 hits, I don’t need to pay for her cookbook to learn how to chop an onion.

    • Bridget:

      The people that I don’t understand are the people that eat at Applebees, The Olive Garden, Panera, The Cracker Barrell and other assorted chain restaurants. After seeing that Ree got close 1100 comments on her post, The Ten Things I Love About Sonic, and a majority of the comments were extolling the virtues of how wonderful and delicious the food was at Sonic. The overriding theme, however, were that people were upset, not that she was singing the praises of a shitty fast food joint that hawks substandard, unhealthy food, but that she hadn’t listed Sonic’s tater tots that can be covered in cheese and chili as one of the things that she loves about Sonic. It seems that all those people that keep places that will sell you a metric ton of meat, gravy and lard for the low price of $5.00 running. Are also the same people that worship at the toes of Ree which is probably why they are doubly hard to understand.

      And before I am written off as a food snob or just a snob in general. I am more concerned with the quality of our food and find it scary that Pizza Hut sells two large pizzas for only $8 or that KFC can sell someone a bucket of 30 chicken pieces for $2, and that people get excited about those prices. Those prices should cause feelings of fear and dread, not elation. Quality food should be made affordable and not under cut by lesser quality shit. Alright I see the cane. I am getting off the stage now.

      But real quick: a long time ago she made something and she used a ton of cool whip. All the readers got hiney tingles and then lactiated and ovulated all over themselves and anyone else within a 50 mile radius over that one. No one pointed out that cool whip is almost made entirely out of chemicals and is nasty crap. Well someone did, but that person’s comment was deleted.

      Anyway. I could go on and boy do I go on and on and on. But yep you said it best The Pioneer Woman is the Applebees of the blogging world. Although I almost think that is an insult to Applebees. She is more on par with Denny’s or Chilies.

      • annmarie:

        Bridget, did you see her LHJ video in which she makes mac and cheese and then says “macaroni and cheese is my life!” You must watch. It is so amusing. Again, as I watched I screamed at the computer and inflicted mental anquish on my kids who were witnesses to my disturbing behavior. I can’t help myself. I got a caught in a whole torrent of ree video watching…it’s sort of like watching that movie called roadhouse – so bad it’s good! Anyway, I saw her sonic post and was disgusted by it – I can’t say that I eat healthy 100 percent of the time, but I try hard and I feel it is my respondsibility to feed my children good nutritious food and to not make jokes about eating crap. I mean she not only proposes eating this food but tries to make it sound fun and exciting amd seems to mock healthy eating. She has so many people reading she could be really do some good by convincing people that healthy food can be quite tasty.

  • You are not alone about thinking the baby lived! That was my first thought as well and I too was a bit let down when I found out what the real news was(I had to goggle it). I also thought that was a silly thing to think but I couldn’t think of anything else that would rock her world.

    Also can I just say I would have eaten the shit out of that chicken! I have no restraint when it comes to meat and I’m not too fond of vegetables or torturing myself, which is what would have been happening to me if I watched my family eat the chicken. With that said I admire you for being able to stick to your guns.

  • I became a vegetarian two months ago and I still have to cook for 5 kids and a hubby who are not. It’s been going much better than I thought! Please keep us updated about how your journey is going :)

  • Amphigorey:

    If you can manage to find *fresh* vegetarian sushi, not sushi from the grocery store, you’ll find that it’s AMAZING.

    There’s a vegan sushi place in Berkeley called Cha Ya. The avocado is always perfect and fresh, but the best thing on the menu is the cha-ya roll, which is a tempura sushi roll with avocado, yam, carrots, and possibly other things that I don’t remember. It is deeply wonderful.