The Aggressively Friendly Nudist – The Explanation

August 8th, 2008

Okay, okay, okay I guess fuzzy pictures are not going to be enough.

To find “our nudist” we drove to a town south of San Francisco called Rockaway Beach where we received instructions from the visitor’s center that if we were willing to drive just six more miles further south we would encounter a very nice strip of white sand and a quiet beach.   I do not remember the name of the beach, but I do remember that you park in a lot on the east side of busy highway 101 and then you have to cross to the west side of highway 101 which is harrowing and scary and I was sure we were going to die.
But we did not die.  We made it to the other side only to discover the jagged edge of a perilous cliff which beckoned to my four sons like a candy machine with it’s glass busted out.  They immediately ran to the edge of the cliff and this caused their father – THEIR FATHER – who has never been known to have a visible reaction to anything in his life – to yell at them to get away from the edge of the cliff!
It is clear to me now that I should have taken this rare emotional response from my husband as a sign of stranger things to come.
We eventually found a hidden set of steep stairs that meandered down to the beach.  Funny – it was almost like someone was trying to keep this beach from being discovered.   
Hmmmmm.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs there were several people sprinkled around the beach They all appeared to have clothing on, but I couldn’t help but notice two largish tanned men off in the distance in what appeared to be very scanty beach wear… scanty and strange swimwear. From a distance it looked like their suits were just kind of “muted” and “natural” and “grey” and “fuzzy” but yes it appeared to be swimwear.
One of the largish tanned men in scanty swimwear walked our way and as he moved towards us I kept trying to figure out his swim suit which appeared to be a speedo as it was centered entirely on the tiny area surrounding his… well… his…. his…. apparatus.
But then I noticed that the speedo seemed to have moving parts… jiggling things… and a strange thingy in the center that was… 
That Was…
THAT WAS…
OH MY GEEEEAAAAAWWWD!!!!!
The country doctor and I rapidly moved our boys to the water and they dove in.  I spread our stuff out on the sand in an area that eventually proved to be WAAAAAAAY to close to the nudist.   As we settled in, I took in the lay of the land and it appeared that there were several nudists tucked around the bend in a cove that was partially shielded by boulders.  One largish tannish nudist was laying just on the other side (our side) of the boulders with his largish tannish backside pointed our direction, but he was quite a ways a way and not interested in having a conversation with us.
But his buddy “our nudist” was not content to lie in the sand displaying his largish tannish backside.  He felt it his duty to traipse all over the beach talking to all the sunbathers.  His primary subject was the tides.  I know this because I listened to him talk to the young couple next to us.  They were very polite to him and conversed with him and for about ten minutes they talked tides with him.  
Then he wandered over to us.  The boys were playing in the surf, but the CD and I were sitting on the sand watching our kids.
We heard him approach us and come to a stop behind us and then he started filling us in on the dangerous tides in the area. 
I can’t really explain it to you and maybe it was the wrong response, but neither one of us was really in the mood for a conversation with a nudist that day.  
So we just IGNORED HIM.
But he was not to be IGNORED and continued with his informational lecture on the tides.
We continued with our IGNORING OF HIM.
Finally he asked us if we spoke English.
The Country Doctor said no.
And the aggressively friendly nudist said “alright” in a very grouchy voice.
I am not a psychlogist or a PHD in human behavior but I am pretty sure than “our nudist” felt extremely limited by putting on his display for the other nudists.  It was simply not enough.  It did not satisfy.  He felt incomplete.  For really, what is the point of being a nudist if you are not constantly shocking someone.  
So he had moved his act over to the non-nudists and there he happily flaunted his brown body parts, talking tides to strangers, glorying in the discomfort he created, basking in the warm rays of shock, sunshine and disdain.  
Since the Country Doctor and I were not willing to participate in his little show by keeping our backs firmly to him while he tried to talk to us,  he finally moved along.  
And then when he was a long ways away…
I took his picture.
And I am pretty sure that the aggressively friendly nudist would have been thrilled by that.
Thus ends the aggressively friendly nude… I MEAN NUDIST chronicles on this here blog.
Rechelle

Comments

  • Tracy:

    Oooh yucky! Good idea to ignore him. I hope the boys didn’t have to see that! They might be scarred for life!LOL! Isn’t there some kind of law or something to keep nudist in their own territory?!Loved your description of what you thought were their swimming “attire”!!!!

  • Anonymous:

    Rechelle, you are so funny! I enjoy reading your blog as well as your sister’s. Both of you are on my favorite list. We don’t live far from San Francisco, but I wasn’t aware there was a nude beach there. Altho, why not?notmuchofacook

  • Kat:

    so you were angry that he was so agressive, but you took his picture? Why exactly was that necessary?

  • Lorie:

    Very funny! I am enjoying your blog tremendously!

  • Rechelle:

    Dear Kat – We weren’t angry – we were just sort of not really wanting to face him and have a conversation… so we ignored him. I ignore my kids all the time and I am not angry with them. Ignoring things is a primary coping device for me. Ignoring things that bother me. And strangely… since I started writing a blog I find that I often ALSO take pictures of things that bother me. So first ignore… then take picture… then post on blog… this helps me… perhaps try it yourself???

  • Tylee:

    I love your site (found through PW)! Your stories make me laugh. I spend my days at home with my 3 little boys, so you give me hope for surviving :)

  • Anonymous:

    Hillarious!!!!!I kind of thought in the beginning you and the doctor were purposly looking for a nudist beach. I guessed wrong. I’m glad you took a picture tho……You are quite the story teller and if there is pictures to back it up, that’s just a bonus. EXCELLANT reporting. LOLRhonda from Minnesota

  • Jamie @ Baldwin Bungalow:

    What a vacation story!

  • Shelley:

    Thanks for the explanation! I was wondering how it all went down…. The hubby & I are planning a trip to San Fran(cisco) the 1st week of October, so I will be on the lookout!

  • Renovation Therapy:

    I can’t believe you didn’t post the pic!!! Just block out the naughty bits. LOL

  • Anonymous:

    Dee from Tennessee”Finally he asked us if we spoke English.The Country Doctor said no.”Loved it!!Okay, what I want to know is how long did it take you to call April or anyone and say, “Guess what?” lol

  • Anonymous:

    I have to agree with your nudist….not about the nuddy part, but about being EXTREMELY cautious of going in the ocean off the northern CA coast!!! I looked at the pics of your boys in the waves in your previous post and my first thought was “Are you KIDDING me!!!???” We have things called “sleeper waves.” that rise up larger then life and have literally swept people out to sea. We also have horrible under currents even in what you think is shallow water.You’ve got kahunas for letting your boys in the water.

  • melissa:

    Way too funny. I’m glad you kept your backs turned. I probably would have giggled until I was laughing so hard I either snorted like a pig or peed. Maybe even both. But I’m not very mature….

  • Patty:

    Dang it Rechelle you gotta know that some of us older nudist deprived woman wanted to see the nudist body parts. Nope just kidding. I have an in house nudist. Since the kids moved out he flaunts his nudity all over this house after showers etc. Just don’t have the same affect it did 34 years ago when we got married. lol. God Bless, Patty

  • BSumner:

    See I would have just looked at his winky and laughed. LOL

  • clayvessel:

    “Do you speak English?”Bwhahahahaha!I can just picture it. Great description!And the comments about the dangerous waves: we often go to the Oregon coast but when we first arrived from Michigan, we were clueless about those ocean dangers. Tides. Sneaker waves. etc. Typical flat-landers, middle country folk reactions- just swim like you’re at the lake with a bit of choppy water!

  • The Farm House Kids:

    You took his picture? OMG … that is hilarious. I would have too … heehee.I have to tell you that people in our neck of the woods aren’t usually so NUDE … BUT on your map, I live a couple hours from there … yikes. St. Louis is a hop and skip from me .. well a few hours anyway.Psssst …. can you give me directions, I really want to see his butt and take a few pics.Tanya

  • Jenni:

    Okey dokey. According to one of the comments this guy was just trying to be helpful by explaining the dangerous tides. This person also seems to think you’re a little nutso for letting your kids in the water. On my little trip I saw hundreds of people in the water playing and swimming mostly close to the shore. And they do it all the time. I don’t think you’re so horrible for letting your kids splash around for a while–or for not wanting to look into the crotch of an agressive exhibitionist. (I’m assuming he was standing and didn’t just plop down on your beach towel.) The only thing I don’t understand is how your kids could stay in that frigid water. (Who would have guessed it would be soooo cold?)Anyone who has caught the blogging bug or who is around someone who has enough knows that anything is subject to become blog fodder. Things which stir our emotions more, whether in a positive or negative way, are even better blog topics. I’m betting that you weren’t just annoyed, though. I think you probably thought how bizarrely funny the situation was, if uncomfortable, and that you would simply have to blog about this. Of course you needed a picture! Thank you for the explanation. It was as funny as I’d hoped it would be.

  • USAnudist:

    You seem to be under the impression that being nude on a clothing optional beach is inappropriate. Would you have had the same reaction to this person if he had been doing the same actions while wearing clothing? You might actually have enjoyed having a conversation with this man if you had been able to get over your own phobias and taken the time to look at his face rather than focus on his “apparatus”, “moving parts”, “jiggling things”, and the “strange thingy in the center”. Your choice of writing style and use of language indicate that you are uncomfortable with the subject of nudity. Nudists do not expose themselves gratuitously for your sexual pleasures. They enjoy what God created as the perfect and ultimate design in swimwear. They enjoy the comfort of drip-drying in the breezes and the non-issue of Sea Lice and sand in a clingy, damp, uncomfortable suit.Was he really “putting on a display”, or was he just being a natural extroverted person. You describe the young couple talking to him for ten minutes. They didn’t seem to have a problem with him. Could it be that he was just trying to be friendly, and by ignoring him and taking his picture without permission, it was you who were being rude and behaving inappropriately.

  • Jess to the Lo:

    As always; too funny!

  • April:

    Uh Usanudist….did you not read the part in Genesis when Adam and Eve became ashamed and very uncomfortable in their ‘perfect and ultimate design in swimwear’?Rechelle’s reaction to a complete stranger exposing himself to her was more natural than the couple sitting and having a conversation for ten minutes.

  • Clayvessel:

    Ooooo! Can of worms…all open and “exposed” as it were!Loved your comment April. Nailed.Maybe, usanudist, “Nudists do not expose themselves gratuitously for your sexual pleasures” but how about for their own? Some people may like to eat their mashed potatoes with their fingers and are welcome to on their own turf, but in a cultured polite society we encourage a fork, if only for the comfort of those around them.

  • KM:

    I just want to know why if you ever happen by a nudist beach that there are rarely attractive people there. USAnudist, you are now the spokesperson for all of us non-nudists. Please er, expand.

  • Anonymous:

    I wouldn’t think that the sun would be very kind to the delicate areas! Maybe you should have given him an informational leature concerning the dangers of the sun’s rays and offered him a towel! :)Love your blog!

  • Anonymous:

    Yawn, here you see all the usual reactions to nudism – you can see the same stuff on 100,000 other web pages. Nudists are ugly (as opposed to all those devastatingly attractive people with clothes on), nudists are perverts (whereas nobody with clothes on could be one of those), and of course bucketfuls of nervous laughter.I’ve enjoyed going to nudist beaches for a long time, and OK, some people are chattier than others. My own policy is not to bother anybody, but I’m friendly if I’m approached. If someone wants a conversation, why not? If they’re getting more than that out of the situation, well, that’s not my problem.I can’t say I’ve come across out-and-out exhibitionists on my travels, though I read about them occasionally, usually because a beach is threatened with closure after somebody has misbehaved themselves. If anything, most nudist beaches are quiet, very ordinary, and a great escape from the pressures of the world.Taking photos on nudist beaches is generally pretty bad form, unless you’ve got somebody’s permission. I’m pretty sure most real nudists would know this. I know quite well that some poor soul even took pictures of me once when I was on the beach, not that there was a lot I could do about it. At the age of fifty-something, I’m not in the first flush of youth, nor do I pretend to be God’s gift to anyone. Still, on a nudist beach it isn’t supposed to matter.

  • Rechelle:

    Okay okay – I can’t stay silent on this one. Though I appreciate the comments from the nudists, I have to say that my picture was not at all in bad form. Nothing is showing including the nudists’s face. As to discomfort with nudity – well yeah in a wide open public space you better believe I am uncomfortable with it. But better him than me! If other people want to disrobe on a beach for all the world to see, that is fine with me. As far as things go, public nudity is pretty harmless, I just don’t want to talk to them. I mean C’MON!!! That’s just messed up. That guy was getting his kicks out of making people look at him.

  • Country Girl:

    His bathing suit was muted or flesh colored and had moving parts that were jiggly? That just cracked me up. Too funny!

  • Lisa!:

    Montara Beach.I grew up about a mile south from there and was just driving by Montara Beach in all its fogginess YESTERDAY (I’m now safely back in Los Angles, home of the fully clothed nude.)

  • Lisa!:

    Sigh. It’s Grey Whale Cove, not Montara Beach. Sorry. (But it is still Highway 1.)

  • Mainly a midwife:

    Sounds like you got a chance to see quite a bit of SF and Northern CA. I’ve been here since ’91 and still haven’t dared to go to the nudist beaches. I hear that Baker beach is the big local “nudey” hang out. We went to Stinson Beach yesterday…nothing like watching the sun set on a beautiful rocky coast. I enjoy your blog. New reader…yes, from PW.liz

  • The Wife:

    That was too funny! Thanks for the laugh.

  • Rechelle:

    Sorry Lisa! – I am terrible with highway names. But at least I got the 1 right…

  • Carla:

    This made me think-I think every where we ever went there was that ONE guy, Mr. Helpful-Mr. Creepy Guy, coming to warn or instruct and hover-BUT AT LEAST THEY WERE ALL CLOTHED!!!! Isnt there a law in CA or something that requires you to cover your privates!!! Yuck!

  • New Age Bitch:

    I am pretty the that the point of nudity is to be…nude. Not to shock quaint midwesterners. Who rudely take unasked for photos.[shakes head] Those crazy Californians! Nudity! What will they think of next!

  • Rhea:

    I like how you pretended you didn’t speak English. lol Smooth.

  • Elizabeth:

    It was a PUBLIC BEACH there are no rules about photographs on a PUBLIC BEACH. This is not an “Adult” blog but a “Family” blog, so expect euphemisms for sex and genitalia. The family made no efforts to engage anyone on that beach, as far as I could tell from the recounting. It seems to me they were minding their own business. It seems like the nudists are being hypersensitive. [No harm no foul]The story was hilarious.Did the boys even notice?