Browsing Archives for December 2009

Hello?

It’s me…  Cookie….

The Show Cat?

The gorgeous Show Cat?

The beautiful fluff ball?

The puffy pile of kitty cat wonderment?

Is any of this ringing a bell?

Hello?

HELLO!

Are you people seriously going to just let me freeze out here?

 

It’s almost as if you are the show cats and I am the human!

I had no idea that my grandma Lela was so hip.

(Please ignore the cluttered game cabinet in background.)

On Anxiety…..

Grandpa Harry – Jack, are you a little anxious about opening your Christmas presents?

Jack – I don’t know what anxious means.

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On Indigestion….

Me – Do any of your patients ever complain about burping or farting all the time?

CD – Yes…

Me – What do you do for them?

CD – I can’t do anything for them.

Me – What do you mean you can’t do anything?

CD – There’s nothing that can be done.

Me – Sure there is! You can tell them to watch what they eat! You could tell them to eat less! You could give them some medicine!

CD – Yes, I could give them some $100.00 medicine that won’t work. I can tell them to eat less or eat better, but they already know that.

Me – I think you just like telling people that nothing can be done. I think you just like making people feel powerless.

CD – Rechelle. I don’t know how to make people stop farting.

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On High Blood Pressure…

Me – … are you telling me that a 300 pound man with high blood pressure should not change his diet?

CD – Changing his diet will not change his high blood pressure.

Me – What are you talking about? Did he have high blood pressure when he was a baby? Did he have high blood pressure when he was a skinny nine year old kid? Did he have high blood pressure when he was eighteen and running hurdles on the highschool track team?

CD – No one knows what causes high blood pressure.

Me – Well – maybe if he lost a hundred pounds he wouldn’t have it anymore.

CD – Okay… what about the 92 pound old lady who has high blood pressure? Should she lose 100 pounds too?

Me – Uh….

Two of the girls that I work with have the same first name and that name is ‘Cassie’ (except without the quotation marks). We have tried an assortment of methods to distinguish one ‘Cassie’ from the other ‘Cassie’. Sometimes we add the last initial and say ‘Cassie C.’ which sounds like ‘CasSeeSee’ and then the other Cassie goes by ‘C-Dubya’, but this method requires that we remember last names and due to the four holes in my head (where the babies came out) I can’t remember last names anymore. I find that adjectives are far more helpful to me so sometimes I refer to one Cassie as ‘Curly Cassie’ while the other Cassie is ‘Straight Cassie’ but oh dear… that doesn’t sound quite right… maybe it would be better to consider ‘Crazy Cassie’ and then um… ‘Sane Cassie’ – no that doesn’t sound very good.  How about ‘Quiet Cassie’ and um… ‘Loud’… or no wait… ‘Not Quite as Quiet…’ or er… um…. so you can see that the adjectives don’t work very well either.  So eventually, I have settled on using the places that the Cassies come from to describe them and so there’s nice and safe ‘Alaska Cassie’ and then the ‘never going to upset anyone by even sounding slightly insulting’,  ’Kansas City Cassie’.  Phew!  That was a close one!

Even though the two Cassies are very different from each other, their identical names have resulted in the two of them developing their own special language which greatly entertains the rest of us. For instance, if they don’t understand what a customer wants they call this ‘Cassie Confusion’. When they can’t solve a customer’s problem they call this a ‘Cassie Conundrum’. When the store is really busy and the phone is ringing off the hook and then the cash register breaks down, this is of course ‘Cassie Chaos’ and can often result in a ‘Cassie Catastrophe’, however if they can fix the cash register, they are oh so ‘Cassie Clever’. So, when one of the Cassies threw a party last week – it could only be called one thing – ‘Cassie Christmas’.

And of course there was a white elephant gift exchange.

Of which the prize gift was a hand crafted, pink poodle, jar cover… thingy.

Which Alaska Cassie was lucky enough to get in the first round.

 

 

 

And then quickly swiped by ‘K.C. Cassie’ in the next round.

 

 

 

 

At which point, I took the poodle for myself.

Because – clearly.

 

 

And then ‘Cursed Cassie’ stole it back!

 

 

 

 

 

And I ended up with this dumb old beer can hat.

And I decided that I was the victim of a ‘Cassie Calamity’!  
So I threw a ‘Cassie Conniption!’
And my name isn’t even Cassie!

 

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The Other Non-Cassie Attendees

 

Myra

 

 

 

 

AnneMarie – you might remember her from last year’s episode of the sparkly bow.

 

 

 

 

AnneMarie and Liz

 

 

 

 

 

‘Criminal Cassie’ with Darla and Melissa.

Examining a house plant because that is what plant people do at parties… when they are not stealing each other’s poodles.

 

 

 

 

These were the delicious won-ton, sausage, cheese, appetizers that ‘Cruel Cassie’ made for the party. They were really good. I found a similar recipe here – but I feel it imperative to note that ‘Cantankerous Cassie’ added red bell pepper to her version.

 

 

 

The Country Doctor models the beer can hat.

Holy Crap!  

It’s almost Christmas!  

What am I doing sitting at my computer!

Merry Merry – Joy Joy,

Rechelle

I originally posted this letter two years ago – but it is worth a repeat.

 

I just recently received my mom’s annual Christmas letter. It is as usual, chock full of tantalizing tidbits about the lives of my parents including a detailed description of my parents’ morning routine which I now know includes two cups of hot tea for my mother – one before she attends her “Shape Up Sisters” workout class and a second cup when she gets home from her “Shape Up Sisters” workout class. I was also interested to discover that my parents’ breakfast menu offers a choice of either cold cereal or hot cereal along with that second cup of  tea. While my brain was doing backflips to try and keep up with this fast-paced, endearing, yet strangely riveting letter I came across the following paragraph …

The last 2 years have also brought a different chapter in our lives as Harry and my Dad are rejoicing in heaven. We have also said farewell to very dear people in our lives Aunt Ruth and Uncle Wilbur. We both know it is selfish to wish for them to still be here on earth with us when they were so ready to go…

As I mentioned, my mom is writing the letter so when she writes “my dad” that would be my grandpa. And, yes, he did pass away this year. But the MORE startling information is the name that precedes “my grandpa” which says “Harry”. She writes Harry and my Dad are rejoicing in heaven. What the… Harry is MY DAD and if he has “passed on” it is news to me!!!

I frantically called my mom to find out if Dad was still among the living and if he wasn’t, why exactly she chose her Christmas letter to deliver this tragic news to me!

“Mom! Mom!  is Dad dead?” I yelped into the phone.

“No, Your father is not dead, he is watching “The Biggest Loser” on television with me.”

Then I told her about the letter and how it says that Harry is dead, and she said…

“It must be the way you are reading it.”

No, mom it is not the way I am reading it… You said that Dad is dead!” 

“Well your father proofread the letter, so how could he have let the letter say he is dead?  

“I don’t know mom, but it clearly states that your Dad… and Harry are rejoicing in heaven, and I am pretty sure you have to be dead to do that!”

“Your dad is not dead because he eats too much to be dead… and he also complains too much to be dead.”

I was very relieved to hear that my father is still “with us”. I mentioned that mom might want to send out a little note to all her Christmas letter recipients and let them know that Harry is not dead.

“That’s ridiculous! I’m NOT going to send out 60 notes to people to tell them that Harry is not dead.

So – if any of my distant kin and far flung family read this blog – my dad, Harry, is NOT dead. Repeat NOT DEAD. This was just a little mistake in the Family Christmas letter.

PS

On the off, off chance that this post has ONCE AGAIN served to send my mom reeling in electrifying shockwaves of loathsome grief over her delinquent daughter posting awful things on the internet for the entire world to read – I offer up a few pics of her adorable grandchildren as a sweet salve.

KeeeeeeeRipes! He’s six now.

How long has it been since you were THIS excited about opening up a present?

He made it in kindergarten. It still tops our tree with pride.

This one’s for you mom. I love you. Even if you did try to kill dad off in the Christmas letter.

Once upon a time there were three brothers….

 

Who took a sled to the park….

 

 

And they all wanted to ride at the same time…

 

 

 

So there was only one solution…

 

 

 

And it worked pretty good….

 

 

 

The End.

As strange as it may seem, winter is one of my favorite seasons at work.  And it’s not just because there isn’t very much to do so I have more time to stare into space.  And it’s not just because Myra, Melissa, Darla, Cassie, and the other Cassie are always bringing in delicious homemade goodies.  And it’s not just because Jan and Erin bring up the poinsettias from the head house and fill up the vacant greenhouse that was so empty and sad.  But it’s also because we get to make real Christmas wreaths made from real evergreen boughs and we also we get to make winter pots!  I love winter pots.  The day that Dave and Carl and Chris deliver the freshly cut greens from the farm where all of the shrubs and trees are grown, I dance around like a cockeyed maniac who should be behind bars rather than behind a cash register at a Garden Center.

You might remember that last year I photographed Chris (pictured below who as you can see from the title of this post has a very difficult last name both to spell and pronounce and who is also the landscape architect at the garden center where I work) making a Christmas wreath with the fabulous wreath making machine.  This year, I asked him if I could photograph him assembling a few winter pots.  Chris said, ‘No, I could not’, but I did it anyway.  I tell you what – after I get a few Christmas cookies under my belt, I can be downright irascible!

First Chris starts with a little pot…

Har har har ho ho ho hee hee hee heh, heh ha, ha, hwah hwah, ho!

I think I may need to cut back on the Christmas cookies.

The ‘pot’ is lined with landscape fabric and then filled with sand.

Chris begins by filling the center of the pot with a particularly bushy and also prickly evergreen of which I can’t remember the name, but for the sake of confusing everyone, I hereby name it ‘bushprickle’ because that’s what it’s name should be.

As you can see, the ‘bushprickle’ stems are spiky and give height and fullness to the center of the pot.

Chris angles them in so that they sort of ‘shoot out’.

Oh dear – I am afraid that I can’t say the words ‘shoot out’ without launching into a wrestling cheer from my glory days of being a wrestling cheerleader so if you would please excuse me for a minute…

Ahem

Shoot Out on the Whistle!  Shoot Out on the Whistle!  

There – feel much better – Now back to our regularly scheduled program…

 

 

He leaves some space in between the bushprickle stems so there is room for it’s close cousin - 

 

 

 

Old Paint. 

Of course, Old Paint is not the evergreen’s real name.  I have no idea what it’s real name is because hello – I run the cash register people!  I do not sit around memorizing plant names, or studying plantiology or knowing anything meaningful about the world of botany!  But I am good at making up plant names so I decided to call this evergreen Old Paint – because it’s painted.  It’s painted a forest green color and no – I have no idea why it’s painted, but it is.  Hence the name!

 

 

 

And yes – personally I find the painted evergreens to be kind of appalling and very unnatural, but that did not stop me from buying a painted green evergreen for my Christmas tree this year did it? 

No, it did not.

 

 

Next, Chris sticks in some White Pine which is the actual name of the evergreen that he is working with in the above pic.  The reason I know the actual name of the White Pine is because I have a lot in common with the White Pine.  You see, White Pine is a very limp and weak willed evergreen bough. It has a tendencly to slump down and also to slide to the floor.  It is often slippery and hard to get a hold of.  But!  White pine is very useful when you want to create a draping effect around the edges of a pot.

SEE!

SEE!

THE WEAK WILLED THINGS IN THIS WORLD DO HAVE THEIR USES!

We are the drapers!

We drape!

And we create a very nice spilling effect over the edges of things!  We are also good for masking inadequacies because all that limp spilling covers a multitude of errors.  We are also good at resting and eating snacks and watching movies and forgetting what it was we were going to do just a few seconds ago.

What?

Huh?

Where am I?

What was I going to do?

And why do I have this blood covered hatchet in my hand?

Unlike the spiky thing in the middle who insists on being the center of attention, we spillers are quite content to just hang around – and check it out – we look very good while doing so.   So don’t be discounting the White Pine branches of this old world.  At first they may appear quite useless, but in truth they actually creating a striking effect.

Here you can see the bush prickle middles, the old paint fillers and the weak willed spillers all combine to make a glorious display.

See how they all work together to make the world… I mean the pot a beautiful thing!

 

 

Over the years, Chris has made a lot of winter pots. The pots that Chris makes are delivered to decorate some of the most beautiful homes in our area. 

 

 

 

Here he is adding Red Dogwood, and Curly Willow branches.

 

 

 

This is the last photo of this pot that I took, because yes – weak willed and sliding to the floor and needing a snack – but Chris’ dresses them up quite a bit more with berries, pinecones and a few other more exotic varieties of evergreens that we order in, like incense cypress and noble fir.

 

 

 

 

After having a private lesson with the master of winter pots, I decided to work on filling up my own pots.

 

 

 

 

 

I stocked up on a variety of the greens and the branches that we sell at the Garden Center.

 

 

 

 

 

I hauled it all in and with Bridget Jones’s Diary playing on the computer, I went to pot.

Har, har, hee ho, hee, har, ho, ho hee, hee, hwah, hwar, hee, hee, ho, HA!

Get it!

I went to POT!

Someone please hide the rest of the sugar cookies from me!

 

 

 

 

Note the gloves.

They come in quite HANDY!

Har har har ha ho har har ho ho hee, hee (etc etc)

 

I placed the Bushprickle in middle just like Chris did and then I got involved in Bridget and especially in Hugh and Colin and I forget to photograph the rest of the process….

So this is my winter pot!

 

 

 

And this is my other other winter pot!

You know what these pots need?

A light dusting of snow….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think we may have been watching an episode of The Office online via Hulu when suddenly the large furry head of Bill Clinton began to speak to us from the computer and the world came to a stand still.  The ad caught my attention because one – Bill Clinton and two – large furry head and three – the organization which Bill was talking about and four – is it okay if I call him Bill?  And can I just say that I am not a Bill Clinton groupie nor am I a Bill Clinton non-groupie.  I am pretty much a Bill Clinton neutral groupie which means that I can look at the man without any type of emotional surge whatsoever.  Well… except for the emotion of ‘question mark’ meaning I respond to him talking to me from my computer with a sort of ‘what the heck is going on?’   And as a result, when he appeared on my computer, I focused with a strange intensity on what he was saying.  I am not used to seeing him around much anymore plus the whole former world leader thing.  As a result,  I eventually made a loan to a woman named Phea Nop in Cambodia so that she could buy a buffalo to breed  and I am not even making that last part up.  

The organization of which I speak (and of which former President Bill Clinton speaks) is called Kiva.   Perhaps you have heard of it?  Well, I had not heard of it and after reading a few articles and watching a few PBS videos about Kiva, I thought what the heck?  And I threw my hat in the ring as well.  Basically Kiva exists to make loans to a group that Kiva terms ‘the working poor’ or ‘low income entrepeneurs’ across the globe which enable these people to start and grow small businesses. Traditionally, these loans would be impossible for people to get in their own countries due to exorbitant interest rates that can be as high as 300%.  Rarely do these emerging entrepreneurs have much collateral with which to qualify for a loan nor do they feel that they can risk losing what little they may have.  Kiva levels the playing field by providing affordable loans without the terrifying risk.  Kiva loans start as small as $25.00 and more than 98% of the loans that Kiva makes are re-paid in full within six to twelve months.  The loans are generally used to buy small pieces of equipment, farm animals, grain, produce, or other basic materials to enable a business person from a poor country to take the next step in a small business endeavor.

When I visited Kiva’s site, I read through many different entrepreneur’s profiles until I found Phea Nop in Cambodia.  She struck a chord with me as she is not only hoping to buy a buffalo (and hello I just happen to hail from a home where the buffalo roam!) but Phea also sells flowers!  Yes!  She sells water lilies in a market and she also has – get this – FOUR KIDS!  It’s like she is my twin on the other side of the world!  Except that she also cultivates rice, is a widow and probably works harder in one day than I have in my entire life put together.  Oh well…. I still like the part about helping her out.  And I really like the part about getting paid back at which point I can choose to re-invest my money in someone else’s business or pay myself back via Pay Pal.  Kiva also offers gift certificates, which allow the recipient to choose their own entrepreneur and follow the subsequent progress.  

 

 

I am excited to see what happens with Phea and her buffalo.  I have a pretty good feeling about this woman since we have so much in common (har, har) and I have a great feeling about Kiva.  I see one side of the world shaking hands with the other side of the world.  I see people giving and sharing and dancing and singing and eating spicy rice balls flavored with the milk of a buffalo heifer.  (Okay, maybe not the buffalo heifer milk part as I really don’t think buffalo heifers are gonna let anyone milk them) but I think this is a great thing and I thought I would help Bill spread the word.   You know – ‘neutral groupie’ me and ‘former world leader’ Bill Clinton – side by side – just making the world a better place…

except my beard is not really quite that full.