Box O’ Crap

July 20th, 2008


On a recent trip back to my hometown, I was met at the door to my parent’s home by my sister April who was in frothy frenzy.  She was attempting to re-organize my parent’s entire house in a few short days!   She insisted that I help her.  

I didn’t want to help her.
I wanted to watch nineteen solid hours of HGTV!
Because I don’t have HGTV.
So I feel it is my duty to catch up when I am at the folks.
But April would not let me.
Before I arrived, April had already sorted through MY old bedroom closet.  She had a box.  A box of stuff that she had found in that closet that she thought I needed to have.
I did not want the stuff in the box.
I left it at home.  
A few weeks later, my mom came for a visit and she had the box of stuff that April had found in my closet.
And SHE LEFT it at my HOUSE!
The box has been sitting in the study for several weeks.
I was tempted to pitch the entire thing in the trash, but on Saturday I sat down and went through it
Here is what I found in that box o’ crap.
Old Dance Pictures….

Why could not the photographer have said… 
Uh Miss…  Miss… you might want to pat down your hair… your hair… it looks like you have two horns…. just give it little pat…. maybe run your fingers through it… here I have a comb…. and a mirror…  Go ahead fix it… There!  That’s better!  
But no…
Instead I have horns.  

I really loved this particular ballet costume.  
I thought it was very wispy and elegant and princess like.   
I remember thinking that in this photo, I wanted to appear serious.  I wanted to be pale and waif-like and fragile and somber.  I wanted to look like an oil painting.  I wanted to look like something out of a fairy tale.  
I don’t think people in fairy tales EVER have feathered hair.  
But I succeeded in looking somber.
And slightly pissed off.

Now here is a study in contrast.
Note the lace buttoned collar and the austere sweater vest and the ZIT which is set off so nicely…

By the ROYAL BLUE EYELINER!!!

This appears to be some sort of photography project where I was to write about what was wrong with the photos.  I have been taking bad pictures for a very long time.  This is a skill I was just born with.  You can’t learn it.  You either have it or your don’t! 
Now let me tell you what is wrong with these photos.  
What is wrong with the first photo is that April took a picture of me jumping off my parents’ well proving once and for all that  I AM A GIGANTIC DOOFUS.
What is wrong with the second picture is that my sister looks like she is dressed for an episode of WKRP Cincinnati.

My High school graduation tassel was in the box o’ crap.  I don’t know how I got through the past twenty years without it.

And THANK GOD my sister placed this precious artifact in that box!

I found the last will and testament from my entire graduating class.  I willed my talent to look good after a football game to my High school boyfriend.  
I must have been referring to the blue eyeliner.

I found this assignment from Home Economics.

I got a C.
How do you get a C on a wardrobe inventory?
It appears I was supposed to write something about my attitudes and values towards clothing. I don’t know why I missed that part of the assignment.  But I can tell you now that my attitude towards clothi

ng when I was in High School was that CLOTHES WERE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD.  

There!
Can I have a better grade now?
Can I???

Then there was all this stuff.

and GEEAWWW…  all this stuff!!!!
And OH LORD this stuff!  
I am sorry to tell you this…
I was in a pageant once…
Yes, I was.  
It was hard times then.  
Small town…
Not much to do except stand around in corn fields and drink beer…
…and be in pageants. 
So I chose the pageant route.  
Sorry.
What is funny about this, is that as I was paging through the photos in the booklet, I was trying to remember which girl won…
I remembered which girl I wanted to win, but I knew she did not.  
I remember which girl I thought would win, but she didn’t win either.  
Then I found this picture…

I guess number 18 was the winner.

And judging from what I did to her mouth – I guess I was not too happy about it…

And this is my pink fluffy sister in a hoop skirt.
She is the one who made this box o’ crap possible.
Thank you April.
I am saving Donald Duck nightlight and the seashell just for you.   

Comments

  • The Momster:

    Oh Lord, this reminded me of the time my own precious mother sent me home with my very own box-o-crap! Too hilarious! There were things in that box that I cringed at when I saw them! Glad to see I’m not alone.

  • yardsailor:

    Well, here it is 5:00 Am and I have just finished laughing out loud! Thank you so much you really made my day! I too have Box o’crap, but mine is a trunk full. Wait till you are 65 to go through it again, write on the box open when 65. It won’t just be the Pagent Queen you won’t remember, you will doubt any of this stuff was ever yours. LOL

  • MarmiteToasty:

    Oh my, to funny lmfao….. I hope the boxes of memories Im making for me 4 lads wont hold such frightfull memories lmfao….Popped over from PioneerWomans Blob..x

  • MarmiteToasty:

    Oh my, to funny lmfao….. I hope the boxes of memories Im making for me 4 lads wont hold such frightfull memories lmfao….Popped over from PioneerWomans Blob..x

  • Christine:

    I have a very similar box-o-crap right down to the eyeliner. What were we thinking in 87?

  • Christine:

    I have a very similar box-o-crap right down to the eyeliner. What were we thinking in 87?

  • Pamelotta:

    Ahahahaha! I laughed. I cried. I would see it again and again! Especially the part about April in a hoop skirt.I have a similar box o’ crap that is sitting in my laundry room this very minute. In the same spot where my mother inconspicuously set it on her last visit. I could have lived and died and never missed it. But now it’s only use is blog fodder. Thanks for the idea!

  • Pamelotta:

    Ahahahaha! I laughed. I cried. I would see it again and again! Especially the part about April in a hoop skirt.I have a similar box o’ crap that is sitting in my laundry room this very minute. In the same spot where my mother inconspicuously set it on her last visit. I could have lived and died and never missed it. But now it’s only use is blog fodder. Thanks for the idea!

  • Heidi:

    We all have skeltons in our boxs of crap! LOL The big hair will never let you live it down… :)

  • Lisa:

    Big Smile. That was fun…even if it is a box o’ crap. You enjoyed that a little…Admit it. :-)-I enjoyed it, and I don’t even know you. :-) But I know you are a youngin’ now…Class of ’87, huh?-:-)-I meet the most interesting, funny, talented, unique people on the internet.-:-)

  • Donna Boucher:

    I love this hilarious trip down memory lane with you!!!Brilliant blogging.

  • Betsy:

    Ah, yes…fifty four years old and I am still finding reasons why I am glad I am an only child…what a rip!

  • Literarysnob:

    Dnag! You got better junk than me!!!It’s great that you have so many of your youthful memmories documented!!One time I was in a mad fit of rage, hating my life, family, you know know basicly hating that you were ever born kid of day, week, month, year….anyway I pitched all of my youthful memories in the trash! This was my futile attempt to erase my past. It didn’t work! I forgot that your past tends to follow you where ever you go. It is always present. But what I have chosen to do about that past is to leave in the psst and not dwell upon those dark days!*sigh*Looking towards the future. Being a college student at 51 is great and has been the best part of my life so far.

  • Anonymous:

    Oh, my goodness GRACIOUS!!! As someone who has 2 sisters (who are able to make me laugh harder and longer than anyone in the world) I loved, loved loved this post!!!Thank you so much for your wonderful website. It is truly a delight to get to share in your life, enjoy your beautiful writing, to revel in your amazing wit and to be entertained heartily each time I come here.

  • Bush Babe:

    I have just arrived via PW and love your humour!! I so relate to this post… especially the beauty pageant thing. I wasn’t in a pageant but a ShowGirl contest – where you have to know about cows and rural life as well as look presentable!!! Too funny in retrospect…Hope you have time to visit me Down Under sometime… the weather may not be warm, but the people sure are!!BB

  • Bush Babe:

    I have just arrived via PW and love your humour!! I so relate to this post… especially the beauty pageant thing. I wasn’t in a pageant but a ShowGirl contest – where you have to know about cows and rural life as well as look presentable!!! Too funny in retrospect…Hope you have time to visit me Down Under sometime… the weather may not be warm, but the people sure are!!BB

  • Jenni:

    My mom did not let me leave any boxes o’crap behind. I have plenty of it here and let me tell you, I think it multiplies when you’re not looking. I have a file of school papers, too. A while back I read some of these wonderful gems that I thought were worthy of saving, and I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I didn’t keep any C papers though. I just can’t get over the fact that you kept a C paper!

  • Rechelle:

    I can’t for the life of me figure out why I kept it either.

  • wenderful:

    OK, that was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. I love the C in Home Ec and the blue eyeliner! Came over from Pioneer Woman. I will bookmark your blog for later.

  • Toni:

    Tripped over your blog, and just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy it. Box ‘o crap is something we can all identify with – thanks for making me smile.

  • Maria:

    Rechelle, there are a couple things on my mind today: The first is that I ALWAYS new we were BFF because we graduated in the SAME YEAR. ANd we wore the SAME CLOTHES. Except I have to break up with you cause you did cheerleading and dancing and contestant stuff (I realize that was because you had a sister and that makes you competitive…but still). I was more into the Valley Girl experience. OHMYGOD!Meanwhile, your new header quote…you see..last winter we went on a Poirot binge in which my dd fell in love with Hastings and I fell in love with David Suchet. And then we forgot. Probably because of Colin Firth in Coffee…but anyway, it’s been raining and because we forgot some of the plots we picked up Poirots again…(of course, I’ve recently read a few…cause the books are always better, except teh David Suchet part..) anyway, as I TYPE (no kidding) my daughter is BEGGING me to come and finish a Poirot with her. And since watching these she always, ALWAYS uses a napkin after every bite.I have no idea where I was going with this comment except that I have a Box O’ Crap, too. Twenty years is a million. I was so damn cute and didn’t know it.

  • CeliacChick:

    OMG! My freshman year photo is almost identical to your “lace collared zit” photo. I guess that was the look! My hair, the buttoned shirt with a cardigan. OH we were such individuals after watching Pretty In Pink, weren’t we?

  • CeliacChick:

    OMG! My freshman year photo is almost identical to your “lace collared zit” photo. I guess that was the look! My hair, the buttoned shirt with a cardigan. OH we were such individuals after watching Pretty In Pink, weren’t we?

  • Renovation Therapy:

    AWESOME. Love it – horns n all.

  • Cheryl:

    Very funny! So wish my mother kept my stuff. The memories and laughs are priceless.

  • Andrea:

    The last time I moved I was lovingly packing boxes and writing up an inventory of each box’s contents and labeling it such. Towards the end they were all labeled “Box O’ Crap” My that was fun unpacking.What a fun glimpse into your past.

  • Andrea:

    The last time I moved I was lovingly packing boxes and writing up an inventory of each box’s contents and labeling it such. Towards the end they were all labeled “Box O’ Crap” My that was fun unpacking.What a fun glimpse into your past.

  • Rechelle:

    Maria – I am an insane David Suchet as Poirot fan. Send your daughter over and we will have a Poirot binge. My boys get so disgusted by all the Poirot movies from Net Flicks. They say Oh Look Mom got Poy Rot Number twelve hundred and seventy nine! What a surprise!

  • Leslie:

    I had several boxes of crap. My parents retired and moved the same year I got married. They boxed up all the stuff of mine still at the old house and brought it down to me. It then sat in boxes, untouched, for 11 years or so – 2 apartments, a move 3 states away, a condo and several years in the eaves of my house – before I looked at them. When I did finally get around to cleaning them out just about the only thing I saved were my yearbooks and I am not even sure why I saved those. I think some of my swimming medals and ribbons might have made the cut too but I have no idea where they are now so I can’t veryify that…

  • Debbie:

    I was turned onto your blog by The Pioneer Woman. Glad she pointed you out – you are hilarious!

  • Maria:

    Rechelle: Since we have NO WHERE to live for the next month (that’s a long story…but doesn’t it sound pathetic) I will be sending my daughter to your house, armed with all the Poirots….and she’ll also whip those boys into shape while she’s at it…C’est magnifique.MariaP.S. Look for the LARGE UPS box.

  • Desiree:

    OMG, I have laughed all my makeup off! You are too funny!

  • krissy:

    I found you from Ree’s Link… Your from Council Grove? Any chance you know the Larsons- George and Maggie?

  • Baba:

    I got such a kick out of reading this. It made me laugh so much remembering myself going through the same things when I visited back home.

  • heartafire:

    Came here from PIoWo too…You are 10 times funnier! Unbelievable…

  • livinglocurto:

    Oh my lord! You crack me up!! My mom kept everything, so I have loads of crap (I mean boxes). I graduated in 89 from a very small town in Oklahoma, I think we have the exact same box of crap. I had a bigger ruffled collar and more zits than you though. ha!

  • [...] can’t really call it a ‘box o’ crap’ can I?  I mean, it’s wedding [...]