Browsing Archives for March 2008

Paint Update

March 3rd, 2008

My entire body is speckled in paint. My shoulders hurt so bad I am in agony just sitting still. My shin splints have come back from climbing up and down the ladder twelve thousand times. I have paint caked in my hair. My eyes have gone twitchy. My fingers are rubbery. My brain is whacked. I have no feeling in my tongue. My eyelashes are falling out. Both of my ears are sagging and my left quadrant exosocometer is drooping out. My toes are bungled. Hydroceph is cockeyed. Nails are grim. Nostrils linty. Overall feeling of please say I never have to pick up a paint brush again.

Unfortunately I am only about… maybe… almost… but not quite… half way there.

If there is a good thing about this hellish predicament I find myself in – of having to paint an entire house – it is that I can drink as much REAL coca cola and eat as much ice cream as I want. Painting burns it all off. Plus, I don’t pee anymore. I just sweat. Sweat and sweat and sweat. Or maybe that means my kidneys are shutting down. Add kidneys shutting down or trickleometers broken to above list.

Toilet Shopping

March 3rd, 2008

Oh yeah – that’s right – it’s my birthday – toilet shopping today…

I made our selection from the Toto Co. – or as I like to say totoco. And now for a few very important factoids regarding toilet purchasing.

1. Universal height is just about an inch shorter than official ADA. So go with universal and save

2. Universal is nice for people with handicaps and people who are tall – like me and mine.

3. G-Max flushing is what you want if you have people in your home or on holiday visits, who tend to plug things up.

4. There’s other more serious flushing available if you need even more power, but it can be noisy. You may want to think twice before adding the power flush in the bathroom adjacent to the dining room.

5. Don’t put bathrooms adjacent to dining rooms.

6. I grew up with a bathroom right by the dining room. I don’t know how many times I was forced to listen to various people “using” the bathroom during dinner. My sister and I never used that bathroom.

7. My mother rarely shuts the door when she uses the bathroom. Especially the one by the dining room. This was very embarrassing for me growing up, and has resulted in various bathroom psychoseseseses.

8. I think a pretty toilet is worth the extra cash. I mean hey – why not? It is one of the most important seats in the house. It should be nice.

9. Can’t think of anything else.

10. Goodbye.

The Play of Light

March 3rd, 2008

One of my favorite interior design subjects is the play of light. Which as far as I know, is not an interior design subject, at least I have never seen a show on HGTV that mentioned the play of light. Then again, I don’t have cable and rarely get to watch HGTV, but they do seem to be more concerned with the putting of the frames on the walls and the placing of the knick knacks on the shelves. I am poorly skilled in these areas, and would rather focus on something I have little to no control over at all – natural light.

Whatever happened to natural light? How come people have stopped talking about it and using it, and designing their lives around it? What could possibly mean more when it comes to the living of life than to maximize your opportunities to bask in, and enjoy the warm golden light of the sun streaming into your home?

Early house builders understood this need for sunlight perfectly, yet today’s builders seem not to grasp it at all. More and more homes are built with fewer and fewer windows. I see new homes going up all the time with one tiny window in each bedroom, no windows in the bathrooms, and smaller and fewer windows in all the living areas. I realize windows are not cheap, but I think stupidity and dumbness are just as much to blame for the lack and improper placement of windows as economics are. The same people that refuse to spend a thousand bucks on a big window will go out and spend twice that on a massive flat screen TV to put in their dark, depressing living rooms. Did I just say that out loud??? I predict that in 20 years humans will evolve into rat like creatures with tiny eyes unable to tolerate sunlight, soothed only by the blue light of a televison or computer screen. Oh my GOSH somebody better slap me down before I start saying what I really think! Back to sunshine and daisies…

Not only does sunlight warm and brighten a room. It also brings a less obvious, but I believe just as vital component to any room. It brings magic. That’s right I said MAGIC. Fairy dust, herb of miracle, eau de potion. Sunlight brings a room to life. Which is why I think it is necessary to not only have one wall with a window or two or three or FOUR but to have two walls in every well-used room with a nice sized window. The resulting play of light will pour into your room causing a lively, shimmery elegance, a golden glow, a sparkle, a sheen, as if Tinkerbell herself, stopped by for a cup of tea and splattered herself tirelessly all over the place before she left. This mystical play of light ALSO stimulates the hypoetrythalmus gland allowing one to TURN OFF THE DADBLAMED TV and sense the wonders of the universe.

So forget the family room addition or shelves in the bedroom. You don’t really need a bigger deck or a swimming pool. You can live without that storage shed, whirlpool tub, entertainment center or that extra bathroom. What you really need are a few more windows. So go grab the chainsaw and cut you some. Before your husband gets home. Quick! Go ahead…well…get on it!