Browsing Archives for February 2010

When I was in college (back in the bronze age, when the bible existed only on stone tablets and it’s teaching that the world was flat was still widely accepted) I was involved with several campus christian groups and through one of them I found myself marching with a group of anti-abortion activists in a downtown parade in Lawrence, Kansas.  I don’t really remember much about the parade, but I do remember what happened directly afterwards.  

At the end of the parade, we were told that a pro-life movie was going to be shown in the Lawrence public library.  They were serving coffee and donuts along with the film. That was enough to convince me to go.  

When I arrived at the library, there was a short, blond, bustling woman wheeling a video cart across the meeting room.  I knew her because she was kind of famous.  She was married to a world record breaking runner who would eventually become a US congressman and serve Kansas from 1996 to 2007.  I had a close friend who was on the KU track team and together we had attended a few bible studies with this very devout woman and her Olympic silver medalist husband as they were both involved in the KU campus ministry for college athletes.  I worked my way to the front of the room to say hello, but before I reached her, she put a tape in the VCR and announced that the movie was about to start.  

I sat down near the front of the room.  The woman then pushed the play button and the TV screen was filled with static and wavy lines.  The woman pushed a few more buttons on the VCR growing visibly frustrated and then she placed both of her hands on the VCR and began to pray aloud.

“Holy Jesus… I ask you to cast the demon out of this machine and let this film be seen by all that are gathered here today.  Fill this room and this VCR with your holy spirit and let the message of this movie be heard…”  

A librarian was hustled up by some of the event’s other organizers to fix the VCR.  She approached the video cart and began to fiddle with the wires in the back of the machine.   While the librarian worked on the machine, the bustling blond continued praying with her hands still on the VCR, and her head bowed over the machine.

“Almighty god… we need you to hear us… Listen to us!… Cast the demons out of this VCR and let these people hear the message you have for us today!… ”  

I didn’t know what to do.  I kind of felt like I should be praying with this woman, but I didn’t know how to cast a demon out of a VCR!  Heck!  I didn’t know how to cast a demon out of anything!   Besides! I didn’t want to close my eyes and bow my head!  I wanted to SEE what was going to happen next! 

“In Jesus name I command the demons in this machine, in this room, in this LIBRARY wherever they ARE, I command them in JESUS NAME  to be GONE!…”

The discomfort of the librarian who was working on the VCR grew more palpable as she furiously plugged and unplugged wires frantically trying to get that machine going.

“Release this machine from the grip of the devil, Lord Jesus and set this movie FREE!!!…”

Finally, the librarian came around to the front of the TV set and pushed play.  The film flickered to life.  The blond, bustling woman who was married to the world record breaking runner finished out her prayer.

“Thank you Jesus!  Thank you Jesus!  Thank you Jesus!”  

She kept repeating those three words as she rapidly clapped her hands and then thanked Jesus some more.  

The librarian looked at the bubbly blond exorcist for a brief moment.  Her eyes were wide.  She looked out at us, the shell shocked audience seated in front of the TV as if she was waiting for someone… anyone… to say something sane.  We reserved the right to remain silent.  The librarian fled the room.

I don’t remember a single second of the movie that we watched that day.  

But I vividly remember every moment of the fervent exorcism of the demon possessed VCR.

That was the last time I ever participated in an anti-abortion demonstration.

A few days ago this question appeared in the comments of this blog.

What if you’re wrong?

So yes…

What if I am wrong?

What if there is a god?

And what if there is not only a god, but one that is righteously pissed off because I am writing a daily screed against the entire idea of his/her existence?

Will I go to hell for being such an unrepentant bad ass?

Will I spend eternity slowly roasting over the flames created by god’s holy indignation?

Will I have to weep.

And gnash

My teeth

Forever?

I’ve decided that I’m not going to answer this question…

I’m going to let Richard Dawkins answer it for me.

Because he knows all about the Great Juju at the bottom of the sea.

And I don’t.

 

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I was at a neighboring highschool a few weeks ago for one of my son’s basketball games when I saw this display in the hallway.

Evidently the sport of wrestling is biblically sound.

You might recall the story of Jacob wrestling with some sort of supernatural being until his thigh is injured and then blah, blah blah, hooey, blah, hooey, blah, blessing, blessing, blah, hooey, blah, blah.

Sorry if I seem a little uh… disrespectful of the bible these days.

But really!

Why is this in a public highschool?  Is this supposed to make wrestling more holy or something?  Is it supposed to make wrestlers feel less awkward in those funny singlets?  Is this supposed to help the the wrestlers find Jesus?  Does this highschool really want the students to believe that a supernatural being came down from heaven and wrestled all night long with a man, hurt his thigh, and then the man demanded a blessing?  What exactly is the value in this bit of weirdness?  How does teaching kids utter nonsense help them to use their brains and learn stuff like… maybe science… or math!

 

And is this angel really wrestling with Jacob?

Or is she (he?) trying to teach him how to dance?

Now put your other hand on my shoulder Jacob.  No my other shoulder.  Put it on my shoulder!  Are you a complete moron Jacob?  Do you know what a shoulder is Jacob?  Maybe less time raping your wives’ slaves and more time studying anatomy?  You are clearly related to that meat-head sociopath Abraham aren’t you Jacob?  Dance is proof of civilization Jacob.  It separates us from the apes.  Have you ever watched any ice dancing Jacob?  Dancing is clear evidence of evolution. You are capable of incredible poetry Jacob.  If only you people would forget about me and all this god stuff and start using your beautifully evolved brains!  Now step, one, two!  Step, one, two!  Good!  Maybe there is hope for you yet Jacob!

Okay – no one is going to believe the story I am about to tell because it just way too coincidental and also because uh… well… I have a sort of a history… of uh… making things up… or maybe not making them up… but ever so slightly exaggerating… certain uh…  facts… to make my stories slightly more interesting.  But even with a past that is riddled with hyperbole, the following story is ABSOLUTELY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE!

IT IS!!!

No REALLY!!!!

IT IS!!!!!

You are just gonna have to believe me – sort of like believing in Jesus because no one has ever seen him either right?  As a child and even as a young adult I used to be terrified of Jesus showing up in my bedroom at night, but that is another story for another day.  

 

This is today’s story…

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A missionary came to my door on Saturday.  A baptist missionary.  A baptist evangelical missionary who was roughly 65 years old and who was accompanied by an nine year old child. I thought the child was his grandson, but it wasn’t.  It was the son of the pastor of the older man’s church.  I wish I had taken some photos, but I was a little too caught up in this surrealistic situation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I did take a photo of the ‘tract’ that they gave to me.  Sorry about the smudges.  I had to dig it out of the trash to take the photo.   

The church that the man and little boy were from is not in our town, but in a town about fifteen miles away.  This was also not the first time the man and the boy had dropped by our house.  They showed up last Saturday when I was in New York.  The Country Doctor texted me that two Baptists had just tried to convert him, but I had left my phone in the car and did not know about their visit until I got home on Monday.  

I am going to attempt to recall the details of the fifteen minute conversation that I had with these missionaries.  I won’t be able to remember every detail, but I will try to be accurate and fair.  I also must admit that I was nervous and then agitated and then outright upset by this man and his world views as our conversation progressed.  I was not calm, cool and collected and did not represent the world of atheism with great amounts of benevolent dignity.  I also don’t think I had any impact whatsoever on the older man.   But on the boy – I think I may have really made him think.  I don’t think the little boy will ever forget the crazed atheist he encountered in the big white farmhouse in the country.  Some of the things I said will rattle around in his head for years to come.  So for the chance to speak to a child about the possibility of disbelief (even as poorly as I did) I am grateful.  And please don’t forget – these people showed up at MY door.  I did not go looking for them.  They asked questions of ME!  I did not attack their faith out of nowhere.  I would never do that.  But if someone is going to question me on my own front porch, the game changes suddenly and dramatically.

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When I answered the door I already knew who they were from the country doctor’s description of the past weekend’s visit.  The man asked to speak to my husband.  I said, “He isn’t here.” and I was ready to shut the door and let them go on their way, but then the man said…

Man – Can I ask you a question?

Me – Sure.

Man – If you died tonight, do you know for certain that you would spend eternity in heaven?

Me – Um….. well…. I don’t believe in god.

Man – (Huge eyes)

Little Boy – (EVEN HUGER EYES)

Man – Why don’t you believe in god?

Me – Because there isn’t one.

Man – Well… what… huh… sputter, sputter, sputter….

Me – Do you think that I am going to hell because I don’t believe in god?

Little Boy  - (HUGE EYES NODDING)

Man – Uh… no… uh… god doesn’t send anyone to hell.

Me – (to boy) Do you think I am going to hell?

Little Boy – (Huge eyes) yes….

Man – (interrupting child) God doesn’t send people to hell.  People make decisions that send themselves to hell.

Me – So you think that I am sending myself to hell?

Man – Yes.

Me – Why would I send myself to hell?  That doesn’t make any sense.

Man – You must be confused.  Let me read you some scriptures from my bible.

Me – I know what the bible says.  I was a devout practicing christian for 41 years.  I served as an elder in my church.  I taught Sunday school. I directed the Christmas play and the children’s choir.  I have read the entire bible cover to cover twice.  I know what it says and I also know that it is full of crap.

Man – Well… uh… sputter, sputter, sputter….  you went to church for 40 years?

Me – forty ONE years.

Man – What made you stop believing in god?

Me – Well… I kept reading.  I love to read.  I read lots of other books.  I read history.  I used my brain.  I struggled with all the contradictions in the bible and the fact that the resurrection of Jesus is not mentioned in any significant historical documents of the time.  I mean – why wouldn’t it show up?  It is an amazing event.

Man – Well… all I need for proof of god is what the bible says.

Me – How do you deal with the ten commandments then.  They say ‘Do Not Murder’ and then just a few chapters later,  the god in the bible is sending the Israelites out to commit murder on neighboring tribes.  They even kill the children, the infants and the pregnant women.

Man – Well… those people were evil.  They worshiped the wrong god.

Me – They were evil just because they believed in a different god?  What about the kids?  The babies?  Were they evil too?

Man – Uh… well… 

Me – How do you deal with the fact that slavery is condoned and even encouraged in the bible?

Man – Listen, I don’t know what has hurt you, but I think that when people say they don’t believe in god, they are really just angry at god.

Me – There isn’t a god.  (Looking at boy) it is all made up you know.  Use your brain.  It doesn’t make any sense.

Man – I think the relationship between god and people is like a marriage.

Me – Oh… you mean I am supposed to submit to god like women are supposed to submit to their husbands?

Man – Uh… well… um… no…

Me – I am supposed to submit because women are supposed to submit? 

Man – uh… um… well… no I mean like a marriage that is uh….

Me – How do you explain the inquisition?

Man – What?

Me – The inquisition.  The entire western world was operating under a christian theocracy. Probably something like the way you would prefer that the world operated now right?  You would want christians to make all the rules right?  So, the christian church had complete power and they burned a million men, women and children at the stake for acts of heresy.  Most of those people were illiterate and had no idea what the bible said or what christianity really meant – some of those people were jews or muslims and some of them simply believed that the world was round instead of flat like the bible says!  (Looking at boy) They thought the world was round and so they were burned by the church!  

Man – Well…. I don’t see how that has anything to do with god and the bible.

Me – You don’t?

Man – no…. 

Me – Where was your god?

Man – huh?

Me – Where was your god?  The same god who stayed the knife of Abraham.  The same god who smote Ananias and Sapphira for merely taking money out of the offering plate.  Where was your all powerful, all knowing god?  Why didn’t he stop all this sick burning of people in his own name?

Man – well…. uh….

Me – And why did god ask Abraham to murder Isaac to prove his faith?

Man – (brightens) Oh well that is such a beautiful story!  Because god didn’t kill Isaac did he?  No!  Because Abraham knew he wouldn’t have to kill Isaac.

Me – How do you know that?

Man – It’s in the story.

Me – No it’s not.  We have no idea what Abraham knew or didn’t know or what he thought or didn’t think.  You are just assuming that he knew he wouldn’t have to kill Isaac.  For all we know, he may have thought that he WOULD have to kill Isaac.

Man – Oh no… you see that story is such a beautiful test of faith.  Abraham obeyed god.

Me – Yes – and god is a sociopath.  You don’t ask someone to murder a child to prove their faith.  

Man – But Abraham didn’t kill Isaac.  He took him up the mountain in complete obedience and then god provided a sacrifice for him.  

Me – You don’t ask someone to kill a child to prove their faith.  That is sick.  By the way, what do you think about Haiti?

Man – Well… I think that the Haitians signed a political agreement that….

Me – (interrupting) So you agree with Pat Robertson that the Haitians actually did something that angered god and caused him to crush them with an earthquake?

Man – Yes… I think that the Haitians were involved in political strategies that….

Me – That is so sick!  You believe in a sick god.

Man – God punishes people who sin.

Me – There are plenty of sinners walking around in the US .  We have people who have stolen entire retirement accounts because of tremendous greed and murderers and pedophiles.  Why isn’t god punishing them?  

Man – sputter, sputter, sputter…

Me – The reason there was an earthquake in Haiti is BECAUSE THER ARE FAULT LINES UNDER THEIR COUNTRY!

Man – (Shaking head sadly.)  All I know is that our public schools and the mother’s womb are THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACES IN THE WORLD TODAY!

Me – WHAT!?!?

Man – THE MOTHER’S WOMB AND OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACES IN THE WORLD TODAY!!!

ME - WHAT!!!!  THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACE IN THE WORLD TODAY IS PROBABLY AFGHANISTAN!!!

Man – No. (Shakes head sadly again). With abortion and all the shootings in the public schools that started to happen when they took prayer out of the schools, it is actually America’s public schools that are now the most dangerous place in the world.

Me – That is moronic!  My kids all go to public school and it is perfectly safe!  A mother’s womb?  What actual percentage of babies end up aborted compared to people killed in wars?  Are you serious?

Man – (Still shaking head in disbelief) Oh… look.  I have to go – there is my van pulling up.  It was very interesting to talk to you.

Me – (Looking at boy and pointing finger at my head) Use your brain.  There is no god.  Use your brain.

The boy just looked at me.  His eyes were super wide.  He didn’t say anything – but I could tell that some of the things I had said had sprouted ideas in his head that he would never be able to forget.  The man and the boy got in the van that had come by to pick them up.  I am sure they had plenty to talk about the rest of the day.  It’s not often that a christian evangelist encounters a REAL LIVE ATHEIST!  

I hope I get to talk to them again and I hope I handle myself a little bit better.  Stay a little more calm.  I may even have to mark some specific passages in my old, worn bible to show the old codger if he ever shows up on my doorstep again.  We’ll start with the virgin war prizes that get to be sex slaves for god’s chosen people and move up to circumcision and then over to Jesus dissing his mom and then to the Apostle Paul telling his congregation how to treat their slaves.  That should fill up another fifteen minutes of absurdity.  If I really want to have fun with them – we’ll open up the book of Revelations!

P.S. – After he left, and I calmed down a bit I had to find out what was really the most dangerous place on earth.
I found lists that were topped with Somalia, Pakistan, Antarctica, Afghanistan, Brazil, Russia, Chernobyl HAITI!  None of these sources sited either the mother’s womb or America’s public schools. I guess the Baptists either know something that no one else knows… or they are terribly misinformed.  (Enter appropriate expletive here.)

Sorry for typos today.  I am back to work at the garden center after two months off.  

A few months ago when I finally admitted to myself that I no longer believed in god, I knew I was going to need some support.  So I did what every brand new non-believer does in the era of cyberspace. I googled ‘atheism’.

The first few times I typed the word ‘atheism’ into my google search bar, I felt certain that a thunder clap from heaven would descend upon my quivering hide and immediately smelt me into a blackened crisp.  Just the word alone –  atheism – is such a thorny term.  You can literally feel the pointed horns, see the flicking barbed tail, and smell the charred flesh.  I have noticed that a lot of people prefer the terms ‘free thinker’ or ‘skeptic’, ‘secular humanist’ or even ‘infidel’ to the disagreeable snarl of the word ‘atheist’. I don’t like the word ‘atheist’ either. Not because it is a bad word, it’s just the images that the word tends to summon. It seems to describe someone who rejects goodness and light, someone who has a stone in place of a heart, someone who spits on bibles and urinates in churchyards laughing maniacally all the while.  I too had this idea in my head and panicked at the thought of one of my kids coming up behind me while I was watching Mr. Deity or a video of Richard Dawkins interviewing Ted Haggard I mean JESUS!  What if my entire family finds out that I not only don’t believe in god anymore, but that I am actually looking for OTHER PEOPLE that don’t believe in god EITHER!  

But I was desperate.  So I kept up my secret searches when the house was empty or everyone was asleep.  And Lo!  In the midst of my searching a new heaven and a new earth did descend.  And a world of atheism opened up before my very eyes.  AND GUESS WHAT!!!  It turns out that I am not the only person who has ever lost their faith and then looked on the internet to find other people that were in the same boat.  

AND GUESS WHAT ELSE!!!!  

None of these sites were coated in pure evil!  

I know!  

It’s so totally weird!

There were no melting humans or smoldering cauldrons.  No gnarled fingers, poisonous apples and toothless rag pickers muttering curses under their breath.  I must admit that I was mildly disappointed in the benign appearance of the various atheism sites.  I mean if you are going to be an atheist on the internet shouldn’t you at least take a photo of yourself with a large ’666′ on your forehead and stick it up on the header?  But these people weren’t scary at all!  And once I started to read, listen, watch and participate in their sites, I discovered that they are actually quite sane! 

MAYBE THE MOST SANE PEOPLE EVER!

But there is MORE!

Because there are a lot of intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate atheism sites out there.  

A LOT!  

No.  

You don’t understand.  

There are more intelligent, thoughtful and influential atheism sites on the internet than you can imagine!  And best selling books, world renowned comedians, clever skits, powerful debates and riveting videos.

It is almost like a quiet revolution is taking place.  

ON THE INTERNET!

Where once atheism was such a reprehensible idea that no one felt free to utter their disbelief aloud, the internet has allowed atheists to find each other.  To talk to each other.  It offers safe zones and communities where fellow unbelievers can discuss issues freely amongst themselves without worrying about a social stigma.  There are also believers on those sites.  Their dissent is tolerated and their debate is welcomed, but for once they do not have the crushing power of the majority.  The success of these sites, books, videos and other resources honestly makes me wonder if the belief in any kind of a god will come to a complete end in my own lifetime.  

I know!  

It’s a crazy thing to say!  And probably completely wrong, but once you have participated in these groups, seen the sanity of the way they think, understand that humanity is so much better at taking care of themselves than any imaginary deity – you begin to see such incredible potential.  

Potential for war to just dry up altogether because if people aren’t fighting over god, they really aren’t fighting that much. 

Potential for people to take full responsibility for the here and now because there is no golden eternity with wings and a halo waiting for them on the other side.  

Potential for the focus of life to change entirely from  grab, grab, grab, and go.  To care, care, care and prepare.  

I wanted to make a list of the resources and sites that were critical for me especially during my first few weeks of disbelief. Thanks to everyone who writes, creates, and keeps these sites going.  They helped me greatly when I really needed it and they continue to help and provide support for me in this brand new way of looking at life.  

 

Atheist Blogs 

Unreasonable Faith  – Written by Daniel Florien, a former evangelical christian who attended bible college and worked in christian ministry.  Daniel was just never able to completely shut his brain off and he kept thinking, reading, thinking, reading and in the end, god had to go. There is also a forum that accompanies his blog on such topics as evolution, creation science, close minded relatives, and what three movies would you take with you on a deserted island (assuming a DVD player is available). I also found a great interview where Daniel addresses all that guilty sex before marriage that christians can’t seem to stop having even though it is so, so, SO bad.

The Red Headed Skeptic – A former Baptist Minister’s wife lost her belief and then her marriage and writes about her journey. This is a very compelling and often sad story, but Laura is determined to keep moving forward with her new life.

The Friendly Atheist – Written by a Chicago math teacher Hemant Mehta, the same guy who sold his soul on Ebay.  People often write to Hemant and the contributors on his blog seeking advice on how to handle various issues that occur when one does not believe in god.  Everything from how to escape from a country with unbearable religious tyranny to how to deal with angry relatives that can’t cope with an atheist’s disbelief. His blog also covers a variety of other issues.  

Why Doesn’t God Heal Amputees? – If you are a person of faith or diminishing faith and have never asked yourself this question, the time has come. I don’t know how many hours of my life I have sat in church services while the prayers of the people were lifted up one by one almost all of them asking god to heal various illnesses throughout the congregation. Miraculously, many of those people were healed – cancers, heart attacks, more cancers, even more cancers, EVEN MORE CANCERS, but never once did a person ask god to re-grow an amputated limb. Why is that? I mean if god can make a tumor disappear, why can’t he re-grow a leg?  God Is Imaginary  is another site that appears to be written by the same author who chooses to remain anonymous. This site is a great collection of essays and videos that look at christianity and the bible from a perspective of hard core reality.

Julia Sweeney’s Blog – Okay, I just found this one and Holy Crap! I am going to go leave a comment on Julia Sweeney’s blog right now!…  Okay, I’m back….  Julia Sweeney is the actress that was ‘Pat’ on Saturday Night Live.  Surely you remember Pat! How can you forget Pat?!  She also wrote the wonderful movie “And Then God Said Ha!”  which is a must see.  I have also linked to her show ‘Giving Up God’ in the video section of this post.  If you want a gentle approach to understanding how a true believer can become a true unbeliever this is the show you need to hear. Beautifully, humorously, carefully, and tenderly done.  I think even my mom would like it.  

 

Thought provoking videos/films

 Mr. Deity – Oh Lordy – You have to watch all of these. You will never look at your faith the same again. A reader of my blog directed me to these videos many months before I officially gave up my faith and it became even harder to keep up the last bits of my farcical belief after I watched them.

God Is Imaginary  - This video forces people to examine what they really believe if they think the bible is ‘god’s word’.

Ricky Gervais on the bible. - Hilarious! You can’t watch this video and not be forced to look at the insanity of what christianity requires people to believe. Unless you are insane yourself.  Or completely devoid of a sense of humor.  

Julia Sweeney’s Letting Go of God - As I mentioned above, this is the show to listen to if you can’t comprehend someone giving up god after a lifetime of belief. Funny, thought provoking and bittersweet, only Julia could make us laugh and cry over her loss of faith.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - Four of the world’s most well known and extremely brilliant atheists from various fields of study (biology, journalism,neuroscience and philosophy)  sit around and talk about religion, politics, morality and atheism. An absolutely fascinating film.  

 

Some Truly Riveting Debates.

I spent entire days watching famous religious apologists like William Lane Craig go head to head with brilliant scientists and journalists like Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins.  It’s amazing to see how defensive the theists are and how relaxed the atheists are.  After all, it is the believers that have the burden of trying to prove that an interested, caring god exists.  By the way, has anyone ever asked why they are called ‘christian apologists’?  Is that because they have so darn much to apologize for?  

Christopher Hitchens (atheist or anti-theist, best selling author and political commentator) vs. the Reverend Al Sharpton(former presidential candidate, civil rights activist and devout christian).

Richard Dawkins (one of the world’s foremost evolutionary biologists and avid atheist)  vs John Lennox ( Professor of Mathematics at the University of Oxford and Fellow in Mathematics and Philosophy of Science and devout christian)

Christopher Hitchens (journalist, best selling author, anti-theist) vs William Lane Craig (professional and excruciatingly uptight, christian apologist)

There are hundreds of Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins videos that are wonderful to watch.  They are both great speakers with tremendous wit and sparkling intellect.  You can literally feel your mind expanding just by listening to them. ‘Tis a good cure for anyone who may have spent too much time over at Pioneer Woman (har har).

Please feel free to add more great resources in the comments.  

Or not.  

Peace Out,

Rechelle

The Country Doctor was up at the ER a few nights ago consulting with a local goatherd known for his fiery opinions and his unruly beard.  The goatherd brought up the problem of the American missionary group in Haiti who took orphans who were not even orphans and attempted to cross over into the Dominican Republic with them.  

The wise goatherd likened the situation to a boat full of Haitian missionaries descending on New Orleans right after the hurricane, talking to desperate parents who were staying in the chaotic Superdome, and promising to take the children to a safe place until their parents could take care of them.  The Haitian missionaries would then load up the kids and haul them off to Haiti.  

Yeah.

Just try and imagine what the American reaction have been to that particular scenario.

Even if the Haitians had been christian missionaries with the best interest of the children at heart.

Even if they said god had been leading them to take those kids away on a boat to Haiti.

Even if they promised that they only wanted to help the kids.

What do you think would have happened to those kindly Haitian missionaries attempting to take kids from devastated New Orleans?

It wouldn’t be pretty would it?

Tis good to talk to a local goatherd once in a while.  

They often have a slightly unusual perspective.

Must be all that goat milk.

Fashion week was in full swing in the garment district during our recent visit to NYC.  The city was also hosting the way cooler, darkly hip, and frightfully edgy, international toy convention.  I was there for the toys.  Well – not really.  My mom was there for the toys… because of the puppets.  

For the convention, my mom found an affordable condo just a few blocks off Time Square and she invited me along.  I grabbed my fifteen year old son and away we went.  It was a fun trip. Thanks mom.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Calder and I spent our days wandering all over Manhattan.  We walked through snow covered Central Park, stopping at the Natural History Museum and the Guggenheim. 

 

 

 

We ate at John’s Pizzeria on Bleecker Street, paid our respects at Ground Zero and took a free ride on the Staten Island Ferry.  

 

 

 

We had a great time hopping on and off the Gray Line all over the city, seeing where Lennon was shot, where Jackie O lived and zipping up to the top of The Rock. 

 

 

 

 

But I had a hard time focusing on the sites.

 

 

 

 

Because of my naked jeans.

 

My naked jeans, my naked jeans, my naked jeans….

I just couldn’t stop thinking about how naked my jeans were!

Naked, naked, naked.

It was almost like I was naked!

Except it was worse!

Because my jeans were NAKED! 

Everyone could SEE them!  

Why didn’t I have the decency to cover my jeans up!  

What was wrong with me?  

Was I some kind of pervert!  

Who did I think I was walking all over the city with my jeans hanging out like that!  

And let’s not even mention that my exposed  jeans were also (gasp) BOOT CUT!  I am pretty sure that I was the only person left in NYC that was still wearing boot cut jeans.  

EXPOSED BOOT CUT JEANS!

NAKED BOOT CUT JEANS!!!!

WITH NO BOOTS TO COVER UP THE BOOT CUT JEANS!

But wait!

It gets WORSE!

MUCH WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because I bought those boot cut jeans….

RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT FOR NYC!!!!!

I know, I know!

Where am I from?  Some kind of frozen dimension in time where Laura Ingalls Wilder still prances around in gingham dresses and Nelly’s big fat yellow curls are the epitome of STYLE?  Was I still trapped in the eighties?  Was I some lost character from a forgotten episode of Knot’s Landing?

CLEARLY NOT!

Because no one was wearing boot cut jeans on Knot’s Landing!

In fact, if I had dressed like a character from Knot’s Landing I would have been pretty darn fashionable in NYC!

At least I would have had the right kind of jeans on!

Tight, calf sucking jeans with dangly zips at the ankle!

Or even better.

LEGGINGS!

Why did I not bring a pair of leggings?

I have leggings!

I could have brought leggings!

Why did I let my sensible Kansas girl need for warmth and comfort overcome my still, small, inner fashion guru who was quietly whispering, “pack the leggings, pack the leggings…”

Oh yeah!

Because I don’t have a still, small, inner fashion guru!

But I did try.

I want you to know that I did try.

By day three I was so sick of being the only girl in NYC with naked, exposed, boot cut jeans, that I traded them out for the other pair of jeans in my suitcase.  I put on my ‘boyfriend’ jeans which have a straighter cut. 

I even attempted to tuck my boyfriend jeans into my plain black boots so that all the perverted nakedness would stop!

But I couldn’t make it work.

The boyfriend jeans inside of the plain black boots did not make me look like a New Yorker.

They made me look like a member of the Gestappo.  

A very dorky member of the Gestappo.

The dorkiest member of the Gestappo EVER!

My dorky, not tight enough, not sucking at my calves enough jeans just looked stupid tucked into my not complicated enough, not blinged out enough, plain old boring, black boots.  

So I untucked my boyfriend jeans putting them on the outside of my boots where EVERYONE COULD SEE THEM and I continued to feel like an over-exposed weirdo.  

Then I put on my red checked coat  (that looks like something Dorothy would wear if she ever returned to Oz in the winter ) that is not belted, not skirted, not wool, not tweedy and certainly not covered in big shiny buttons like a proper New York City girl wears!

I also lacked a fabulous scarf, a fabulous hat, and super fun stockings that peeked over the top of my boots.  

Oh!

And the big leather bag with all sorts of shiny metal doohickeys embedded in it.

I didn’t have one of those either! 

So yeah.

If I had wandered into the garment district, I would have been promptly asked to leave.

Or possibly even thrown into jail! 

For appalling crimes against the fashion industry.

Starting with my shocking naked boot cut jeans.

And ending with the irresistibly cute knit head wrap that I bought from a street vendor in Soho.  

Live and learn.

Next time I visit NYC in the winter, I will be ready.

Of course by then, boot cut jeans will be back in style.

 

 

 

And Dorothy (pictured above) in her checked winter ensemble with Soho knit head wrap and lap top bag she is using for a purse will be on the cutting edge of fashion.

Or possibly not.

Hey!  At least I got the coffee cup right!

The Valentine neighborhood in Kansas City, Missouri began to be developed as a housing district in 1897.  Prior to that, the neighborhood changed like a chameleon to accommodate the whims of a growing population and enlarge the fortune of the man who bought the land, accurately predicting that it would eventually become an integral part of a bustling young city.

 

 

That shrewd man’s name was Allen B.H. McGee.  He was the first white man to own property in this neck of the woods.  He bought 160 acres of densely wooded property located one hour north of Westport (by mule cart that is).  

 

 

 

 

McGee cleared the land, farmed the land, traded with the Native Americans, and outfitted the wagon trains as they came through.  

 

 

 

He also bought and sold mules, worked as a surveyor, built a store and operated the second tavern to open in Westport.  

 

 

 

He very wisely buried his silverware in his large stone barn to protect it from roving bands of marauders.

 

 

 

His first house was a simple log cabin.  He slept on a bed made of grass.

 

 

 

 

His first wife came from Kentucky.  She died.  He married her sister.  She died.  He married a local girl.  

 

 

 

 

The local girl, Susan Gill managed to survive the marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

McGee and Susan moved from his primitive log cabin to a new white frame house on his farm.

 

 

 

 

He decided to use a portion of his farm for agricultural fairs and small stock shows.  

 

 

 

 

These small stock shows would eventually become the American Royal.

 

 

 

As the nearby population expanded, the need for entertainment also increased.  

Horse racing became the rage.

 

 

Wise old McGee built a racetrack on his land.

 

 

 

 

The resulting cash flow led to McGee building a mansion in 1888.  The home was famed for it’s splendor throughout the young city.

This mansion was razed in 1917 and the bricks were used to build the Rochambeau Hotel.

 

 

 

In 1897 Allen McGee Junior tore down the large barn that had so sneakily preserved the family silver from the marauding bands and built himself a mansion from the old stones.

 

 

 

In 1897, the McGee family farm/fairgrounds/racetrack was turned into neighborhood developments.

 

 

 

 

And the 160 acre McGee family farm became the Valentine neighborhood of Kansas City, Missouri.

 

 

 

And now to conclude this historical walk around Valentine, we shall read a poem by the blogger known as Rechelle.

Ahem!

The vision of a farmer (trader, barkeep, outfitter, used mule salesman, etc,etc) named McGee

Is how this lovely old neighborhood came to be.

On a lovely fall day, you can enjoy it for free

Please don’t fall and scrape your knee

Or get yourself stung by a honey bee

Tee hee hee.  Tee hee hee.

(On second thought, let’s skip the rhyme and move straight onto refreshments.)