Browsing Archives for April 2010

Security Measures

April 25th, 2010

The five men in my life have abandoned me.  

They packed their bags and left me.  

In this big shaking house


It is dark now.

The breeze at the windows

Makes the doors open and close.





What was that?

Water through the pipes?

The electric hum of the fridge?

Or the steps of a shadowy figure.




I look in all the closets.

And under all the beds.

And then I look again.

I tuck a phone into bed with me.

And turn to my book.

What was that?

A creaking frog?

A screeching owl?

I get back up.

And slide a big heavy dresser

In front of the bedroom door.

Grass is A Suncrop

April 24th, 2010

Me – How can I help you?

Customer – I want to grow some grass in my backyard.

Me – Awesome!  What can I help you with?

Customer – I have read that putting peat moss down over the grass seed is a good thing.

Me – Oh.  Okay.  We usually just recommend hay or straw, but if you have heard that peat moss is a good thing, I am sure it is.

Customer  - I need some grass that does well in the shade.

Me – Grass doesn’t do very well in the shade.  If you don’t have at least partial sun in your backyard, you might want to consider some other types of ground-cover.

Customer – I have read that there are some types of grass that do fine in the shade.

Me – Grass is a sun crop.  There might be a few varieties that claim to grow well in the shade, but good grass really needs the sun.

Customer – Well.. I have read that some grass grows well in the shade.

Me – Okay.. well grass is a sun crop – if you plant it in the shade, you will just have to replant it every Spring.

Customer  - What kind do you sell?

Me – We sell the kind that grows in the sun. 

Customer – Why don’t you sell shade grass?

Me – Because grass is a sun crop.

Customer – But I…

Me – Do you ever see grass growing on the floor of the forest?

Customer – No, but…

Me – That is because grass needs the sun.

Customer – The internet said…

Me – Grass is a sun crop.

Customer – I think.

Me – Sun crop.

Customer – You aren’t..

Me – Sun crop.

Customer – Why don’t you…

Me – Grass is a sun crop.  That’s why it grows on the open prairie.  That’s why it covers the plains.  It’s a sun crop.

Customer – So you are saying that grass doesn’t grow well in the shade.

Me – Grass is a sun crop.

Customer – Grass needs the sun?

Me – Right.

Customer  - But do you have any grass that grows in the shade?

In a random drawing, “Martha in Kansas” was the pick of the pot.

“Martha in Kansas” please e-mail me at so that we can arrange a rendezvous and plan our matching outfits!  

Thanks to everyone else that entered!