Pioneer Woman Exists?

May 21st, 2007

I am trying to decide if Pioneer Woman is real or not. Is it possible that this blog is manufactured to make the rest of us try harder? Have the computers taken over blogdom and created the perfect blog to try and control our minds? I know, I may sound like a paranoid schizo – but someone has to ask the hard questions. I have two critical pieces of evidence that may cause you to also have spasms of doubt about her actual existence.

1. Marlboro Man – Believe it or not Marlboro man actually lives or rather lived just up the road from me. That’s right – the real Marlboro man – the original and true Marlboro man lived out the rest of his days right here in my part of the country on a ranch outside Westmoreland. Here are some pictures of him, for those of you who have to see to believe. His name is Wayne Dunafon pictured with the black hat and the horizontal striped shirt

So clearly Pioneer woman’s “Marlboro Man” is an imposter. Do you think she knows? Should someone tell her?

2. The comments – I just cannot accept the number of comments she gets every day! I can’t wrap my pea sized brain around 89 comments – 120 comments, 1000 comments! Impossible! It is a trick. Someone is making this up. Who are these people that leave thise comments? Have you ever read them? It reminds me of one of those coaches shows after a big victory

Caller 1 – “Hey coach – great game, the team looked good,

Coach – Thanks, what is your question?

Caller – Just wanted to say great game coach – keep it up!

Coach – Thanks and now to Caller 2. Hello?

Caller 2 – Hey Coach – Great game…The team was INCREDIBLE!

Coach – Thanks, I appreciate that – do you have any questions?

Caller – 2 – You’re the greatest coach ever! Rock on dude

Coach Okay – so now lets go to caller 3

Caller 3 – Coach – YOU ROCK!!!

Coach – Wow – thanks – Question?

Caller 3 – We are going to kill everyone team in our path! Destroy them. Love the defense man. Perfect game

Coach – Yes – well we tried something new tonight…

Caller 3 – You ARE AWESOME!!!

Coach – Thanks

And so on and so forth.

I am a huge fan of her site. And I will continue to be a fan even if it turns out she doesn’t even exist.

Comments

  • Renovation Therapy:

    I agree, that is A LOT of comments. It’s almost as much as Perez Hilton & TMZ. Odd. It’s a great blog though…

  • Crunchy Chicken:

    Yes, Pioneer Woman’s legions of fans are many. It’s rather insane. I think what she offers is an escapism from the average U.S. lifestyle. And the whole romanticization of the West and the Cowboy certainly doesn’t hurt.I used to read her site pretty much every day but, frankly, I got bored. You can only look at so many long lists of pictures of cowboys and cows and horses, all Photoshopped into something unrealistic. And the comments are all along the vein of “I love you”, “No, I love you more”! Which gets a bit much. I’m don’t mean to knock her – she’s found a great hook and topped it off with giveaways which always drive people back. And they love her.Anyway, if you want to increase your traffic and fans you’ll need to compete with the cowboy sexiness factor. Perhaps you should start posting pictures of the Country Doctor peering out between a woman’s legs during a pelvic exam? Or maybe April can start a new trend and start dressing Clay in a thong while he’s shooting racoons? Ewww. Chaps and nothing else? Bear Suit?On second thought, I think that might drive the wrong kind of traffic to your sites…

  • Rechelle:

    Great ideas! I am going to try some tomorow! Starting with the pelvic exam.

  • cndymkr / jean:

    Please, no pelvic exams. Stick to tile, snakes and other such “nice” things. I also read the Pioneer Woman’s site and I read it for the same reason I read yours and your sisters: you’ve got real talent and interesting lives. Keep it up. PS: no thongs either ok?

  • Anonymous:

    I refuse to believe anyone’s life is as great as she portrays hers as being … so she’s either on all kinds of drugs (Prozac? Something stronger?) or lying through her teeth.

  • Rechelle:

    Okay – I kind of feel like I am talking behind her back – but if she is not actually REAL does it matter?

  • nancyb:

    Wayne is the original Marlboro Man, right? Not Gerald Roberts? I do believe that Gerald Roberts is originally from my neck of the woods (Chase County). He, his brother, Ken (and sister, I think?) are the founders of the Flint Hills Rodeo. Ken and Gerald were both world class rodeo legends and at least one of them held records in bull riding. If you like rodeos, it’s held annually on the first weekend of June in Strong City. Maybe Marlboro Man (the imposter) should enter!

  • April:

    Rechelle? I told you to just give it time. Be patient, you can’t be The Pioneer Woman in just a couple months. Now, go follow The Country Doctor around and take some photos of him in that junky truck of his….also tell people the story about his German Nurse and her mother’s ashes.

  • Crunchy Chicken:

    Or, you can make up stories about that retarded sister of yours. Oh, wait. Sorry April.

  • Anonymous:

    And another thing: Marlboro Man’s butt looks good in those jeans, and yeah, cowboys are appealing in the abstract, but the guy is not that handsome in the face. And one more thing: I lived on a farm and cattle ranch growing up and it ain’t always as glamorous as it looks in those nice photos. No, that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate a nice cowboy butt when we see one. But it also doesn’t mean that the grass is really any greener over yonder.

  • Jennifer Adams:

    But you have poetry, Rechelle, and dirty kids. It’s just a matter of time before you find yourself sifting through the multitudes of comments trying to find anything meaningful beyond than “You’re so great’s” and “We love you’s”. Also, I left this message to help boost your ego a little – you’re up to 11 comments, girl! Lookout, horse butts! (I mean, really, there are more horse butts than cowboy butts on that site..)

  • Crunchy Chicken:

    Yeah, horse butts! And, instead of calf nuts maybe you can do something similar. Does the Country Doctor do circumcisions? Man, I’m just full of good ideas today.

  • Rechelle:

    Well Holly Crap Balls! I got myself 13 comments! But I do like that idea about “My retarded sister” That is hilarious! Aint it April? April? Nancy – I think Wayne was further down the page. He and Gerald were buds and are pictured together.

  • April:

    Roochelle and Crusty Chicken……can ya see me given ya the fingah?

  • Crunchy Chicken:

    Oh, April, you know I loves you more! Even if you are a bit slow…

  • April:

    Look at how much fun we have had slathering insults and making Fang Tooth’s comment meter spin!!!BTW Crunchy nice picture….and given your affection for Lyndsey Wagner..did you see the trail for The Bionicle Woman?? I’m serious!

  • April:

    I meant trailor..as in movie trailor.

  • Crunchy Chicken:

    Pretty soon Rechelle will be getting a big head and thinkin’ she’s all that. And all.I haven’t seen the trailer yet for Bionicle. I’m still in serious denial. First Dukes of Hazzards and now this.Hey, here’s something fun for you. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law (Jen) were living and working in Korea in 1995. Lee Majors was filming a movie in Seoul and they needed some American people for actors. Somehow they managed to get some fairly large roles in the movie. (Alas, the movie was never released.)Anyway, Jen has a picture of them all together, with Lee Majors standing next to her with his arm around her copping a feel. Go Steve Austin, Go! What a creepy old guy.