Mother Fails To Wear Appropriate Fan Garb to Son’s Games AGAIN!!!

June 27th, 2008

My eldest son had a basketball game tonight.  Evidently, four boys playing baseball is not enough so we had to throw in one more sport.  I had to take him to his basketball game, which was very hard on me as I am still weak and shaky from his birth thirteen years ago, but somehow… someway… I gathered all my inner strength and hobbled off to his game.

I struggle mightily with how large of a place sports seem to occupy in my family’s life.  I really, really, really wish my boys could content themselves with pogo sticks, and tricycles and little bits of sidewalk chalk out on the driveway, but those days seem to be over. 
I’m sorry to tell you this, but even in my most heroic moments of motherhood I find it difficult to muster more than a dry raspy hoorah when my kids win an athletic event.
hoorah – I whisper weakly two minutes after one of my kids scores a basket…
woohoo I say thirty seconds after one of my boys cracks a line drive…
I find that I often clap for the wrong team, because I am clapping when others clap and not when my son’s team actually does something good.
I think the other team parents think I have a learning disability. 
There goes Calder’s mom clapping for the other team again!  Do you think she even knows which team her kid is on???  Do you think she even knows which kid out there is hers?  
I do have a hard time following the games. Mostly because I am too busy watching the unicorns play in the shadows, but also because the sparkly elfin nymph druids have just asked me to dance in the magic circle of pines.
Over the years, as sports have progressed like an aggressive scabby disease all over the face of my family, I have perfected a few ways to GET OUT OF GOING to all these games. With four sons playing ball and one son playing even more ball this has become increasingly difficult to do.  Still, I manage it occasionally and will now share with you a few of my well worn tactics.  
The optimal word for you to remember is wedge.
CD – Rechelle, can you take Ethan to his game tonight?  I have to coach Drew’s team up north in Onaga.
Me – Gosh honey – gee..  that is too bad… unfortunately I seemed to have wedged myself underneath the sofa and I can’t get out, so you will just have to take care of it…
CD – Um Rechelle – There is no way I am going to be able to get all four boys to all their games tonight as they all start at 7 PM and they are all in different towns.
Me – Oh wow that is really awful – but gosh – I don’t know how it happened but I seem to have wedged myself in between the window screen and the glass and I can’t get out…
CD – Dear!  Really!  I’m not kidding!   Tonight there is no way you are going to be able to sit at home wedged inside of anything because we have nineteen games in a row starting at 6:30 and ending when Hell freezes over.  You are going to have to show up.
Me – What… huh… I can’t seem to hear you as I am wedged inside of the microwave and also the dishwasher  and my legs are stuck inside the bathtub drain and my fingers are wedged up in the ceiling fan…and I…. I…. I am really stuck good this time.  You might have to call the fire department.  
But tonight - it didn’t work.  I couldn’t seem to wedge myself in or behind or underneath anything and was thus forced to attend a basketball game.
Which brings me to a super fun survey!
Tell me gentle readers… where does you and yourn fall along the spectrum of youth sports obsession???

Comments

  • Heidi:

    We are so NOT sports people. The Milk Man is 6’5 1/2 and could not dribble a ball if his life depended on it. :) sad state of affairs I tell you. However, I played volleyball, was in pom-pon and cheerleading, softball etc. But niether of us care for pro sports. I LOVE high school wresteling or wrastling as we call it around here. :)

  • literarysnob:

    Spinsterhood to the rescue!!! This is also another benefit of never being married or having children (the children was heavily dependent on the first part). I never have to watch, attend, or even hear about any kind of sports ever…and I have what I call the S-chip on my TV…similar to the v-chip the s-chip filters put all sports and sports related shows!!!Basking in the joys of spinserhood!!!

  • literarysnob:

    Spinsterhood to the rescue!!! This is also another benefit of never being married or having children (the children was heavily dependent on the first part). I never have to watch, attend, or even hear about any kind of sports ever…and I have what I call the S-chip on my TV…similar to the v-chip the s-chip filters put all sports and sports related shows!!!Basking in the joys of spinserhood!!!

  • Stephanie:

    Between the 2 boys we have played soccer, baseball and basketball..this year they opted out..oldest one wants to farm with my dad and youngest likes to bike and swim. They are outside burning energy; getting exercize…and I don’t have to sit in the sun; do fundraisers; this has been a nice summer….

  • gina:

    Never thought I was into sports, until my son competed in a golf world qualifier, and I suddenly became evil spectator on the side; wishing bad karma on his competitor and arguing with a rules official regarding a questionable call…Next time I will wedge myself between the car door and the outside; and stay there until my son is finished with his tournament. Thanks for the bright idea!

  • Kris:

    I am so happy to hear that I am not the only mother with this issue. My kid was in some big important baseball tournament and not only did I cheer when the catcher caught the ball — which is, apparently, not done but I thought I was cheering on my kid! — turns out it wasn’t even my kid. (I couldn’t see the number on his back because of all that gear, OK?) I am definitely going to do some wedging when it comes time to see those parents again.We have a summer of sheep shows coming up. Now for whatever reason, that’s when the crazy fan side of me comes out. All the parents start to edge away from me as I mutter things like “get that the back leg” and “watch the judge, WATCH THE JUDGE!.”

  • Peggy:

    So glad my daughters are grown and married. They are the ones now having to juggle sport schedules of their children while I just relax at home with a big smile on my face. :)

  • Peggy:

    So glad my daughters are grown and married. They are the ones now having to juggle sport schedules of their children while I just relax at home with a big smile on my face. :)

  • foofeee:

    My husband is a sports person, even playing on two soccer teams (indoor and outdoor). Our son, 19 in exactly 2 weeks) is not a sports person. He went to a private high school and the boys 2 grades above him (Seniors to his Sophomore) convinced him to try football! You put an autistic kin on a football field and it makes a very nervous mother! He did fine, no injuries and even made a play or two. I went to most of the games, a nervous wreck though. Now my middle one, a girl, is an athletic trainer for another high school. Guess I’ll be at all the football games – but ONLY to watch the band! My youngest does theatre, there is as much involved with that as with sports!

  • Suzanne:

    I like the kids that are out on the soccer field NOT paying attention!!! We called them the “daisy pickers” because instead of keeping track of the action downfield they’d bee picking daisies! Those are my kind of kids.- Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

  • Suzanne:

    I like the kids that are out on the soccer field NOT paying attention!!! We called them the “daisy pickers” because instead of keeping track of the action downfield they’d bee picking daisies! Those are my kind of kids.- Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

  • chryssi:

    Ok–the problem is not that you are not a good sports Mom, the problem is that your kids have just picked the wrong sport! Honestly, baseball is about as exciting as watching dirt grow! (Yes, that’s right, you much be thinking ‘watching dirt grow? it doesn’t grow–it just lays there motionless!’—that is the whole point–baseball goes on endlessly with NO action! Then BAM! An amazing triple play, and it’s all over before you clear the sleepy seeds out of your eyes and you’ve missed the whole thing and you have to sit through another whole season before you have another exciting moment…)Now, SOCCER–that is totally where the action is!Yes it can be confusing at times with some of the rules, but for the most part it is action-packed-athletic-skills-oustanding-plays-excitement!I am a true non athlete. I can not only not chew gum and walk, I can’t even chew gum and sit without twisting an ankle and breaking a nail. And I hate, I repeat HATE to sweat. However I am a single mom with two teenage boys who belong to 3 differet soccer teams and they play year-round. I am a proud mini-van driving soccer mom! I really do my best not to grumble too much about the other team or the referees, I just focus on sending invisible trip wires out to them all with my telekinesis powers….doesn’t often work, but I feel that I am doing my part!(And on the serious side, sports have been a HUGE help to my kids–my oldest has ADHD and with his sports training he has been able to be off meds all through high school becuase he can control his energy issues–and my younger one has a reading comprehension issue and is a miserable student–sports and his sports coaches have given him the confidence he needs to approach other teachers for help when needed!)You gotta get them off the diamond and onto the soccer pitch!

  • chryssi:

    Ok–the problem is not that you are not a good sports Mom, the problem is that your kids have just picked the wrong sport! Honestly, baseball is about as exciting as watching dirt grow! (Yes, that’s right, you much be thinking ‘watching dirt grow? it doesn’t grow–it just lays there motionless!’—that is the whole point–baseball goes on endlessly with NO action! Then BAM! An amazing triple play, and it’s all over before you clear the sleepy seeds out of your eyes and you’ve missed the whole thing and you have to sit through another whole season before you have another exciting moment…)Now, SOCCER–that is totally where the action is!Yes it can be confusing at times with some of the rules, but for the most part it is action-packed-athletic-skills-oustanding-plays-excitement!I am a true non athlete. I can not only not chew gum and walk, I can’t even chew gum and sit without twisting an ankle and breaking a nail. And I hate, I repeat HATE to sweat. However I am a single mom with two teenage boys who belong to 3 differet soccer teams and they play year-round. I am a proud mini-van driving soccer mom! I really do my best not to grumble too much about the other team or the referees, I just focus on sending invisible trip wires out to them all with my telekinesis powers….doesn’t often work, but I feel that I am doing my part!(And on the serious side, sports have been a HUGE help to my kids–my oldest has ADHD and with his sports training he has been able to be off meds all through high school becuase he can control his energy issues–and my younger one has a reading comprehension issue and is a miserable student–sports and his sports coaches have given him the confidence he needs to approach other teachers for help when needed!)You gotta get them off the diamond and onto the soccer pitch!

  • MUD:

    My Unicorn can beat your Unicorn in any game any time! I played sports all my life growing up and loved every minute of it. My son, also picked daises in the outfield and never developed that competitive attitude. The year the tornado blew our house down, Dave played little league baseball (1983) and his coach got a new job that required a lot of travel. I became the coach that year and we had a lot of fun. We also got a membership to a swim club and he and Barb had a great time there. I love most sports and Basketball is my favorite. MUD

  • MUD:

    My Unicorn can beat your Unicorn in any game any time! I played sports all my life growing up and loved every minute of it. My son, also picked daises in the outfield and never developed that competitive attitude. The year the tornado blew our house down, Dave played little league baseball (1983) and his coach got a new job that required a lot of travel. I became the coach that year and we had a lot of fun. We also got a membership to a swim club and he and Barb had a great time there. I love most sports and Basketball is my favorite. MUD

  • Therese:

    I am in the minority here. I have two boys who are grown and left the house, I miss the carpooling, sports watching days. I am hoping to someday have grandchildren who are close enough to go watch their games or events.

  • Therese:

    I am in the minority here. I have two boys who are grown and left the house, I miss the carpooling, sports watching days. I am hoping to someday have grandchildren who are close enough to go watch their games or events.

  • E:

    THANK YOU JESUS that my children are not involved in sports. The occasional gymnastics class at community ed, but that’s it. I have a couple of girlfriends, each with 3 or 4 kids, whose kids are in every dang sport ever and LOVE going to the games – more power to them.

  • Anonymous:

    Thank you for expressing all of my hidden thoughts on children and sports. I was wedged somewhere everytime my sons had any kind of game. Oh the guilt! It has been at least 10 years since I had a son in sports and I still feel guilty. You have made me feel so much better.

  • Renovation Therapy:

    Blame the cost of gas and make some other Moms carpool all the kids to the games so you can have the night off. There’s my recommendation! LOL

  • PAT:

    My oldest daughter played basketball and my middle daughter was cheerleader. That was the extent of sports while my 3 girls were growing up.My 18 year old granddaughter holds a 2nd degree black belt in TKD. We’ve seen her compete many times and go to awards ceremonies etc. It began to be a bit much for G’pa, awhile back, since he believed the world was against his little precious girl. Of course, we all know she couldn’t possibly have THAT many penalties! There are 14 years between her and our next grandchild, who is also a girl (3, almost 4 years old). I believe there is a possiblity, she will be the true athlete in this family. At least she is way ahead of her 2 year old baby brother. Now, we’re waiting on the sidelines, for baby Noah, who at 7 months, just began swimming lessons.We hope to be spry enough to get to a few of these babies events, one day. That is unless we are wedged somewhere….hmmm, that was an unpleasant thought!!Have a great weekend, Your friend in the land of unicorns and rainbows, Pat

  • Jenni:

    “I am too busy watching the unicorns play in the shadows, but also because the sparkly elfin nymph druids have just asked me to dance in the magic circle of pines.”Yes, Rechelle, I have found that drugs help immensely with my ability to endure my children’s sporting events. Now, seeing as you are married to a doctor, I’m thinkin’ that means you may have access to some prescription drugs. I, on the other hand, am married to a construction worker, and I must make do with sniffin’ stains and sealers and such. The other option is to take a little walk in nature and find some of those special weeds the agent from the extension office helped me identify on the field trip to a neighbor’s pasture. I forget whether or not he said cows like that one.Dh is the one to push the kids into participating in sports and I am often the one who then has to haul them all over the place for games, meets, and tournaments. Youngest dd has been in competitive gymnastics for 5 years and is quitting at the end of the month. That should make life easier for me, but for some reason I feel a little sad, and that confuses me. She wants to go to public school and play volleyball next. I’m not sure she knows what a volleyball is or what to do with it. Youngest ds is into wrasslin’. Next weekend I will drop him off for a 12 day wrasslin’ camp in Oklahoma. And I will probably cry all the way home. Oldest dd plans to run cross country again this year–a sport which expects that most parents will not attend meets. Oldest ds ran cross country one season and that was it for high school. I feel sad that he was not more active in sports and clubs and such in high school. What is wrong with me? I’m not happy having to attend the games and I’m not happy when they aren’t playing.

  • Jenni:

    “I am too busy watching the unicorns play in the shadows, but also because the sparkly elfin nymph druids have just asked me to dance in the magic circle of pines.”Yes, Rechelle, I have found that drugs help immensely with my ability to endure my children’s sporting events. Now, seeing as you are married to a doctor, I’m thinkin’ that means you may have access to some prescription drugs. I, on the other hand, am married to a construction worker, and I must make do with sniffin’ stains and sealers and such. The other option is to take a little walk in nature and find some of those special weeds the agent from the extension office helped me identify on the field trip to a neighbor’s pasture. I forget whether or not he said cows like that one.Dh is the one to push the kids into participating in sports and I am often the one who then has to haul them all over the place for games, meets, and tournaments. Youngest dd has been in competitive gymnastics for 5 years and is quitting at the end of the month. That should make life easier for me, but for some reason I feel a little sad, and that confuses me. She wants to go to public school and play volleyball next. I’m not sure she knows what a volleyball is or what to do with it. Youngest ds is into wrasslin’. Next weekend I will drop him off for a 12 day wrasslin’ camp in Oklahoma. And I will probably cry all the way home. Oldest dd plans to run cross country again this year–a sport which expects that most parents will not attend meets. Oldest ds ran cross country one season and that was it for high school. I feel sad that he was not more active in sports and clubs and such in high school. What is wrong with me? I’m not happy having to attend the games and I’m not happy when they aren’t playing.

  • Rechelle:

    Holy Crap Jenni! I am much afeared of what lies ahead now. Oh well… there are always the unicorns. And the shimmery shiny wood nymphs!

  • Rechelle:

    Holy Crap Jenni! I am much afeared of what lies ahead now. Oh well… there are always the unicorns. And the shimmery shiny wood nymphs!

  • maudie-mae:

    I am past this portion of life. I found it passed all too quickly. There wasn’t enough time to watch daughter’s track meets and son’s baseball games. Out of self-preservation, I learned something about the games and actually learned how to keep a score book. When my son was in high school, they put me in the press box so I could run the scoreboard. My son is the child who is home most often. He watches sports, he has an encyclopedic knowledge of sports, I have to participate to keep up. Like I said, it’s self preservation. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  • Lori:

    oh my gosh! I’m laughing so hard tears are running down my face! I only have 2 boys…but I can so relate to this. I have actually clapped for the other team too! LOL! :-)

  • Marilyn:

    Well, my daughter has fully drank the Jayhawk Kool-Aid, but…they made us. We live here.You need to start knitting – SERIOUS knitting that requires careful attention during all sporting events.

  • Kirstin:

    My girls are 12 and 9 and they only want to play soccer. Yeah!!