Bagels Anyone…? Uh… er… Bagels…?

March 3rd, 2008

So I decided that I would make some brownies for Dennis and the boys. But I am not very good at things like baking food for people and then giving it to them. It makes me feel conspicuous. Plus, it makes me feel like I am a caricature of myself. Like I am this stay at home mom that actually does the appropriate stay at home mom things like bake brownies for people. And yeah sometimes I do bake brownies, but usually I eat most of them myself. Anyway – I was struggling with the concept. I was imagining this scene

Me – Er Uh Um yeah so Hi Guys…

Them – Hello (bang bang bang – hammers)

Me – uh well er um I well

Them – sweeeeeeeeeee bang bang bang (hammers and saw)

Me – I made you some brownies

Them – Bang Bang bang Sweeeeee, ca chunk ca chuck (hammers, saws, nail gun) WHAT?

Me – I made you some brownies.

Them – Ca chunk ca chunk sweeeeeeee, bang bang WHAT!

Me – (sudden silence) BROWNIES!

I knew it would be very awkward mostly because I am very awkward.

However, I tried it a few times and it worked out okay – but it had been a while. So I was in Manhattan and was driving by Panera and I thought how about some bagels for the guys? So I stopped and got a dozen bagels.

As I approached the house I was suddenly caught up in a gale of anxiety that went something like this…

Me – How in the world am I going to give these guys bagels?

Me – They probably don’t even like bagels.

Me – They probably think bagels are sissy girl food.

Me – Heck – they probably have never seen a bagel and will think I am giving them weird tasting donuts.

When I got to the house, I had a some stuff to unload. I started with the light fixtures, carrying them down to the basement. Then I unloaded the stuff I had cleaned out from our closets to make our house more presentable to sell. Finally I could put it off no longer. The guys were working on the second floor, and I was a mess of nerves. All I could do was tiptoe in and leave the box of bagels on the saw horses in the great room. Then I fled.

That evening I came back to the house because I love to walk through the house when no one is there. I noticed the box of bagels was still on the saw horses. I looked inside and not one bagel had been touched. I fished out a chocolate bagel for myself, worried a bit about the cream cheese sitting out all night. But it was still pretty cold out, so I figured it would be okay. Then I put the bagels on the fire place which is a bit more prominent spot and left.

The next day I went out in the evening and the bagels were still on the fireplace, untouched. Clearly, they had either been rejected as sissy food or as food that the builders weren’t sure they were supposed to eat – since I did such a bad job of giving it to them. I took the bagels home and threw them away. Later that week I made a batch of brownies. The builders were grateful for them and ate every last one.