It would appear that Pioneer Woman got a very sweet deal when she switched ad companies and moved from Federated Media to BlogHer ads. If I were a BlogHer blogger, I would start asking some interesting questions. Here’s a few to consider…
1. Why is PW allowed to run Federated Media ads above the ‘page-fold’ on her cooking, photography, and home and garden pages. All other bloggers in the BlogHer network can only show BlogHer ads above the page-fold.
2. Is PW hand-picking the ‘headlines’ that run beneath her BlogHer ads? The same blogs show up over and over again and they all happen to be personal friends of PW. Everyone else in the BlogHer network has no choice over the headlines that run on their blogs.
3. How come PW’s ad spots always display a commercial ad? When the 2500 other blogs in the BlogHer network are running public service announcements and BlogHer house ads, PW is still displaying the better paying commercial ads.
4. Is the fact that PW seems to be running commercial ads at all times and therefore making money on all of her page views resulting in all the other blogs in the BlogHer network getting less commercial ads and therefore making less money?
5. What percentage does PW make on her ads as opposed to all the other bloggers in the BlogHer network?
6. At what point did BlogHer become a multi-tiered ad network and when exactly were they going to inform their other 2500 bloggers about their change in policy?
7. Is BlogHer in violation of it’s contracts with all the 2500 bloggers in it’s network as a result of a special contract with PW and the subsequent preferential treatment of her blogging buddies?
But the most important question to ask is really this…
How Do I Become Best Friends With Pioneer Woman and Get Into Her Lucrative Head…. Lines Too?
No one wants to be a part of the newly created lowly caste of second class bloggers at BlogHer!
So to help my readers rise above all those other peasant commoners at BlogHer and step into luscious limelight of PW’s total awesomeness, I have created a list of suggestions for how to make PW your new best friend and get yourself a very special spot among her hand-picked headlines.
1. Offer to be a surrogate mother to that baby she is so yearning to have.
2. Spend a year picking up the incredibly cute dog turds in her yard from the unbelievable darling Charlie the Basset Hound!
3. Donate your afternoons to shovelling horse poop off the tennis courts!
4. Become a christian homeschooler! Then write a blog about what it is like to try and emulate this amazing woman on a daily basis! (Except without the multi-millionaire ranch husband with the perfect ass!)
5. Aw heck! Just constantly tell her what an inspiration she is in the comments! It never gets old!
6. Blog for a year on making every dish in her cookbook! Just like Julia and Julia except you won’t actually learn anything! That’s okay! You’re a blogger! You can make it up!
7. Offer to write her blog for her so that she can have more time to shop for $30.00 mini candles on the internet!
8. Work as an unpaid hotel maid in the lodge for a year!
9. Help her to cut and paste the entire Pottery Barn Catalog into the Home and Garden section of her blog so that she can focus on all that riveting prose that accompanies her photos!
10. Be the christian homeschooling sister of a blogger who is not afraid to criticize the mind shrinking inanity of PW’s blog. This one might be hard – but if you put your heart into it, I am sure you can make it happen!
Hope it helps!
Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.
PS – To any new readers of this blog who might be wondering if I have some kind of emotional disorder when it comes to PW. Well… I suppose it is possible, but I don’t normally mention her at all. It’s not like I have a problem. I’m not obsessed! I can stop anytime I want! Ahem!
I did want to say however, that today’s story fluttered down from higher places. I did not seek these details, they sought me. I am just the humble messenger.