Browsing Archives for December 2010

Pie Near Woman Gets Branded!

December 13th, 2010

Hi everybody!  It’s me!

Pie Near Woman!

Today, I want to talk about something very important!



More important that dating, marriage and babies…



More important than lactating, Spanx and butter!

It’s the single most important question of your life!

And that question is…


What is your personal brand?


Because nothing in the whole wide world is more important than choosing your brand.


It will follow you the whole rest of your life.

And if you do it right, people will come to love your brand and to trust your brand

And defend your brand on the internet like a pack of rabid hyenas

and to mindlessly consume your brand long after it is interesting, inspiring or even intelligible!


Trust me.

There is no more passionate nor more catatonic love…

Than the love of a favorite brand!



And as in most things…

I am an expert on branding.

Not only because I am simply better than most people…

But also because I am a massive consumer of the best brands myself!


I guess it takes one to know one!


The first thing you need to know when choosing your brand is…

Who are the people who are going to love your brand?



Are they conspicuously wealthy, bored out of their minds, middle aged housewives who choose to insulate

themselves from reality by creating a mental fort of womens magazines and wallpaper samples?



Are they paranoid religious right-wing conservatives who have prayed for a biblical epoch for a homeschooling

prophetess who would make it alright for their hineys to tingle once in a while?


Or better yet!

Stupid young women whose ovaries are on fire

and who can’t wait to have a baby because




As you may have guessed…

My readers are all of the above.


And I have created a special place

and a special brand

where they can all come together over and over and over and over again throughout the day

and feel safe… and loved… and completely protected from that nasty, horrible place called…




What does my brand look like?

To my readers it is a big beautiful butterfly!

(Emphasis on butter!)

But to me it just looks like every other successful brand in the world…


Lawsie Mercy!


Love Ya More’n My Luggage!

Pie Near Woman

With Pie Near Woman showing signs of wantin’ to breed again, MM separated her from the herd like a wild mustang.

Nancy wins the caption contest!

Nancy – please e-mail me at and tell me which book you prefer.

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell or A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson.

AMY F!  I loved your caption so much that you can have the book that Nancy does not choose if you so desire.  Email me at if you are interested.

Thanks to everyone for the rest of the hilarious entries.  Next time I think I may be losing my mind with this whole PW thing, I will read through them and remember that I am far from alone.

It’s pretty creepy, but I have to admit – there’s something about it that I kind of like.

Because nothing says Christmas like two freaky little pigs in their Sunday best.

World’s largest petrified Santa.

What would the holidays be without a little innocent 24 hour elven surveillance?

There’s still plenty of time to enter a photo of your own for the Creepy Christmas contest.  If you see something that creeps you out during your holiday shopping, snap a picture and email it to me at

The creepiest photo gets a $25.00 gift certificate to their favorite online store.  Runners up get an old used book!  Deadline is December 22nd.

Festooning Mi Casa for Christmas!

December 11th, 2010

For the past several years, I have blogged about creating winter pots for outdoor holiday decoration.  Making the pots have become one of my favorite holiday traditions.

The Garden Center where I work, sells a wonderful variety of fresh evergreen boughs.  I recently brought a car full home so that I could put together my own pots.

I really enjoy working with natural materials.  They just make me feel so dang wholesome!

I used a shorter pot this year because I thought they would fit down inside of the urns in front of my house a little better.

The pots are filled with sand and then I filled the center of the pots with bright red dogwood stems.

After the stems are firmly in place, I began to add the fresh greens.  I work with them until I am happy with how they look and then I spray them with a waxy substance that helps seal moisture into the needles so they don’t dry out too fast.

Voila!  Winter pots!

Aren’t they pretty!

I used the leftover greens in a watering can by the door.

And then a few days later a fierce wind storm ripped the greens out of one pot and carried it who knows where.