What Alcatraz Needs is a Puppet Show

May 15th, 2009


Bring it on San Francisco.

Bring it on!
I can take it.
I CAN TAKE IT!!!
How about another day of being beaten to death by the wind, on a boat to Alcatraz.
How about another day of walking all over this city and then forgetting where you parked your car. And then spending another hour finding it. But only after you spend $100.00 on a spaghetti dinner for the family… and not even an amazing spaghetti dinner… but just a regular old spaghetti dinner.
How about another aggressively friendly nudist?
How about two more nights cooped up in one hotel room with my entire family.
How about seventy three more trips in an elevator with my four sons.
All I really want to know is how many more years until my four sons can ride an elevator without having to get into an All Star Wresting Match?
And when do they learn to stand in line without poking each other’s eyes out?
Here are some things I have learned about my family and vacations on this trip.
1. Beaches are great.
2. Parks are great.
3. They can tolerate long walks… barely… but are completely unable to walk without smashing each other in the stomach several times.
5. Why is this?
6. Why the smashing in the stomach?
7. WHY!!!
8. WHY DEAR GOD WHY!!!!
9. Pretty much everything other than parks, beaches and stomach smashing walks are going to be a challenge.
10. But I am up for a challenge.
11. You ain’t got me beat yet San Francisco.
12. I am not down yet.
13. I may look like I am down, but I am not.
14. Okay, I am kind of down,
15. Okay I am pretty much dead.
16. But give me eight hours of sleep and I will be ready again.
17. I hope…