Whenever I have friends or family over for dinner they always ask me one question…
Are you going to give us large sacks of cash like you did last time?
And I always smile and say…
Yes, I am making THE BREAD.
And then they say…
What about the sacks of money?
And I say…
I know, I know… THE BREAD… I am making THE BREAD.
And then they say…
When you say bread do you mean fat stacks of dollar bills in a grocery bag?
And I say -
It’s a foregone conclusion… even though that doesn’t make any sense at all.
And then I smile…
I smile because I married a ranch tycoon and you didn’t.
I smile because when I post a photo of my dog on the internet, I make like ten thousand dollars.
I smile because I wear flowy gypsy tunics with angel sleeves while working over an open flame.
And I smile because there are currently three naked cowboys sitting on my counter-top.
Take a piece of bread…
Place it in the toaster…
Turn your toaster all the way to blackest black of blackness blacker blackity black black.
This is brown.
You want it black.
Do you ever want it black.
Think of the blackness of Seal’s purply black scars.
And then think of Heidi.
And then think Seal and Heidi together.
In a giant tub of Butter.
We’re smokin’ now!
See that black part?
That’s where the flavor is.
That is the seasoning.
You know what happens next.
Yes you do.
You know you want it!
I love butter so much!
The soft, silky texture.
The way it feels against my skin…
And my tongue!
And my face.
It’s so firm and unyielding…
Until you warm it up…
And then it changes.
To something slick and slippery…
And so, so deliciously satisfying…
I want to marry butter!
And have butter’s little butter babies!
I want to feel the butter’s babies inside of me!
Swimming around in my tummy!
Oooooh! I can feel their chubby butter kicks!
I love my chubby butter babies SO MUCH!!!
I WANT TO HAVE BABIES WITH MY CHUBBY BUTTER BABIES!!!!
Come here chubby butter baby!
Come to mama!
Mama loves you so much!
Eating THE BREAD…
It’s like eating a chubby baby made of butter!
My own chubby butter baby! (That is actually the baby of my other chubby butter baby who is the baby of me and butter!)
It’s the perfect crispy crunchy complement to anything you could ever want to eat!
Try it this weekend!
Served with some cowboy tenderloin!
And then make your guests put on your flowy tops!
And then give them a big bag of cash.
Love ya more than my luggage!
Pie Near Woman