The Scary World of Cucumber Supermodels

July 22nd, 2009

My garden may not serve as inspiration for garden art the way that Inga’s beautiful garden does, but I have been getting some beautiful vegetables out of it.  




I have especially been getting loads of cucumbers out of my garden.

Thousands of them.

I can even pickle nine quarts of cucumbers only to discover a few days later that they taste like sour slime and throw them all out without making the smallest dent in my garden’s cucumber population.

As a result, I have become a cucumber snob.

A completely out of control cucumber snob.





At this point, only the most dainty and sweetest of cucumbers are allowed to cross my lips.  Anything over an inch in diameter, I refer to as as ‘hog food’, even though I don’t have any hogs.  

It’s just like the scary world of super models for my poor cucumbers.  Only the young, delicate, skinny ones are making the cut.  The rest are hurled without ceremony into the depths of my compost pile where they slowly sink back into the earth from which they came.  I don’t even feel bad about it.  Hey!  There are plenty more where they came from!


  • Florida Liz:

    I’ve been laughing at your writings. I’m way too chicken to try a garden, so I applaud your efforts. Hog food… sending any bushels o’ veggies to April?

  • Wendy:

    Wow! Your garden produce is wonderful looking…I have never even heard of asparagus beans…I live in northern Minnesota so my beans, tomatoes and cukes are just flowering now, although I did spot a small tomato starting…yeah!! I agree with FloridaLiz, I so enjoy your humor in your writings…keep it up….

  • Ok, I’m a little behind here, but…pickle, girl, pickle! 9 quarts of slime be damned, you can do it. Don’t compost those babies. Brine ‘em, and send ‘em to me. Pickles are one of the only plant foods my charming son will eat, so bring ‘em on.