The Black and Bracken Pond

June 9th, 2009

My sons helped me to clean out all of the kitchen drawers yesterday. I let them each pick two drawers, and when they were finished, I made them clean out one more.

Hwahhhhh Hwahhhh Hwahhh!

This semi-annual drawer cleaning spasm of mine led me ask myself a few cataclysmic questions…


1. How many twisty ties must one have on hand to truly live a full life?


2. How old does the baby have to be before you can get rid of the baby spoons?

I threw out all the twisty ties. My immediate future may be bleak and dreary as a result, but I am confident that I will amass a new stash of twisty ties in a very short time. There is something so compelling about a twisty tie. Some lost echo of the homesteader in me dictates that I must keep them all… they will come in handy… I might need to fix a leak or pull a mule out of a ditch… I might have to find a lost lamb in a blizzard, or heave my drunken neighbor out of the cistern… A twisty tie is going to make all the difference in these situations and if I don’t have one, someone is going to die. Strangely, as important as they are to modern life, I also can’t seem to find a central location for twisty ties. I find them in every drawer, cupboard, shelf, nook, and every single cranny in the house. I am starting to wonder if my weird habit of scattering twisty ties all over the house is some kind of desperate trail of bread crumbs. Perhaps I am trying to tell myself to follow myself and then to give myself a hug? Are there any other theories? I am very interested in hearing them.

I was completely unable to get rid of the baby spoons.


‘Tis akin to getting rid of the baby!



But I did manage to make a somewhat dramatic decision in regards to the baby spoons.


I placed them towards the back of the silverware drawer along with the critically important stash of Popsicle sticks.


But then I realized that I had placed the wine bottle lid thingys in the WAY BACK of the silverware drawer and I am sorry to tell you this, but I find that I use the wine bottle thingys far more often than I use the baby spoons or the Popsicle sticks.

So I switched them out.


The baby spoons and the popsicle sticks were moved to the VERY BACK of silverware drawer and the wine bottle cork lid thingys were moved closer to the front.

So let’s review then…

Twisty ties gone

Drunk neighbor drowns.

I am filled with guilt and remorse and never step outside my house again.

The curtains become grey and tattered, the porch sags, the shutters squeak in the wind.

Feral show-cats roam the property.

I take to eating jelly straight from the jar with a baby spoon

The wine disappears in fast gulping swallows rendering the wine bottle cork thingys utterly useless.

The garden shrivels up

The orchard is full of worms.

Bloated fish float upon the black and bracken pond.

All is lost

All is forsook

Tomorrow…

I do laundry and force my children to help me separate the darks from the lights.

…and a swarm of locust covers our state in a black cloud of death.

Comments

  • Please send me some twisty ties. I have none.

    But I have buckets of those little plastic squares with the hole in the side.
    Useless.

  • Jordan Jacobson:

    The last little bit there put an image of you a Rechelle-like Boo Radley. Or maybe a Boo Radley-like Rechelle?

    Either way. Boo Radley came to mind.

  • I got rid of my baby spoons. But the baby was 10 and hadn’t used them for 9 years. I never keep twisty ties. I don’t drink wine. But I can’t seem to get rid of the dull paring knives taking up valuable drawer space.

  • You are too funny!

    And as a side-note: in my family, we keep the baby spoons at the front of the drawer (and it’s been YEARS since we’ve had an actual baby in the house). Why? Because they’re the BEST ice cream eating spoons!! Since they’re so little, they make the ice cream last a LONG time! :)

  • Amanda:

    You don’t ever have to get rid of the baby spoons from your drawer. My mom has kept hers all these years (I’m the baby and 32 years old), and we just used it with my son this weekend! It was a neat moment. :)

  • Jojo:

    I got this tip from my grandmother. Place the twisty ties in a shot glass and keep them on the spice shelf. It worked for her and it works for me.

  • That was hilarious!

    Now I’m wondering what in the world happened to all the baby spoons I had…hmmm.

    The twist ties are all in the same drawer. Whenever I am about to throw away a twist tie (because there are *plenty* in the drawer) I just can’t bring myself to do it. Because on that *one day* that I desperately need just *one more* twist tie I won’t have enough, and then I will bitterly curse my foolishness.
    The empty bread bags are in the cupboard right below the drawer.

  • My grandmother can’t throw away twisty ties….& she also saves all the rubberbands (like the ones that come on your broccoli at the store) – do you do that too?

  • M.R.:

    My broccoli, asparagus, etc., rubber bands go on the door knob of the back door.

  • OK, so twisty ties… my mom has an entire yogurt container FULL of them, and when she moved last year, the container went with her. I have two. Two. One is currently around the bread bag, and one WAS tying a half-eaten bag of marshmallows shut. I had to eat the rest of the marshmallows today so I could say I had a spare twist tie. I used to have more, but my husband fears my addiction will become like my mother’s and so throws out all twist ties at random intervals.

    As for baby spoons, keep a few!!! I have one that is the perfect size for doing things like filling manicotti and getting capers out of the stupid little jars they come in. I’ll never, ever part with it. I’ll die clutching it in my hands. :D

  • Always keep the spoons! Isn’t it funny though how as they kids grow the wine keeper keeps moving more and more to the forefront?

  • anne:

    sepArate, not sepErate. laundry. or twist ties. or whatever. thank you.

  • Diane:

    You crack me up, Rechelle. I don’t keep the bread bags anymore so much but DO have my twist ties. I mean, someday I’m going to need them. ALL of them. I KNOW I am. :-)

  • I spell separate with an e too, must be genetic. Also, that drawer is not to April specifications and I’m having to take deep cleansing breaths to get over that one spoon facing the wrong direction. I would have done away with 98.4% of the stuff in that drawer and only placed one measly speck of a spoon in each slot.

  • No twist ties at my house – we use chip clips instead. However, for some reason, we have a gazillion placemats. Does anyone ever use them? Never. But still there is a drawer full of them and more mysteriously show up. I’m always waiting for Rod Serling to come around the corner whenever I open that placemat drawer by mistake. Then he’ll explain to me that the reason for all the placements is in….The Twilight Zone. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what’ll happen. :-)

    • I have a large pile of those too, and I use them once… maybe twice a year.

  • CilleyGirl:

    Why I Am Not Getting Any Work Done, by the CilleyGirl.

    Hey, Rechelle has a new blog entry. That sounds much better than the document that will not die. She mentioned twisty ties. I still have that huge ziploc full of twist ties that my ex-boyfriend’s ex-wife collected that moved in when he did. Should I mention that? Should I throw them out? They just remind me of him and I have much better things to think about. But then how would I know which twist ties are mine and which were his/hers? And what if I need a twisty tie? Someone could be drowning. Maybe I should clean out my drawers. I’ve been meaning to go through my t-shirts. What did I get on this shirt today? Did I confuse Rechelle with her sister again? I forget which one has the doctor and which one . . . doesn’t. Boy, that wedding announcement made me laugh. Wonder if he has a brother? That’s not an oracle? ‘Cause I don’t hit like a girl. I wish I wasn’t allergic to cats so I could get another one. I miss my kitty. I don’t miss the fur though. I bet she could have been a show cat. Did I remember to put some wine in the refrigerator? Why would I have any baby spoons in my kitchen drawers when I don’t have a baby? Of course, I do have those crab forks and when was the last time I had crab, eh?

    Is this document done yet?

    Thank you, thank you, remember to tip your waitress and please try the veal.

    :)

    • Cilley Girl.. you are a very silly girl!

  • Child labor laws in my state prevented me from using my kids to help me clean as they would have had to operate heavy machinery to move my “stash” of twisty ties which I saved for … oh, 30, 40 years. In all that time, wanna know just how many times I absolutely HAD to dig a twisty tie out and use it….ONCE. Yep, it was a memorable day and I was sooooo relieved that I had saved them because had I not…I wouldn’t have had one to use. Yep…you just never know when you’re gonna need one. I have since stopped doing that so much…..I only have about 4 or 5 stuck back…..just in case. I keep having this nagging fear though…that when I need them….I will need SIX and I only have FIVE……and what if one BREAKS. I’ve had that happen before.

  • DirtyKSmama - Nikki:

    Newspaper rubberbands. They slide across the driveway. They are covered with newsprint. And I put them in a drawer. And I actually use them – frequently! And I even put them in my hair sometimes when I can’t find an appropriate, non-driveway ponytail holder. But it’s better than paint, polyurethane or cow manure in my hair. And easier to use than a “clean” twist-tie.

    Oh yeah, I’m not happy unless I’m gettin’ dirty (today: oak sawdust.) So why not a driveway newspaper rubberband in my hair? Then I go around singing “I’m bringing sexy baaaaack. Yeah!”

  • You are a brave woman indeed. However, I don’t think there is anything a twist tie can do that a little bit of baling wire or some hemp rope that you grew and spun yourself can’t do. (Note to self: throw out twist ties tomorrow, plant hemp.) As to why the twist ties were scattered hither and yon, I think you were just trying to be prepared for an emergency no matter where an emergency happened to crop up. I hope there is room for the baling wire and hemp rope in these spots.

    I want you to know that it is okay that the wine bottle thingies are toward the front of the drawer and see more use than the popsicle sticks and baby spoons. It’s very wise of you to keep the popsicle sticks because you never know when you may need to use one for a finger splint or making homemade popsicles or for a log cabin or tipi frame for a diorama depicting the early days of Kansas. The baby spoons are good to keep because you never know when there will be a visiting baby. There comes a time, however, when wine bottle thingies are just used more often. This is the natural progression of things. To everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season (turn, turn, turn) and a time to every purpose under heaven. Enjoy your wine. I Timothy 5:23 says, “Drink no more water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.” Words to live by, Rechelle. Words to live by!

  • That sounds about right, Rechelle. I broke down and put the baby spoon in the same little plastic bin as the baby clothes. Where little actually should read: TWO LARGE Plastic Bins.

  • Very funny! I sometimes wish I’d had children, especially when I have Big Chores to do. But then I visit my brother’s house and kids and I remember why I’m barren by choice.

    I keep my twisty ties in the bread box. Although I like the shot glass suggestion!

  • YOU crack me up! Or was I already this cracked… quick put me together with those twisty ties! After all, you can’t have too many of those things – as soon as you get rid of them, you’ll find you need them. all. the. time…

    We have masses of baby spoons.. I still make the youngest kid, he’s 6, use them! Mowhahaha!

  • Margaret:

    I have a butter bowl of twisties and baby spoons in the front of the drawer. Ice cream spoons now, though. My baby is 41 and the grand ‘baby’ is 7. He won’t even sit in the tall chair anymore. Daddy wouldn’t let me put the rubber bands on the door knob said it damaged the metal. Miss my Daddy.

  • Damn woman! The excitement to be had over something so seemingly mundane, yet highly entertaining. I can’t wait until you rearrange your sock drawer.

    • Me either Deanna! It is something I look forward to every year.

  • Lori Anne:

    Oh for Pete’s sake – you need to get a mason jar for those twisty things. Good Kansas girl that you are, you must have a stash of mason jars. Probably even the pretty ones too.

    You are the only person I know who saves those twisty things. I throw mine away almost immediately and just twist & tuck the bread wrapper.

  • Better to eat jelly straight from the jar than cat food straight from the can….

    New to your blog…and since I’m chatty, I just had to comment.

    And I still have baby spoons, too. We’ll have grandkids someday, no? They’ll get used. Along with the sippy cups on the top shelf that my husband just inquired about the other day! (My boys are 11 and 13…just to give you an idea…ahem.)

    Have a great day!

  • We use our baby spoons (baby is 5 now) to stir our coffee! There are 4 of them, so we always have one that’s clean. Nothing I buy anymore has twisty ties, they all come with those dumb plastic square thingys that my husband breaks a corner off of and then shoots at me.