Browsing Archives for January 2010

Because it has been a little rough lately.

Our family visited England this summer.

I have written about many parts of the trip, but I have been saving this tea party story for the day after I eviscerated my former faith, ‘came out’ as an atheist and left my conventional life as a churchy small town doctor’s wife in a heap of  smoking ruins behind me.

Because a nice cup of tea makes everything more tolerable.

Doesn’t it?

The last leg of our trip was spent with our friends Mike and Liz and their three sons.  Mike and Liz have been good friends of ours since my husband was in medical school.  My friend Liz grew up in a small town outside of London.  She met her husband Mike in Germany and they eventually moved back to the States.

Liz’s mum threw us a gorgeous tea party.  Check out the cool postcard wall in her kitchen.

This is Liz.

This is the house that Liz grew up in.
The house has a name because that’s what they do in England. They give houses names.

The spread.

The serve.

The mother daughter series…

The man in gray on gray with just a touch of gray is Liz’s husband, Mike.

My husband’s name is also Mike and believe it or not the two Mikes share the same birthday.

I know….

Scary!

My boys all drink tea.

Because I make them drink it.

Because I think tea is a civilizing agent and very necessary for a house full of young boys.

When my boys have friends over, they drink tea with us too.  We all sit around with our cups and saucers and drink tea and speak in fake british accents and say things like ‘jolly good’ and ‘old mate’ and ‘limes and kippers’ even though I have no idea what ‘limes and kippers’ means.  We just say it because it sounds British and it is loads of fun.

Liz’s mom was very surprised and delighted that my boys wanted a cup of tea too.

When we said ‘limes and kippers’ in our fake cockney accents, she just smiled politely and then excused herself to go make some more tea.

Liz’s son Sam grabbed my camera and took a few excellent shots.  He really has an eye.

That’s me beside Liz’s mum.  What are we talking about?  We seem so intent.  Am I telling her that I am an atheist?  Am I trying to explain the whole ‘limes and kippers’ thing?

Liz and Will

Sam took this shot.

Liz’s dad and my extraordinarily good looking husband (the one on the left).

Later that evening, we went to a nearby pub that was on a river, except I don’t think they are called rivers.  They are man made channels or canals or something and they have them all over England.  The country is practically pockmarked with them.  It is a popular past time to take a very narrow boat down these canals and see the countryside.


This pub was located adjacent to a ‘lock’.  Am I getting this terminology even remotely right?

The boys got to help close off the ‘lock?’ and then they waited for the water to rise inside the ‘lock?’  and then they opened up the ‘lock?’ on the other side.

How was that for a fascinating explanation of something so crushingly obvious?

Cheerio (in fake cockney accent).

Evidently bovine spongiform encephalopathy is basically the same thing as cannibal palsy… which is the same thing as kuru… which is the same thing as mad cow disease. So cannibal palsy is mad cow!   Cows get it from eating other cows and humans get it from eating other humans. So I guess the question is, can a human get mad cow?  It seems unlikely as this is cannibal palsy we are talking about and I don’t think that human consumption of cows equates cannibalism, and yet I seem to distinctly remember a terror that swept our country not all that long ago where even I may have passed up a few hamburgers here and there. I better google it…

Okay – the way a person can get mad cow is by eating a cow who had mad cow.  So avoid that… and avoid eating the brains of your dead relatives and avoid eating anything that even looks like a prion.  Prions are the problem and they can show up in deer, elk, sheep, cows and humans.  So if you really want to be safe, avoid eating pretty much all meat except bacon.  

Thanks Norm!

Thanks to reader Sandy for emailing me with some fascinating information regarding cannibal palsy. Evidently it is real. It does happen. And the best way to avoid it is to NOT eat the brains of your dead relatives. So if you were planning to eat the brains of your dead relatives, PLEASE DON’T!  For more information on what other steps you can take to avoid cannibal palsy or as the educated elites like to call it ‘kuru’ click here. Thanks Sandy!

In other news…

I continue to live in fear and anxiety over emails but thanks for sending them anyway. The only ones I will open for now are the ones clearly marked ‘cannibal palsy’ and possibly emails that contain photos of very sexy, scantily clad, standard poodles.  As you can see, now that I am an atheist all my morals are completely shot to hell.  For instance, I no longer think that it is okay for god to ask Abraham to sacrifice his child, Isaac to prove his faith.  I know!  I know!  All this time… all these years…  I thought it was perfectly okay for god to ask a person to murder their child to prove their faith, but now that I am an atheist and have no morals, I think that this request is a clear indication that the god in the bible is a psychotic sociopath.  But wait!  It gets even worse!  For I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if god were to ask me to murder my own child to prove my faith my answer would be NO!  Or actually it would be HELL NO!  Or actually it would be far more potent than that, but I can’t write it here for the sake of the christian homeschoolers who might self-incinerate if they see the correct response in print to god’s request to murder your own child to prove your faith. If you would like to email me your own response to god asking you to murder your own child to prove your faith please label the email ‘god is a sociopath’.

And just to ensure that the hate mail continues…

Here are two Ricky Gervais videos that are a must watch for anyone who has ever asked the questions…

1.  Where exactly was god when the snake showed up in Eden?

2.  And why both the snake and the tree in Eden?

3.  Because isn’t that clearly just a recipe for disaster?”

Fortunately most of the homeschoolers won’t understand him as he doesn’t speak American.

And then there’s Jesus, the unpaid babysitter.