David Sedaris – An Autographed Giveaway!

May 6th, 2010

 

I went to see David Sedaris with my other best friend – Martha.


This is Martha.

Martha is the person who won the extra ticket that I had because my husband decided to take all four of my kids camping instead of going with me to see David Sedaris.  This little mis-step of his turned out to be extra awesome as I not only got to punish him ruthlessly for abandoning me when we clearly had a date, but he also took all the kids and I had three glorious days of peace!

I didn’t really punish him ruthlessly.  That is a joke.  A joke!  A JOKE!!!!  You know jokey? Me go ha, ha, you go hee, hee, hee?  Jokey, Jokey, ha, ha, ha. Rechelle does jokey jokey and you go laughy laughy? You know this?  This jokey thing?  Lois?  Elena? Ree?  Ree’s fiercely protective readers who think a joke is the picture of a basset hound with a sausage on it’s nose?  

Anyway!  

Martha won the ticket and Martha and I had a fabulous time getting to know each other at the David Sedaris reading.

During which David told this one story that involved a dog biting off the face of a little girl and neither me nor Martha thought it was very funny. We no jokey, jokey. We no go laughy, laughy. We no ha ha. We sit and stare while people all around us laugh their jokey noses off. Me and Martha stare.  Everyone else ha ha. Me and Martha wonder what is wrong with us? Why we no go jokey jokey ha ha when David tells his dog biting little girl’s face off story? But he told a lot of other stories that did make me laugh.  Especially when he read from his journal.  

And then I waited in line for an hour to get an autograph from David.

 

And that is when I took the illicit photos that the signs forbade.  

Because I am a bad ass rule breaker when it comes to some things.

Like books

And authors.

Come walk on the wild side with me.

And Martha – even though she had been forced to swing from a tree that day

On a farm with a scary dog

She was still willing to stand in that line with me.  

For an hour.  

So we stood.  And we talked.  And I got to know Martha better in that hour than I know my own brother.  And I don’t even have a brother. But Martha does!  And she lived in Europe for two years.  And she teaches English as a second language to college students.  And she lives in a great old neighborhood.  And she went to college in Denver.  And one time she went to a show with her dad and when Liza Minnelli began to sing – he stood up and forced her whole family to walk out of the theater.  And Martha told me this because when she was younger, people often said that she looked like Liza Minnelli.  And you know what?  Martha does look like Liza Minnelli.  She also likes clouds in her coffee.  And she was willing to pretend that two of my David Sedaris books were hers so that I would appear less obnoxious, asking David to only sign three books instead of five.  

That is why one of the books reads like this…

 

Because when Martha and I were doing our sneaky, sneaky, jokey, jokey, ha, ha pretend like Rechelle only has three books instead of five – we forgot to ask him to sign them to me!   So he started out by signing it to Martha.  Then after we tried to explain that even though Martha was giving him the books -they were actually mine because we were worried that handing him five books would somehow be breaking the rules because there were clearly camera rules so were there not also possibly book limit rules?  And that’s when David said  the most dear words that one best friend has ever said to another best friend.

“I don’t care how many books you ask me to sign.  I will sign all of them.  It doesn’t matter to me!”

And that is when I knew that even though I didn’t really like the dog biting a little girl’s face story very much – I still loved David.

He drew pictures for all of the books that he signed. That’s Jesus in the above drawing. Yes. David drew a picture of Jesus for me.  David is a very devout… Jesus… drawing… guy.

He asked me what animal I wanted him to draw on the next book and I said, “An elephant.”

Then I remembered that David hates republicans!  I wished I had said something that was the opposite of an elephant.  Like a leprechaun!  Or a titmouse!  Or a unicorn!  Why didn’t I say a UNICORN for Chrissake! 

Then David asked me if I was married.

And I said, ” Yes David….Yes… I will marry you.”

But that is not what David meant.  He meant if I was ALREADY married.  I told him I was and he asked me if I missed my husband when he was gone.

I said, “No David, I don’t”.

This goes back to David not missing Hugh when he is on book tours.

I can’t really explain it to you.

Because it is an inside joke between us two best friends.

Then I pointed at David’s book Me Talk Pretty One Day and I told him that there was a scene in that book that might just be the funniest scene in all of literature.

David said, “Oh?  What’s that?”

I said, “The scene where you explain Christianity to the Muslim woman in broken French… that scene… was so funny.  I laughed so hard…”

David said, “That woman was a bitch.”

“She was?”  I replied.

“Yes.” he said, ” She was an awful bitch.”

So now David and I have inside jokes and we have also have SECRETS!  

Then he asked me how long I had been an atheist.

“What?”

“When did you become an atheist?” he repeated.

“Huh?”

I looked at Martha.

Martha looked back at me.

Martha said that she had told David that I was an atheist.

“Oh!”  I said.  

For a minute I thought that maybe David Sedaris was reading my blog!  

So I said, “Not very long ago”.  

And just FYI  - David seemed perfectly okay with my atheism.  Even though he is a devout Jesus drawing guy.  

And then David handed my books to Martha and we all made plans to vacation together at his house in France.  

And then just a few days ago, I was going through all the books that he signed and I saw this…

 

Somehow I touched his heart.

I touched David Sedaris’s heart.

Me.

I did.

I have no idea how.

I just did.

Isn’t he awesome?!?

_____________________________________________________

I have an extra copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day which is autographed by David.  Unfortunately – it is autographed to me.  That is because Martha and I are both very bad at telling best-selling authors what to do.  So that neither one of us was able to tell David to autograph the book to no one.  So instead he autographed it to me.  But since I am his best friend and also – I touched his heart – it is kind of like you are getting a twofer. Plus, you are getting an original David Sedaris drawing of an angry squirrel.  So it is really a threefer.  Feel free to cross my name out and add your own.  

 

If you would like a chance at this book – just leave a comment.  I will draw a winner randomly on Sunday night. Over-seas readers are welcome to participate. Good luck!

Comments

  • Okay, you were right. I forgot about that part when I said he WAS! HILARIOUS! ALL! THE! TIME!

    I forgot about that story. I sat nervously during that story and thought of my infant son. I figured I was the only idiot in there who could not enjoy an obvious fairy tale fable JOKE whatever… because I am an obsessive insane new mom with nothing baby food for brains.

    Good to know I wasn’t alone. I kinda hated that part too.

  • Carol:

    Sounds like a fun evening, although I’m more jealous that you had three days without your family.

  • GA in GA:

    I doubt I would have laughed at that story, either. Maybe it is a mom-thing. Or an EQ test. And I usually have a fairly sick sense of humor, just not when it involves children being hurt.

    Though Sedaris is one of the funniest guys around. I’ll have to get over the Jesus drawings, but love the angry squirrel.

    The local CD would have loved to hear Sedaris, too, though he is not much for crowds. Any chance you illegally recorded Sedaris??? :-)

  • GA in GA – no I didn’t illegally record him. Dang! Why didn’t I think of that!

  • What an awesome story. I love how he took the time to draw all those doodles instead of just signing his name!

  • That’s so awesome that he took time out to sign every book and to draw pictures. Some author signings limit it to just the current book they’re promoting and they only write TO and that’s it.

  • Hey Look!
    There’s a squirrel!
    Would love this book….

  • I like squirrels!

  • Sure, why not? But only because squirrels are the protectors of all that’s right and good in the world. They are fierce in their opposition to the salamanders, who desire nothing but pain and wickedness for all who fall under their power.

    Remember, when the squirrels throw nuts at you… they’re trying to knock off the salamanders!

  • DirtyKSmama - Nikki:

    Rechelle make jokey jokeys, Nikki blow snotty snottys out her nose laughing.

    An angry squirrel drawing makes that book perfect.

    Speaking of squirrels, if you need another Kansas Oddities day trip to report on, don’t forget the squirrels in Marysville.

    • Nikki – I don’t know anything about the squirrels in Marysville. Must do google search.

  • Stupid Idea:

    I would like an angry squirrel book!

  • Carol the longwinded:

    Love David Sedaris and am jealous that you touched his heart!

    It looks like another Carol got here first so ….my full name.

  • nancy in ak:

    Wow!!!!

  • I’ll bet that story about the dog and the face were a test to see whether people were still thinking. Or maybe he got bored of making people laugh. Or maybe he was testing his powers.

  • lurulu:

    Great story!
    I’d love to have that book and the cute squirrel…

  • Kathy from NJ:

    I would love to win the book.

  • luces:

    Yay Rechelle, you rock!

  • Oh oh oh oh! ME PLEASE! *Stretches hand like over eager child who has the right answer to a question no one is asking*

    lol I am only semi jokey jokey. Do want book. Do. ^_^

    <3

  • Oh! It sounds like you and Martha had a great time, even with the story of a little girl getting her face chewed off by a dog. I don’t think that could ever be jokey-jokey, no matter who tells it.

    I’ve wanted to read ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day’ for a few years now, so if you picked me, I would be running around my house all jokey-jokey and laughy-laughy for days on end. Which isn’t much different than how I live now, really.

  • some kid:

    WANT.

    …This post was delightful, by the way.

  • Cool! I saw a girl getting bitten on her face by a dog when I was in elementary school. I wouldn’t have laughed either. But David sounds nice anyway.

  • Cheyenne:

    I’m new to David Sedaris, but I’d love a funny read. Count me in!

  • Julie in NC:

    Thank you for introducing me to David Sedaris! You’ve no idea how much I needed a laugh!

  • Great story, Rechelle. I have news for you. You’ve touched my heart too.

  • AnnB:

    Did I mention I had SURGERY last week and could use a laugh Right Now? Ha-top that ladies!

  • amy:

    David (and all his best friends) are awesome! Wish I’d heard him speak!!!

  • Not only is Me Talk Pretty One Day my favorite Sedaris book, I read the first chapter from it for forensics in high school. Needless to say I was pretty…uh…awesome.

    :)

  • sandy:

    I can top that AnnB. I had two surgeries, my husband had two surgeries, and my daughter had brain surgery…all within the last five months! TMI, I know. Anyway Rechelle…..I am a speech therapist and I already have this book, but I would L-O-V-E an autographed copy.

    Sandy

  • annmarie:

    Finally – the promised David Sedaris post. I’m going to be nice and not include myself in this contest, as I already have that book and I think it should go to someone who doesn’t own it yet. I love him. I think he is brilliant. I keep all of his books within reach for when I am bored/sad/lonely/annoyed – whatever – he is amazing and his writing makes me laugh and laugh. I am glad you got to meet him.

  • tess:

    What a funa adventure for you and Martha. I love your ha ha hee hee jokey laughy personality. Your blog rocks!

  • Kristin:

    David Sedaris is spurt beverages out your nose funny…but I don’t think I would’ve liked the dog/girl story either. I’d love to win the book though!

  • You are too funny! It sounds like you had a great time. I would love a book with an angry squirell drawn in it.

  • ks grandma:

    Throw my name into the random number generator mix. The squirrels I could do without, but the laughter would be most welcome. Thanks for your generosity once again.

  • Celie:

    Loved the story- and am so jealous of your evening out with a new friend. And the 3 days of peace and quiet…

  • Love your blog. Would love the book.

  • Boris here.
    Return Squirrel and nobody take trip to Labor Camp, yah?

  • tess:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKmh-0E5BjU&feature=related

    Not trying to sneak in an extra entry, but saw this and thought you might get a laugh out of it.

  • Melissa:

    Would love a go at getting the book. Thanks!

  • You make me giggle!

  • Loves this piece! Thanks for sharing all of his autographs/drawings.
    Didn’t you get a little misty when you saw the “Your Story has Touched My Heart.”

    It touched mine!

    Thanks,

    Lucia

  • I’d love to read it! If I win, will you sign it also, sense your name is in it?

  • Dot:

    I love you, too, Rechelle!!! Pick me,pickme!!!

  • Carrie:

    David Sedaris is hilarious. YOU are hilarious. Loved this story!

  • Martha in Kansas:

    “blurted out” should be the verb. I blurted out that you’d recently realized you’re an athiest. This after I’d very cooly blurted out “No! Wait! Don’t write my name!” and Our Dear Friend David looked at me like I had suddenly become a rabid squirrel. And then I very cooly blurted out that these were your books but we thought there was a book limit. After that was straightened out and he cleverly changed the dedication name, he immediately began drawing something that looked suspiciously Jesus-like and announced that he’d drawn a sort of Jesus. And then that other blurting out happened. Unfortunately Rechelle at this very moment was contemplating the evening (or the Yahoos in line behind us) and didn’t hear that blurt, and thus was rather surprised to hear Our Dear Friend suddenly ask “So Rechelle, how long have you been an athiest?” I think he had to ask twice, due to surprise. LOL! A very fun evening indeed. Thanks again for the ticket.

    Not commenting to enter the drawing. Just because, well, when do I not have something to say!?!

  • Martha – I was trying to remember how that all fell into place. But you’re right. The Jesus drawing came before the atheist announcement and not as a result of it. I feel like I am solving a murder mystery here. Either way – David Sedaris knows that I am an atheist and I know that he hated that Muslim woman. It’s the secrets that will keep us together.

  • I would love to win this book! He came to my college when I was there and it was probably one of the best nights I ever had. College parties have nothing on Mr. Sedaris.

  • kimber:

    I love your blog.I love Mr.Sedaris and how he chronicles his life…he has been the reason I have woken my husband up sleeping with guffawing laughter at 1 am.I would love to read his version of your meeting.YOur blog has been a gift to me.

  • Allison:

    Me, pick me! You are too funny by the way!

  • I would love to win a copy of his book. I love to hear stories from him on our local NPR station. His stories touch my heart.

  • Brian V.:

    Gimme! No pleasy thanky gahgoogoo… GIMME…

  • Kris:

    The best part of the whole thing is the picture of the sign saying no photographs!! Of course, I’m weird like that………..

  • How funny! I hope I can be a little more in control tonight when I meet The Pioneer Woman at her cookbook signing! I can hardly wait!

  • Amy:

    David Sedaris is brilliant & hilarious!

  • love David! I saw him last fall – he is thought provoking, and hilarious!

  • smittypap:

    Love the squirrel and I’ve been meaning to get that book. Help a bruddah out.

  • Dana:

    I hadn’t heard of David Sedaris until I read your blog. I’d be honored to win the book written by your bestest best friend.

  • okay in OK:

    Love free books!

  • barb:

    Count me in!

  • DenverLARK:

    What a great adventure that you and Martha experienced! Someday, I too, will meet David Sedaris. You lucky dawgs!

  • Carry:

    I am so jealous! I would love to see David Sedaris in person and get to chat with him. I’ve loved him for several years. I would love his angry little squirrel, especially coming from his BEST FRIEND.

  • Tim:

    So glad your blog is back! I also have the ulterior motive of entering the contest to win the book!

  • I would love this book, it’s got an instant story attached with it being autographed to you. Me wanty wanty!

  • Free book drawing? Count me in! :)

  • Jessie P. in B-Town:

    Love your blog! What a great story about meeting your best friend.

  • Jennifer:

    What a great night that must have been. Would love to win the book.

  • Me Talk Pretty One Day Too.

  • Gayl:

    I love listening to David Sedaris and reading his books makes me laugh out loud. Thanks, Rechelle.

  • I love the story. I too love David ! I love your previous blog too.

  • I first became acquainted with David Sedaris via his segments on This American Life – I’d love to win that book!

  • Kait:

    I had never heard of this man. Not until you started talking about him. Now I have been reading bits of things from his books online and planning a trip to the library. He sounds hilarious.
    Not the dog thing though. That sounds unfunny to me. Perhaps you have to be there.

  • JennyME:

    Sounds like a great event! I’m so jealous that you’re besties with David Sedaris now. I saw him read once but didn’t have the stamina to wait in line for an autograph.

    I live in Raleigh and the closest I’ve come to snaring a Sedaris was the time I was walking my dog and saw one of the vans for his brother’s flooring business rumble past. I’ve considered having hardwoods put in just so I can meet the Rooster.

  • Anonymous:

    I read my first David Sedaris story in the New Yorker some years ago. I didn’t look to see who the author was, just started in reading and found myself laughing so hard. But what I remember the most is that I was almost the whole way through the story before I realized a man had written it. I’d been picturing a woman the whole time. I felt so backwoods dumb when I figured it out! I remember telling my daughter how I’d found this great writer, David Sedaris, and she just shook her head at how un-hip her mom was to only now be finding out about him. I often prove her right in her assessment of me, sadly.

  • Priss:

    Sorry, that anonymous post just above about the un-hip person was me. I’m so used to my browser filling in my name, I didn’t notice the form was empty.

  • Emily:

    Ooh, I <3 free books. And squirrels. Sounds like a fun time :)

  • Cassie C.:

    I’ve never read one of his books, would love a chance to!

  • GA in GA:

    Rechelle! You are obviously not as devious as am I! lol

    Not that I’d ever have the gumption to do anything like that, but I sure can think of devious ventures such as the aforementioned illegal activity!

  • I think we all know that I am entering this little contest. If I win in the no-doubt-random-drawing, I will happily sign my own copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day with a name anyone requests and dedicate said copy to anyone that anyone requests and then send it to them as a pay-it-forward. Think of it as a consolation contest.

  • I aagree, David is hilarious. I laugh outloud when I read his books, but what about his sister, Amy?! What a household that must’ve been growing up in!

  • I join all the other D.S. fans. No jokey.

  • So awesome! And that penguin rocks. Lucky lucky you. (And lucky lucky winner….maybe me?)

  • Megan:

    I made my book club read “Me Talk Pretty…” last month and they panned it…hardcore. They did not like that they were “expected to laugh at weird performance art and drug addiction”. Can you say uptight?

    I love Sedaris, I would sell one of my kids to see him in person. I love anyone who can make me laugh to the point of hernia, and Sedaris does that regularly.

  • I hope I’m not too late to be included in the giveaway. I just finished reading “Dandelion Wine” and now I have NOTHING TO READ. Take pity on me and draw my name.

  • Mike:

    Well, I am more likely to take the kid(s) camping for three days than go to most book signings. Further, I must out-trump “anonymous” above by confessing, yet again, my abysmal ignorance: Never. Heard. of. David Sedaris. These facts must qualify me for a pity prize, mustn’t they?

  • Karla:

    I love authors who take time to interact with the fans who have made them what they are. Makes it even more fun to be a fan.

  • Sandy in MI:

    Oooh, I love the angry squirrel! And I’m jealous you not only got to go to a David Sedaris reading, but you also met him and he signed all of your books and talked to you and you TOUCHED HIS HEART! Aaaargh! How greedy can you get?

    Aside from Haven Kimmel, David Sedaris is the only writer who actually makes me laugh out loud when I’m reading.

  • In David’s (my best friend’s) defense – I feel that I must say that the little girl getting her face bit off story is told from the perspective of a dog. So if you are really, really good at suspending reality – you can kind of see how a dog viewing this situation is different and possibly humorous. I was totally into the story and thought it was very clever and often funny until the girl and the face and then well – no.

  • LOVE this post! it makey me laughy laughy ha ha jokey jokey – although not as much as a picture of a horse w/a butterfly stuck on its butt :) That is a hilarious jokey jokey ha ha laughy laughy :)

    Also – your story has touched my heart too. And I saw some of the comments from your earlier post about taking pictures against the rules, blah blah blah – I love that you’re a renegade like that! Walking on the wild side! Breaking the law! Breaking the law!

  • Joan:

    Thanks for offering!

  • KC:

    Echoing Shelley’s comment, your story has touched my heart too. I enjoy your writing just as I enjoy Sedaris. Thanks!

  • jo in oz:

    I’ve never read any of his books. Would love the chance to.
    Count me in!!

    Very funny post.
    Jo

  • Oh, yes, sign me up, please. I haven’t read any of his books (yet), but my son in a college is quite a fan. After I win this book, I will read it and be a fan, too.

  • pamcake:

    I love David Sedaris and I love Me Talk Pretty One Day. I passed my copy on to a friend and would love to have this one. Your blog has been ‘off the hook’ good the last few months; moreover, the comments are just a highly entertaining bonus. Thanks!

  • OMG!!! (as the mother of 4 children- one of whom is a teenaged girl I have an exemption from the rule that says 49 year old women cannot use ridiculous valley girl language)

    I LOVE David Sedaris and have everything of his available on audiobooks on my iPod. As a devout atheist (that is what I tell people when they ask me what religion I practice) I have very much enjoyed reading your blog (although I was a fan before you started down this new path).

    I wish I lived in Kansas as I would have gone to the reading.

    I am also a Helene Hanff fan, and grew up in the NYC theater world during the 60′s and 70′s. You have excellent author taste!

    • Rach Baby – Helene Hanff rocks. Totally!

  • I’d like to toss my hat in the ring! I know about David Sedaris but have read nothing of his. This one would be a great start!
    “Choose me. Just choose me!”

    ~Mad

  • Another Lee:

    I’m so glad David is actually awesome because you think he has to be when you read his books but then sometimes authors aren’t and you hear the wrong voice in your head whenever you read their books after that.

    BTW, saw Wendell Berry this week – Awesome!

  • Martha in Kansas:

    I guess I should have reported way, way above to my fellow commenters and the Fans of Rechelle Club — she is every bit as funny and NORMAL in person as she is here. Normal in a funny way. Funny in a normal way. Uh… Let’s just say we had a great time laughing over darned near everything and when we weren’t laughing, we were conversing. Normally. And then laughing.

    Oh, you know what I mean!

  • Meanie:

    I usually waste all my luck winning the pop lottery (you know, when the pop machine spits out *two* pops when I’ve only paid for one – and I just have to do my little happy dance/fist pump right there in the basement of my work building regardless of who may or may not be walking by at the moment) but I’ll try my luck here because…..me want book! :)

  • Well, I’ll join the ever-increasing pool. Hey…I’ve got a chance! I have “When you are engulfed in flames” audiobook checked out from the library. Very clever and thoughtful and funny.

  • Oh, how I love David Sedaris! I’m sooooooo jealous!

  • Rechelle:

    Another Lee – Now I have to figure out who Wendell Berry is. For some reason I am thinking baseball player – but that couldn’t be right.

  • I hope this doesn’t hurt your feelings but I feel compelled to tell you that when he wrote that “your story touched his heart”, he was referring to the fact that you have a wonderful blog reader who goes by the name of GreenInOC and that he loves her and since she reads your blog and she and he are best friends (combing each other’s hair, sometimes leaving Hugh feeling left out because of our inside jokes, going on great adventures while GreenInOC is the perfect companion always supporting him and laughing maniacally at his interactions with people), that it touches his heart that she, his best friend, is also leaving comments on your blog. See, that makes total sense right?!

    Don’t enter me in the contest please, I already have my own (signed) copy!!

  • Nancy:

    You are incredibly funny! I love reading your blog. And he draws some funny pictures…I’d love to win the book.

  • Brad:

    Great story! My wife and I had a chance to see DS at a show he did here in Michigan last fall and we love listening to him reading his stories (books on CD) while we are traveling. Sure makes the trips go more quickly.

  • Ron:

    How strange that must have been to hear “how long have you been an atheist?” seemingly out of the blue. Glad to hear David was so nice to you. The drawings are awesome.

    Count me in for the drawing.

  • Saw him “in concert”, felt like I WAS AT A “PEOPLE WITH HIP GLASSES” CONVENTION. (DAMN CAPS LOCK!)
    Read Barrel Fever, didn’t like some of the stuff. I felt bad at first, but then I realized I wasn’t required to like everything..nor was he required to please me with his writing and at that moment I a breakthrough in our relationship. Hear that David…David?

    I am soooo jealous of you! You touched him with your story.

  • First of, yay overseas participants can join! WOOHOO! I never get to join any contests!
    Second, I stumbled on your blog a couple of weeks ago and I’m so hooked I’ve let go of my one RSS rule (if the whole post isn’t in the RSS I don’t follow) just for you. I end up coming to your site for each post, which I usually hate but it’s totally worth it for you.

  • susan a:

    Would love to win this book. I have read some of his books but not this one. So glad you enjoyed yourself.

  • What a great post! I got goosebumps at the “your story touched my heart” photo. I didn’t think it was possible- but I think I love David Sedaris even more, now!

    What a fabulous memory!

  • marcia:

    how cool!

  • Tea4too0:

    Hope Im not to late to enter, thanks

  • I know I am too late for the contest but must tell you that your ha ha jokey lifted me up at the end of a very long day. And also that the part about the bell that flies around and gives kids gifts in that book made me laugh until I cried. Lucky you, getting to see him in person!

  • oops, also meant to say lucky you having a kids and husband free weekend!

  • Julie b:

    I love David sedaris and I just saw him on the daily show! He wasn’t really that funny but when I read about your encounter I laughed out loud at my iPod! How sweet of him to draw the animals …I would treasure it forever, maybe change my name to Rochelle!
    Jhbalvin at gmail dot com