Pioneer Woman National Archives Fail

December 10th, 2010

You only have to watch the first few minutes to see that people who you know… read books and stuff, could really care less.

Here’s the breakdown.

1. Mindless Reebot introduces Ree Drummond by referring to fabulous ‘The Bread‘ post.

2. Ree approaches microphone and immediately informs audience that she is now a part of the national archives.

3. Her opening joke – She wakes up often with cows on her porch as well as ‘the things that come from cows.” (Baby cows?  Milk?  Burgers?)

4. She gets a weak laugh from scattered Reebots in the audience when she refers to the fact that she has mentioned sweat and manure in her talk already!

5. Audience member who has no idea who Ree is, asks her to explain her cookbook a little.

6.  Ree answers by covering her entire blogging history.

7. Audience is clearly not responding to her canned jokes in the manner to which she has grown accustomed on her blog and at heavily attended book signings.

8.  Ree Tries to warm up distant non-Reebot zombie crowd with one of her fool proof lactation jokes.

9. Lactation joke is a fail.

10. She repeats lactation joke.

11. Lactation joke still a fail.

12. She plays airhead card and claims that when she first started blogging she believed that blogs were only little ole free websites and did not involve interaction from readers at all!

13. Also claims that she started blogging only to show photos of her kids to her mom.

14. Pulls out her big gun and tells ‘James Garner kiss in elevator story’.

15. Audience is unmoved.

16. Pulls out OTHER BIG GUN and tells ‘Gary Coleman autograph in Benihana story’.

17.  Audience remains mostly stone-like.

18. Says that she began to use her blog to record her adjustment to country life from former golf course life even though she had already been in the country for ten years and seemingly would have had plenty of time to adjust.

19. Pantomimes how she took photos of cooking a steak for her blog. ‘I had the camera like this and had the tongs like this…’

20. Claims that her finished food photos are not at all styled.

21. Uses favorite new word ‘assurance’ again.

22. Audience member asks her if The Lodge will ever be a bed and breakfast.

23. Launches into long history of The Lodge, name drops a few other well known bloggers (Smitten Kitchen and Bakerella). Finally answers that The Lodge will not ever be a bed and breakfast because she likes being more, ‘FREE’. does big hand gesture to emphasize ‘FREE’ while laughing.

24. Audience doesn’t get why ‘FREE’ is funny.

25. Audience member asks if she can trade cooking lessons for flying lessons.

26. Ree states that she is terrified of flying because of living in the country for ten WHOLE years and of going nowhere during those ten years and that she just conquered a fear of flying about a year ago.  (PHEW!  That WAS lucky!)

27. Audience member asks her how she maintains so much consistency and yet posts so often.

28. Ree uses question to launch into her tale of how she solved a ‘raging case of writer’s block’ by posting the first chapter of her Black Heels to Tractor Wheels bullshit love story.  Except Ree doesn’t use the word ‘bullshit’ in her explanation.

29. At 15:50 SHE DOES HER FAMOUS ETHEL MERMAN IMITATION!!!

30. Audience members asks about her kids and their comfort level with the blog. Ree states that at ages 13 and 11 her daughters are ‘becoming interested in reading’.

31. Audience member asks her about upcoming movie. Ree answers by mentioning how her parents marriage was falling apart while she was dating Ladd Drummond and then apologizes for depressing everyone in the room.

32. Also says that she thinks Elle Macpherson should play her.

33. Promotes her upcoming children’s book about her stupid dog.

34. Says that the sparsely populated hall where she is speaking is a crowd to her because of her extremely isolated country life.

35. Audience member inquires about Ree’s cat, but really just wants to tell her own boring cat story.

36. Ree responds with her boring cat story.

37. Ree makes really stupid comments about Cowboy Josh.

38. Audience member asks her how many people work for her on the blog.

39. Ree answers this question by once again going back to the beginning of time which evidently started on the day that she wrote her first post. Finally admits that one guy… well actually two guys help her on the ‘back end’ of her site.

40. Audience member asks her about the mustangs and if they are ‘rescues’.

41. Ree answers by talking about cows and then finally addresses the wild horse question as if they take care of the horses out of the goodness of their hearts completely failing to mention the millions of dollars they receive in government payouts.

42. She concludes by using her other favorite word ‘impart’ and tells the audience that ‘if she can do it, they can do it’ then quickly reminds the audience of all her various products for sale and tells them that ‘cooking is not rocket science’ and that ‘photography, finding contentment in the middle of nowhere – that is really what she is trying to do.’

The End.

Amen.

Comments

  • eclecticdeb:

    You are a much stronger woman than me. I could only get through about 2 minutes…..

    • Me, too. I’m so glad Rechelle wrote Cliff’s Notes for this. After awhile, she started to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me.

  • Samantha:

    I saw this a few weeks ago and tried to sit through it but I was mostly too distracted by her botoxed forehead…….Ree’s “just keepin it real” is such a joke, do people STILL believe her fairy tales???

    • Kait:

      That IS botox isn’t it? Gad! What a media whore. WHY do so many seemingly intelligent people listen to her? Are they hoping she can make them millionaires too? Remember people – she started with scads of money.

    • Bridget:

      She looks much better in her photos. The wonders of photoshop.

  • Nancy:

    This is awesome! I’m trying to stay on a diet and this clip DEFINITELY makes me lose my appetite.

  • Suzanna:

    I am the ONLY person tired of hearing/reading about Ree Drummond here? I want to read about your life and and your family! Get over HER already!

    • Rechelle:

      Oh Suzanna! Oh don’t you cry for me!
      Hey Suzanna! My very favorite readers are the ones who try to bully me (and rally other readers) into writing the content that they prefer. NOT! This is not a democracy and you don’t get a vote. Only I get a vote. And I vote mocking Ree Drummond today!

      • I'm Rhonda and I'm here to help:

        Awesome Rechelle!

        For standing up for yourself and not being verbose in your explanation, you are my hero!

        Rhonda

      • DirtyKSmama - Nikki:

        “This is not a democracy and you don’t get a vote. Only I get a vote.”

        Well put.

        • Nancy:

          Guess she missed the other 90% of this blog,

          • Bridget:

            am I the only who gets annoyed, tired frustrated, angry at reading blog after blog about a person’s life and their family or a blog all about celebrity gossip because that seems to be the majority of blogs out there. It is so refreshing to stumble upon a woman’s blog that isn’t just about her family and her children. Rechelle’s blog is a breath of fresh air because of the variety of her content. There is satire, critiques of religions and religious beliefs, book reviews. I come her because it forces me to think and process and question myself and . To think about how I feel about a certain issue. I love that her blog isn’t about her life and her family- it is so much more because rechelle like many women are so much more than her life and her family. and what they cook. I like getting to read the emotional struggles that Rechelle has gone through because it makes me realize that I shouldn’t try to hide mine from my friends and loved ones.

      • eclecticdeb:

        Oh come on….you mean I don’t have a say in what you write? Rechelle, you have wounded my very being……

        Heh, that sounds like something I have to tell my 16-year old man-chld sometimes. I tell him he lives in a “Queendom”.

  • Lacey:

    Wow. That was awkward, uncomfortable, disturbing…..She must really photoshop herself on her blog, because she looked kind of rough in this video. And she should probably lay off of “the bread” now. WTF is wrong with her? If I was that bad of a public speaker, I wouldn’t agree to do bullshit interviews like that. It really destroys that fairy tale image she puts out on her blog.

  • Joan:

    She makes me sick.

  • That was just plain rough, and painful, to watch. Only lasted about 3 minutes.

  • Lori:

    ‘Ree answers by talking about cows and then finally addresses the wild horse question as if they take care of the horses out of the goodness of their hearts completely failing to mention the millions of dollars they receive in government payouts.’ THE reason I stopped reading Pioneer Woman…that everyone in the county not association with agriculture think we ALL act like her…..I could cry…

    ….so many things I could say and so little time so I will limit myself to a cut and paste from your narrative and go to work…..

  • OMG this is excruciating painful. I made it 7 minutes.

  • Dree Rah:

    What the f**k? She is horrid! Stream of consciousness, much? She is really not likable to me. Wow.

  • Heather in MT:

    she doesn’t actually answer the questions she just rambles on and on and on…… she can’t get outside of her pre-written spiel, because if she did she might contradict her current “profile” that she is trying to portray. I couldn’t actually watch it but I scrolled down and listened to it.

    I had a person just like her in my art group. When we would all stand up and show what we had been working on over the past few months and get some feed back from other artists she would always have something to say that wast pointless and long winded. Then she would get up and show the huge canvas that she had been working on…. squares of color gradation that she had made to help figure what colors to use and how to mix them. She took up a whole hour, where the rest of us (with actually pieces) took maybe 5 minutes… I found it painful.

  • Sarah K:

    Thanks for posting a Cliff Notes version, now I don’t have to watch it at all!

  • Dree Rah:

    Ok. I just sat through the whole thing despite how painful it was. One thing that struck me: she said that the women who produced Julie and Julia are producing her flick. I had never read the Julie Julia blog before but I remember thinking that they made the blogger come across as kind of jerk. I wonder how Ree will come across in this movie?

  • Jennine:

    I bought the damn cookbook and was shocked to discover that most of the recipes that Ree calls her own have actually been recycled and were already in the dozens of church cookbooks sitting on my bookshelf.

    Ree’s recipes DO come with a bajillion photos which gets my husband’s non-photogenic rear end in the kitchen and for that I thank her.

    I don’t begrudge the yoga pants queen her success. She’s like an infomercial that you watch once before deciding whether or not you can live without the product.

    The thing that bothers me how she treats people IN REAL LIFE based on the accounts of those who have had the displeasure of spending time with her. I have zero tolerance for fake people. Life is too short.

    I’d take a hundred constipated, depressed Dooces over one PW.

  • Bridget:

    SInce I live in DC. I go to National Book Festival every year. Normally it is packed with very talented writers, critically acclaimed authors and it is an awesome opportunity to be in an some what intimate situation with authors, and listen to them tell stories and talk about the process of writing. There are all sorts different styles of books from cookbooks to sci fi to classical lit, etc. Most author talks and Q&A periods focus on the author telling some stories about their lives, answering questions about characters in a book, about writing, etc. Very much the opposite of Ree

    When I saw that Pioneer Woman was being a featured author. I was very surprised. It just didn’t make much sense and seemed to water down the event or dumb down the event. I just avoided her tent all thought.. ALso I am sure that the organizers felt that bringing in a popular blogger would be a good PR move. Because she in no way ranks up with the other authors that were present.

    • Rechelle:

      I watched another one of the author talks from the same event just to see if it was the same ‘timbre’ and I was pleased to discover that the other author was great and I wanted to run out and get his book. Blanking on his name, but his book was about the food industry. Jonathan ? Sahan?

      • Jenny E.:

        Was it Jonathan Safran Foer? He has a book about vegetarianism that’s a pretty good read.

        • Lee (sometimes known as Another Lee):

          “Everything Is Illuminated” is his first and a fascinating read. Highly recommended!

      • Bridget:

        I know exactly who you are talking about ,but I can not spell his name. But that it is the type of authors that are at the event. It was shocking that she was included. I am still trying to figure it out. There has to be a reason and I am going to do so research into the whole thing. I do know that they year they were having kids find authors from all over the USA, so there may have been a USA theme I missed. Maybe she was there to say the world isn’t being run and ruined by the liberal elite. Not sure.

        Even though the event as started by Laura Bush. WHo I. She was an english teacher, had a love of books and their authors and wanted to give people the change to be close to their beloved authors. And draw in people, so they could get interested. I got to meet my most all time favorite author to every- Gabrial Garcia Marquez best moment of my life.

        I have a few of his books. I would be happy to mail them to you. I am moving and would love to hold on to as many books as I can, but I love being able to give books to people that will love them and cherish them as much as I. I will send you the title once I find to see if you want and I know I have more than one. I will do that this weekend .

  • Nancy:

    Okay, I’ll be the catty one that says it. What the hell was she thinking pairing that blouse with a fabric lei?

    • susan:

      Nancy: you are just being human. Dont we all at time pick someone apart? Especially when they thrust themselves in the media. Frankly, he mouth bugs the shit out of me. It doesnt change shape or move and I think she needs another haircut to help counter her HUGE forehead.

      • Nancy:

        Hahahaha! Soul mate!

  • Bridget:

    Also I need to have my pulse taken because I do not want to run around and make THE BREAD!

  • Bridget:

    excuse me that should say….run out and make THE BREAD.

  • Jill:

    This video is so, so bad. I am almost embarrassed for her. Almost, but not quite….

  • Martha in Kansas:

    Bless her heart! She’s so accustomed to the adulation, she’s not sure how to talk to this group that doesn’t react with enthusiasm.

    One question I’d like to have asked is at what point did she realize she could take control of her blog and only allow comments she deems appropriate.

  • Bridget:

    Her story about the blogs beginnings and every ancedote fits to a tee the image that she is marketing of herself to her fans. I would to see her actually strip away the image crafted by the PR and marketing people and then talk the audience. On how she built a very successful blog, what goes in to creating a blog that you can make money off and of how to generate/get people to your blog. Beyond the money how does one start thinking about building a successful blog.

    This interview offers no practical advice or guidance towards fledging bloggers and/or some tips to cheaply market their blogs. She doesn’t talk about looking at the blogs and forums out there doing market reearch- do some market research to see what people might like and it can help a new blogger find a theme for a blog.

    I suppose Ree doesn’t want to shatter the illusion that her blog is all about keeping it real, one woman sharing personal stories rather that the blog is a company that interested in marketing Ree, her lifestyle, her ranch, her husband, etc. She also probably did want word to get to the hive mind that she joined through the to do a little marketing research of her. She was out there scouting out groups that would enjoy her site and then shaped the site so that it would be marketable to a few different groups. That’s how she began to grow her blog, but she made it seem that it was grass root undertakings by the readers that shot her star into the sky.

    She offered us no instruction on how to come a blogger. How hard it is to one. What does it take? How did you actually become successful? Is it all about posting 1,000s of the same pictures of charlie, MM’s butt, space alien children, horses, cows, charlie, charlie, charlie, charlie, MM’s

    WHen you go and hear any of the other featured writers there. YOu walk away with this feeling that you learning something wonderful and instrumental to your life, you learned a lesson about life or writing, you walk away feeling your really connected with a person. At the end of Ree- I walked away understanding that I just met the company barbie doll. The corporation would be proud of . Also I learn absolutely nothing about blog. I hope she doesn’t come back.

  • Mo:

    Oh she would die if she saw that chapstick picture of herself in the, what is that called, the header? The masthead? Whatever, you are awesome Ms. Rechelle!

  • the editor:

    I’m guessing that she was “all choked up” because of that blue noose she was a wearin’. Yeah, I made it to about minute three…

    • susan:

      blue noose! that is funny!

  • Bobbie Thompson:

    So much hate shame on you bitches, Pioneer woman bashing same as Gay Bashing. Hate Hate Hate

    • Meme:

      Not hardly.

      • Bobbie Thompson:

        Where is the love making fun of other people know matter who they are or what they look or sound like is as bad as the Salem Witch trials hate, kkk,hate, pioneer woman bashing hate. Your children are watching you.

        • Nancy:

          You obviously don’t know much about the Salem Witch Trials. This is way better.

          • Bobbie Thompson:

            Hate is hate is hate ……

        • Debbie:

          Exactly what phrase did you use in google search that landed you here?

      • Bobbie Thompson:

        yes it is.

        • Nancy:

          I hate your lack of punctuation.

          • Priss:

            Just laughing and appreciating here!

          • I’m with you, Nancy. For crying out loud, Bobbie! If you don’t like it, go away!

            For one thing, gay people are born gay, just as heterosexuals are born heterosexual. To berate & harass someone for their sexuality is wrong – always will be. Rechelle’s humor is not hate.

            Rechelle is not hating. She is bringing to light the fact that Ms. Drummond has become a caricature of herself and is satirizing that fact.

            You probably don’t enjoy Tina Fey’s impression of Sarah Palin, either. Same thing. Lampooning.

  • Kim K. in Western PA:

    I got through the part where she says she won’t go into details about what comes from cows and then says she is tired of cleaning manure off her porch. Couldn’t watch it. Too much drivel.

  • Couldn’t get past the overly botoxed face and that beach above her eyebrows.

  • annmarie:

    I think Ree likes to talk about herself just a teensy weensy bit. Has anyone else noticed that or is it just me? I felt kind of bad for her, especially when she went on for what seemed like hours when asked about how the cookbook came to be. My hiney was tingling with embarrassment for her. I didn’t watch too much because it was boring. I like Rechelle’s notes better.

  • annmarie:

    Okay, first off, I admit, I need to get a life. The one thing I hate about you posting Ree stuff is that it makes me want to go to her site to see how annoying she is and it was real bad this morning. The woman is everywhere. Now she’s on the cover of a new magazine AND she was on the Today show, but she did that thing where she pretended she didn’t want anyone to know she was going to be on the Today show so she accidentally mentioned when she would be on, and then she talked about how if you happened to watch the show that she hoped you wouldn’t watch her hair would look awful because she was having it dyed a hideous shade of red. It’s just so bothersome to me that people find her interesting. I need help. I really do. Why does she annoy me so?

    • Sharon:

      It’s like a train wreck. You just can’t turn away.

    • Nancy:

      And did you notice that on her blog she is suggesting that you gift people with that magazine featuring her mug? Gee, who doesn’t want that for Christmas? The queen of self-promotion strikes again.

      I keep waiting for Pioneer Woman brand cookware, yoga pants, hair color, etc. to hit the market. Then the Reebots can be JUST like her (are we still in junior high??). I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before she unveils her brand of -insert product here- that she will claim she invented all on her little lonesome with no help from anyone, while conveniently forgetting the names of the folks who did the hard work. Have you noticed how the people who keep her blog, books,and life running are always “a guy” or “a gal”. She never gives credit where it’s due.

  • Bobbie Thompson:

    I’m not after Rechelle! I’m after you bitches who were making fun of her appearance.!!!!

    • Mo:

      Your point loses impact when you call people “bitches.”

      • Bravo, Mo! Pot calling the kettle black.

  • Bobbie Thompson:

    All of you are hypocrites it’s not ok to make fun of anybody. Just go back and read what you write it is mean.

    • …and you’re no better using profanity. Now *that’s* mean. You don’t even know these people to judge in that way.

  • Kay in KCMO:

    4:33 is as far as I made it. That voice really is, uh, something. And she just looked out of her element. Stay on the ranch, Ree!

  • To Bobbie – People are laughing and having fun … you are darn brave to break the mood. I am not sure if it’s the right attention you are seeking, but it might work better if you are at PW site. Perhaps, something like “please be yourself so that people can stop making fun of you”, but then it might not work, either. Your comments here or there would not make a bit of difference. So, why don’t you just enjoy the show?

    (This one is from the contest blog) On a different note, I am not sure your comment about PW’s possibly killing herself as a result of people (or Rechelle) making fun of her… narcissistic people can’t kill themselves, really, research it yourself, but to say something like that to Rechelle is vile. I believe Rechelle is entitled (or earned) her right to do this. In some ways, Rechelle paid for it in advance. None of has the right to stop Rechelle or beg her to stop … because none of us gave time and day Rechelle gave PW and thoughtful gifts, or time spent at PW’s presence … I can only imagine the emotional and mental (and intellectual) violations Rechelle must felt afterwards. It’s tough … and everyone recovers from that sort of experience differently, so let this journey be without casting stones.

    Changing the topic, once Rechelle mentioned something about blog junkie, and since then I have been thinking about stop reading blogs altogether.

    Thank you, Rechelle, for helping me. About a year ago, I was looking for Christmas projects for my girls. I ended up reading what appeared to be the most perfect family blog … there I learned about the PW. So, I went over there. I kept reading her and I kept asking myself … can this be true? I had to research her … I just had to do that. I did not want to read her blog, but I kept going back. So, I wanted to stop the obsession, so searched for others in my predicament, which brought me to here. I keep reading your stuff and I was really impressed with your creativity, the way you dealt with life, in general, and thought that you would be the type of person I would have loved to meet face to face. Then I realized that reality is certainly different from the blogging … or others call it blogosphere. I love your intellectual capacity … and admire your enthusiasm for knowing and learning the truth. Keep up with all that … it seems like people love it.

    Today, truly, is the day, I decided to stop reading blogs. I believe there should be more thought provoking people like you. You have been a sensational teacher to me and wishing you fantastic holiday season …

    • Rechelle:

      ThanksABunch – You are welcome a bunch! Blogs can suck the life out of you if you are not careful. Books are better! Happy Trails!

  • I couldn’t get past two minutes and thought it was just me. So I came to comments to see what others thought. Umm, obviously I’m not alone. Isn’t it interesting that if you don’t agree with someone then you are “prejudiced” or “bitches” or whatever title “people” want to use.

  • Ashley:

    I managed to make it through the entire video (although I was surfing the web in another tab while listening to her drivel). Homegirl needs to lay off the botox (her face looks like it’s melting) and come up with a new game plan if she expects her bots to stay captivated. Why no one dragged her away from the podium with a hook is beyond me. The sad part is that she probably thought she was fabulous.

    Love the blog Rechelle! Found you through google and now you are a bookmark. Keep it up!

  • Patricia:

    “LucyJoy” berates Bobbie Thompson….”You don’t even know these people to judge in that way”.

    What are many of you doing ? Read your comments – that’s not “judging” ?

    And we’re supposed to teach our kids not to be bullies……..

    • Yes, I did scold. No one should be called a “bitch,” especially someone who you only have knowledge of through a comment they leave on a blog.

      On the other hand, a public figure, which is what Ms. Drummond has become by way of her blog & cookbook, has to develop a thick skin to deal with detractors. Not everyone likes everyone who’s in the public eye.

      Perhaps a few here are judging, but none used an expletive to describe Ms. Drummond……Most are poking fun at the “brand” that PW has created of herself.

      As for bullying, perhaps we need to start at the national level: I saw so much of it during our most recent election that it made me sick, and it was all televised! Anything that goes on here is small peanuts compared to that!

  • rozdabiker:

    :) I am reminded of a comment made by Dale Earnhardt to Jeff Gordon (both winning NASCAR drivers). Dale told Jeff that it didn’t matter whether they were booing you or cheering for your just as long as they were talking about you. I’m sure they both laughed all the way to the bank. I would imagine that Ree Drummond feels the same.

  • Patricia:

    Good point Rozdabiker

  • taylor5622:

    Green Acres meets Washington D.C. Ree can fake it on her blog but when it comes to real life, her “dumb” act doesn’t translate to the big stage. Wow, where was the hook? At the very least, someone should have thrown some tomatoes her way. Since Ree’s self-taught in so many areas of her life, perhaps she should try some comedy lessons.

    I”ve never understood her appeal. And with her millions, you’d think she could afford to update her hair and clothes. Ouch!

    Sorry, just keepin’ it real.