Minivan Races Crop Duster, Loses Spectacularly

June 22nd, 2009

This story originally ran during on August 19, 2007.  


We were just East of Goodland, Kansas on Interstate 70, when the Country Doctor spied a crop duster flying low over a field of corn. The plane was bright yellow and zooming back and forth across the field. The boys were spellbound.

“Hey boys,” the Country Doctor announced,”you think we could race that plane?”

Now my boys are not idiots, and they have been through this type of scenario with their dad before. Plus, they are being raised in the safety generation… the generation that insists that we tie seven year olds into car seats, refuse to let kids climb trees or run on the playground, and that smoking a cigarette is the same as murdering someone. I remember making ashtrays for art projects in kindergarten!  If my kids knew that – they would have apoplectic seizures.

So when their father suggested racing a crop duster, my boys reacted as proper members of the safety generation…

“No!” they cried.

“Dad!    No!    Don’t do it!” they pleaded.

“Please Dad… NO!” they begged.

But their father ignored their stark white faces and their quaking fear and said, ”HA! I will race that airplane and what’s more – I will BEAT that airplane.”

The speedometer on our minivan rapidly climbed from 65 mph to 95 mph.

The boys were screaming

I was sitting in silence in the passenger seat knowing that there was nothing I could do to make it stop. 

Seconds later – red lights flashed behind us and the Country Doctor pulled the car over to the side of the road.

“Well sir.” said the highway patrol officer, ” you were doing just fine at 65 mph when out of nowhere for no apparent reason – your speed shot up to 95 mph!?!?!?”

“Sorry.” the CD replied.

He did not attempt to explain that he had been racing a crop duster. He did not mention that he was trying to beat an airplane. Some things are just too dumb to say out loud.


  • Kathy from NJ:

    So did he get a ticket?

  • Rechelle:

    Oh yeah – $174.00! So much for a cheap camping/staying with relatives vacation! When you add the cost of replacing the camera, we could have spent several nights at a great hotel! Next vacation I am leaving him home and splurging on a resort. I think I will come out even.

  • Donna Boucher:

    Oh! How funny!I would have told the cop.Cause I AM that dumb.I can not believe he got caught going 95!Yikes.Got to teach those boys to spot a little better :o)

  • April:

    Uhhh, you guys were out in the flat lands with no trees and you got pulled over???!!! I guess you all must have had your eyes to the sky.

  • Crunchy Chicken:

    Sometimes even really smart people do dumb things.

  • Vonda:

    This is hilarious! Glad to see the doctor has some sort of fun, even if it is an expensive kind of fun.

  • Renovation Therapy:

    HAHHAHAHAHAHHA i am sorry, but I was in hysterics when I read this earlier today.

  • Anonymous:

    Slapping the table, totally cracking up, tears coming out of my eyes, FUNNY!Erin from Iowa

  • That’s hilarious! I love it… Spice up life with a little danger – yay!

  • This is exactly like a TopGear episode I saw recently. Well, except for the cop.

  • The CD seems so intelligent and reasonable. I mean except for how he tapes the game boxes back together the wrong way and staples the cereal bags closed rather than taping them, but otherwise he seems to have it pretty together. What, then, could be the explanation for such a foolhardy stunt? Why, honey, he’s still a guy.

    I’m sorry. I do not really call people “honey” unless I’m married to them. I was paraphrasing Brad Paisley. Please excuse the excessive familiarity.

  • Stephanie:

    That is too funny!! Sounds like something my DH
    would do…BUT my boys would be egging him on
    from the rear…I am the voice of reason in our
    home and sadly the male factor seems to be deaf..
    most of the time..

    Should have told the officer…being male (I suppose)
    he may have understood and just given a warning.

  • ROFL! Too bad; I hate getting caught in front of my kids. But too funny for you.

    I just hope he won.

  • Susan:

    Gee..I guess CD acually DOES have a sense of humor.

  • Linda Joan:

    Thanks Rechelle for the momory nudge! I had totally forgotten that I had made a triangular ceramic ashtray in my childhood. I put a turquoise glaze on it!

  • bwahaha! I love that he didn’t want to tell the cop why he sped up!

    That reminds me of my friend who knocked the mirror off her car when she hit gate…she didn’t want to tell her parents that it happened while she was peeking under her seat “real quick!” to look for a CD! So, she told them she sneezed & lost control of the car whilst sneezing :)

  • I used to be a notorious lead foot until my H pointed out that if I got one.more.ticket he’d be bailing me out of the county lockup. Possibly two county lockups, since we live practically astride a state line with zealous officers of the law on either side. If ONLY I’d had this priceless excuse to offer one of the poker-faced cops who pulled me over, maybe I’d have at least gotten ‘em to crack a smile. Now, I drive like a granny (as more than one amused friend has observed) so there will be no crop duster racing in my future!

  • OMG… I’d have been DYING with laughter from the passenger seat. That is just hilarious.

  • Too funny !!!! I only hope your insurance doesn’t go up with a speeding ticket.

  • This is funny! It’s a male characteristic to not think of the consequences when attempting to show off. Kind of an “oh, s***” moment.

  • DirtyKSmama - Nikki:

    Not sharing this story with DH. Don’t want to give him any ideas for next time we drive thru western Kansas.