Browsing Archives for October 2007

Did anyone else see that article on Yahoo today? Something to the effect of “Driven People Are Less Likely To Suffer From Alzheimers“. Oh Crap! I am SOOOOO going to get Alzheimers. I probably already have it. Let’s see – mood swings, irrational behavior, forgetful, lives in the past. Oh yeah – I’ve got Alzheimers.

Seriously though – I thought laid back types were less likely to suffer from brain illnesses. I just figured all that spazzy trying to amount to something is what landed most people in the psych ward. Guess I was wrong. And to think I have spent years trying to tame my inner CEO. Oh well, there is still time.

I always wanted to be impressive. I just kept hoping it would happen naturally. Like if I prayed hard enough God would make me a movie star. If I wished and dreamed and bought a cute enough pair of pants, I would be discovered and asked to co-host the Today Show. If I gesticulated wildly enough and blamed others for my problems – Bingo! – I would be giving my acceptance speech at the Grammys.

I have a list around here somewhere – and at the very top of it it says…BE VERY VERY DRIVEN! It was part of the plan. But it just kept getting pushed further down the list by other things like – stare into space…walk around aimlessly…forget what you were looking for…read same page of book over and over. ..have wild daydreams involving stardom and making millions….doze off.

Isn’t there something good for people who take it easy? Something for those of us – who are really really good at smelling the roses. Other than the roses? Like maybe we get less diseases of the brain??? Guess not.

So my plan is that from now on I will be driven. I will be the most driven… I mean like sooooo driven that my brain will not even be able breathe, much less develop an Alzheimer type lesion. I will be successful, and important, and so impressive that the world will invent a new word just to describe me. Rechellified. As in – she is so awesome, she is so amazing – she used to be such a pile of clear jell-o and then she Rechellified and became the CEO of the Intergalactic Bank, Hospital, and Legal Operating Systems.

I plan to begin to implement the new driven me….tomorrow…or maybe the day after….Right now I need to check on the ceiling fans…while lying supine under them…on my bed…reading the same page in a book over and over… for the next eight solid hours.

Yes, that’s right. This is the puppet team from my misspent youth. Misspent in that instead of drinking massive amounts of alcohol and getting in cars with boys and driving around town all night long. Instead of going out to the middle of some corn field with a bunch of kids my age and drinking misbegotten beer bought by some lonely desperate Vo-Tech guy.

Instead of doing anything NORMAL, I spent my formative years behind a puppet stage “doing puppets” with my mom and my sister and the other unfortunate people in this picture.

I found this picture on a recent trip to my parent’s house. I brought it home for the express purpose of setting it afire and destroying all evidence that I was ever involved in puppetry. But then I started looking at this picture…

This is my mom. Look how pretty she is. Even with that weird hat on, she is still very pretty. In fact, she is radiant! She is glowing! You know why? Because my mom loves puppets! They make her happy. They make her glow! They make her radiant.

Here we have April, my sister. The one with all the blue eye shadow. Note her facial expression. She does not seem unhappy. In fact, she seems pretty content. She has the grandma puppet. April was very funny with the grandma puppet. She was very good at creating all sorts of voices and characters. Go ahead – next time you see her – shove a puppet on her hand – and watch what happens.

Here’s April and I. Do you see a difference in the two of us? Can you see how one of us seems very satisfied, at ease, comfortable with her surroundings… and the other one of us seems…

Like she wants to CURL UP AND DIE RIGHT NOW PLEASE!!!! Do you see how I also seem to be THE ONLY ONE IN THIS PICTURE ABLE TO DETECT THE IRONY!!! The rest of the people in this picture are just ACCEPTING THIS CRAZY SITUATION. Like it is perfectly OKAY to have a professional studio portrait taken of yourself with a PUPPET ON YOUR ARM!!! I am the ONLY SANE PERSON in this picture! THE ONLY ONE! I just felt that should be stated. Even when I was fourteen, fifteen??? I knew that some things were just weird. I had an advanced understanding of what is truly bizarre. I could see beyond the “harmless puppet team publicity pic” into the realm of “Holy Crap! people are going to SEE this picture!”

I have been trying to recover from this particular picture and many moments just like it for the past 25 years.

Clearly, I still have a lot of work to do.