Merely Marginal… I Wish I Had A Ruffled Sock

November 24th, 2008
Socks are the bane of my existence.
A perfect cup of tea is the elixir of life…
And socks are the bane of my existence.
This is the yin and yang of Rechelle.  
Socks and tea.  Tea and socks.  Socks and tea.  
The problem is…
I HAVE FAR MORE PAIRS OF SOCKS IN THIS HOUSE THAN I WILL EVER HAVE PERFECT CUPS OF TEA!!!!
And why is it that some cups of tea are perfect and other cups are merely marginal?
Here is my recipe for a perfect cup of tea that more often than not turns out to be merely marginal.
Heat water in kettle to boil.
Warm cup or tea-pot with hot water. 
Pour out hot water and add new hot water.
Place tea bag in hot water.
Wait.
Add milk.
Add sugar.
Sometimes don’t add sugar.
Drink.
Sometimes perfect.
But more often than not…
Merely marginal.
Why?
WHY!!!
On the other hand…
Socks never cease to torment me.
I have four sons and one husband.  
They go through at least one pair of socks a day, but sometimes two.
This adds up to six katwillion pairs of socks each week to wash, dry, match up and put away.
But some weeks I am far too weak and shaky to do the matching up and the putting away… so sometimes I have two weeks of socks to match up and put away.  And SOMETIMES I have three weeks of socks to match up and put away.  AND SOMETIMES I CAN’T OPEN THE FRONT DOOR BECAUSE IT IS BLOCKED BY A MOUNTAIN OF SOCKS THAT NEED TO BE MATCHED UP AND PUT AWAY.
This is generally when I try to make a perfect cup of tea in which to drown my sorrows, but it usually turns out to be a merely marginal cup of tea.  
HELP!!! 
I AM BEING CRUSHED BY A MOUNTAIN OF UNMATCHED SOCKS WHILE DRINKING MERELY MARGINAL TEA!!!
HOW CAN IT POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait!
It can get worse!
MUCH WORSE!!!
Sometimes to make myself match up all those socks, I will rent a movie and put the mountain of socks in front of me and sprinkled all around me and forming a cushion underneath me and I will use a pile of socks to form a back support and then I will create a tufted foot rest and a set of matching throw pillows and also an area rug… a room sized area rug… made entirely of socks… and finally, I will watch a movie and match all those socks while drinking a merely marginal cup of tea. 
After I match all those socks and drink all that tea,  I have to decide who gets which pair.  This is harder than you might think.  
For one thing – there is the whole size thing.  Jack – my youngest is still pretty easy.  The small socks go in his pile.  But my two middle sons have the same size foot so they can wear the same size socks.  However… in our house we have both crappy, shredded, socks with a sort of perma-crust embedded in the heels that no amount of washing will ever take away… and we also have socks that are spongy and soft and have some valuable trademarks on them that my children prize more highly than any other items in their wardrobe.  It is my job to carefully divide the crap, perma-crust socks and the highly prized logo socks between my two middle boys.  While I am doing the dividing, I often start to wonder if I am being truly fair.  Am I giving Ethan more soft, spongy Nike socks than I am giving Drew?  Why am I doing that?  Does Ethan need more sock love from his mother?  Am I trying to compensate for Ethan’s short-lived babyhood which was ripped away from him at the tender age of eighteen months due to the birth of Drew?  Will giving Ethan more thick, cushiony Under Armor socks really prove to him that I think he is just as special as Drew?   Will Drew grow to hate Ethan because Ethan has two extra pairs of Adidas shortcuts in his sock drawer with no visible stains while he himself has only one pair of Adidas shortcuts and they have tiny holes in both heels?
What about Calder?  He is my oldest son.  He can still wear most of the socks that Drew and Ethan wear, but he can also wear the socks that his dad wears.  How come I give almost all the nice larger socks to Calder, while I tend to give his dad all the crusty pairs?  Is it because I blame my husband for the lack of a female heir?  Where are my little pink girly girl socks?  Where are the socks with the lace trim?  Where are the tights and the leggings and the green and purple argyle socks?  Where are they?  WHERE????
It really would be easier to match up fun floral printed socks and polka dotted socks and socks with little pink cotton balls at the heel.  Trust me, four thousand pairs of white shortcuts that differ only in levels of crustiness and logos causes early senility in mothers.  
What?
Huh?
Who?
See it is happening already!
Look what came to my house this weekend…

A pair of sturdy toddler GIRL legs…

Sporting cute little girl shoes….


And these… these… these undeniable ruffles!


And yes.. white cuffed socks.  

Still… 
I bet those white cuffed socks are an anomaly in her house.  
While in our house… they rise up like a killer tidal wave.
And I am the only line of defense.