Yahoo Home Page Scares Holy Crap Out Of Lame Ass Blogger

October 3rd, 2007

Did anyone else see that article on Yahoo today? Something to the effect of “Driven People Are Less Likely To Suffer From Alzheimers“. Oh Crap! I am SOOOOO going to get Alzheimers. I probably already have it. Let’s see – mood swings, irrational behavior, forgetful, lives in the past. Oh yeah – I’ve got Alzheimers.

Seriously though – I thought laid back types were less likely to suffer from brain illnesses. I just figured all that spazzy trying to amount to something is what landed most people in the psych ward. Guess I was wrong. And to think I have spent years trying to tame my inner CEO. Oh well, there is still time.

I always wanted to be impressive. I just kept hoping it would happen naturally. Like if I prayed hard enough God would make me a movie star. If I wished and dreamed and bought a cute enough pair of pants, I would be discovered and asked to co-host the Today Show. If I gesticulated wildly enough and blamed others for my problems – Bingo! – I would be giving my acceptance speech at the Grammys.

I have a list around here somewhere – and at the very top of it it says…BE VERY VERY DRIVEN! It was part of the plan. But it just kept getting pushed further down the list by other things like – stare into space…walk around aimlessly…forget what you were looking for…read same page of book over and over. ..have wild daydreams involving stardom and making millions….doze off.

Isn’t there something good for people who take it easy? Something for those of us – who are really really good at smelling the roses. Other than the roses? Like maybe we get less diseases of the brain??? Guess not.

So my plan is that from now on I will be driven. I will be the most driven… I mean like sooooo driven that my brain will not even be able breathe, much less develop an Alzheimer type lesion. I will be successful, and important, and so impressive that the world will invent a new word just to describe me. Rechellified. As in – she is so awesome, she is so amazing – she used to be such a pile of clear jell-o and then she Rechellified and became the CEO of the Intergalactic Bank, Hospital, and Legal Operating Systems.

I plan to begin to implement the new driven me….tomorrow…or maybe the day after….Right now I need to check on the ceiling fans…while lying supine under them…on my bed…reading the same page in a book over and over… for the next eight solid hours.

Comments

  • Tammy:

    Oh sure… but let’s see the list of things those driven people are more likely to suffer from. Yeah… you don’t even want to go there. Besides, I’ve done driven before and its way over-rated. Now ceiling fans… that’s where it’s at. Sadly, I don’t have a ceiling fan, but I do have a real comfy spot on my couch with an a/c unit nearby. I actually try to keep everything I might need nearby in order to achieve my goal of moving as little as possible each day. The lower my expectations, the more successful I feel. Enjoy that fan… and why not take a nap too. You deserve it after the stress imposed on you by Yahoo today!

  • Barb:

    Just discovered your blog and you are hilariously funny–and genuine! When have I ever seen “lame ass” or even “Crap” on a blog! I loved the ramen post (I can relate!), can’t wait to watch the Saggy Britches Boys youtube, and am so, so glad you listed “We Took to the Woods” on your booklist because I have been driving myself crazy trying to remember the book name and author!Looking forward to more fun!Karen

  • Jenni:

    I used to be very much a Type A person. I freaked out if I got an A-. I made myself physically ill thinking about the possibility of getting an A-. Then I slowly learned to chill out. I think I may be just a tad too chilled. Every once in a while I go through these manic fits where I’m super productive and super stressed. Then I go right back to life as an underachiever. Sometimes I think about all the things I *want* to accomplish, but it only makes me want to crawl under the bed and hide or stare blankly at the computer screen for hours while reading blogs.I did catch that headline the other day and thought, “Oh shit! I’m doomed.” I sat right down and wrote things in my planner. Darned if I haven’t done at least half of today’s list, too. And now I’m rewarding myself by sitting at the computer–maybe for hours–staring blankly.

  • Rechelle:

    Thanks Tammy – good advice – I will take it – hey Karen – Glad you stopped by. Hey Jenni – That’s pretty funny. I never kenw what it was like to be one of your type – but I am glad to know that you can occasionally take some time off.

  • marilyn:

    Oh Rechelle, you kill me!I’m totally driven and I can’t remember a damn thing. So don’t believe the hype. Now I’m going to stare at my ceiling fan for a while. 52″ of pure oscillating pleasure.Take care!

  • Mary:

    OMG, I am laughing so loud, I think I scared the cat. She just ran under the sofa.I wouldn’t sweat it — driven people may not get Alzheimers, but they’re probably miserable all the time worrying about the next thing to do. Whereas supine fan-watchers live in La La Land, and when they DO get Alzheimers, they will feel right at home…in La La Land.xoxo,Mary

  • Christine:

    Great, if I’m driven I’ll have a heart attack, if I’m laid back I’ll go mental. Nice. LOL