Browsing Archives for March 2010

Not Exactly Disneyland…

March 17th, 2010

But it’s pretty damn close…

Yes, we have EIGHT wonders in Kansas!

Not six!

Not SEVEN!

EIGHT!!!!

And one of them is a SALT MINE!

Please don’t let your brain EVEN BEGIN to consider what the other SEVEN WONDERS might BE!

It’s just TOO TERRIFYING!

 

 

 

We took the elevator down into the mine and we took the tour.
But only after we had applied the appropriate safety gear and listened to the salt mine safety lecture that includes the stern admonishment…

PLEASE DO NOT LICK THE WALLS!

Because if EVERYONE licks the walls – there won’t BE a salt mine much LONGER!

WILL THERE!

 


I did not lick the walls.

Because GROSS!

However!

My four sons

And my husband

All licked the walls.

It must be a male recessive gene….

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You know what else they have in those salt mines?

Other than lickable walls that you are not supposed to LICK?

 

And salt?

 


And mining equipment?

 

And a gift shop?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MOVIE STUFF!

 

 



Turns out that salt mines are the perfect place to store valuable items.

Because the temperature never changes.

And there’s virtually no humidity.

Plus, it’s very hard to break into a salt mine and steal stuff.

And it’s in Kansas.

So who would bother anyway?

The only real danger to the stored items are people who might occasionally LICK THEM!


I confess…

 

I licked a cardboard box that contained a few original episodes of Friends.

 

 

 

 


This has been another riveting day trip in the Land of ‘Ahs’.

 

 

 


I suggest taking slow deep breaths to bring your pulse rate back down.

 

And it’s back to the salt mines for me,

(hee ha ho ho har har hee ho ho hee har har hee hee haw haw hwah ha ha hee hee HEE!)

We are in Kansas City for the Big Twelve tournament.

Correction.

My husband and sons are in Kansas City for the Big Twelve tournament.

(I am here to wander aimlessly and undisturbed around the Plaza for hours and hours and hours.)

Evidently, everyone else in the Big Twelve is also here for the tournament because this morning, the line at our hotel’s breakfast bar stretched down to the Liberty Memorial and back again. I grabbed a spot in line a few blocks from famed 18th and Vine longing for a cup of coffee to accompany this long wait.

When suddenly!

OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!

A woman in a red sweater noticed two men that were standing in line a few miles behind me!

“Oh!” she exclaimed, “There you are!”
The two men nodded and smiled.
“Well C’mon UP HERE!” She motioned.
The two men hobbled back and forth in place wisely hesitating to break in a line full of hungry people.
“C’MON! IT’S OKAY!“  She insisted, “I HAVE BEEN SAVING THESE PLACES FOR YOU!”
The rest of us waiting in line were surprised to learn that the woman had been saving two places for her friends. There were clearly no jackets hovering in thin air to mark their spots! We gave the woman a few dark glances and curled our lips back to display our teeth towards the two men who shuffled forward a few steps, hesitated and then shuffled back.  They seemed to be very aware that their lives were in danger.

“C’MON!” the red sweater lady encouraged, “It’s perfectly OKAY! I have been SAVING YOU BOTH A PLACE!”

The men surveyed the rest of us waiting in line. We chose not meet their eyes, not wanting to appear rude… not wanting to appear annoyed… not wanting to appear desperate.  We chose instead to radiate our displeasure towards the floor.

The two men noted our disheveled hair, our yet to be caffeinated bloodstreams, our rumbling stomachs…

We were clearly too weak and shaky to stage much of a riot.

They made their move.

and they CUT IN THE OMELETTE LINE!

Those of us that were now even further from our breakfast noted the gaudy purple garb of the two cutters.

Clearly K-State Fans.

Suddenly it all made sense.

Everyone knows that K-State fans are all a bunch of atheists.

This film was posted at the website of author Kelly Corrigan. I have not read any of her books, but aim to check them out!

Thanks to Ann for sending it. I cried.

We are on Spring Break and on the road – so posting will be light.