Please!
Please!
PLEASE!!!!
PLEEEEEAAAAAAASE!!!!
Visit this link to watch this film, Zeitgeist at Free Documentaries. I don’t know how you could watch this film and not realize that all of Christendom is a complete load of baloney unless your mind is no more than a clump of quivering gelatin. Or you believe that God allowed Satan to scatter a myriad of stories in hundreds of cultures throughout all of time just to test our faith and winnow the wheat from the chaff. Which is [...]
Has anyone been watching The Pillars of the Earth mini-series on Starz or Netflix or some other network? I’ve been keeping up with the latest installments via my best friend Netflix and with each episode I grow more and more dissatisfied. I loved the book and the subsequent World Without End and wrote a post about both books. I was really looking forward to watching the movie adaptation. I remember the book was filled with plenty of debauchery and debasement [...]
I got to host a baby shower for a co-worker this weekend. She is having a baby girl so after about three seconds of brainstorming I decided that the theme would be pink. I know! Brilliant! This extremely daring and creative theme allowed me to offer my guests a variety of pink drinks. I served pink strawberry margaritas and pink cosmos rimmed with (you guessed it) pink sugar. The white bowl is full of pink sugar (which I bought ready [...]
Look! We all look so happy! Like we actually like each other and enjoy being together!
When Rechelle gave me this feature on her blog, she mentioned that an entity known as the God Particle carefully examines each post and, in Its infinite wisdom, decides what kind of an ad to place next to that post, with Its chief criterion presumably being the subject matter of the post. Naturally, I wondered what kind of an ad the Particle would place next to a post about what kinds of sex toys Cardinal Richelieu might have used, and [...]
Please!
Please!
PLEASE!!!!
PLEEEEEAAAAAAASE!!!!
Dear Oracle,
WHY is it that the batteries in smoke detectors ALWAYS run low in the wee hours of the morning…beeping and scaring the bejeepers out of everyone? Is there some way to prevent this other than sleeping during the day?
Going with the first poster – I would like to know – why do the majority of fires happen in the late hours of the night and wee hours of the morning?
Dear Oracle,
Dear Oracle,
What is that odor emanating from my 17 year old son’s bedroom?
Dear Oracle,
I’m a college student, and I’ve just survived the hardest week of my entire semester. I’m exhausted, I have tons of studying to do, and I have a cold. Do you have any advice that will help me get through my two tests next week before Thanksgiving break?
Dear Oracle,
How am I supposed to eat when my nose is completely stopped up from this cold I’ve got? I can’t breathe through my mouth and eat at the same time!
So Mr. Oracle,
I wish to know why do animals seem to like to crawl under houses to die. Don’t they know that they cause a horrible odor? Please tell me how to keep them away.
Dear Oracle,
What do you do with leftover pitchers of gravy? I don’t have a garbage disposal. Can you pour it down the sink?
Dear Oracle,
I seem to kill all plants in my house. Is it my subconscious? Do I have unresolved issues from my childhood? Now all the fish in the house have died as well.
I’m thinking I should wait til the last possible moment to get a Christmas tree, right? And is there any hope for the dog?
Thanks,
Rhea
So Oracle,
Dear Oracle,
What is the odor emanating from my 90 year old father’s bedroom?
WHY did you come to my mind in church last week when my pastor read “The Oracles of God?”
That was weird. I almost laughed out loud…
Oh hey — Dear Oracle… would that be inappropriate to laugh out loud when my pastor read about the oracles of God and I thought of the Oracle of Steve?
Curious,
Jennifer
Dear Oracle,
Why is it that you know so much. Do you make it up or wing it as you go? Do you happen to know when McDonald’s sold its first Big Mac? I have a bet going but am not allowed to look it up on the net. I say 68.
What’s it like, to have a sister n law, that is so fun and loving?
I need to know, because my two sisters n law, drain every ounce of life blood out of me, whenever I am with them, and I need an answer, that will carry me through the upcoming holiday season with them.
A loyal fan in Michigan.
Also, if you will indulge me one more time, why do men (in general) leave their “underthings” laying on the bathroom floor?
Dear Oracle,
Dear Oracle,
1. Who is responsible for the music in elevators?
2. Do they sell a CD of Elevator music?
Dear Oracle,
Which is more environmentally friendly, a real Christmas tree or an artificial one? I think going to a Christmas tree farm (near our home) and cutting our own is better than buying an artificial one, but I’d like your input. Thanks.
Oh Wise Oracle,
Will we finally get a decent offer, after the open house today?
‘Cause I’m tired of cleaning so much that you can ACTUALLY lick the floors and come away feeling refreshed.
Thank you, Great Oracle.
Dearest Oracle,
A test of your knowledge before I move on to pressing question?
Of the top of your head… Do you know how much a gallon of milk weighs and how long is a dollar bill?
My more pressing question…
How is it that my husband can spot a groundhog in a field while driving and texting yet can’t keep the kids and do laundry at the same time?
>likes
groundhogs. I like groundhogs.
On Tuesday evening, I had the wonderful opportunity to go and hear author Jeannette Walls, speak in Lawrence at the University of Kansas.
Jeannette wrote the best selling, heart-wrenching memoir, The Glass Castle.
The Glass Castle tells the story of Jeannette’s childhood. She was raised along with three siblings, by an alcoholic father with a huge capacity for firing his children’s imaginations with tales of the CIA being on their tail… and a mother… who when faced with the choice of painting a picture or feeding her kids… invariably chose to paint.The family roamed the country from Arizona to West Virginia, often homeless, usually on the run from bill collectors and gambling debts. The children were occasionally left with derelict relatives. If the family did have a home, they rarely had indoor plumbing, heat or electricity. All the while the children reveled in the fantasies of their father, who insisted it was all a big adventure. The miraculous part of Jeannette’s book is that she manages to tell the story of her appalling childhood without an ounce of guile.
Fast forward twenty odd years… Jeannette is a successful journalist and celebrity gossip columnist living on Park Avenue in New York City. Even though she had attained every symbol of success a young career woman could ever hope to achieve, she still lives with a cloud of fear and shame hovering over her, thinking that one day her past will be discovered and she will once again become an object of ridicule. But this time, instead of high school classmates taunting her dirty clothes and ramshackle home, it would be co- workers and friends shunning her because her parents still lived on the streets and Jeanette was powerless to change them.
A series of strange and chance circumstances eventually force Jeannette to face her past and she decides the only way she can “face down her demons” is to write her story.
Jeannette attempted several versions of the book before deciding to tell the story from the perspective of herself as a little girl. Through the eyes of a young Jeanette, the reader experiences the chaos, the hunger, the embarrassment, the filth, but ALSO the way her parents created magic out of nothing, gave their kids the gift of optimism, survival, resilience, strength and did I say optimism? Because Jeannette Walls has a truly unique and unsurpassed ability to put a positive spin on the most dire of circumstances.
As hard as it is to think of a child growing up the way Jeannette did, it is truly amazing to listen to her not only conquer her dismal past, but also walk away from it with glowing trophies gathered from the smoking ruins.
Oh…
And her mother lives with her now… out back… behind her estate… in a “vinyl cottage”. She takes care of Jeannette’s horses… horses Jeanette bought because she knew they might be the only thing that would tempt her mother at 74 years of age away from living on the streets in New York City. Jeannette’s father is deceased.
Jeannette said, “my mother is a very fun, charming, up beat, optimistic person… as long as you are not depending on her to take care of you…”.
Look! Here is Jeannette autographing a copy of her book, The Glass Castle!
This is what her autograph looks like. See how optimistic it is?!?!
It was a courageous act for Jeanette to comb through her past and deliver this jewel of a book.
I am so glad she did.
I have to thank Sue Ellen Ewing (pictured above with ex-husband J.R.) for giving this party a special spark, for it is Sue Ellen who convinced me that we needed a bartender.
I am not exactly a “plans party with a bartender” kind of girl. Not that I have anything against parties with bartenders. In fact, after this experience, I approve heartily of parties with bartenders. However, prior to this particular 80′s shindig, I would never have thought of myself as the kind of person who hires a bartender for a party.
I will tell you that were the funds available, I would most certainly hire a butler, a parlor maid, an upstairs maid, a downstairs maid, a chef, a chauffeur, a masseuse, a gardener, and of course a personal assistant named Margot. But I would not have thought of hiring a bartender. When in fact, if you think about it, hiring your own personal bartender makes all those other employees completely unnecessary!
Here is the very cute bartender’s arm serving a drink.
Here is the very cute bartender pouring a drink.
It also helps if your personal bartender is very cute.
I don’t know how it helps exactly, but it does. You will just have to trust me on that point.
The very cute bartender that we “hired” and when I say “hired” I really mean that he was a personal friend of Sue Ellen Ewing and felt indebted to the entire Ewing clan because one time when his own mama was sick and dying and his daddy was just about to lose the family farm, Miss Ellie and Jock stepped in and made sure that the farm stayed in tact until our bartender could pay the back taxes on it. Of course, what the bartender does not know is that J.R. has discovered that the farm Jock and Ellie worked so hard to save for the bartender, is right smack dab in the middle of a multi-million dollar development deal that includes the new high rise executive building of Ewing Oil. Even now, J.R. schemes to take the farm away from the poor unsuspecting bartender. It will be a great blow and the bartender will probably try to kill J.R. and then will rot in prison for it for years, unless he escapes with the aid of Pamela, who is secretly in love with the bartender and wants to leave Bobby for him, because one time, he worked at party she hosted and when the party was over HE CLEANED UP HER KITCHEN FOR HER!
You will also need to get yourself a D.J. with a blonde mullet. If you can’t find a D.J. with a blonde mullet, you probably oughtta just give up before you even get started, because the blonde mullet D.J.s have the most extensive collection of 80′s music on the planet and they will “Rock the Casbah” all night long.
Finally, to host the quintessential 80′s Blow Out, you must force your guests to wear the appropriate attire.
The Don Johnson look for guys and the silky purply blazer over pink spandex for girls is also a great choice.
If they are the appropriate age, they may sport the clothing they have stored away in mothballs from their misspent high school years.
Torn sweatshirts, preppy collars, sideways ponytails, wide hair ribbons, and a wide selection of mullet style wigs should round out the event.
This is what I ordered on my birthday at a local eatery called Coco Bolos.
Find yourself very absorbed in the marriage difficulties of Sammy Davis Junior and Mai what’s her face.
Sprinkle in that elixir of life… that fabulous concoction… that ancient delight of the palate… the powdery cheese packet (minus the packet).
Recent Comments