Browsing Archives for June 2010

World's Most…

June 27th, 2010

World’s most beautiful cat.

Sorry – but she is.

World’s most tuckered out eight year old.

(After a day of partying with his brother’s friends.)

World’s most destroyed English garden.

Damn those twelve year olds and their water balloon fights!

Although they probably put this struggling patch mercifully out of it’s misery.

Dear Charles

June 24th, 2010

When the design for the new blog is finished it is going to feature a section called ‘Dear Charles’.  Dear Charles will be an advice column written by my dear friend, Dear Charles.

And just who is Dear Charles, you might ask?

I must admit that I asked myself this question just a few weeks ago when Dear Charles friended me on Facebook.  Except that back then, he wasn’t Dear Charles.  He was just Plain Old, Regular Charles.  And to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure who Plain Old, Regular Charles was and I had to reach far back into my memories to figure it out and well, due to the four holes in my head where the babies came out, that was a lot more work than it should have been.

Charles?

Do I even know a Charles…????

Hmmmmmmm……

WAIT!

Charles…

CHARLES???

Oh My God CHARLES!

Once it dawned on me just who Charles was, I hastily friended him back hoping that my hesitation did not come across as some sort of a back handed insult or stony disregard.  But Charles graciously ignored my hesitation and so began a series of letters that have kept me entertained for weeks.  In fact, I became so addicted to Charles’s letters, that if a day went by without getting one, I lost my will to live and the Country Doctor had to hook me up to a respirator and pump me full of steroids.  Charles’s letters became a beacon for me, a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.  They shone into the darkness and the darkness did not comprehend them.  But I comprehended them!  And I was having so much fun catching up with Charles and reading his letters that I almost forgot I had a blog.  And that is REALLY SAYING SOMETHING!

But then!

One night!

There occurred a near fatal point in our communication!

Charles ran across a comment on my Facebook page that alluded to my blog.

“You have a blog?” Charles asked.  “Where can I find it?”  he inquired.

And that’s when I abruptly laid down my pen and stopped writing to Charles.

And no, it wasn’t really a pen, but surely you can see how saying ‘laid down my pen’ is much better suited to a post entitled ‘Dear Charles’ than the cold, blunt and thoroughly modern expression ‘closed my laptop’.  But I did close my laptop because I couldn’t write Charles back.

Because I didn’t know how to tell Charles about the blog.

I thought if I told Charles about the blog… somehow… someway…I was worried that… well… that maybe the magic letters from Charles would stop.

I was also just a tad nervous that Charles would hate my blog (as it certainly isn’t unusual for people to hate this blog).  I didn’t think Charles would hate the content… well… yes… maybe he would hate the content… but also he just might hate the uh… well…  sometimes… the occasional um… teensy… weensy… typo shows up in a post and and these typos have the annoying habit of … uh… multiplying whenever I turn my back.  It’s almost like they are breeding.  I guess I have devout Catholic typos… or maybe I have polygamous typos, because they seem to spawn a hundred-fold from the time I finish a post and the time I push the publish button and if I know one thing about Charles (other than that he is the best letter writer ever) it’s that he is an intolerable raging lunatic when it comes to typos.  It is somewhat amazing that he even managed to get through my letters at all without his brain exploding into bloody bits.  But he did.  And I owe him much for this.

And you dear reader, (even the dear readers who hate my guts) will also enjoy ‘Dear Charles’.  I know you will.  Not only because he is a typo Nazi and his writing will be stitched together so perfectly that you won’t even be able to see the stitches, but also because his writing will leave you in stitches.

But why should I try and convince you when I can just SHOW YOU!

Ahem!

I give you…

The first few letters that Charles and I exchanged after Charles friended me on Facebook and then I hesitated and finally friended him back.

Enjoy.

Please note – the letters may start off a bit slow, but if you give them time, they will slow down even more, at which point they will slowly swerve to a grinding halt and then begin to move backwards in imperceptible increments.  But they hugely entertained me.  I hope they will entertain you too.

If after reading the letters that I received from Dear Charles, you feel that you have finally come into contact with someone who is qualified to tackle a few prickly metaphysical issues in your own life,  please consider sending him a letter yourself.  I can only promise you this – should you receive a response from Charles, it is like being wrapped in a warm chocolatey blanket of care and concern with a decidedly nutty center.  You can reach ‘Dear Charles’ at ‘dear charles at live dot com’.

Planting an English Garden

June 23rd, 2010

This is the backyard garden of mad King George III.  It is behind his former home which is on the grounds of Kew Gardens in England.  After visiting this site last summer, I decided that I too, must have an English garden.

So when my mom traveled to Europe last winter and brought me back a few packets of seeds, I decided to put my plan into action.

Unfortunately, the English seeds required a bit more effort than I usually like to expend on much of anything.
I find it difficult to manage much more than poking the seeds in the ground and waiting around to see if anything happens while distracting myself from further effort with movies, books and buckets of beer.  But holding the vision of Mad King George’s back yard in my head, I threw back my shoulders and applied myself.

I had to start these seeds in a special seed compost and later transplant them.

I found some seed starter at the Garden Center where I work…

And I bought a seedling tray, which is just a plastic tray arranged into long narrow rows designed specifically to sprout seedlings.


I planted all the English seeds and also decided to start a packet of passion flower as it is supposed to be filled with religious symbolism and there is nothing that I love more than religiously themed flowers.

Sadly, my seed trays were not exactly a smashing success.

They would much more aptly be described as a pathetic disaster.

Here are some of Erin and Jan’s seed trays at work….

Note the thick stems, the sturdy leaves, the deep green color, the cheerful demeanor!

There was nothing cheerful about the demeanor of my seedlings.

“Chin up!”  I told myself and my weak, limpid seedlings.

Because isn’t that what English gardeners say?

And I stuck what little I could salvage from among the ruins of that seed tray into an empty bed on the south side of the house.

So here they are…

And here is a close-up.

As you can see, my English garden is off to a slow start.

But all it needs is just a little time – right?

Right?!?

Cheerio!